When To Have A Second (Or Third, Fourth, etc) Baby?

[olena]

No furbabies either....

I'm sounding more and more pitiful....

 

[poohandwendy]

Oh, I wanted to add that our biggest challenge over the last year is to decide if we are DONE or if we want to add baby #3. How do you decide something of THAT magnitude?!?

Actually, in my personal experience, the third is a charm!

I look at it this way...the first is a major adjustment for obvious reasons...the second is a 'nuther major adjustment (juggling your time between 2 kids with different needs)

the third really is a breeze...just adding to the chaos, LOL

truly, the third is the easiest, IMO

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally posted by olena
No furbabies either....

I'm sounding more and more pitiful....

actually, you are sounding more and more like someone who has clean carpet...and nice furniture, can I move in....?

 

[kejoda]

Originally posted by DonnaS
If I may speak for katerkat and myself. People may wonder why we post on these threads. For me (and I'm assuming katerkat) it is so that people can see that all childless cat people aren't like some...

I would never confuse you two! LOL

Our hardest decsion is whether or not to add another. We have 3 and yes the third is easier, he would be A LOT easier if he wasn't such a runner where ever we are.

Becka there never is a best time to have another child let alone any child, you have one because thats what you want to do or what GOD (or nature) wants you too.

 

[Jeafl]

I'm with poohandwendy--the third is BY FAR the easiest.

Having said that, there is almost 4 years between my oldest DD and my DS, and almost 3 years between DS and younger DD. For us, I would never do that again. They have nothing in common, they are all in different stages of their lives and none of them play together. It is like having three "only" children. I think if the younger two were of the same sex, it may have been different. And yes, they fight WORSE than cats and dogs.

My best friend had 3 kids in 4 years and they are all in high school now. They have always played together, and are all very close. The oldest is a boy and he really looks out for his sisters. It was rough when they were babies, and it will be rough when they are all in college, but they are a very closeknit family.

So, in conclusion, there is never a perfect time to have kids, and there is no perfect spacing of kids. Whatever happens, happens, and you always make it work!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Our boys are 22 months apart.... with the first born 10 months after we were married!

We wanted to do the diaper stage once and then be done with it forever. (Or at least until grandkids come along!!)

 

[poohandwendy]

Having said that, there is almost 4 years between my oldest DD and my DS, and almost 3 years between DS and younger DD. For us, I would never do that again. They have nothing in common, they are all in different stages of their lives and none of them play together. It is like having three "only" children. I think if the younger two were of the same sex, it may have been different. And yes, they fight WORSE than cats and dogs.

I am wondering how old they are? Mine are roghly the same age differences (and sex order)...DD- 3 years- DS- 4 years- DD. It was as you describe when they were younger, but I find it is getting better as they mature. The eldest 2 are starting to be friends (or should I say 'partners in crime'...) and the youngest daughter is becoming closer to my eldest daughter (like a mother hen type of thing)...

 

[becka]

LOL! A few of you are just too funny! LOL!

 

[Jeafl]

Poohandwendy, my oldest just turned 14, my son is 10 and my daughter is 7.

 

[poohandwendy]

Poohandwendy, my oldest just turned 14, my son is 10 and my daughter is 7.

Give it time then...I am guessing the eldest can't stand anyone right now...she is probably in the midst of 'hormone hell', your son is caught in the middle of a hormonal sister and an annoying pain-in-the-rear 'baby' sister...I'll guess the older 2 are the ones who cause the most grief right now...at least that's how it went for us...

It should get better in the next few years..when they can ignore each other (when necessary) instead of taking all frustration out on the ones lower in the pecking order...

Also, when the eldest starts to drive...possibly, the middle one will find a new found comrade....

 

[poohandwendy]

But on the other hand....maybe I am the one who is getting better at ignoring it!!!!!

 

[disykat]

My kids are 2 1/2 years apart. I wanted them to be 1 1/2 years apart but it took me a year to get pregnant. I'm of the "get it all over with" mindset. My kids are in school now and it would be really hard to think about starting over again with middle of the night feedings etc. If I were younger I might feel differently.

I was born on my brother's 3rd birthday and my sister is in between us. I loved having siblings close in age so that's what I thought in terms of.

 

[olena]

Kinda weird. DH has a brother who is 7 years older. They aren't close at all. They don't hate each other or anything....they're just not close. My MIL says she had 2 'only' children. She says the reason is the age difference. That makes no sense to me, since my brother is 6 years younger than me and we're very close. Then again, we've been mistaken for twins...

 

[Steve H.]

Originally posted by olena
Kinda weird. DH has a brother who is 7 years older. They aren't close at all. They don't hate each other or anything....they're just not close.

Sounds like me and my "little" brother ("little" in quotes, since he's 3-4 inches taller than me ). We're not very close, never really have been. Most of that, I have to assume, is due to age difference.

DW and I were originally planning on around a 3 year difference between DS and child #2, but now our decision has been (sort of) made for us. We'll begin trying for #2 as soon as DW gets the "all clear" diagnosis from her doctors. Seeing how DS turns 3 in a couple months, it'll obviously be a little more than that at this point.

 

[caitycaity]

i think it just depeneds on the kids, as far as how they will get along, not their ages.

my sister and i are almost 4 years apart (we are 4 years apart in school). she and i are VERY different people. we used to fight A LOT when we were younger, actually, up until i went to college. now we don't fight really, but we are not especially close.

i know plenty of other people who are 1 1/2 years apart who are the same way, and people who are 4 years apart that are close. i think it depends more on their personality type than their ages. jmho.

and olena, like you, i have no furbabies or human babies, but hope to some day (both, LOL!)

 

[poohandwendy]

We'll begin trying for #2 as soon as DW gets the "all clear" diagnosis from her doctors.

Sounds great...on both accounts!!! I will be looking forward to those threads soon!

 

[cgcw]

There are 5.4 years between my two DS's. It wasn't planned that way but sometimes life decides what is to be. They are very different emotionally as well as physical development but that doesn't stop them from being brothers. My older DS looks out for his younger brother and no body better ever mess with him. Yes, they fight, especially when DS3 thinks DS8's friends are his friends too. It's difficult because they do have different levels of rights and guidelines (DS8 can cross street, DS3 can't. DS8 gets to sleep over at friends, DS3 want to go with but can't, on and on we go). I hope the bond that makes them brothers will always be there and be VERY strong. This is my biggest challenge/wish for their upbringing.

I come from a family of 6. We span 19 years from oldest to youngest. There are absolutely no family ties between us besides our parents. We see each other a couple of times a year at different family gathering but in a pinch, I know I could never depend on them to help me out of a tough spot. It's very sad and a very lonely feeling but I attribute it more to my parents than to the age difference between us.

 

[Steve H.]

Good points, caity -- and it's true in my case as well with my brother. We are completely different people in many ways, besides just age. He's the artistic, free-spirited type and I'm the business-like, down-to-earth (some might say boring ) type.

 

[Kitty 34]

I'm 5 years older than my sister but we've always been the best of friends, even when I was 8 and she was only 3.


My two younger boys are two years apart and even tho they fight a lot, I've enjoyed them being this close.....especially as far as interests are concerned.

 

[KimR]

I have 3 kids and the age differences are 5 1/2 years between the first two and 3 1/2 years between the last two. I tend to agree with caity, it really depends upon the temperament and personality of the children. If I had had my 2nd while I also had a very young child who still required a lot of my time, I think I would have gone start raving mad (my 2nd was VERY high maintenance). My 3rd baby, though was very easy going so I could easily balance her needs with my still-demanding 3-year-old. I don't think there is a 'right time'...just go with your intincts...it'll all work out. Personally, though, I knew I never wanted mine any closer than 3 years apart. They are still too demanding and high-maintenance at that age, no matter what the temperament. Also, I never understood the 'get it over at once' mentality? Why even have kids at all, then???

Kim