When were you last victim of a mommy driveby

[monkeybug]

I get random strangers asking about my kids' fathers all the time. I have six with, yes believe it or not, with one husband and for some reason nobody assumes they have the same father. Or I get asked if I am a foster mother. People do not know when to keep their opinions and questions to themselves!

OT, but my friend who has a large family has the BEST T-shirts! She gets them off of Cafepress.
My favs. are "We're going until we get an ugly one"
and
"We're not trying to overpopulate the Earth, Just out number the idiots!"
Ha ha! I love it!!!

 

[HelenePA]

I get random strangers asking about my kids' fathers all the time. I have six with, yes believe it or not, with one husband and for some reason nobody assumes they have the same father. Or I get asked if I am a foster mother. People do not know when to keep their opinions and questions to themselves!

Oooooh me too! I even had a carper cleaner person I had doing my carpets ask if I was sure they all had the same father! And yes I'm very sure!

I had some one ask me at the park if the girls were "his" and the boys were "ours" . I said no they were all "ours" she asked me if the boys were my "real" ones then not my step children I said Noooo they all came out of me... She then got all huffy and walked away like I was lying or something

ETA I remembered another one! My aunt called me the day after my dad died.. I told her I wasn't sure she knew but I was pregnant again.. she then said.. Yes I know.. Thank you for over populating the earth... Yep she's a FUN person! Haven't talked to her since! Dont plan to either!

 

[kimberlyr]

Please read Suicide Pact by Jodi Picolt. You will never let your child alone in a bathroom again. a few minutes alone in a fast food restaurant with a perv ruined this poor girls life & no one even knew about it. Yes it is a fictional story, but could happen so easily.

 

[HelenePA]

Please read Suicide Pact by Jodi Picolt. You will never let your child alone in a bathroom again. a few minutes alone in a fast food restaurant with a perv ruined this poor girls life & no one even knew about it. Yes it is a fictional story, but could happen so easily.

Anything can happen anywhere... do you live in fear of everything?

 

[testifyoncruises]

Please read Suicide Pact by Jodi Picolt. You will never let your child alone in a bathroom again. a few minutes alone in a fast food restaurant with a perv ruined this poor girls life & no one even knew about it. Yes it is a fictional story, but could happen so easily.

Um sure...if I am not living my life based on what if's, I certainly am not going to based on a FICTIONAL story called THE PACT.

 

[ems_mom]

I admit I haven't read all the replies but wanted to offer my perspective as one who grew up in the 60's and 70's. My three siblings and I were totally independent. We walked, biked and bussed everywhere without parents and sometimes without each other. My older sister got a paper route job (remember those?) when she was 12 and I was 9 and we "split" the hours. (At 9 I was three years shy of working legally). When I turned 12 I took over the route so she could get a "real" job. And both of us babysat for other children starting at age 10 for .50-.75 cents an hour. I was thrilled when I started earning $1 - big money!

OK, we learned independence...but we also learned to be fearful. At least 3 times before I was 12 I was stopped walking to or from school by a man "with candy" who just wanted to give me a lift. Older boys would follow us when we walked...we would cross streets to avoid strangers. Weirdos would sit next to me on the cross town bus to Grandma's and start up a chat like I was an adult. And more than once a baby sitter Dad tried to be way too friendly on the ride home. The rats, mice and scary dogs on my 3:00 am Sunday morning part of my paper route were nothing compared to the human vermon I've come across.

My parents were well educated, both with master's and worked full-time as a teacher and an engineer. They wanted us to understand the value of hard work. And, I do, for sure.

But I also learned never to leave my young daughter in the company of strangers; or to allow such a situation to be possible if I could prevent it. (I drove or walked with my daughter to school every time I could.) I also never let her go to a public restroom alone until she was well into middle school. I never tried to frighten her...it was just a time we could hang out and chat and have a few laughs at the expense of my DH.

 

[mhsjax]

Anything can happen anywhere... do you live in fear of everything?

I understand the pp feelings. To me,(and maybe not everyone feels this way) but there are worse things than death.

I don't live in fear of my kids doing most things, but to me same "perv" doing something sexual to my innocent child is the most horrible thing that could happen, I am not willing to take that chance as long as I can control it to some extent by simply going to the bathroom with them. I don't do it all of the time, but I have certain places where my kids isn't allowed by themselves and that include fast food places. However, if someone wants their child to go to the bathroom alone, I would never say anything to them, that is rude.

My friend says the same thing, that you shouldn't live in fear, but the thought of my kids being taken or molested is more than I care to deal with. I always here about these parents who hold out hope that her child is still alive, I have always told my hubby, I would rather know that they are dead, because it least I would know that they aren't being tortured or lord knows what else. RANT OVER. You can parent your way, I parent mine.

 

[Anjelica]

I've had a mommy drive-by at the Supermarket. When my daughter was about 3 I used to let her walk under/in front of me to push the cart. She is/was a well behaved child and just wanted to be a little independent. Let me say that I NEVER let her touch the cart unless I had a firm grip on it. This lady started to scold me that she or someone else was going to get hurt. I let her know that she seem to make it this far in life without getting hurt..

I don't agree with telling someone in a situation as the OP's what THEY feel is wrong/right.

It is crazy in today's world - of course 20+ years ago my sister was approached by an abducter so not sure if "that" much has changed.

But, we did recently have a young boy attacked in one of the local Target bathrooms. It definetly made me think about how we approach our daughter using the bathroom.

"....a 7-year-old boy was attacked in the men's room of the Fairview Heights, IL Target. The man grabbed and choked the boy. Luckily, the boy did all the right things- screaming and kicking- and was able to free himself from the assailant. The boy's mother and Target employees rushed to his aid, beckoned by the sound of his screams. Thankfully, the boy sustained no physical injuries"

The man who assaulted the boy had no criminal record.

 

[HelenePA]

someone VERY VERY VERY close to me was a survior of child rape.. she was 3 when it happened... it happened with a family memeber.. she was my mom, he was her dad. In her OWN home.. It can happen anywhere a pervert at.. Did she try to keep me in a bubble? Heck NO! I hope your teaching your kids what to do even if they aren't allowed to go potty alone til they are a teen, like my mom did with me... Please please please teach them to yell scream make as much noise as possible, never keep secrets. Its not their fault.. Please please please talk to your kids about it even if you go with them everywhere.. like I said it can happen with anyone anywhere there is a pervert.. even in your own home

 

[Fintastic]

I *always* go to the bathroom with DD, because if I don't she's liable to sit in there and daydream the entire time we're eating dinner. I have to light a fire under her to get her back to the table in less than ten minutes!

 

[luvsJack]

someone VERY VERY VERY close to me was a survior of child rape.. she was 3 when it happened... it happened with a family memeber.. she was my mom, he was her dad. In her OWN home.. It can happen anywhere a pervert at.. Did she try to keep me in a bubble? Heck NO! I hope your teaching your kids what to do even if they aren't allowed to go potty alone til they are a teen, like my mom did with me... Please please please teach them to yell scream make as much noise as possible, never keep secrets. Its not their fault.. Please please please talk to your kids about it even if you go with them everywhere.. like I said it can happen with anyone anywhere there is a pervert.. even in your own home

OMG. How horrible for your mom.

I stated before that I know the likelyhood of dd being molested in a public place by a stranger is not near as great as it is by someone she knows, but it is one small danger that I can prevent. She is, by no means, being raised in a bubble and I have taught her what to do if anyone tries to touch her in anyway she feels uncomfortable with. I just feel more comfortable going with her most places unless she has a friend with her.

 

[npmommie]

Has anyone read the book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker?
I have not, but have heard its very good, its about keeping kids and teens safe.

 

[smidgy]

Yes it was a mommy as she had her baby in a play pin in the sun in a diaper and was smoking right next to him...

I would never have let my child go off unaccompanied at that age.
Just wouldn't happen.

in BOTH cases.. none of your business.

 

[allison443]

Please read Suicide Pact by Jodi Picolt. You will never let your child alone in a bathroom again. a few minutes alone in a fast food restaurant with a perv ruined this poor girls life & no one even knew about it. Yes it is a fictional story, but could happen so easily.

That book was called "The Pact" I believe.

Jodi Picoult also wrote a book about a school shooting, do you not let your kids go to school based on that Jodi Picoult book?

 

[smidgy]

i am guilty of doing mommy drive-bys... at the grocery store, when your back is turned to the cart and your young child is..
a. standing up in the top where they should be sitting.
b. trying to sit on the back of the cart (like if they were sitting in the big part where the groceries go and stood up then try to sit on the back)
c. any variation of the above.
i have a huge phobia of hearing SPLAT as i walk by and hearing either a mom or child scream as they hit the floor.. usually i just walk very quickly by and ignore it but it's my "mom instinct" and i just can't stand it, i have to say something... SORRY to any moms that i have done this to.

whew.. i feel better now.

this is NOT a "mommy drive by" I do this, and other have done this for me. you can't see everything at all times. I ahve "swooped in" to help out a child, about to fall, etc. others have done it for me.
you were 'helping out". you did not go and beratethe mom.... big difference.

MANY years ago at River Country(that tells you how long ago it was). the pool near the "water hole" had a big slide by the deep end. a little girl, about 8 or 9 was in front of me. she told me she didn't know how to swim very well, but wanted to try the slide. I said"I;ll go first, and wait for you at the bottom" sur enough as I was waiting and she slid down... "blub blub" she couldn't swim at all. I grabbed her and pulled her to the side. then I taught her a bit about treading water, and she went on her way.
I guess I "swooped in", but I didn't run to the mom and yell at her for letting her daughter go down the slide. the mom thanked me. end of story. no need to lecture.

 

[shortbun]

So how old do your kids have to be before they go into a bathroom alone?

I think it depends on where you are. In a crowded restaurant, I'd wait until they were pretty old. In a quiet setting where I could see who was in and out easily, maybe 6 would be ok. Crowded theme park, we'd just all go together even if some of us just washed our hands. At home, 3 and I'd ask it they needed any help. In a public place, I might follow a younger child first allowing them to walk in by themselves but then going myself and letting them know I was there. Lots of issues can come up in public restrooms-no paper, big messes, people with no boundaries, sinks and soap being out of reach...6yo kids could need lots of help.

 

[smidgy]

and, againthe thread title is :

"when were you the last victim of a mommy drive-by?"NOT

"do you think it's ok to let your child go into a public bathroom by themself?"

instead of hijacking a thread, if you have a strong opinion about the sub-issue, feel free to start your own thread.

 

[MIGrandma]

and, againthe thread title is :

"when were you the last victim of a mommy drive-by?"NOT

"do you think it's ok to let your child go into a public bathroom by themself?"

instead of hijacking a thread, if you have a strong opinion about the sub-issue, feel free to start your own thread.

When has any thread stuck strictly on topic here? smidgy, you've been here long enough to know none of them do.

When someone starts a thread they open themselves up for all kinds of responses.

And if any parent has had several "mommy drive-bys" over concern for their child then maybe that parent should re-think his or her parenting skills....or rather the lack of them in some cases.

 

[dogluva]

Um sure...if I am not living my life based on what if's, I certainly am not going to based on a FICTIONAL story called THE PACT.

I found this funny myself. So everytime we go see a movie or read a book we should become concerned in case they happen in real life. Ok.

 

[taximomfor4]

this is NOT a "mommy drive by" I do this, and other have done this for me. you can't see everything at all times. I ahve "swooped in" to help out a child, about to fall, etc. others have done it for me.
you were 'helping out". you did not go and beratethe mom.... big difference.

Let me just say thank you. When dd16 was 1 1/2, I had her skinny butt belted into the seat of a cart. All was fine, until I got to the checkout line. The lane is narrow, and I had to be at the front of the cart to unload the groceries onto the belt. I kept glancing at dd to check on her,although she was good at remaining seated she was still a toddler! Suddenly, I saw her pull herself to standing in the seat, the belt squeezing as she got up but her pushing upward anyway (nearly losing her pants and diaper, btw). The lady in line behind had her cart all the way forward, and watched with a sorta horrified look on her face. I kind of see it all in slow motion now, as I tried to squeeze alongside the cart but couldn't fit, the lady 8 inches away just standing there, her cart too close to allow me to back mine up so I could get through to dd. I can't even describe the sick feeling, watching dd stand, then go head first to the floor. The sickening sound it made. In 15 years, I have yet to figure out why that lady just STOOD THERE.

And you know what, at the same grocery store chain, different store 20 minutes away, a little boy the exact same age did the exact same thing on the very same day, and DIED. My dd was fine, miraculously.

OP, I let my kids go alone sometimes, too...I base it on lots of factors, and which of my kids it is. I have never even been tempted to judge another parent for when they let their kid go potty alone.