When spouses butt heads over spending

[Tiger926]

I think it's terrible that a previous poster said I am fishing for a Christmas handout. I would never do that and it didn't even come into my mind. I think that is pretty nervy of you to insinuate (sp) that. We pay our bills and I did not ask for advice how to. I only asked in my original post if anyone else has money disagreements with their spouse. I do not have to answer any questions that I do not want to. I did not ask for advice.

You asked if anyone had money agreements with their spouse, so were you looking for only a yes/no answer? Of course people have money agreements with their spouses, and so in discussing those issues, it is necessary to talk about finances, priorities, savings, etc.

Why do you want to know about our financial issues, yet you don't want to divulge any of your own? You told us that a school trip is in question, and you and hubby are disagreeing about whether it should be funded or not. How can we give you our opinions on that, without providing pertinent info about the trip, how much it costs, your financial situation, etc.?

And, you are right...you don't have to answer any questions that you don't want to, but why not? Not a fair discussion, if you ask me.

I really don't see the purpose to this thread at all, if you weren't asking our advice in helping you solve this money dilemma.

Best of luck in your decision, Tiger

 

[rachel09985]

I am going to disagree with this. If they truly can't afford the trip, and her daughter were to despise her for years, then she has major issues. You say it would have ruined your relationship with your mother if she didn't let you go on a class trip. Really? That is a very selfish and immature attitude to take. I never got to go on any class trips, and I can surely tell you that it didn't have any bearing on our relationship. My parents made the best decision at that time, taking into consideration our finances and my young age of 12 when I was in grade 8, and for highschool, again I was young in grade 12, so no class trip either. No big deal, as I was mature enough to understand their reasonings. We need to provide food and shelter to our kids, and not a grade 8 trip.

Maybe I was selfish at the time. At that age I was 14 year old years old, 12 is a very young age for 8th grade! I can tell you friends were very important to me at that age and I would be very upset if I wasn't able to go on a trip. Maybe I was exaggerating when I said years, but I would have been very mad for a long time!

There are things I won't understand because I am not a parent, but I don't think you should deprive your child of memories, especially when it is only $350. And I know that amount is relative to different people.

What if the OP took on a job for the holidays? Many places are hiring so you could a few shifts a week during the holidays to come up with some extra cash. Or do you know any kids that your daughter could babysit?

Do you have any things sitting around that you won't use? Maybe a trip to Plato's Closet. Do you have any old DVDs/CD/s that you can take to a secondhand electronic stores? Or used books to half priced books? Anything that you can sell on Craig'st List??

 

[wishesuponastar]

I am not asking for anyone's financial information. I think it was just helping me to vent somewhere. I'm sorry that I did. I really was not looking for anyone to help us solve this disagreement.

 

[momx2]

I am not asking for anyone's financial information. I think it was just helping me to vent somewhere. I'm sorry that I did. I really was not looking for anyone to help us solve this disagreement.

But you did ask for help with the disagreement...

Did you want us to comment on the 8th grade trip, too? Or is that just background noise? Because I'll keep my opinion to myself unless you're looking for people to weigh in on that subject.

Because after Marionnette asked this...

Oh yes, comment on the trip please! I don't like it one bit they planned this in this economy

You answered this.....

You did ask for our opinion on the trip. You just didn't get the opinions you wanted to get. I feel very sorry for your DD and the other 10% that are not getting to go on this trip.

 

[Colleen27]

We really have no idea what financial debt OP is carrying, as she refuses to provide important details, so this whole thread is moot, IMHO.

I agree. Charging a toilet and raiding the change jar don't really add up with the initial information she shared (husband wants to pay less on the credit cards which to me suggests that they're paying more than minimum, having that gym membership), and without knowing which is the more accurate perception there's no way to offer a meaningful answer or advice.

 

[disney1990]

The end of year trip is still 6 months away. That is $58 a month. I think you should reach for the goal and send her on her 8th grade trip.

 

[greenpea89]

Yes, we did buy her Uggs that she has been wanting forever and we promised them for her only Christmas gift. Then we got the school letter about the 8th grade trip. She wore the Uggs so can't take them back.

I do not have final say over my DH's gym membership, sorry if I made it seem that way. I just want him to know that it's important to keep it for his health, he wants to lose weight and it shouldn't be something that we take away just so DD can go on a trip.

I agree with a pp that didn't go on a trip and I was one of those kids too who was left behind and I turned out ok. Looking forward for the next year we have many bills coming up like house repairs, our family vacation and this 8th grade trip is not a requirement for DD's life experience to be complete.

I'm not sure if your intent was to imply that one of your upcoming expenses is a family vacation or if the family vacation is one of the things that 'is not a requirement for DD's life experience". If you are planning a family vacation maybe that's an expense that can be lowered or eliminated entirely from your budget to help pay for your daughter's trip and/or your cc bills. If you've cancelled it already then kudos to you for working to keep your budget on track. Having said that, I agree with others here that if it's at all possible, and it sounds like it is, then personally I would do everything in my power to rearrange my spending to allow her to go on the trip.

 

[LindyN]

Neither of my kids went on their 8th grade field trip, and it wasn't because of money: It was because of the general lack of supervision and what they wouldn't get out of it.

We looked at the 8th grade trip to DC as it was: 14 hours each way on a bus, sharing a hotel room with 4 or 5 to a room, and being blasted through the highlights of DC, and three days later another 14 hour bus ride. Oh, and there would be 4 teachers and a handful of parents and food would be mostly from fastfood restaurants.

My kids decided if they were going to go to DC that they wanted to actually stop and look at exhibits. They also knew that if we added a few hundred more dollars to this quick DC experience they could have a cruise, or a trip to WDW. They picked the longer trip with the family.

If money were one of my concerns or I had a bill coming up a trip would be the first thing to go. A life lesson that we all need to learn is that we don't always get what we want, when we want it.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I get the impression that you might not want her to go for whatever reason with the money only being part of that. My oldest dd was raised by me alone and I still managed to send her on her 5th (Chicago) and 8th (DC) grade trips as well as Disney in 10th and 12th grades with band and to NY with the choir in 11th grade. I didn't build any debt in doing so. I'm guessing you've known about this for a while and you choose to not save. But yet you mention a family vacation next year. Maybe it's time to not take that vacation and let your dd do something she can't do later on - that vacation can be taken the next year or even the year after that.

And as for your younger child not being able to go on the trip when she gets there because your oldest didn't, well that's just not right. Children are individuals not just a family unit.

 

[indimom]

Okay, OP, you changed my mind about the trip...

If you have to finance a Lowe's toilet and are concerned about paying it off in six months, then I don't think you have the money for the trip... OR for a gym membership... or Uggs. I'm sorry to have to be blunt.

From the initial post, I was looking at the debt as being more "manageable." The typical "we got a little over our head," but we are paying it down steadily and still meeting our day-to-day needs type of debt. And you were debating the addition of an unnecessary "extra." I could see the debate/discussion value in that.

With that idea in mind, my opinion was that the trip should/could still be possible with some sacrifice on your husbands part.

What you are talking about when you have to finance a toilet, when you are not sure if you can pay it off in six months, is a whole other beast, IMO. Get some books on financial management, have lots of heart to heart discussions with the entire family. You can be in a better place if you are all on board. Good Luck.

 

[Disney-Chick]

I had responded to this post at the beginning. I agree that everyone is trying to help the OP in finding ways to help send DD on the trip as most feel that this is a great experience. I know how hard it is when your child wants something (uggs) and you want to make her happy. I also know from experience of debt before meeting my DH. I was a single mother when my daughter was 2 & I met DH when she was 8. I was in so much debt that I couldn't answer my phone because it was bill collectors. I always joked that they were my only friends. I remember when I did answer by accident and they would ask for me, I would say she wasn't home My older sister would have to buy me bra's because I could barely support myself That was a stressful time. So having to finance a toilet is understandable if you do not have the money. This also brings us to the uggs & trip. If you are unable to afford this as you stated, I would fundraise all money (if you daughter is very much wanting this trip). But you really need to have a plan on paying all bills back. Lucky for me I moved in with my parents when my daughter was 6 and was only suppose to stay a couple of months, 2 years later I was still there until DH came and rescued them lol. It will get better you just have to keep working hard and paying the bills. Good luck.

 

[gracie1]

I'm still stuck on the fact that you would take the $150 for uggs when you needed a toilet

 

[Kay1]

I'm still stuck on the fact that you would take the $150 for uggs when you needed a toilet

Yes, I'm afraid a lot of people on this thread are having a hard time wrapping our minds around spending so much on a pair of boots - ever, no matter the economy.

Still, I wish you the very best, OP, and hope you and DH can come to an agreement.

 

[eliza61]

Yes, I'm afraid a lot of people on this thread are having a hard time wrapping our minds around spending so much on a pair of boots - ever, no matter the economy.

Still, I wish you the very best, OP, and hope you and DH can come to an agreement.

I like to think that every one has their vice. LOL. that one thing that for whatever reason we love and are willing to pay waaaay too much for.

Many folks don't understand why we spend so much money at disney.

For me it's handbags. don't know why but a great hand bag sings to me. My next door neighbor loves to bake and just brought a super fancy range for 10,000 bucks. My husband like many guys loves tools. If he had his way he'd think nothing of dropping $500 bucks on a new dewalt drill.

 

[Marionnette]

Yes, I'm afraid a lot of people on this thread are having a hard time wrapping our minds around spending so much on a pair of boots - ever, no matter the economy.

Still, I wish you the very best, OP, and hope you and DH can come to an agreement.

I don't have a problem wrapping my head around spending $180 on boots (see OP's post here http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?p=43226944#post43226944 ). Heck, I spent almost $300 on a Michael Kors bag for my daughter last Christmas!

I just have a problem wrapping my head around financing a toilet (a need) but paying cash for overpriced boots for a teenager (definite luxury). Especially when the OP seems to be living paycheck to paycheck. Even going to the extreme of wondering how to save a failed pasta salad by rinsing off the macaroni. ( http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=281577 )
If money is that tight, you don't spend $$$ on a kids' boots.

 

[halleous]

I have been reading this thread and thought i would share my thoughts...an 8th grade trip sounds something that the majority of US students go through, living in the UK i didnt have anything like this however i did go skiing age 15 but i digress.
My thoughts are let DD go it does sound kinda major...but i do not understand a family putting a toilet on credit (finance) then going out buying UGGs even if it was an xmas pressie. Surely ppl need to think of their priorities before setting an xmas budget.
That is just my opinion although i do seem to be echoing a lot of people here xx

 

[hopemax]

I'm still stuck on the fact that you would take the $150 for uggs when you needed a toilet

That kind of disconnect, combined with the boots not being returnable because they've already been worn, makes me wonder if this is one of those threads we were warned about.

 

[gracie1]

I like to think that every one has their vice. LOL. that one thing that for whatever reason we love and are willing to pay waaaay too much for.

Many folks don't understand why we spend so much money at disney.

For me it's handbags. don't know why but a great hand bag sings to me. My next door neighbor loves to bake and just brought a super fancy range for 10,000 bucks. My husband like many guys loves tools. If he had his way he'd think nothing of dropping $500 bucks on a new dewalt drill.

I also have an addiction to very expensive handbags, however, I would buy the toilet before the handbag if I were in need of a toilet. You have to know what the priorities are. I decided to spend money on fixing the seal on my dishwasher and staining my deck instead of buying a handbag I was in love with.

 

[CAFarmerGirl]

I don't have a problem wrapping my head around spending $180 on boots (see OP's post here http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?p=43226944#post43226944 ). Heck, I spent almost $300 on a Michael Kors bag for my daughter last Christmas!

I just have a problem wrapping my head around financing a toilet (a need) but paying cash for overpriced boots for a teenager (definite luxury). Especially when the OP seems to be living paycheck to paycheck. Even going to the extreme of wondering how to save a failed pasta salad by rinsing off the macaroni. ( http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=281577 )
If money is that tight, you don't spend $$$ on a kids' boots.

I can see spending money on kids regardless of money issues. We have been in some really tight spots, financially, and I swear I spent more on the kids during those years. I refused to have them "pay" for my money problems. They "deserved" the best, whether or not I could afford it. Did my kids ever expect it? Nope. Was the thinking flawed? Yep. But, I get it.

However, I would be the one financing a tiolet, buying expensive boots for my kids (even if my shoes are all falling apart ) *and* sending my child on the trip.

 

[ilovemk76]

Does anybody remeber the "washing the pasta off" thread? Te OP did not have money for another box of pasta but had money for the boots.

Read the warning thread!!!!