When To Have A Second (Or Third, Fourth, etc) Baby?

[becka]

DH and I have started discussing having another baby sometime in the next decade! One thing I can see already is that it seems there is never going to be the "perfect time" to have another baby much in the same way we felt about having our first. When we got pregnant it became the perfect time.

I want to lose some more weight first so that means at least 1 more year and have then 3 years apart instead of 2 years. Well then I keep thinking about the double daycare expenses for several years and how expensive that will be so maybe we should wait until DS is in school but then what if that is too big of an age difference, etc? Well then what about if we decide we want more than 2? I am not getting any younger, etc, etc.? What if we decide to move in another 4 years (a possibility for us)? Aaarrrgghhh! I drive myself crazy!

Do I just overthink this stuff or is everyone else like this as well? How do you know what is right for you and your family? Will I just "know" when it is right or should I pray for another divine intervention to decide the best time like with DS?

 

[DonnaS]

First-- wait until your back feels better. LOL

I once knew a women who meticulously planned everything and all of her research said that it was best to space children 3 years apart. She now has 3 children spaced nearly exactly 3 years apart.

That's all I know-- I have cats.

Oh, my mother had 6 kids over a span of almost 21 years. Her mother had 5 kids over 10 years. My mom said she thought it was better to "get it over with" rather than be in PTA your entire life. LOL

 

[JohnTBap]

Somebody once told me that if I waited for the right time to have kids, I would never have kids. I have to agree with that. There will always be something.

Best of luck.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

I don't think there is a text book "right time". For me 3 1/2 years was my ideal time, for my DH 5 years was his ideal time....God said 3 years 4 months!! No planning on our part!

My thinking was get one potty trained and able to help take care of himself then have another. And they were three years apart in school...which they seemed to really appreciate in high school.

It all depends on what you think you are capable of handling!!

Good luck with your decision and I do agree get that back in shape first!!! It is very important in the long run (I didn't take that advice and now I am paying for it).

 

[trayletha]

My main thing was not wanting two in college at the same time - so at least 4 years between, course DD is still an only at 4 and a half. And when grandma asked her what she thought of mommy having another baby she said:

"Mommy had a baby and her name is Hannah C--, and now she is a big girl."

Then grandma said what if mommy wants a baby? to which DD replied - "she can have one of mine".

That kid knows she's got a good deal (she's the only-only, no sibs and no cousins).

 

[browneyes]

I wanted to have my kids back to back, but their dad wasn't as cooperative. They're 39 months apart and fight like cats and dogs. But I have a dd and and ds, they'd probably fight like that no matter how close or far their ages are.

JTB, I heard that too. I have to agree with that.

 

[olena]

I'd just love to have one.

 

[poohandwendy]

When you stop caring about whether your birth control method is working perfecly, usually you are in the market (emotionally) for another child.....

hopefully your husband is on the same page, LOL.

Mine are 16, 13, and 9. The criteria for us was :

-We wanted them close enough to be able to relate to each other (ie fight like animals, LOL...jk sort of).
-I started young (20), so I wanted to be done by 30.
-We wanted to only have 1 in diapers at a time (not a super-imporant thing, but definitely something we considered).
-To be financially ready to 'add on'

It all worked out well for us, I bet you will know when it is time....

 

[CamColt]

You have to do what works best for you.

I wanted mine about 2 years apart. Due to infertility, which I never expected with my second, they ended up being 3 years and 1 month apart. If I had to do it all over again I would start trying ASAP after the first. Not only because I had trouble getting pregnant the second time, but I think being closer in age makes it easier. Mine always seem to be at such different stages that it makes it difficult on me. Im always being pulled in 2 different directions. For example when my oldest was at a point where he could sit down and play a game with me, all the youngest wanted to do was walk all over the board and mess it up on us. Then Id always feel like I was neglecting one or the other. I think if they are at a close level, it would be easier to entertain both at once.

But as always, whats right for 1 person isnt right for everyone.
God luck deciding, Becka!

 

[katerkat]

I like both of my sisters -- one is 20 months older, one is 2.5 years younger. We fought a lot, but we are also very close -- even closer now that us older gals have graduated and Chris is in college.
DH and his sister are also 2 years apart. Personally, I'd like to have mine 2-2.5 years apart.

But, like Donna said -- what do I know? I have cats! (Oh, Tycho is about 6 months to a year older than Wedge....)

 

[helenabear]

I've heard the same thing as JTB & browneyes. I don't have kids but I can see how it is true.

{{{HUGS}}} to you Heather

 

[olena]

No worries, y'all...

There aren't many kid threads I can really post on. I would love to have a child someday....

 

[poohandwendy]

(Oh, Tycho is about 6 months to a year older than Wedge....)

That must be tough {{{HUGS}}},LOL

 

[Minnie824]

DH and I originally planned to have kids 2 years apart....until our DD came around and we realized how much work it was. After she was about a year old and was sleeping good, we started thinking about it, but now she's 20 months and very shortly we're going to start trying for #2. So they'll be at least 2 1/2 years apart.

A friend of mine, who hasn't had kids yet, says she wants them one year apart. And although I'm sure people can do that, I personally wouldn't be able to. I'm going to remind her of that when her first child is 3 months old. Good luck with your decision.

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
That must be tough {{{HUGS}}},LOL

Random sidenote, my neighbors adopted a boy and a girl, the girl first, then the boy. Their son is older than their daughter by about four months. Confuses the heck out of people.

 

[bambii]

21 (a stepdaughter) and two boys ages 10 and almost 5. my step daughters kids are going to be 6 years apart.

it depends on what works best for you and your Dh

 

[bambii]

21 (a stepdaughter) and two boys ages 10 and almost 5. my step daughters kids are going to be 6 years apart.

it depends on what works best for you and your Dh

 

[DonnaS]

If I may speak for katerkat and myself. People may wonder why we post on these threads. For me (and I'm assuming katerkat) it is so that people can see that all childless cat people aren't like some...

 

[peg2001]

I am one of those annoying people who ponder and research everything. I, too, read some very convincing books that it is better for the child and parent to have a gap of 3 years between kids. This lets the baby be a baby for 3 full years and hopefully by then, they are not as demanding and can do at least some things for themselves. Plus, they are old enough for preschool.

That said, my kids are 3-years and 2 months apart. They are close enough in age to play very well together AND to fight like cats and dogs. Oh well.

Peggy

Oh, I wanted to add that our biggest challenge over the last year is to decide if we are DONE or if we want to add baby #3. How do you decide something of THAT magnitude?!?

 

[poohandwendy]

Originally posted by DonnaS
If I may speak for katerkat and myself. People may wonder why we post on these threads. For me (and I'm assuming katerkat) it is so that people can see that all childless cat people aren't like some...

ROFLMAO...no need to explain...but thanks for the chuckle