When to start preschool

[RachelEllen]

I'd love to hear from anyone who has experience with this.

I work 75% time, and my 1yr old DD stays home with a nanny. We are really stretching our budget to afford this, but felt strongly that, since we could afford it, we didn't want to put her in daycare as an infant.

We found a wonderful preschooler that will take her as a "young 2" next fall. At that point, I will be going back to work full time. My husband and I feel that by that age, there are more advantages to being with other kids. I'd love for her to just go 2-3 days/ week, but we cannot afford to add the preschool on top of the nanny care. (There's a pricing advantage to both nannycare and daycare as you use more of it. Doing both part-time is the worst financially)

So, it's all or nothing. And I think I'm comfortable with her transitioning to this new school at age 2. However, now that we've crunched the numbers, and seen exactly how much we will be saving by having her in daycare, my husband is really pushing for putting her in a daycare program when she turns 18 months.

I'm hesitant, because its yet another transition. Plus, I had to take her to drop-in daycare last week when our nanny was sick. I know it was a strange place,(not the one we are considering) and she is just 1, but she was /miserable./ Looked totally overwhelmed in the toddler room. Cried, all day, did not nap, did not eat. When I got there in the afternoon, she was lying on the floor crying (I peaked through the door). When she saw me, she didn't even crawl over to me, just held out her arms and wailed.

So, for those who have been there, how much maturing did you see between 1 year and 18 months and then to 2 years? Did you feel like your kids were in daycare "too early" Or do they adjust no matter what the age? Does the adjustment stink no matter what the age . Did you feel like you kid was perhaps, doing well, at a certain age in daycare, but there wasn't a real plus to them for the experience?

We are touring the possible interim site again next week, and I'm so torn!

 

[mjkacmom]

I've always been a SAHM, but I had #3 start preschool (partime) at 2 1/2, and the twins at 18 months (6 hours a week). My sister had nannies, and it seemed like they lagged behind others kids socially. As a SAHM, I had many playgroups, and signed them up for a lot of activites (mostly because I needed to socialize!). Her nannies didn't do this.

I think nannies are great for the first year or two, but unless they're really getting the kids out there, it can be isolating. Maybe that's one of the reasons your dd was so overwhelmed?

 

[RachelEllen]

It' definitely true that our nanny doesn't really get DD 'out there' But we actually preferred that as an infant. I take her to story time and playgroup on my days off. And I think she does just lovely for her age when I'm there. She crawls away from me and explores and plays with toys, sings and claps, all that good stuff! But yeah, as soon as I left, she lost it!

 

[funkychunkymonkey]

the differance is spending time there. If you start early and go spend a few hours with the child then take her home, come back another day spend time and then leave for a hour and come back you start establishing a pattten that Mommy will come back. Also you need to bring a lovey (blanket or somthign) to make her feel safe. It does get eaiser and she will feel at home eventually. Most kids take about a week for the 1's group and up

 

[kerstfan1]

her most kids start pre school at the ae of 2

but kindergarten is fulltime
and starts at the age of 4

 

[DMickey28]

There was a HUGE growth in my son from 18 months to 2 years old. He would have started benefiting from the interaction with others at 18 months. By the time he was 2, he would have done great in a pre-school situation.

He is 2.5 right now and we are hoping to get him into a pre-school soon but with the flu and stuff going around now, we are holding off. I wanted to do it in January so he was well adjusted before the baby comes but I am too worried about the flu now.

I do not think you will do any "harm" and can only help her by getting her in there at 18 months. I think she will benefit a lot either way. I know that my DS had a close friend that he started really playing with around 18 months. They had known each other since they were 6 months old.

Good Luck in the decision ... they are never easy when dealing with our little ones.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Both of my DS's started preK at 2. This was 2 days a week for 1/2 day. They had no kids around us to play with and I was looking for socialization as well as education. The school was a very small church school which they loved. At 3K, I moved them to another small church school that was 5 days a week for 1/2 days, I was tired of the politics at the other school. They thrived at the new school, and the older DS even attended 5K before entering public school. It was a very good experience for all of us. We moved out of town before the younger got to attend 5K there, I would have loved for him to do that.

 

[ORMom2Four]

Around here, most kids start preschool at 3-4. Younger than that and it's childcare more than a preschool.

 

[RachelEllen]

I'm using the terms "preschool" and "daycare" interchangablely. We need full time childcare. And we can't afford a mix of nanny and "daycare," so it really boils down to deciding if we should put DD in full time group care at age 18 months or age 2 years.

The place we really like is definitely a school. They are accredited through second grade. However, I don't beleive that their young 2 program is somehow substantially different from our second choice (where she could start at 18 months) The main difference is that the 1st choice program is associated with our religion and becomes a Montessori kindergarden when she is 3. They only accept for September admission, which is why we have to wait. The second choice place is a much more traditional "daycare" and will accept us as soon as she turns 18 months. So, I'm not so hung up on the label, I'm just looking at what the individual programs can offer her.

 

[DisneyLover83]

As a former nanny I can say that I took the children to story time, Little Gym, out to lunch, movies and to play groups. Maybe you could arrange to have your nanny do the same if your DD is not ready for the transition to preschool but then she can get some social interaction. I enjoyed getting out of the house as much as the children did!

 

[shelly3girls]

We have 3 children each placed in a school setting at different ages (18 months, 3 yrs, 3.5 yrs). Each one adjusted well because we made sure it was the best environment for them. I will say that changing schools can be stressful. I personally would wait for my #1 choice with the plan of keeping her there. I would not want to rush to save money if it is not your best option.

Our DS was 3 when he started preschool this fall. He is very social because our nanny has had him with other children in group settings for 2 years. He is also on track with the other children developmentally.

 

[nexttrip4us]

We put our now 4.5 year old into a preschool/daycare setting when she was about 18 months...she was in an in-home very small daycare prior to that. I won't say the transition was without a few tears, but it was the absolute best things for her. We had experience from having our older kids attend preschool there so we were very comfortable with her being there. She is in her last year now and I know we will miss them all terribly when she's done. It has been a wonderful experience for her and I'm glad we made the choice to move her there at that age.

Good luck! I know how challenging childcare decisions can be! We've done different things at different times with all 4 of our kids and it has always worked out...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm using the terms "preschool" and "daycare" interchangablely. We need full time childcare. And we can't afford a mix of nanny and "daycare," so it really boils down to deciding if we should put DD in full time group care at age 18 months or age 2 years.

The place we really like is definitely a school. They are accredited through second grade. However, I don't beleive that their young 2 program is somehow substantially different from our second choice (where she could start at 18 months) The main difference is that the 1st choice program is associated with our religion and becomes a Montessori kindergarden when she is 3. They only accept for September admission, which is why we have to wait. The second choice place is a much more traditional "daycare" and will accept us as soon as she turns 18 months. So, I'm not so hung up on the label, I'm just looking at what the individual programs can offer her.

I would wait until your first choice happens then after reading this. Esp. with the flu running around.

 

[golfgal]

One thought-since paying for a nanny is stretching your budget, have you looked at the cost savings for you to quit your job altogether? Often with the savings in gas, car expenses, clothing, taxes, etc. many people come out ahead by not having 2 incomes--especially if paying for child care is a stretch. Something to consider.

We have had many friends over the years that "can't afford to stay home" and when challenged to crunch the numbers figured out over the course of the year it either wasn't enough money to justify both of them working or it cost them MORE to have 2 incomes.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Can you afford a mix of nanny and preschool? (not daycare).. preschool at that age is typically two mornings/week... Our daycare has a mixture of stay at home moms and nannies that do pick-ups and drop offs at preschool. You could just knock your nannies' hours back for those mornings?

 

[jas_mom1]

Your child's reaction to drop-in childcare is totally normal. When you decide to put her in a classroom, you'll have a gradual transition, as someone else suggested. Bring her with you to visit, meet the teachers and other children and play for a short time with you there. Go back again and stay longer. Then visit again and leave her for short times without you. She'll quickly realize that you leave her there and then come back. Do this a few times but increase the length of her stay each time.

Try to establish a drop-off routine where you put away her things, read a story then say good-bye. Don't go back if she cries. (If you do, she'll realize that crying will bring you back.) Chances are, she's fine right after you leave. She'll find that she has a lot of fun and might not want to leave when you arrive for pick-up.

Dianne

 

[RachelEllen]

One thought-since paying for a nanny is stretching your budget, have you looked at the cost savings for you to quit your job altogether? Often with the savings in gas, car expenses, clothing, taxes, etc. many people come out ahead by not having 2 incomes--especially if paying for child care is a stretch. Something to consider.

We have had many friends over the years that "can't afford to stay home" and when challenged to crunch the numbers figured out over the course of the year it either wasn't enough money to justify both of them working or it cost them MORE to have 2 incomes.

Well, I'd have to ask my husband how he feels about that, since I'm the main income earner (even at 75% time)

We're both fairly conservative financially. When I say stretch, I mean that after overpaying the (15 year) mortgage, maxing our retirement accounts and college savings funds, and keeping our liquid emergency fund at 6 months salary, we don't have a lot left over every month. We are very lucky that we both have fairly recession-proof jobs, and, as stressful as these choices are, I try to keep in mind that we are lucky we can make them.

(On the other hand, though, I have to say that I love working part-time. I'd keep it up indefinitely if I could, but I negiotiated two years of part-time when I took the job, and I have no choice but to go up to full time in a year. For me, this is a really nice balance, as I do love both my job, and the 4 days a week at home with my kiddo)

 

[RachelEllen]

Can you afford a mix of nanny and preschool? (not daycare).. preschool at that age is typically two mornings/week... Our daycare has a mixture of stay at home moms and nannies that do pick-ups and drop offs at preschool. You could just knock your nannies' hours back for those mornings?

We did look into that. Our top choice program, in fact, does offer 2 or 3 day programs for the young twos, as well as mornings only. However, the cost is not linear, and you pay more per "care hour" by doing this. If the nanny does pick-up and drop off, you are also paying "twice" for about an hour a day, so you don't even save much nanny time. And, there is normally a premium for part-time nanny care, as many nannies, ours included, really need a guarenteed weekly salary. The numbers just didn't work for us.

 

[RachelEllen]

Your child's reaction to drop-in childcare is totally normal. When you decide to put her in a classroom, you'll have a gradual transition, as someone else suggested. Bring her with you to visit, meet the teachers and other children and play for a short time with you there. Go back again and stay longer. Then visit again and leave her for short times without you. She'll quickly realize that you leave her there and then come back. Do this a few times but increase the length of her stay each time.

Try to establish a drop-off routine where you put away her things, read a story then say good-bye. Don't go back if she cries. (If you do, she'll realize that crying will bring you back.) Chances are, she's fine right after you leave. She'll find that she has a lot of fun and might not want to leave when you arrive for pick-up.

Dianne

I "know" this is true. But this experience really did push my mommy buttons about starting a full time program! I did call in twice during the day, and, both times the manager reported that she was doing fine. Then, when I got to the center that afternoon, her classroom leader said that she had cried most of the day. It's not the sort of center I would put her in - huge room with lots of older kids, general chaos, loud music. But its what we have to use in a pinch, and I'm sure the experience left more of a lasting impression with me than with her!

 

[RachelEllen]

I wanted to say how much I appreciated all the input.

Btw, my husband is not totally heartless pushing the early entry into full time care

His son, my step-son, was in full day daycare from the age of 2 months. Not something I was comfortable with, but, DSS is a well adjusted, very social 10 year old, so DH is much more comfortable with transition than I am.

(Plus, I keep being told how he potty trained at 18 months with no parental effort due to just watching the bigger kids.)