When were you last victim of a mommy driveby

[surfergirl602]

I have never been the victim of a mommy drive by...

I month ago I did my first (and hopefully last). We were in AK and a woman kicked her 4 year old or so boy for acting up a little. She got him right on the hip and sent him sprawling. I was looking at her in horror and she made the mistake of asking me what my problem was.

Normally, I don't make comments to others about their parenting, but that was just, wow... I still can't believe what I witnessed.

So did you spell out exactly what "her problem" was??? Did ya? Did ya?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

why was it none of his business? because it was a child? what if he had witnessed said person smacking another person across the face? what if they were smacking their grandma across the face in walmart?

What if they were using an Uzi to mow down patrons?

Seriously, this may shock some of you, but spanking (even slapping) is still legal in America. When a person interferes in a parent's disciplining of their child, they undermine that discipline.

 

[npmommie]

What if they were using an Uzi to mow down patrons?

Seriously, this may shock some of you, but spanking (even slapping) is still legal in America. When a person interferes in a parent's disciplining of their child, they undermine that discipline.

smacking a child across the face is NOT spanking

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

smacking a child across the face is NOT spanking

Do you want me telling you how to raise your children? I've got some great ideas...

 

[Kit'smommy]

What if they were using an Uzi to mow down patrons?

Seriously, this may shock some of you, but spanking (even slapping) is still legal in America. When a person interferes in a parent's disciplining of their child, they undermine that discipline.

There is a difference between abuse and discipline. I can't think of a good reason for smacking a child's face.

 

[PrincessV]

Oh boy - I've been the victim many times... nearly all while at WDW. My favorite, though, was a restroom situation, too. My DS was 6 and I did my usual "Wait here, I'll be right back," as I went to use the ladies' room. He knew the routine well; we're locals and go often - stand just inside the entrance where he won't impact any female's sense of modesty, but also won't be tempted by something shiny to take off and leave me there.

Anyway, as I turned around in the stall to close the door, a lady pushed it open, walked into my space and asked "He's so little! Are you sure you want to leave him there?!" My response: "Um, yeah - he may look little, but he's plenty old enough to wait for me," as I pushed my door closed and her out of my stall.

 

[mjkacmom]

In real life the last time I had a parent drive by was about a month before we moved out of the US--so about 13 months ago. I had taken the kids into work with me for my 4 hour shift at our small town library. They too ksome money and their cell phones and walked down to a local deli for lunch (and to bring some back for us librarians). It was a 5-10 minute walk which involved crossing only one street (our sleepy downtown, 25 MPH Main street with crosswalks) which took them past the police station and several stores whose owners we knew.
An accquaintance who had literally driven by them called the library concerned that I might not know my kids were out in town "all alone." I confirmed that they were behaving themselves and walking where they should have been and then asked her what the issue was
BTW the kids were 12 and 10 at the time.

I don't run into this at all here in Germany where most kids are very independent. However, I have been villified on the DIS a number of times for various parenting issues.

You sure do run into these kinds of parents a lot don't you? I think it was you who got yelled at for singing Trent Resnor sons with your DD also. Am I right? (BTW--I was one of the parents on that thread who does not censor music). Anyway, how i handle this in real life is generally just to either totally ignore the person or to calmly tell them that their concern is sweet but I am comfortable with my parenting choices while smiling at them. Kidness seems to disarm most people like this.

For the record, both of my children were using many public restrooms alone by the time they were four. I personally couldn't imagine sending them to school (they both started kindergarten at 4) if they could not handle a public typical public restroom on their own. As far a "busy" restruraunt is concerend--I actually think it is SAFER somewhere busy (with lots of witnesses) than in a quiet and isolated area.

Wow - our elementary schools have open lunch, and the 5th and 6th graders go out to eat all of the time! Dd13 and ds11 are in a play, and at break time, they let the kids out to go somewhere to buy dinner.

 

[Desnik]

I have never been the victim of a mommy driveby. I also try to mind my business and not tell strangers how to parent their kids. DH and I will make comments to each other about it but never to the parent if we see behavior that is questionable to us.

My DD just turned 12 and I am now just starting to let her go to the bathroom alone if we are in a restaurant. That is only the case if I can see the bathroom from our table and she has her cell phone with her. I never let her go alone if we are in a mall or big shopping center. I don't know, maybe it's the New Yorker in me but I don't trust anyone and I will not let DD be in a position to be a victim of some pervert following little girls into a bathroom. DS is 6 and I would never let him go to the bathroom at a restaurant by himself. But to each his own and I don't judge others who thinks it's OK.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

There is a difference between abuse and discipline. I can't think of a good reason for smacking a child's face.

Neither can I, but I also can't imagine using a belt to whip my children. I didn't say that I agreed with the action - just that it is legal, and being so, it is none of my business.

If the parent were to begin beating the child, I would have done everything in my power to stop the beating. But a slap is legal - just as letting a small child go into a restroom on their own is legal...

 

[cheermom1]

But how would you handle a kid that absolutely refuses to let you take them to the bathroom??? That is what I did..I can NOT stand it when someone seems to think just b/c I am a girl or that b/c I am a certain age that I can't do something for myself!!! This is a very big issue for me and always has been. My mom will back me up as she does almost daily. Reminding me that my dd is the same as I was and so is my nephew. My dd when she was 3 refused to let me put pants on her. this is just an example. But still my issue with with over hovering mothers that can't let their kids do anything. How are they ever going to learn to take care of themselves!!!

I remember when I 12 and went to a theme park near our home and my parents wouldn't let me go anywhere but slide down the slide in their arms?? I mean come on! Like I said this is a big issue for me and I refuse to let my kids be dependent on me for anything including going to the dang bathroom! they have a brain and can think and if you educate your kids they will be able to handle it.


ok off my soap box!! back to regular scheduled programing.

 

[monkeybug]

There is a difference between abuse and discipline. I can't think of a good reason for smacking a child's face.

And smacking a child in the face can be dangerous. If they were to turn suddenly, or try to pull away, a smack that was meant to be on the cheek could land on an eye or ear, and permanently damage eye sight or hearing.

 

[sunshine girl]

I wasn't there...SIL took my kids and her kids to the frog pond in Boston to skate. From what I was told, DD9 and her cousin were skating side by side while DD12 and younger cousin were nearby. Some guy comes up from behind and between DD9 and her cousin and started to pick DD up. DD12 and younger cousin yelled out her name and the guy put her down and skated away. SIL did not see it happen. DD12 tells me that a similar incident happened to her friend at the same place a few weeks ago so we are working with Boston police on it.

Yikes!!! That's scary!!!

 

[testifyoncruises]

Some of the responses here remind me when the woman let her nine year old ride the subway home alone.

http://www.nysun.com/editorials/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-subway-alone

There is a map from England that shows how the area that kids were and are allowed to play has shrunk over the years. It goes from 6 miles in 1919 to about 300 yards in 2008.

Very sad.

 

[paintnolish]

I let my kids go to the bathroom alone and have since they were around 5 or 6. I make sure I see them go in and can see the doorway. I also ask if the trip wiil be "long or short" so I know what to expect! That being said, I have made ds accompany me in restrooms at skeevy gas stations during road trips. No way is he going alone there!

 

[MaumeeMom]

And smacking a child in the face can be dangerous. If they were to turn suddenly, or try to pull away, a smack that was meant to be on the cheek could land on an eye or ear, and permanently damage eye sight or hearing.

Really? Not that I would ever smack a child on the face but isn't this taking the "what-ifs" a little far? That would have to be a hard hit to do any permanent damage - that would be a beating.

To each his own but my oldest started using the restroom by himself when he was 5 or 6 - depending on where we were. A busy restaurant - sure as long as I can see the door. My now 5 yo may need help for a while longer - it all depends on the child and the circumstance.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Wow - our elementary schools have open lunch, and the 5th and 6th graders go out to eat all of the time! Dd13 and ds11 are in a play, and at break time, they let the kids out to go somewhere to buy dinner.

Wow! It seems more and more schools even at teh high school level are going to closed campuses--nice to hear of one that is still open. I loved oing out for lunch when I was in Jr High and Hih school.

DD and DS take their lunches as there is not anythign they could get to and eat in 45 minutes, but the schools here (at least from 5th grade on up--I have no idea what the lower schools do) are very much open campuses. If the last teacher of the day is out sick, or the teacehrs have a conference they jsut send the kids home early. No warning. When swine flu went around DS came home one day at 10:30 (school usually runs until 4:00) because only 2 of his teachers were not out sick and he had already had them both He was soooo happy.

 

[NotUrsula]

Yeah, my dad was one of those 6 mile kids back in 1919 -- he would have been 7 at the time, and actually his range was probably more like 20 miles. In 1921 he saved another boy's life when they were swimming as a group several miles from the middle of nowhere; the boy he saved was 6. (They had all been digging peat for cooking fuel, and it got hot so they went to swim to cool off.) My aunt tells me that all 8 of her siblings used to routinely hitch rides on fishing boats (with strangers !!) to get wherever they wanted to go. BTW, when my Dad was 10, a classmate of his brought a gun to school and threatened to shoot the teacher with it. Just goes to show that all the dangers we think are new really are not.

IMO, the word crowded makes all the difference in the OP's scenario. That story about the 12 yo and the lurking pervert actually happened at the restrooms at a beach park campground, and the guy walked in and out right past the aunt. Homeless people have been known to sleep in park restrooms, and there is usually almost no light and VERY little traffic in them, so yeah, I'd be careful there. However, in a crowded restaurant, as at WDW, the constant traffic in and out of the restrooms is a strong deterrent for your average perv -- too many witnesses. DS is 12, and I'm not sure when we first started letting him use public restrooms alone, but I'm thinking that he was probably around 5. If there is a lot of traffic he's good to go, if you'll pardon the pun.

If it is a restroom in any kind of quiet park or highway rest area, that's another story. I'll scope the ladies room and wait until it's empty, then send him in and wait at the door until he's finished. If it is night-time, then we're going to go find a restaurant or hotel lobby restroom to use in those circumstances, because then I don't think that it's safe for ME to walk into that deserted outdoor restroom.

As to the Mommy drive-by, no one has ever had the nerve to do that to me. However, in my case I don't think that anyone ever would. As a child I learned to wear a defensive posture in public, and strangers NEVER approach me -- I've been told that I have a very intimidating public demeanor.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I dont see it as hovering. I see it as just another way to protect my children while I can from all the weirdos of the world. God you jusy never know what could be waiting for them in the next stall. Thankfully most of it is just TV drama, but on some ocassions it just isn't.
My girls have never asked to go to the bathroom alone so it isn't an issue with us. They dont think of it as me not letting them do something without me. They go into their own stalls and they can wipe their own butts. Most of the time i have to go myself so it isn't a big deal.

When they get older they will be going into the bathroom with their friends anyway so this is just good practice of going into the bathroom with others.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Just wouldn't let a 6 year old go off into a public bathroom alone.

Too many wackos to take that chance.

 

[monkeybug]

Really? Not that I would ever smack a child on the face but isn't this taking the "what-ifs" a little far? That would have to be a hard hit to do any permanent damage - that would be a beating.

To each his own but my oldest started using the restroom by himself when he was 5 or 6 - depending on where we were. A busy restaurant - sure as long as I can see the door. My now 5 yo may need help for a while longer - it all depends on the child and the circumstance.

Nope not taking what if's to far. Childrens hospitals and pediatricians (some) actually have "guidelines" for safely hitting/spanking children. They don't recommend ever hitting a child in the face for those reasons.
When I was in college I had to do a research paper on spanking, and yes hitting a child in the face (especially little kids) can cause permanent damage to the ears and eyes. Those areas are more sensitive than you might think. My husband has permanent damage (nothing to serious...he can still see out of it) to one of his eyes because one of our kids accidentally hit him in the eye with the page of a book.
I believe it's actually illegal to do so (hit a child in the face) in some country's, and I'm kinda surprised it's still legal here.