Who decides?

[C.Ann]

Scenario:

Bride is twenty-something, working full-time and still living at home.. Groom is in a similar situation..

Bride, groom and parents-of-the-bride are pooling their money to pay for a large wedding..

Bride chooses dress - Mom says, "No daughter of MINE is going to get married in THAT dress.." (Nothing terribly wrong with it - maybe cut a little lower than what Mom would wear..)

Bride & groom choose a band - parents don't approve.. They want polka music..

Parents of the bride produce a long list of their friends that "must" be invited (as a pay-back for invites they have received over the years) - bride and groom want to scale back the list..
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I see big problems with this joint venture.. Anyone else?

 

[Beauty]

I see HUGE problems too! In my opinion its the couples wedding and the parents should let them decide what they want. If I was the bride I wouldn't give on my dress and music, its MY wedding. I think I would give a bit on the guest list but NOT THE DRESS, no way, no how.

 

[Briarmom]

It is stories like this that make me glad I eloped. I know so many people who have had troubles like this.

After we eloped, we had a reception. It was very casual, just family and friends at a picnic type thing. My parents (well, my stepdad) wanted me to invite people I had never even met. Of course I invited them (since he was paying) but I hate inviting people you don't really know. It always feels like you just want a gift out of them.

 

[RadioNate]

While I see big problems I also see paying for your child's wedding as a gift.

If I was the bride I'd wear the dress I choose, have the band that the groom choose and let my parents invite who ever they were willing to pay for as long as MY guest list didnt have to be scaled back to accomodate. If my parents did not agree I'd politely turn down their money and pay for my own wedding.

 

[offwegotoneverland]

oh my golly yes...That sounds like a train wreck

(if my parents had wanted Polka music I'd have given back their money oh hang on they didn't give me money and therefore got no vote now I remeber why )

 

[Tigger By The Tail]

Scenario:

Bride & groom choose a band - parents don't approve.. They want polka music..

They better be ponying up some mucho dinero to have polka music!!

 

[Aimee K]

A few women at my work are going through this mess planning THEIR weddings. I was so blessed that my parents and my in-laws didn't interfere one iota in the planning of our wedding.

It's your wedding. Stand your ground, and hopefully they'll come around. Don't forget, the wedding is the ceremony and celebration that starts a marriage And that's a lot longer and bigger, and more expensive than the wedding

 

[scrump]

This is exactly why we paid for our own wedding. My parents were OK with being left out of the planning process (actually, they loved it), but MIL felt a tad left out, I believe. We had a separate reception in DH's hometown, and I left that completely up to her, so that was the compromise, I suppose.

 

[disykat]

I was very lucky - we "paid" for our own wedding, but my parents gave me some money as a gift to help out. Our parents were basically honored guests at the wedding, they weren't the hosts.

 

[minniecarousel]

ugh! No way would I compromise on the dress and the music! ('course, I'm waaay past the "bride" stage!) The parents should be allowed to invite some of their friends, even if the bride or groom doesn't know the people.

 

[Christine]

I think "these days" that bride and grooms should just pay for their own weddings up front. When a parent offers to pay, the term should be set right at that time that the parent's payment is a gift of cash. It is not THEIR party.

 

[C.Ann]

They better be ponying up some mucho dinero to have polka music!!

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And a well-stocked open bar to boot!

I've been to one of those weddings and came very close to slipping into a entertainment-induced coma.. LOL

 

[shortbun]

I see an elopement in the future of this couple.
It's exactly what caused my sister to call their minister and get married at the altar with his secretary as witness. I should add that it was not OUR mother but the grooms mom who drove my sister to abandon her wedding. Parents should guide but not control.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

If I was the bride I'd wear the dress I choose, have the band that the groom choose and let my parents invite who ever they were willing to pay for as long as MY guest list didnt have to be scaled back to accomodate. If my parents did not agree I'd politely turn down their money and pay for my own wedding.

I would do the exact same thing.

 

[LoraJ]

When the time comes, I plan on paying for my own wedding. When it comes to who my parents want to invite, I would invite a reasonable amount of their friends. I have no problem inviting the friends of theirs that I have known all my life. But, I would hate to cut out some of my own friends from a guest list just so that I could invite friends of theirs that I don't even know. Would it be tacky to ask my parents to chip in if they wanted to invite more of their friends?

(note: this isn't really happening, but a debate that we had at work)

 

[DWhittles]

When we got married my inlaws presented us with a HUGE guest list. My husband suggested that maybe they didn't have to invite all those guests so that we could invite our friends. The reply was "If you want to invite your friends, have a party"

 

[C.Ann]

I think when parents offer to pay for - or contribute - to a wedding, they should do so as a "gift" - and when I give someone a "gift", I don't attach strings to it..

 

[miste76]

I don't understand why the parents would want to make final decisions in the first place... i guess I'm just very lucky that my parents would make suggestions and explain why they want something rather than just trying to force something on me.
I should explain... the parents that I refer to above are my mother and step-father... my real father (whom I love dearly) prefers to just disown me when I disagree with him!!! ( I would like to say that this is just a joke... unfortunatly, it's not.)

 

[cats7494]

That is exactly why we paid for our own wedding!

It should be up to the bride and groom...the guest list - only if the parents are planning on paying for those extra people!
That is what I told my mom when she wanted to invite a bunch of people from her work that I did not know. I said no...luckily she was ok with it.
We wanted and had a small intimate wedding.

 

[disykat]

I have never understood why anyone would even WANT to come to a wedding if they weren't friends of the bride and groom. I've never been invited to the weddings of children of coworkers, etc., nor would I want to go. The only "friends of the parents" that were invited to our wedding were long standing family friends that dh or I also had relationships with.