Who cares more about grades?

[lovetoscrap]

You (and your SO) or your children?



DD13 has always been a solid A/B student but this year 2 classes are kicking her rear. She is working very hard, studying, doing the work and trying her best but not getting good grades in those classes --D's with a few failed tests.

We are concerned with how to help her, but not really stressing over the actual grade. She is devistated that she isn't getting all A's and B's.

DD9 has always struggled with school and she also just hates not getting A's and B's. She seems to think that any other grade is equal to failing and not acceptable, despite what we tell her.

Both girls are putting huge amounts of pressure on themselves to get a high grade and DH and I are more concerned about them just working hard and doing their best and how we can help them succeed. I always figured that parents cared more about grades and the kids wouldn't be as concerned but that is sure not happening here!

 

[PrincessParty]

I have 1 of each. 1 who will freak if she doesn't get an A. (13 y.o. 8th grade) But then I have a 10 year old, 5th grade who just doesn't care, never brings home homework, books, nothing and is happy with A's and B's that she gets. DH gets quite upset with the 10 yo, but I say as long as she maintains A's and B's that is one battle I am not willing to fight.

Just be supportive and ask if she would like your help or a ride to the library.

 

[Becky2005]

Depends on the kid. Probably me more with DD. DD is like "so what, I passed" -- although I know she had a really hard English teacher in 7th grade, where she was bound & determined she was going to get a B in that class & worked super hard to get one.

I did have to explain to DS that a C = passing grade. He has some extra issues & literally had a complete & total meltdown at school once due to his choir grade. He ended up having to see the school counselor, missed part of another class, almost dropped out of choir -- ALL because he missed one test due to being out sick, then the teacher was gone & considering there are very few graded pieces of paper in that class, I saw his grade was low, asked him about it & told him to ask the teacher.

He had gotten all worked up before he even ASKED the teacher assuming the teacher would tell him no, he couldn't take the test. He was so freaked out about NOT making the honor roll that quarter which is what started the spiral downslide. It was awful and choir doesn't even count for the honor roll in MS.

I never want to have a repeat of that, so I know DS puts extra pressure on himself to do really good even though he has to work twice as hard as DD for the same grades.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Me, I am horrendously hard on my kids because I know what they are capable of doing.

 

[daisyduck123]

DD15 (11th grade) is much harder on herself than DH and I (and I am a teacher ).

She's currently taking 5 AP classes & is a little freaked out that she may get a "B" in some of them. I didn't even want her to enroll in that many this year (took two last year).

She was very ill last year (spent over 20 days in the hospital) and I have a totally new perspective on things. DH & I couldn't really care any less about her grades. We just want her to be HAPPY and stay HEALTHY now.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I struggled for the first time in a 10th grade English Class. Getting a "C" was a challenge.

That year, there was a teacher strike in the beginning of the year and I was new to this school and it was an academically demanding school. So I think that was part of it.

In any case--what I did, was just focus on one assignment at a time and my goal was to just do better on the next assignment.

It was hard work--and my papers came up half-letter grade by half-letter grade.

My final paper in the class was a "A"--a well deserved and earned "A". While I am not happy that I had a C on my high school transcripts--I was pleased that it was a B by the end and that I did indeed learn something.

In that case I was very careful to review teacher notes on my assignments so I knew where to improve. It was a struggle, but it got better.

If she is struggling, she can break it down like that--but if it is a class with conceptual problems, maybe she can ask the teacher what she can do to imrpove her grades.

I'm not talking about extra-credit--but rather guidance in how to do better in the class.

But if she focuses too much on the big picture, that can certainly fluster her.


What are the classes, may I ask?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sorry--forgot to answer the original question....

I cared more about my grades, but there would have been serious step-parent consequences if I brought home a D or an F. Plus I knew what kind of student I was and like your 9yo a C was totally unacceptable and tantamount to failure b/c I know I could do better.

Also--I had the end in mind and wanted to go to college and then have a career and I knew it wasn't going to happen with crappy grades.

I also had a step-mother who essentially said I would never get a scholarship....so I had to prove her wrong. I got TWO! One by the state for full tuition and the other a one-time deal.

If a student is capable of getting great grades, I see no reason to coach them that getting a C isn't the end of the world--unless they are having serious psychological issues over it.

 

[phorsenuf]

I'm on my last one. As long as he graduates, I'm happy.
(I think that goes for all of us here. )

 

[C.Ann]

DGD (11) is extremely hard on herself.. If she doesn't get all A's - or she gets less than 100% on a test - she is really unhappy and disappointed with herself..

I don't know where that comes from because neither of her parents push her to be "perfect".. I think part of the problem is that she did everything very, very early (walking, talking, etc.) and everything has always come to her so easily she has come to "expect" that of herself.. I worry about what will happen when she reaches high school - if she can't maintain the kind of grades she expects from herself..

 

[patsal]

Well, Laura, you have met my two very polar opposite children! DD stresses all the time and is struggling this year becasue she is taking AP courses in 9th grade--she has had the transition to HS, all the new activities and courses that are really tough.
DS slides by, he has never actually failed a course (unless you count the first semester of PE in HS that he has to make up next semester as a Sr.)We have always expected of them their best effort and best behavior. If a 75 is really the best they could do than that is good enough for us. If a 95 is the best they can do great, but no one is going to get yelled at so long as the effort is put in and all assignments completed and turned in on time. I watch what is expected of DD as a 9th grader and I am overwhelmed with it--she is using college text books in her 9th grade English and Social studies class, she has lunch only on day three which amounts to one day per week unless day 3 falls on Monday then she gets lunch 2x per week. She has orchestra, chorus, her core, French, Russian, 10th grade Math and Science. She is participating in the musical, plays in a youth orchestra outside of school, takes private cello lessons and still finds time to socialize. With that schedule I would be happy with all 85 or better, she will not be happy unless it is high honor roll.
DS does not have a full schedule, has taken some AP classes, has all 95 or over on state standardized testing, but his final average is just a flatlining 80. He works part itme and seems to have a very active social life--especially lately. I have the same set of expectations for both of them, but I do not put undo pressure on either of them about grades.

 

[::Snow_White::]

I definately care more than my parents. I'm always checking my grades and if I don't believe a grade is right, then I go straight to the teacher, asap.

When it starts to slip from an A and get dangerously close to a B I get horribly stressed and sometimes even tear up a bit. I'm a little overdramatic, but I care very much about my grades, as do my friends.

My parents still care, and expect all As but they know I care a lot so they never ask or look at them until the grade card comes.

 

[georgina]

I have raised my kids with high expectations for school work. My girls have always cared about their grades, DS not so much. He does the minimum to get an acceptable grade when I know he is capable of better work. I took him to visit a college last spring (his sophomore year) and showed him what it would take to go to that or a similar school that he is interested in. I don't know if that is what did it, or he is just maturing, but he is more responsible doing his work this year without nagging from me.

 

[powellrj]

My oldest had the attitude, so what if I got a D, I passed.

Middle DS took honors classes and graduated with honors, but had a reputation as a slacker.

DD is really hard on herself about her grades. She is our best student and grades are very important to her.

 

[Longsx3]

DD(13) has high expectations of herself, she expects to maintain Straight A's and has always done so. Those expectations are because that is what she is capable of... at least so far. We have always taught her that as long as you do your best then Mom and Dad are happy...but there is never an excuse for not doing a HW assignment or turning in a project late, NEVER! When she was little and teacher's would give HW passes or say as long as your parents write a note you can be excused from doing your HW...I refused.

To answer the question when she was little we had the expectations of good grades, now she expects it of herself.

 

[susykt4]

My mom was so overly involved in my grades that I'm finding myself having a hard time pushing my own kids in any way. If I got a poor grade in junior high or high school my mom was right there, questioning the teacher. This created a huge amount of trouble for me with teachers disliking me because of my crazy mother. (Actually, most of the trouble was over Bs and Cs) Nothing but straight As was good enough for my mom and since we got percentages rather than letters on our grade cards, even most As weren't good enough. I eventually was so fed up that I stopped trying. I hated school so much that I didn't go to college until I was 22 and then I went to (gasp) junior college before finishing my degree at a "much lesser" university than the one my mom planned for me to attend.

My point about this incredibly negative post is that I eventually got my act together and obtained a college degree. I used it to get my current job that I love. In my field, no one cared a hoot what school I went to or even my GPA, they only cared about my piece of paper and how hard I'd work for them.

With my life experience, it will be tough for me to do much more than push my kids to take college prep classes. I know they'll be accepted at the local community college no matter what. I'm more concerned about instilling a good work ethic than actual letter grade. However, my kids are only in 4th and 1st grades. Maybe my attitude will change as they get older?

 

[NHdisneylover]

DD12 is a perfectionist. She pushes herself cray hard and thinks anything less tahn 100% on anything is not good enough. I really worry about the stress she puts her self through an activly work to try to get her to be less hard on herself and care a little less about grades. I was a lot like her so I know where she gets it from.

DS10 really struggles in school. Sadly he does sometimes look at the grade (and compare it to his sister's) and feel he is not good enough or "can't" do it and then he starts to give up. We are working very hard to figure out where all of his problems are and get him the support he needs to learn and get through the system. I care that he tries and puts the effort in to make it, but I am not all taht worried about the actual grades. He bounces between not caring about teh grade at all and caring very much and being down on himself that it is not better. I am not very fond of either of those stances.

 

[Robinrs]

My son is 10 times more obsessive about his grades than I am. It's funny because it was the same with my parents.

My Mom told me when I was in my 40s that she never bothered me because she KNEW I was on top of them. I feel the same about my son. His grades are posted online and he checks them everyday. Me? I check them when he brings them home. It's so nice to finally not worry anymore.