If you have to put a toilet that's $100 or less on a credit card, you've got a lot bigger issue than whether or not your DD should be going on an 8th grade trip (that unless I've missed it, you still haven't said where the trip is to).
Until you wrote that and I reread, I thought the trip was to DC.
So all my answers are based on that assumption.
I agree that it won't hurt her but I think it will benefit her greatly in terms of things that can be bought for $350.
If it's DC we are talking about, I agree. Somewhere else, and I think it must be because of the almost nothing cost and the fact that 90% go, and I'd have to know more to really know how I felt about it.
Is this something new? Seems like a huge waste of money to me.
8th grade trips, especially to DC, have been traditional across the country since before I went. My year would have been '83 and it was long established at my school then!
OK...this is probably OT but I have to ask...what is with all of these school trips?
I was in 8th grade about 9 years ago and our 8th grade field trip was.....Busch Gardens in Williamsburg for the day (I went to school in Northern Virginia). The cost was included with fees at the beginning of the year.
Maybe it's because we did field trips into DC probably a dozen+ times during the year
But we never went to Philadelphia, Boston, NYC, etc.
The only out of state trips were for performances in high school. So band trips, choir trips, drama, etc. No class trips.
I know my cousin goes to the east coast every year from Cali but she is at a very very expensive private school so I just asumed that was why they do it.
Is this the norm everywhere these days?
There no these days about it.
My mom was born in '44 and had school trips from schenectady to NYC. I lived in the bay area and we had the 8th grade trip to DC in '83. And the OP's $350 wouldn't have covered half of my plane ticket (our current air rates are nothing compared to what could have been if inflation was part of the equation). But I certainly wasnt getting expensive shoes, ever, that's for sure! I'm still not sure how my mom afforded it...but she had been on class trips and felt it was worth being a priority.
But they do have some extra money. At least for gym memberships. Which the husband is willing to drop to help pay for this trip.
Exactly.
When you're saying you're in debt so badly that you have to swipe out of a change jar in order to pay for everyday things, you're in real trouble and it's time to cut the bullsh*t. DD received a pricey pair of boots for Christmas, and some people aren't willing to cut their Christmas budget - but if you're in such dire straits, that $150 should have gone to debt and the $350 for the trip should go to debt as well. If you weren't willing to cut your budget at all, then the $150 shoes should be IT.
....
I also came from a family that didn't have much, and I knew it. Therefore, I knew better than to ask for super-expensive items, as I understood that if Mom bought those items (which she sometimes would), it meant an extra shift at work for her and I wasn't willing to do that. One Christmas, we both had one gift under the tree (I believe I got a cd, and I bought her a tube of lipstick) - and it was one of the best Christmases I can remember. We baked cookies together, sang Christmas songs, watched Christmas movies, and decorated the whole house; I don't remember being the least bit disappointed.
Sounds like 1) you need to have a real discussion with your husband about your financial status; 2) you then need to have a family discussion with a clear plan as to how you're going to proceed; and 3) you need to put that plan in action. DD should not expect an expensive Christmas present AND a school trip; in my house, it would have been neither, though I'd have felt like a million bucks had I gotten either. DD just got a great gift, and DH needs to stay fit for many, many reasons.
....
(also, as a p.s., this is a GREAT lesson for DD on planning for the future. Maybe you could use this as a springboard for starting a savings account for her for the future?)
I do agree with a lot of what you say.
Only the couple knows if their trouble is with truly making ends meet after giving up everything, or if this is just a behavior thing.
My husband used to steal from the coin jar. It was a HUGE problem with us. But he felt deprived, so he took the money. I had to take measures to stop it. One, it turns out we don't do well with unmarked savings. Our savings has to be labeled for certain things. The coin jar wasn't FOR anything, so it had no purpose to him. Calling it the Tip Fund WORKED for us. [two, I had to write down all coins put in there and roll them as soon as possible]
We had to have years of long discussions to get to the much better, but still not perfect, place that we are in now. Years! Had to go into Dave Ramsey World (most excellent, and we haven't spent a dime to get his info) and have MORE long talks.
Tis isn't a fast topic to cover. Unfortunately, you have an almost immediate situation that needs attention.
Does your daughter miss out while you fix things, or is this the LAST time this happens? If the latter, while agreeing to spend the money, put plans of action into place, find the money leaks, plug them, etc etc etc,
Back when DH was stealing from the jar, we were making money that wasnt luxurious, but shouldn't have caused anyone to be stealing from savings. But we were. Repeatedly. We had major money leaks. And lots of emotional issues about money.....LOTS of them.
Just like the poster I'm quoting above, I was in a family where we all KNEW there were money problems. I might not have known everything, but I knew a lot, and I KNEW not to expect extravagance at Xmas, and I rarely got anything trendy like an ugg boot is. Duck boots from LL bean, sure...something that will last for decades and isn't trendy at all, yes.
So I think that its important to let your kids have a peek into the wallet, so to speak, so they understand how their wishes fit in.
DH and i still have long conversations about money and budgeting, and some of them are in front of, or involve, DS. We hope that he will emerge smarter, earlier, than we were.
People, the issue is not about my DD's Christmas present that we did save up for. The original question was about butting heads with your spouse over finances. The school trip is just one example where we disagree how to spend our money. We also had a toilet break on us, we have other toilets to use but this one is on the main floor so it would be nice to have so MIL can come over since it's hard for her to do stairs. We both agreed on this purchase but not the toilet choice. I gave in to DH's choice and we were lucky to get 6 months no interest from Lowe's. We sure want to pay that off in 6 months because the interest rate is 25%. Buying things is probably the cause of many disagreements in families.
I wrote a lot above that has less to do with the trip and more to do with the discussions.
I think you said that your husband is coming you to tell you you are out of money, and that's why that jar was used up. Is he doing the books entirely alone? I would urge you guys to do that together.
You feel that he is the spender...it's probably not the best idea to have him in charge of the money in that case. Oversight is a good idea. And you guys can't make plans if you aren't both involved in it.
My DH goofed two big times while I had my head in the sand, and after that I was put in charge and could finally enact the plans I couldn't get DH to agree to (the feelings of deprivation were too strong for him to put things into motion). I always try to get him involved, and he's fine hearing about it, but doesn't want to be totally involved down to looking at the books etc.
Anyway, maybe I'm blathering, but to me you have two things right now. This trip, and the future. Maybe this has been the big conflict you've needed to finally get on the same page.
Best of luck!
This!! I was getting ready to post the exact same thing. The OP only wants to respond to posters that agree with her other than the uggs. She will not post any trip details because...why??? Only a few posters have agreed with her so she won't tell us the rest of the story because she is probably afraid we will side with her DH more.
