When teens are GF and BF.........

[Beth76]

I would have to agree with sunee. The kid sounds like a looser.

I didn't see anything the OP posted that would indicate that this guy is a loser.

This statement is just ridiculous. Don't have time to get into now because I an off to WORK.

It's not. It's a fact. You believe the boy should pay for your daughter because he's a boy. That's sexism; plain and simple. I'm not the only to think so either.

 

[pearlieq]

As far as I know male genitalia does not grow money on it.

Well said!

 

[RadioNate]

Well it is pretty sad when her birthday came and he didn't even give her a card.

Not getting her a card for her birthday is MUCH different that not paying for every date. I agree he should have got her a card/something but you didn't post that before. You posted that you fought with your DD because he didn't always pay her way. You also posted that you were upset that he bought himself stuff with his parents money. Money you thought should be going to your DD.

To me they are two separate issues and it sounds like you have more problems with this boy than the fact that he doesn't pay your DDs way. The thread was about him always paying for her, not him treating her poorly. I don't agree with boys always footing the bill on dates but I also don't agree with boys treating their girlfriends poorly.

 

[pearlieq]

It's not. It's a fact. You believe the boy should pay for your daughter because he's a boy. That's sexism; plain and simple. I'm not the only to think so either.

I don't get how the OP could be arguing whether or not it's sexist either. That much is obvious.

She could argue until she's blue in the face (fingers?) that the sexism is justified, but I can't see how you could make a case for it not being sexist in the first place.

 

[shirleyb]

I didn't see anything the OP posted that would indicate that this guy is a loser.

It's not. It's a fact. You believe the boy should pay for your daughter because he's a boy. That's sexism; plain and simple. I'm not the only to think so either.

Actually, it's even worse because she thinks his parents should pay for her daughter, since the boy doesn't have a job. For all she knows, the parents might not want him to work, it might not be an indication that he's lazy.

 

[shelemm]

I think it's healthier that the kids go out on an equal basis. This way your DD isn't made to feel like she owes her companion anything. In fact, some girls use their feelings about this (being dominated, grateful, etc) as a springboard for expressing themselves physically toward their BF/ date. I'm not saying it is quid pro quo, but there is a psychology to it.

 

[powellrj]

I can't believe all the women who expected high school dates to pay for their dates.

I started dating in 1975 and I always offered to pay my share and most times did. The only times I didn't was when it was a special occasion or if he was older and had a job.

I would never have expected a high school boy to pay. Heck, I can even remember chipping in for gas money at times and this is when gas was .30 a gallon!

While my DD is too young to date, she will also have money and be expected to pay her share.

Truthfully, if my DSs were dating a girl who expected us to pick up the tab for their dates, they won't be dating her long because my budget doesn't allow for that. I have enough to pay for without picking up the tab for a date while he is still in school.

 

[MareQ]

should the BF pay when they go out somewhere or should they each pay their own way. DD 16 went out to a show tonight with her boyfriend and she paid for her own ticket. It was only $9.00. I thought the BF should have paid for it, he didn't even offer. She doesn't think it is a big deal, of course this discussion turned into a big argument between her and I. I don't expect the BF to pay all the time, but I do think he should pay most of the time. So what does everyone else think?

I completely disagree. They're TEENS - it's not like this kid is rolling in money. Why should a teenager pay every single time or most of the time when he goes out with his girlfriend? There's just no reason why they can't take turns paying or they pay their own way.

 

[MareQ]

Well it mainly turned into an argument because of the attitude she had while I was talking to her.

I guess I feel this way because I never paid when I went on a date. And I guess it bugs me because this kid doesn't even have a job, but he drives and his parents pay his insurance and gas for him. Also he isn't cheap with himself. His Mom will give him money and he goes out and buys $90 sneakers all the time like it is nothing yet he couldn't buy the $9.00 ticket for her.

So what? I grew up in a very wealthy family. I drove a brand new convertible my Junior Year of High School. For my Senior year - I got another new convertible. All paid for by my parents lock stock and barrel. I had no job either - I got my spending money via my allowance and extra chores around the house. My boyfriend drove a 15 year old Buick and flipped burgers at McDonalds for minimum wage.

Do you think I expected him to pay for me??? NOPE. I paid for myself - he paid for himself.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I think it's very old fashioned that they boy always pays. I know I never expected my high school boyfriends to pay for everything, and we took turns a lot. Now DF is a different story, every time we go out I always offer to pay, and he always says "next time you can." That never happens. We've been together two years, and I've never paid, not once. Now DF has plenty of money, so I don't worry about it, but I still offer, even though I know he'll refuse. But for the first few months we were dating I had no idea what his financial situation was, and I felt guilty that he was always paying for everything.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Actually, it's even worse because she thinks his parents should pay for her daughter, since the boy doesn't have a job. For all she knows, the parents might not want him to work, it might not be an indication that he's lazy.

I agree. There could be a lot of reasons the parents may not want their child to work, maybe it's school or he already has extra activities like sports or something.

 

[Keli]

Hum, I know I'm old fashioned in lots of ways so it comes as no surprise that I do think the guy should be the one asking for the date and therefore paying for the date.
But once they have dated a few times and they are a 'couple' then it's different IMHO. Because then they are both suggesting places to go and also I guess, because it is unrealistic to expect the guy to pay 100% of the financial costs for their entertainment for however long they date.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i dated a guy in high school for about 2 years ..i babysat alot and he didnt have money alot of the time, due to family and sports committments..so i paid for my share at least..or we would split things--i would pay for movies, he'd pay for popcorn and drinks...

 

[kinntj]

I'm also in the group that think that your DD should pay for her part. In high school I think it's normal to go dutch. Once you're in college, things can still be the same, but you get more of the guys paying your way if they have a job. At least that's how it worked for me. I would always carry money and offer to pay my half. Sometimes, they would decline my money and pay for everything and other times they would accept it.

To tell you the truth alot of the times in high school our dates would include driving to the park and walk around and talk. Just not alot of money floating around when you're young.

 

[transparant]

I have 2 boys that are of dating age. My almost 16 yr. old has had the same girlfriend for 7 months and my almost 17 yr. old has had the same girlfriend for almost 9 months.

My 16 yr. old insists on paying - thats just the way he is. I guess he's a young kid with old fashioned values. Now my 17 yr. old is totally different - him and his girlfriend will split it most of the time.

 

[Liberty Belle]

My son (14) always pays when he takes his girlfriend out. I would say generally both kids should pay, but he's okay with his situation and I love his girlfriend, so I don't mind and don't say anything about it.

 

[Imzadi]

It makes no more sense than one's genitalia determining what job one can have.

Well, some men only think with their genitalia.

 

[Kath2003]

Well, some men only think with their genitalia.

So do plenty of women

 

[vetrik]

I think it makes sense for teenagers to go dutch most of the time after they become a couple.

My high school boyfriend was a true loser (a very nice boy, but one of the most unmotivated people I've ever met). We dated for 3 1/2 years - he never had a job, never got his driver's license, barely graduated from high school. He ended up joining the Army and dumping me. During that time, I worked 2-3 jobs, paid for EVERYTHING, drove him around everwhere he needed to be, graduated from high school 9th in my class, etc. It was such a nice change when I started dating now DH - he drove and paid the first few dates, then we always took turns depending on who had more money, etc. It worked for us.

 

[scrump]

I agree with the daughter. DUTCH.