when someone you know is having an affair

[The Mystery Machine]

Sounds like you handled it well. I would also answer as you did. I would not lie if asked directly. However he already knew it, I am sure. You just confirmed it for him.

 

[kt_mom]

I don't think its a MYOB situation. If you don't know the person being betrayed well enough to tell them personally, then I think the annonymous letter is a great way to do it. But either way, I think the perosn deserves to know. I wish someone had told me.

So they shoot the messenger, who cares. I would rather lose a friendship by telling a friend then keep my mouth shut and find out down the road that their cheating spouse brought home some disease to them or something.

I also don't continue friendships with people involved in affairs or even those that aid others in their affairs. I'm extremely vocal about it. I had a friend a few years ago who's husband was out of town for a couple months at some kind of military training. While he was gone she pretty much jumped on anyone and everyone she could get her hands on.

I had no idea she was this type of person. When I first noticed that her behavior when she was out was getting inappropriate I told her so and I also told her that if she continued I would not be able to remain friends with her. She chose to continue and the situations escalated. A few days before her husband was to come home I emailed her and told her that she had two days after his return to tell him or I would.

My DH and I were seperated at the time and one of the guys she was messing with was his best friend. She had also been calling my DH and trying to hook up with him. He's the one that told me the extent of her behavior. Well, a day after her husband returned home he called my DH and confronted him. She had told him what was going on, she had just told him it was my DH and I guess her husband wanted to know if I was a vindictive person. DH told him that it wasn't him that had been involved with her and not to contact him again. Anyway, they are divorced now and I don't regret giving her the ultimatum and I would have followed through if I had to. I've never heard from either of them again.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I had a situation and I say had because it's all out in the open. I am long term friends with the husband and the wife. I would venture to say a 50/50 split not friendlier with one nor the other.
Anyway someone approached me with the story that she was cheating
I totally did not believe it.
More details came out still made me scratch my head. I found out in May.
saw Hubby several times and fealt like crap. still feel awful like I betrayed him by not speaking up.
For me ymmv, it's thier marriage and not my bussiness. would I want someone to tell me? absolutely no ??? but when the shoe is on the other foot. I just didn't feel it was my place.

 

[luvmyfam444]

well I got a text message from him today that they are gonna divorce - he says hes okay with it - he's ready to move on with is life (they've been separated since April) & now that everything is out in the open. He was willing to work on the marriage - go to more counseling together - but she's decided to end it. Nothing has been filed yet though.

 

[lemondog]

Having seen this happen in real life with a close friend, I say you get involved, assuming you are close with the victim.

One of my dear friends discovered her DH was cheating when a mutual friend spotted him on the news, in the audience at a local NHL game. He was holding hands and smooching with another woman, it was pretty obvious they were not "just friends." I truly feel for this friend and am so glad I was not put in this situation, because she struggled for days, questioning what she saw, etc. She finally went down to the station and asked for a copy of the newscast. When she got it she was able to study it and confirm it was indeed our friend's husband. She finally took the tape and told our friend, who was obviously devastated. And naturally her husband denied it until she walked over to the TV and popped the tape in...busted! Then he starts claiming he never knew love until he met this other woman, all this mean, hateful stuff, and up and left her. Leaving her alone with a 4yo, 20 mo old. and 12 month old.

Long story short it just about killed her. She spent almost an entire summer in bed from depression and if not for her friends and neighbors the kids would not have made it either. But she did come out of it and today things are a million times brighter in her world. She is still a single parent which is HARD, but I asked her if she ever regrets M. confronting her with the info, and she said NO!!! She is glad she found out, is glad the sham didn't go on any longer, and in the long run knows she is better off without him (although her heart still breaks for her kids, who he really could care less about).