When teens are GF and BF.........

[noseybuddy]

should the BF pay when they go out somewhere or should they each pay their own way. DD 16 went out to a show tonight with her boyfriend and she paid for her own ticket. It was only $9.00. I thought the BF should have paid for it, he didn't even offer. She doesn't think it is a big deal, of course this discussion turned into a big argument between her and I. I don't expect the BF to pay all the time, but I do think he should pay most of the time. So what does everyone else think?

 

[pearlieq]

I don't see why there should be the expectation that a teen boy pay for most dates. Aside from the first date (I'm a traditionalist that way) they're probably better off each paying their own way. It's not like most teens have money to throw around.

If she's OK with it, what's the big deal? Why would this cause a fight?

 

[mattsdragon]

That's why I had a job when I was a teenager.

I still always pay and I'm married now.

Any comments about the guys always paying for something?

 

[noseybuddy]

Well it mainly turned into an argument because of the attitude she had while I was talking to her.

I guess I feel this way because I never paid when I went on a date. And I guess it bugs me because this kid doesn't even have a job, but he drives and his parents pay his insurance and gas for him. Also he isn't cheap with himself. His Mom will give him money and he goes out and buys $90 sneakers all the time like it is nothing yet he couldn't buy the $9.00 ticket for her.

 

[famofsix]

I'm not a guy but one guy I dated when I was a teenager would not take money. No problem. But when we broke up I had to hear about how ungrateful I was and that he was "forced" to pay for everything.


DH and I treated each other when we dated but I am sure he paid out more money than me.

 

[Nagle]

I don't expect the BF to pay all the time, but I do think he should pay most of the time. So what does everyone else think?

Why would you expect the boy to pay most of the time? Taking turns buying the tickets or splitting the cost is fair in my opinion.

John

 

[sunee]

I think the guy should pay. I know I'm in the minority.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I don't think it should be expected. It's nice, but shouldn't be expected. Remember: They are both only kids. They are learning about relationships and how all of this works. I understand what you are sayin'...but they are just learnin'.
One thing I would try and stay away from though, is arguing with your dd about things like this. Save it for when she really rubs ya the wrong way, or these teenage years are going to be VERY difficult.

 

[noseybuddy]

Why would you expect the boy to pay most of the time? Taking turns buying the tickets or splitting the cost is fair in my opinion.

John

It's in post #4.

 

[sunee]

...it bugs me because this kid doesn't even have a job, but he drives and his parents pay his insurance and gas for him. Also he isn't cheap with himself. His Mom will give him money and he goes out and buys $90 sneakers all the time like it is nothing...

None of that is any of your business. But the fact that this young man is discussing private family finances with others makes me think he isn't the kind of guy I'd want DD dating.

 

[BuckNaked]

I don't see why the boy should always pay, and I fail to see how his parents giving him money or how he spends it has anything at all to do with it.

 

[Hedy]

I say dutch. Honestly, it bugs me when my peers expect their bf's to pay for them, it seems old fashioned.

 

[trappednabox]

I guess I'm just old fashioned and think the guy should pay most of the time. Every guy i've ever gone out with has paid even when I offer,or try to pay for something, maybe i'm just spoiled or lucky

 

[pearlieq]

I guess for me the difference is that they're just kids. I wouldn't expect a teen boy to be able to treat a girl to lots of dates--most kids are paying for a car or college and the like.

It doesn't sound like that's the case in this scenario, but I still can't quite get myself to expect that a boy should pay every single time just because he's a boy. It doesn't seem fair.

For the record, DH paid for about 90% of our dates, but he was in his 20's and had a job that paid at least 5x what I made while I was still in college. I still tried to pay every once in a while, just to make the gesture.

 

[noseybuddy]

I don't see why the boy should always pay, and I fail to see how his parents giving him money or how he spends it has anything at all to do with it.

Because if I were him, and my parents gave me that much money, didn't work, had a girlfriend I would at least save some of the money to take her out on a date. This is how I feel. But he is a kid, putting himself first.

 

[BuckNaked]

Because if I were him, and my parents gave me that much money, didn't work, had a girlfriend I would at least save some of the money to take her out on a date. This is how I feel. But he is a kid, putting himself first.

How I feel is that if it doesn't bother your DD, I don't see why it should bother you. I just don't see it as that big a deal.

 

[4greatboys]

My son pays sometimes and other times they each pay for their own.

 

[ticktock]

I think the guy should pay. I know I'm in the minority.

 

[pigletliz]

My daughter always tries to pay her own way. She paid for their Winter Formal tickets and he paid for their prom tickets. He would prefer to pay for everything, but she won't allow it.

 

[Imzadi]

It has been my experience as well as other women I know, (and some women on Oprah,) that when a man pays that much of the time, some often expect something in return.

It is better that your DD learn to stand on equal footing, sharing equally, and find someone who will have the generosity to treat sometimes, while she treats sometimes herself. Then she won't feel she's being bought and feel she needs to make a payment of some kind, that she does not want to do.