When spouses butt heads over spending

[beavismom]

If she really wants to go, start saving cans and ask all your friends and family to help you. You would be surprised how quickly it can add up. If you can, put a bin at workplaces too and spread the word to co-workers. Have a neighborhood Yahoo group? Ask on there too.

I also second going through old clothes and toys to see if there is anything to sell there. 20 $5 items would be $100 dollars.

On a final note, are there any scholarships available? It never hurts to ask as many schools do have funds for this and sometimes they aren't claimed because no one even asks.

 

[Disney-Chick]

My daughters grade 9 trip is this year and it will cost about $1100 to fly Montreal, Canada (I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia). THe trip will be for 5 nights/6days (this also includes most meals) and we had to put a $100 non refundable deposit down the beginning of Nov. We have started fundraising and I have others outside of what the school is doing to raise money. One that I thought was good was get bristol board and put 100 boxes (numbered 1-100) and sell them for $2.00 ea. ONce they are all sold you pull a number out and give half the money to the winner and you have $100 towards the trip. We also collect bottles and return them for the money. I actually saved quite a bit for this as I like to spend but my husband likes to save lol

As for asking family for money for Christmas, you could just mention that your DD wants to go on this trip. Maybe they will ask if she would rather money to go towards this. I know my parents always ask what we want for both us and their grandchildren. We told them money. Im sure your family knows that you are on rough times right now so they would understand.

I missed a lot in high school, not because my parents didn't have money but because I was pregnant at 18, quit school at 16 and I regret missing all the activities that were out there. Again that was my choice but you are not allowing your daughter to make the choice which means she will be angry with you for not allowing her to go. Don't let her miss out on these years. Believe me it hurts..oh how I wish I could have gone to prom and dressed up.

I know it will be hard but after it's all said and done you will feel better and so will she. Explain what you will have to do in order for her to go.

I hope it all works out for you and your family.

 

[albertamommyof4]

I totally understand where you are coming from with the debt and living paycheck to paycheck. I am wondering if you knew that they were gonna take a trip this year( like in previous years, but not for sure) why i am asking is if this is something that has been going on in the school for a few years know and you knew, then you could of started saving then.
My son is in grade 8 and in june 2013 he gets to go to Quebec( we are in alberta canada) for a week. This trip is over $2300 for him, this is a french junior high school trip( but not planned during school it is a seperate thing but you have to take french from grad 7 to 9). We are doing fundraising which helps but we also already had to agree( with in a week) and make first payment, yes we have a while to save. I would never dream of saying no to this wonderful opportunity that he has been looking forward to for 3 years now. I am single at the moment( seperated) and it is alot to put out but the benefits for my child i think outways that. You can never get the experience and the growth in your child back.
Now what you could do is pay with what you have and use credit card if you have to , but break up how much you need to save every week till the time she goes and then she can babysit on weekends and on any school holidays, she can also help save christmas andbirthday money. Save pop cans sell stuff on craigslist. If you have a local farmers market you can see about renting a table and sell baked goods together, also check with other parents ( of the kids that are going) and see if you want to do a fundraiser together to help offset costs. You can also talk with th principle and maybe the school could do a dance to help offset some costs.
I know that you wouldnt regrett letting your daughter go but you may regrett not letting her go.
If there is absolutly noway what so ever can afford for this then you will have to sit down and talk it over with your daughter( maybe she has some ideas of how to save some money or make money for the trip).
Good luck with your decision.

 

[Tiger926]

I just don't see where DD will suffer in the grand scheme of life when I find it hard to come up with the money for her trip. But it did touch my heart that a pp posted that a child did cry when they couldn't get to go and the trip was discussed.

To the pp who asked about my coin change project. I am sad to say that I haven't saved anything. It was a good idea but every time DH says we don't have any money til next paycheck then I had to dip in to the change jar. This is the story of our life until we pay off the credit card debt and why I am so passionate to not spend any more money on "extra stuff". Now about the Uggs we are not going to pass up Christmas gifts so that is why we bought her those and that is her total budget on one item that she decided.

Also to answer a pp who said am I going to let younger DD go on her 8th grade trip? NO WAY. What I do for one child I do for the other except this year for Christmas I am going to spend less on younger DD just because she won't really know the value of things and she'll be happy with what we will get her for Christmas.

I am taking all of everyone's advice and will really think of ways we can save to pay for it. She really can't work to help pay for it as she is very involved in orchestra and a few other things she does plus school work. The trip money is due by February so not alot of time.

Sure, she won't suffer, as there are many of us who could not go on any school trips. I was 12 years old in grade 8, and had strict parents, so no trip for me at all, as I was young to go away to Montreal without my parents. I was upset at first, but not too much, as I was an athlete, and travelled around with my parents and my running club to other cities. I quickly realized that a grade 8 trip was definitely not a necessity at all. And frankly some of the costs described in this post are downright scary. Eight graders do not need to go on trips period, but trips that cost thousands of dollars, I just don't see that as necessary. But your daughter is 14, and so it seems that the only reason you don't want her to go is due to finances.

The wording of your post still worries me though...you say that you are finding it hard to come up with the money for the trip, which makes me wonder if you are struggling more than we think you are?

If that is the case, then she just won't be able to go. You need to feed her, you don't need to send her on a school trip. But again, I come back to those Uggs - $150.00 for a pair of boots for a young teen is ridiculous, IMHO. And I'm sure she had to have them as they are trendy and popular. I realize it's her only Christmas present, but I wonder what kind of decision making process went on there? Do you have a Christmas budget in place? Will you be able to afford Christmas presents for others if you pay for the trip? Will food or other essential budgets suffer? Did you not have an idea that a school trip would be a possiblity this year? I think it's fine to ask others to contribute to the school trip as a gifts, by the way - we do this in our family all of the time.

Some hard questions need to be asked, as you do only have less than a few months to pay for the entire trip, and unfortunately, Christmas is smack dab right in the middle of it, and that could break your budget even more.

Best of luck, Tiger

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I just don't see where DD will suffer in the grand scheme of life when I find it hard to come up with the money for her trip. But it did touch my heart that a pp posted that a child did cry when they couldn't get to go and the trip was discussed.

To the pp who asked about my coin change project. I am sad to say that I haven't saved anything. It was a good idea but every time DH says we don't have any money til next paycheck then I had to dip in to the change jar. This is the story of our life until we pay off the credit card debt and why I am so passionate to not spend any more money on "extra stuff". Now about the Uggs we are not going to pass up Christmas gifts so that is why we bought her those and that is her total budget on one item that she decided.

Also to answer a pp who said am I going to let younger DD go on her 8th grade trip? NO WAY. What I do for one child I do for the other except this year for Christmas I am going to spend less on younger DD just because she won't really know the value of things and she'll be happy with what we will get her for Christmas.

I am taking all of everyone's advice and will really think of ways we can save to pay for it. She really can't work to help pay for it as she is very involved in orchestra and a few other things she does plus school work. The trip money is due by February so not alot of time.

While it will not "hurt" her physically, it will hurt her emotionally when everybody not only talks about the upcoming trip but also talks about the trip when they come back. This is not a regular destination trip that will be there next year or in 10 years, it is a once in a lifetime trip. It is gonna break her spirit completely not likely, will she always regret not going, very likely especially if she likes school and is involved. You seem to have assumed everybody would agree with you that you should not send her but those of us who were able to go know how much we treasure the memories.
Uggs are a passing fashion trend and if finances are that bad and debt so high I would never squander money on a passing fashion trend even as a sole xmas gift. Again good luck with your decision but please think about that the fact that your making your decision on the fact that you didn't get to go and you turned out fine but yet you seem a little bitter about....

 

[mrsklamc]

I agree that it won't hurt her but I think it will benefit her greatly in terms of things that can be bought for $350.

 

[brockash]

If the $350 is not going to put you in the poor house, and you can make it up in other ways before the school year is out,or before the trip, then I would let your daughter go. I think experiences like that are worth the money and if budgeting can be adjusted, then Id let her go.

Just my opinion. Good luck!

I agree with this.

 

[libinatorsmom]

Sorry to say I agree with your husband... you need to let DD go... unles #1 she doesnt want to go or #2 you really can not afford it - by the way usually there are programs in the school if this is the case that you are truelly to poor to afford the trip... I know when my daughter has a feild trip we have offered to pay for any child that can not afford it - and have paid for them - we never ask a name etc just pay it and let all the kids have the opportunity to go.

Let your daughter go......

 

[sookie]

Sorry to say I agree with your husband... you need to let DD go... unles #1 she doesnt want to go or #2 you really can not afford it - by the way usually there are programs in the school if this is the case that you are truelly to poor to afford the trip... I know when my daughter has a feild trip we have offered to pay for any child that can not afford it - and have paid for them - we never ask a name etc just pay it and let all the kids have the opportunity to go.

Let your daughter go......

I agree, let your daughter go.
You shouldn't have purchased Uggs if things were this tight. I know that all our school trips are announced at the beginning of the school year. I'm sorry if they did not tell you in the beginning but you need to let your kid experience this.
You can ask for help - but if you do anyone who sees those Uggs is going to wonder.
I would suck it up, cancel the gym membership, and let your kid go.

 

[collegejunkie]

if you think that this is the best price that she'll ever get the experience for, then it might be worth it to spend the money now. if you think it's not anything special and isn't a big deal, then don't send her

 

[CAFarmerGirl]

Could your dd possibly give violin (or whichever instrument she plays) lessons on the weekend to a younger child? That way, it is only .5-1 hr at a time, 1x a week. She could make $30/week doing that...so, 12 weeks=$360.

 

[sk!mom]

Oh yes, comment on the trip please! I don't like it one bit they planned this in this economy

I'm with your DH. $350 is a reasonable amount. Let him give up his gym membership to come up with the money. Just like she doesn't need the trip- he doesn't need a gym membership. He can walk, jog, or ride a bike for free.

Honestly, if he's got a plan to come up with the money then I wouldn't argue. It's obviously important to your DD and your DH, even if you don't get it.

Just curious, did you get to go on school trips and such growing up? I'm wondering if those of us who feel like we missed out on a lot growing up over compensate with our own kids while those who were more advantaged don't feel like some of that is important.

$350 just doesn't seem like a lot to someone who frequents a Disney board.

 

[dfchelbay]

That's what DH & I are doing this week. DD14's 8th grade trip is going to cost $350 and because we have credit card debt and other bills to pay I do not want her to go but DH says he can come up with the money and let her have the experience. He even wants to give up his gym ($20/mo) for her trip but I won't let him do that for his health. He wants to pay less on our monthly credit card bill. I figure she does not HAVE to go and we can probably wait to send her on her senior trip instead. 10% of the kids did not go last year and DD will get over it.

This is an email war because I don't want the kids to be involved in hearing any discussion. Has anyone ever been in this situation?

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it really isn't your daughter's fault you have credit card debt. Why should she have to pay the price on what really is a big important thing to all the 8th graders at her school. It's not like she's asking for you to pay for her to go on a ski trip with one of her friend's family, or for a laptop all her own for her to have. This is an entire class trip that she will not be going on.

Maybe other things can be cut out of the budget. Maybe your daughter can babysit to earn part of the trip cost. There has to be a way in the budget to make this work. Good luck.

 

[jessica52877]

If she wants to go I would try and do all things possible so she could go. Is the trip to a place where you feel it is a good value? In 6th we went to Toronto, 7th Philadelphia and 8th Washington DC. I will never forget any of those trips and never went to any of those places with my parents and we traveled alot.

It's her one and only Christmas gift and you gave it to her early? That makes me sad for her on Christmas day but I can understand wanting to get as much use out of them as possible...

If the letter just came home today I assume there's at least some time before the money is due?

I can see at her age wanting them now. Christmas will still be Christmas with our without a gift to open.

No, she will still get a stocking gifts.

The point here is we are in debt and I feel that we should not add anymore. Isn't that a smart thing to do?

Usually I would say that is the smart thing to do but I feel like you can find a way to make it work. And if she really wants to go that she can help find a way too. With the holidays coming up she can babysit. Even is she is involved in alot there are always opportunities to babysit. Week nights, weekends, etc. If she really wants to go she will fit it in.

I feel like if she get gifts from others she can ask for $ towards the trip. My goal would not be to charge but to go the extra mile and try and earn the extra $.

 

[Styx Fan]

My school went on a 7th grade trip for a weekend in Toronto (about 4-5 hours away) and an 8th grade trip for 5 days/6 nights (slept on the the bus on the way there) to Washington DC (about 9 hours away).

I was not allowed to go on the 7th grade trip as a punishment (don't even ask, my family was seriously disfunctional and I deserved to go) but I did go on the 8th grade. My parents were very cheap, but did send me.

Although I didn't give them the pleasure of knowing how long or how bad it hurt, but I never forgot missing that 7th grade trip. My family never took vacations so missing this trip was huge. I was thrilled with DH and I went as adults. And I can still remember many details of the trip to Washington.

As a result of my experiences, my children will not miss a trip that almost everyone will be going on that I can find the money for. And that is the kind of thing I keep in my mind on long range $$$ planning. For sure I would find a way to send her....$350 is doable.

 

[furb & dez]

None of the people I know ever had "school trips" in their primary education, and we've all turned out just fine, thanks.

Is this something new? Seems like a huge waste of money to me. Especially when you're wasting money on designer shoes "because she really wanted them."

Perhaps a better grasp of your priorities is needed.

 

[ironz]

I don't usually frequent this board, but wanted to chime in with a few ideas:

First...you haven't said much else about the trip...what is the VALUE? Is it a few days in an interesting location, time with her friends, some learning opportunities? (well, really, any travel is going to be a learning opportunity, if nothing else, to learn how to manage the process a little and to see someplace new) Or is it an overnight to an amusement park and zoo?
See what I mean...different values for your money.

Besides your DH giving up the gym (and if he does, make sure that money is earmarked for the trip and not diverted to something else), what else can be done?
I liked the idea of your daughter maybe teaching some music lessons to a younger child. The holidays are coming up: services that could be offered--babysitting, dogwalking, gift wrapping. Maybe have a bake sale? I don't know what your neighborhood situation is for things like that. My sister makes awesome 'instant' hot chocolate mix....what if she packaged some of it up and sold it to neighbors for a little profit, in holiday wrap? Very easy to make, and great for gifts, etc. I could pm you recipe if you want.

Is there something YOU can do along the same lines? or do you work, too? Can you or your DH take a short term seasonal job? Christmas store, gift wrapping, Christmas tree stand, etc.
Are there things around the house you could sell on Ebay or Craigslist?

I also agree with letting the grandparents or other people who might be buying her Christmas gifts know...I know, for my nieces and nephews, I would have been more than happy to contribute cash towards a trip as their Christmas gift.

Good luck. I hope she gets to go.
and yeah...if you knew about the trip, the Uggs were not the wisest decision, but you've been beat up about that enough.

 

[AZMermaid]

I agree with the majority. I would find a way to make it work. My 7th grade DC trip was $850 in 1993- I can't imagine what it costs now! $350 seems like nothing! My parents said I could go on that one or the Disneyland/ Sea World trip for 8th grade (which I assume was much less, I live in AZ). I chose DC. I still treasure those memories. I would say about half of the kids went, and I remember having friends who were very sad/resentful they could not go. It seems so much worse if 90% of the kids go. Is it going to kill her to stay home? No. But is it always going to be a sore spot on her heart? Yes.

Now, I am usually pretty frugal and although I have not had credit card debt since college, I normally would say no. But the amount is relatively small. When is her birthday? You said you didn't want to take away Christmas (which I get). Can you talk with her about this being her main birthday present? If she doesn't care that much, she will let you know by saying she'd rather have a birthday present. If you spend about the same for birthdays ($150) it is really only an "extra" $200, or $50 a month between now and Feb. $20 of that is saved by your husband, so really $30 a month.

 

[Glenn]

As another person asked, what does the trip entail? Is it very educational or just a fun outing? A short over priced, over night trip? Or a learning volunteer trip? Besides looking at only the price look at the experience. A short fun trip, well that can be done another time. Something unique & educational maybe bite the bullet. If the experience is worth it have her baby sit etc., bring lunch to school some days, cut out deserts. As for hubby dont drop gym if he needs it. Instead drop deserts, high calorie snacks, coffee instead of latte's. So tell us what does the trip cover?

 

[disykat]

None of the people I know ever had "school trips" in their primary education, and we've all turned out just fine, thanks.

Is this something new? Seems like a huge waste of money to me. Especially when you're wasting money on designer shoes "because she really wanted them."

Perhaps a better grasp of your priorities is needed.

This is what I'm thinking! I'm so glad school trips weren't a big thing for me or my kids. There were a few trips I remember being offered for a price, but the kids that went were usually pretty "indulged." It was kind of the same for my kids. You could pretty much guess a head of time which kids would be going. There was a trip to DC offered at my son's junior high for almost 2K that maybe 20 or so kids went on. We took both our boys for a family trip (neither DH or I had ever been either) for way less money than it would have cost to send them.

If this trip is something "everyone" goes on, surely DD knew about this trip when she was negotiating for the UGGs. I think the trip actually sounds reasonable pricewise - but DD should have to do some sacrificing if she wants to go IMO.