When spouses butt heads over spending

[Styx Fan]

None of the people I know ever had "school trips" in their primary education, and we've all turned out just fine, thanks.

Is this something new? Seems like a huge waste of money to me. Especially when you're wasting money on designer shoes "because she really wanted them."

Perhaps a better grasp of your priorities is needed.

Well, I have turned out just great I think....despite missing my 7th grade trip. I also turned out just great having gone on my 8th grade trip. And I turned out pretty good despite some pretty crappy things going on during my teen years. The point isn't if you will turn out just fine with or without. As a parent, I choose to do many things for my kids that don't as a specific item affect their "outcome". But I want their overall childhood to be full of activities and experiences that will enhance their lives.

I am 48 years old, so i hardly think school trips are a new thing.

But I do agree that $150 shoes are a waste. They will be forgotten long before the benefits of a new experience.

 

[disfan07]

OK...this is probably OT but I have to ask...what is with all of these school trips?

I was in 8th grade about 9 years ago and our 8th grade field trip was.....Busch Gardens in Williamsburg for the day (I went to school in Northern Virginia). The cost was included with fees at the beginning of the year.

Maybe it's because we did field trips into DC probably a dozen+ times during the year But we never went to Philadelphia, Boston, NYC, etc.

The only out of state trips were for performances in high school. So band trips, choir trips, drama, etc. No class trips.

I know my cousin goes to the east coast every year from Cali but she is at a very very expensive private school so I just asumed that was why they do it.

Is this the norm everywhere these days?

 

[tasha99]

I would try to find a way to make it happen. Ten years from now, the UGGS won't be anything, but memories of her school trip will still have value.

OK...this is probably OT but I have to ask...what is with all of these school trips?

I was in 8th grade about 9 years ago and our 8th grade field trip was.....Busch Gardens in Williamsburg for the day (I went to school in Northern Virginia). The cost was included with fees at the beginning of the year.

Maybe it's because we did field trips into DC probably a dozen+ times during the year But we never went to Philadelphia, Boston, NYC, etc.

The only out of state trips were for performances in high school. So band trips, choir trips, drama, etc. No class trips.

I know my cousin goes to the east coast every year from Cali but she is at a very very expensive private school so I just asumed that was why they do it.

Is this the norm everywhere these days?

It's kind of a national tradition to go on an 8th grade field trip somewhere special (often Washington DC). The trips can get really pricey, depending on how far, and how long the trip is. DS's trip this April to DC is $2000 per kid, but when you're flying kids almost 3500 miles and then renting a bus, it's to be expected.

 

[indimom]

Just my opinion.
I'd let my husband drop his gym membership and let my daughter take her trip - assuming it has any educational value at all. He can excercise without a gym and he wants to do this for his child. Let him.

On a side note. Does your daughter's school not offer fundraising opportunities for trips like this?? Our daughter has been fundraising for three years to pay for her DC trip in May. We won't have to pay a penny for the $820 trip. The school also have a scholarship fund for students who cannot raise all the money. I'm surprised a school would have an 8th grade trip and not find ways to help the kids raise the money themselves.

 

[mjbaby]

Our school district has a *5th grade* trip that costs north of $3k. No joke! As it turns out, most of the itinerary (Lunch with an Astronaut, "science day" at Epcot, etc.) we've already done on our family trips and it was a no-brainer not to send our son. We figure he'd be bored redoing all this stuff and he agreed with our proposal to take have the cost of the trip and apply it to more family outings to see/do new things.

Anyway, on topic. Honestly, (to me) the cost of the trip isn't so high that, in a family that has some debt but isn't struggling with food or other basics, I would refuse her to go. It's a fairly modest cost and yes, I think the memories and experience is valuable. Disclosure: I went on my own school's fifth grade (camping) trip, my 8th grade (NYC) trip, and then to Montreal and Germany for high school. For each of these, I was required to earn 1/3 to 1/2 the cost (depending upon the total) either in actual cash through babysitting, etc. or extra household work. IT WAS WORTH IT! I do remember these trips and just recently dug out my pictures of the Berlin Wall to show my son as he studies WWII in school. I may be long out of childhood, but those trips were experiences that keep giving me perspective and pleasure through adulthood.

Should you decide NOT to send her, I would be frank with her and explain. She's old enough to understand money and debt and have limited insight into the family finances. Her learning experience might end up being to avoid debt as an adult because it can interfere with fun choices! Additionally, she may choose to return the boots or come up with creative ideas for cost cutting that you haven't seen yet. Does she buy lunch? Maybe she'll bag her own! Whatever, but to say "no" with no explanation won't have a learning impact but, to me, would seem random and arbitrary and carry no lesson at all.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would let her go and I would also break with tradition and let family members who normally give her a gift know how important this trip is to her.

I respect that you are working your CC debt down and so I think that your family needs to think outside the box in order to help DD go on her trip. Your family should be made aware of this and that as your DD gets older her gifts will grow with her. I know that part of gift giving fun is choosing a present that you think someone will enjoy but adults who gift children should also keep in mind that the gift is for the child. If your family will not respect that your DD would rather have some money towards a trip instead of a CD or whatever else they purchase there is a problem IMO. Once my nieces and nephews were teens it was clear to me that I had no idea what they really wanted. At first I took them shopping but honestly, they enjoyed making their own purchases so IO did what I could to make that happen. IF I know that a trip was on the horizon I would make sure that money was the gift and if the trip was paid for I gave spending money.

You have already purchased her Christmas gift but are there no other gift giving occasions before the trip? Instead of birthday gifts, Easter candy, Valentines day chocolates of gifts a little card to replace the normal gift? Same with GP's and extended family who remembers her on special occasions. I think it is time for you and DH to speak up to your family, this matters to your DD.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Oh yes, comment on the trip please! I don't like it one bit they planned this in this economy

"In this economy" has got to be one of the most annoying and overused phrases. If 90% of the class can go, then I really wouldn't blame the economy on anything.

 

[Patience]

Regarding class trips, we didn't have them when I was in school either, just day trips occasionally. I'm 45. My daughter did not have an 8th grade class trip but her high school has a week long class trip each year. The 9th, 10th and 11th grade class trips are expensive but you have the option of setting up a payment plan for them and there are scholarships for kids who are financially disadvantaged so nearly all the children go. The senior class trip is a beach retreat and is purposely the least expensive trip because of upcoming college expenses. Nearly 100% of the kids at her school go to 4 year universities and there are a lot of expenses in the fall of the senior year associated with college application fees, etc. My daughter has applied to 6 universities and the application fees range between $50 and $70 per application so I think scaling back on the 12th grade trip is a good idea to allow families to concentrate their finances on college.

 

[QVCshopper]

"In this economy" has got to be one of the most annoying and overused phrases. If 90% of the class can go, then I really wouldn't blame the economy on anything.

Yup! It's overused way too much. And without sounding awful, I'm not sure someone in the OP's position should get aid unless there are bad circumstances, like job loss, illness, etc. An out-of-control budget doesn't qualify to me. That said, I did get financial assistance from the school when my dad was out of work for years and my mom was very ill.

My friend's kids get reduced meals, yet she chooses not to work when they are at school and has far more things than I do. I'm helping her get out of debt by teaching her ways to save, and she's changing. She just didn't know how to budget and control spending.

And maybe school trips are regional? They are very popular in NY where I grew up.

 

[Colleen27]

Is this the norm everywhere these days?

Most schools around here have some sort of special trip for 8th graders, though not all districts do something as big as ours (Washington DC, 4 nights, $500). In our district and several others I'm familiar with, 8th grade is the only true "class trip" - in high school school-sponsored travel is specific to certain classes or activities (French class goes to Quebec, band travels for competition, etc.), rather than for the grade as a whole.

Where I grew up they didn't even pretend to make it educational - we went to Cedar Point for a day. That kind of trip I wouldn't feel so strongly about because it is just fun, without the educational or personal growth opportunities of actually traveling with a group rather than family, but something like our school's DC trip I'd do everything in my power to make sure my kids can attend.

 

[dzorn]

It is hard to deceide if it is worth 350 without knowing the details of the trip (length, educational value).

But I agree with your husband. $350 for a once in a lifetime trip that she will always remember seems reasonable. I would ask at the school if they are going to be doing any fundraisers. DD is doing pizza kits right now for her 5th grade trip. All the profit she earns goes toward her cost of $165.

Denise in MI

 

[Colleen27]

It is hard to deceide if it is worth 350 without knowing the details of the trip (length, educational value).

But I agree with your husband. $350 for a once in a lifetime trip that she will always remember seems reasonable. I would ask at the school if they are going to be doing any fundraisers. DD is doing pizza kits right now for her 5th grade trip. All the profit she earns goes toward her cost of $165.

My guess is that the OP missed any fundraising that may have been offered. With a payment deadline in Feb there isn't much time left for fundraising now. DS got the info about ongoing fundraisers (Scrip and a community-based rewards program, both of which credit to his "student account") upon entering middle school, and the trip-specific fundraiser info & schedule will come in Feb (of 7th grade) at the initial parent meeting about the trip.

 

[LovesTimone]

Is there a way that she can help earn money for this trip? babysitting, dog walking, raking leaves, cleaning, washing cars ect... If it is important to her she will want to help out. When is the trip? does she have time earn the money. this is a good time to help her understand the value of money.

Where is she going, and what is the educational value? and being the only one of her group of freinds that does not get to go will be very hard for her, at this age it is all about fitting in.

On a personal note, I went on my 8th grade trip, had a wonderful time and learned some things. As far as my senior trip, I was not interested in it, I was working part-time and had a BF, and shopping for colleges. It just was not as important to me then as it was in 8th grade.

My DD went on all her school trip and they were expensive, she went to private school, but the things that she learned were well worth the cost and me working 2 jobs to make sure that she had the best education.

As far as disagreeing on how the money is spent, I think that all couples have difference's in that from one time to another.

 

[FourBees]

Have you checked with the school itself to see if they have any funding that they may help with. In my kids school they try very hard to have all the children able to participate so they are very good about working with parents. They may sit down with you and ask what you feel you can contribute. I know kids that have gotten full scholarships and kids that have gotten partial. Just a thought.

 

[angierae]

My daughter's week long class trip to Washington DC at the end of 8th grade was about $750, but they started fundraising for it at the beginning of seventh grade (and I think after that, they got rid of the 7th grade trip to Chicago so kids could start fundraising for DC in 6th grade)

It was an amazing educational experience for DD, and she's a junior this year and still talks about it, and is incredibly excited about our family trip to DC next year, because she wants to share all the things she did with her stepfather and I.

I would let her go, although if she has other family members she gets Christmas presents from, could she ask them for money towards the trip instead? Is there anywhere she could babysit or do odd jobs for money? My daughter helped my MIL clean her basement for a set amount per hour to raise money for her trip, plus she raked leaves at my friend's house, cat sat for other friends - basically, people I knew came up with things for her to do to earn the money - that way they got to help, but she had to work for it.

There are a lot of things I can say no to when money is tight, but school trips/functions/activities are not one of them. We've always scraped together the money for her to do those things because as someone else said, my debt is not her problem.

 

[Metsfan520]

"In this economy" has got to be one of the most annoying and overused phrases. If 90% of the class can go, then I really wouldn't blame the economy on anything.

 

[gracie1]

What does the trip include?? Is it a weekend trip, where is it too??

As for the uggs, if that was her only christmas gift she won't have anything to open christmas morning?? Since she is wearing them now?

I think if your husband feels so passionate about sending her and willing to cut costs on his part to send her, then you should go with his instinct.

 

[Acklander]

If it were me, I'd do whatever I could to make it happen. Sure, she'd survive without the trip, but life (and childhood) isn't just about surviving, it's also about enjoying. OP, just curious, do you work?(and I'm not trying to turn this into a work/stay at home debate) - but if things are so tight that you cant save change, having a tough time paying of cc debt, living paycheck to paycheck etc... - and you don't work, maybe you could pick up something part time or do babysitting in your home or something to help with the family finances until your family is in a good enough place financially that a 350.00 decision isn't going to be the thing to make or break the family. And if you already work, maybe either you or DH could pick up one extra shift a week, until your family is caught up???
Good luck, whichever way it works out.

 

[ilovemk76]

I am in my 50s and we went to NYC in 6th grade. We were not the first class to go. That trip was fun and I am glad my school went.

I agree with the OP's DH. Send her.

OK...this is probably OT but I have to ask...what is with all of these school trips?

I was in 8th grade about 9 years ago and our 8th grade field trip was.....Busch Gardens in Williamsburg for the day (I went to school in Northern Virginia). The cost was included with fees at the beginning of the year.

Maybe it's because we did field trips into DC probably a dozen+ times during the year But we never went to Philadelphia, Boston, NYC, etc.

The only out of state trips were for performances in high school. So band trips, choir trips, drama, etc. No class trips.

I know my cousin goes to the east coast every year from Cali but she is at a very very expensive private school so I just asumed that was why they do it.

Is this the norm everywhere these days?

 

[mapmakerj]

I just find it strange that all these schools have organized trips. We never had any trips at school. Not 5th grade, 8th grade or senior year. If we would have had them, there is no way my parents could have afforded them, not even if it was $50. I feel some are being unfair to the OP regarding their debt, saying it's not the child's fault so they shouldn't have to suffer. We don't know what caused the debt. My DH's position was eliminated last year and in order to stay on he had to accept a lower position with a huge pay cut. We ended up having to use the credit card for a couple months to tide us over. My 11yr old knew that we didn't have any extra money so he knew he wouldn't be able to do some things he wanted. I would hope a teenager would understand if the money wasn't there for a trip. I would expect they would be disappointed but be mature enough to deal with it. OP, if your debt is high enough that it is making you uncomfortable about sending your DD on the trip then maybe you need to sit down with your DH face to face and discuss it instead of emailing each other.