Where do you stand on this?

[ilovefh]

First, let me say that I do empathize with the mom, I really do. However, she should have been prepared and it sounds like she could have handled it better. Here is how I think I would have handled it if it were me.

I would have left DH in the seat with DD and gone to speak with the flight attendant in private. I would have explained the whole situation calmly (daughter has autism, did not eat at restaurant before flight, would not take any snacks we had and was getting ready to melt down, only wants hot food.) I would have asked if there was any way they could help me get a warm meal for DD so she does not meltdown and bother other passengers. I'd hope at that point they would be understanding and helpful. I think a lot of it has to do with the way you speak to people. If you're demanding they don't want to help, but if you're calm and fully explain the situation most people will help.

As for the pilot coming out, well I think of it more like how a school is run. A teacher (flight attendant) relays the disruptive behavior, the principal (pilot) trusts that the person relaying the information is being honest and truthful and reacts accordingly.

 

[robinb]

I have flip-flopped on my opinion of this story as I've read other comments. I originally thought, "Why didn't the mom prepare?" and then I read that the girl needs her food to be hot and that they attempted to eat in the airport. Then I thought, "Wow. The mom shouldn't have threatened the crew and pax with a meltdown." and now I think that she was frustrated because she was denied the hot food to begin with and was probably just trying to make it crystal clear what the consequences of not eating would be for her daughter and the people around her if she didn't eat. She know that her DD will scratch if she reaches meltdown stage. Should she have been less snarky? I think so, but perhaps she was desperate to head off the meltdown. (FWIW, I saw a video of the mom saying 'How about we wait for her to have a meltdown and then she is crying and tries to scratch -- and then you'll want to help her.' and it sounded a lot LESS snarky on the video as she was relating it than it reads in print.)

That being said, I think the pilot made the right decision in diverting. The safety of all passengers, including the girl, is his responsibility.

So, it seems that it was a lose-lose situation once the DD refused to eat at the airport. I'm not sure what either party could have done differently once she was on the plane and was hungry.

 

[gwynne]

...and I'm sure every meal she had at Disney had steam rolling off it!

Shared wisdom from an experienced Disney guest!

 

[ilovefh]

I have flip-flopped on my opinion of this story as I've read other comments. I originally thought, "Why didn't the mom prepare?" and then I read that the girl needs her food to be hot and that they attempted to eat in the airport. Then I thought, "Wow. The mom shouldn't have threatened the crew and pax with a meltdown." and now I think that she was frustrated because she was denied the hot food to begin with and was probably just trying to make it crystal clear what the consequences of not eating would be for her daughter and the people around her if she didn't eat. She know that her DD will scratch if she reaches meltdown stage. Should she have been less snarky? I think so, but perhaps she was desperate to head off the meltdown. (FWIW, I saw a video of the mom saying 'How about we wait for her to have a meltdown and then she is crying and tries to scratch -- and then you'll want to help her.' and it sounded a lot LESS snarky on the video as she was relating it than it reads in print.)

That being said, I think the pilot made the right decision in diverting. The safety of all passengers, including the girl, is his responsibility.

So, it seems that it was a lose-lose situation once the DD refused to eat at the airport. I'm not sure what either party could have done differently once she was on the plane and was hungry.

Could you link the video?

 

[robinb]

Could you link the video?

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/05/1...d-off-united-flight-due-to-autistic-daughter/

 

[gwynne]

I have flip-flopped on my opinion of this story as I've read other comments. I originally thought, "Why didn't the mom prepare?" and then I read that the girl needs her food to be hot and that they attempted to eat in the airport. Then I thought, "Wow. The mom shouldn't have threatened the crew and pax with a meltdown." and now I think that she was frustrated because she was denied the hot food to begin with and was probably just trying to make it crystal clear what the consequences of not eating would be for her daughter and the people around her if she didn't eat. She know that her DD will scratch if she reaches meltdown stage. Should she have been less snarky? I think so, but perhaps she was desperate to head off the meltdown. (FWIW, I saw a video of the mom saying 'How about we wait for her to have a meltdown and then she is crying and tries to scratch -- and then you'll want to help her.' and it sounded a lot LESS snarky on the video as she was relating it than it reads in print.)

That being said, I think the pilot made the right decision in diverting. The safety of all passengers, including the girl, is his responsibility.

So, it seems that it was a lose-lose situation once the DD refused to eat at the airport. I'm not sure what either party could have done differently once she was on the plane and was hungry.

Well, I agree once on the plane it was not a good situation. But, I don't see why they booked coach. Mom is VERY familiar with her daughter's need to have steaming hot meals. That being the case, I think they should book First Class and make sure it's a hot meal flight. That's easy enough to do with a phone call. I hope they take that option in the future.

 

[cabanafrau]

I have flip-flopped on my opinion of this story as I've read other comments. I originally thought, "Why didn't the mom prepare?" and then I read that the girl needs her food to be hot and that they attempted to eat in the airport. Then I thought, "Wow. The mom shouldn't have threatened the crew and pax with a meltdown." and now I think that she was frustrated because she was denied the hot food to begin with and was probably just trying to make it crystal clear what the consequences of not eating would be for her daughter and the people around her if she didn't eat. She know that her DD will scratch if she reaches meltdown stage. Should she have been less snarky? I think so, but perhaps she was desperate to head off the meltdown. (FWIW, I saw a video of the mom saying 'How about we wait for her to have a meltdown and then she is crying and tries to scratch -- and then you'll want to help her.' and it sounded a lot LESS snarky on the video as she was relating it than it reads in print.)

That being said, I think the pilot made the right decision in diverting. The safety of all passengers, including the girl, is his responsibility.

So, it seems that it was a lose-lose situation once the DD refused to eat at the airport. I'm not sure what either party could have done differently once she was on the plane and was hungry.

If this family is as experienced at travel as has been stated, how have they not come up with better alternatives themselves by now? Why didn't they buy the first class tickets if that's what's necessary? What if an airline cannot produce food to the proper level of "piping" hot? Buying that ticket did not commit the airline to contractually provide extraordinary measures in this case when the family didn't perform the necessary due diligence on their part. They chose to gamble and an entire airplane of people suffered the loss of their bet.

Hypothetically, what happens if a fellow passenger on that flight was travelling to a critically ill relative and didn't make it in time to say goodbye as a consequence? An extreme example for sure, but not entirely impossible.

 

[EMom]

I have flip-flopped on my opinion of this story as I've read other comments. I originally thought, "Why didn't the mom prepare?" and then I read that the girl needs her food to be hot and that they attempted to eat in the airport. Then I thought, "Wow. The mom shouldn't have threatened the crew and pax with a meltdown." and now I think that she was frustrated because she was denied the hot food to begin with and was probably just trying to make it crystal clear what the consequences of not eating would be for her daughter and the people around her if she didn't eat. She know that her DD will scratch if she reaches meltdown stage. Should she have been less snarky? I think so, but perhaps she was desperate to head off the meltdown. (FWIW, I saw a video of the mom saying 'How about we wait for her to have a meltdown and then she is crying and tries to scratch -- and then you'll want to help her.' and it sounded a lot LESS snarky on the video as she was relating it than it reads in print.)

That being said, I think the pilot made the right decision in diverting. The safety of all passengers, including the girl, is his responsibility.

So, it seems that it was a lose-lose situation once the DD refused to eat at the airport. I'm not sure what either party could have done differently once she was on the plane and was hungry.

This may not be popular, but if your teen is liable to throw such a fit on an airplane that they become violent when not given a steaming hot meal, then airline travel may not be suited to your family. The mom used the daughter's potential violence to threaten and intimidate the crew. They called her bluff. I don't want to be on a flight anywhere near someone (who looks to be adult size) having that kind of a meltdown. Something tells me this mom bullies and threatens her way to a lot of special treatment.

 

[robinb]

Well, I agree once on the plane it was not a good situation. But, I don't see why they booked coach. Mom is VERY familiar with her daughter's need to have steaming hot meals. That being the case, I think they should book First Class and make sure it's a hot meal flight. That's easy enough to do with a phone call. I hope they take that option in the future.

My guess is that coach class always worked for them in the past. Flying first class has it's own set of issues, including people who pay more for the experience who may not be as forgiving of the behavior a child who may have some control issues (whether it's a grumpy toddler or an autistic teen).

 

[dbramer]

It is expensive to land and take a plane off again after the pilot diverts. Changing flight plans en route is not easy, either. When an emergency landing is declared by the pilot, all other traffic is put into a holding pattern and stacks up until the emergency landing takes place. Once an emergency is declared, it cannot be reversed. Post /11, pilots are given a great deal of latitude with on board problems. A passenger who could become a threat to airline employees or other passengers is taken very seriously. I imagine one or two people would not be able to contain her if she went into a "meltdown" state and became aggressive. I think the pilot made the right decision.

 

[mnrose]

Am I the only one sick of the "entitled" attitude of people like this? Poor planning on that mom's part should equal the rest of the world bending over backwards to accommodate her child? I think not.

It's up to ME to plan for my kids' needs on the plane. If I need something special or unique, *I* need to ask for that nicely, and not demand it with implied threats.

She is an experienced traveler. She needs to use that experience and common sense. She did neither. And, then before the bags are even unpacked, she's threatening to sue? Riiiigghhhht. Sue somebody. Lets make the airlines serve food to everybody (at their preferred temperature no less) or we sue.

 

[dbramer]

It could have been done discretely and yes, they probably would have accommodated her needs because of her disability. They also have microwaves in most planes and probably would have gladly warmed up some food the family brought. They do that for baby bottles frequently.

Microwaves can interfere with the planes electronics. Therefore as PP stated, they are specially designed convection ovens.

 

[cabanafrau]

This may not be popular, but if your teen is liable to throw such a fit on an airplane that they become violent when not given a steaming hot meal, then airline travel may not be suited to your family. The mom used the daughter's potential violence to threaten and intimidate the crew. They called her bluff. I don't want to be on a flight anywhere near someone (who looks to be adult size) having that kind of a meltdown. Something tells me this mom bullies and threatens her way to a lot of special treatment.

I suspect you are very correct. Accommodations are wonderful and absolutely necessary. Even with accommodations it simply isn't a reality that everyone will be able to scale Mount Everest and we need to scale our expectations accordingly.

 

[cabanafrau]

My guess is that coach class always worked for them in the past. Flying first class has it's own set of issues, including people who pay more for the experience who may not be as forgiving of the behavior a child who may have some control issues (whether it's a grumpy toddler or an autistic teen).

If you really think about it, this says some very disturbing things on many levels.

 

[JanaDee]

This may not be popular, but if your teen is liable to throw such a fit on an airplane that they become violent when not given a steaming hot meal, then airline travel may not be suited to your family. The mom used the daughter's potential violence to threaten and intimidate the crew. They called her bluff. I don't want to be on a flight anywhere near someone (who looks to be adult size) having that kind of a meltdown. Something tells me this mom bullies and threatens her way to a lot of special treatment.

 

[JanaDee]

Am I the only one sick of the "entitled" attitude of people like this? Poor planning on that mom's part should equal the rest of the world bending over backwards to accommodate her child? I think not.

It's up to ME to plan for my kids' needs on the plane. If I need something special or unique, *I* need to ask for that nicely, and not demand it with implied threats.

She is an experienced traveler. She needs to use that experience and common sense. She did neither. And, then before the bags are even unpacked, she's threatening to sue? Riiiigghhhht. Sue somebody. Lets make the airlines serve food to everybody (at their preferred temperature no less) or we sue.

I was involved in a discussion regarding this situation on Facebook and was being called ignorant because I said it is the mother's responsibility to take care of her child's needs. Honestly, there is no reasoning with people like that, so I stopped trying.

 

[robinb]

I was involved in a discussion regarding this situation on Facebook and was being called ignorant because I said it is the mother's responsibility to take care of her child's needs. Honestly, there is no reasoning with people like that, so I stopped trying.

I would venture to say that she was taking care of her child's needs by (1) attempting to feed her at the airport and (2) asking for a hot meal in-flight.

What would you have her do differently?

 

[JanaDee]

I would venture to say that she was taking care of her child's needs by (1) attempting to feed her at the airport and (2) asking for a hot meal in-flight.

What would you have her do differently?

If her daughter is that volatile, not fly. Expecting a hot meal to be served to you in coach is laughable. Most First Class passengers don't even get a hot meal.

 

[nugov2]

I have flip-flopped on my opinion of this story as I've read other comments. I originally thought, "Why didn't the mom prepare?" and then I read that the girl needs her food to be hot and that they attempted to eat in the airport. Then I thought, "Wow. The mom shouldn't have threatened the crew and pax with a meltdown." and now I think that she was frustrated because she was denied the hot food to begin with and was probably just trying to make it crystal clear what the consequences of not eating would be for her daughter and the people around her if she didn't eat. She know that her DD will scratch if she reaches meltdown stage. Should she have been less snarky? I think so, but perhaps she was desperate to head off the meltdown. (FWIW, I saw a video of the mom saying 'How about we wait for her to have a meltdown and then she is crying and tries to scratch -- and then you'll want to help her.' and it sounded a lot LESS snarky on the video as she was relating it than it reads in print.)

That being said, I think the pilot made the right decision in diverting. The safety of all passengers, including the girl, is his responsibility.

So, it seems that it was a lose-lose situation once the DD refused to eat at the airport. I'm not sure what either party could have done differently once she was on the plane and was hungry.

When the daughter refused to eat they should have taken their daughters need into account and rescheduled their flight or decided how to handle well before they were on a plane with the meltdown close on the horizon. She could have made so many better choices but did not and not only should not be compensated or apologized to, but they should be apologetic for all those who had to be delayed because of their poor planning. They had lots of options and I have no sympathy for her. Using her daughters diagnosis to make this into a poor me situation is disgusting.

ETA if you had an infant on a flight for 5 hours and didn't bring formula for them would it be the airlines fault that your child is wailing the entire time? If they had to land because of it is it the airlines fault you were unprepared? Did they make you leave because you had a baby on the flight and discriminating against you or because you didn't plan properly?

 

[barkley]

This may not be popular, but if your teen is liable to throw such a fit on an airplane that they become violent when not given a steaming hot meal, then airline travel may not be suited to your family. The mom used the daughter's potential violence to threaten and intimidate the crew. They called her bluff. I don't want to be on a flight anywhere near someone (who looks to be adult size) having that kind of a meltdown. Something tells me this mom bullies and threatens her way to a lot of special treatment.

not unpopular w/me at all, and i'll venture to say that the majority of the parents of asd kids I attend a parent group with would completely agree. the bulk of the parents I've encountered try their best to evaluate travel/outings on how it might impact their child as well as how it might negatively impact/impair others from their enjoyment/experience. something as simple as going to a movie can entail allot of thought and planning-I know one mom whose teen son wouldn't cause a disruption in a theatre BUT his thing is that he only feels safe if he stands next to an emergency exit for the entirety of the movie. mom knows this was manageable when kid was young (small-with mom sitting adjacent) but now that he's 6 foot tall it SCARES people what with movie house tragedies. so as much as the kid would like to attend every movie out there they largely just attend the once a month sensory friendly movie showings the theatre offers up. mom isn't willing to make other people fearful. heck-our asd teen group works hard to choose places for our kid's outings specifically b/c we know what our kids can/can not/ might not be able to handle and we don't want to put them/wherever we take them/other patrons to have a negative experience.