When someone elopes

[dakcp2001]

Do you send a gift? Or just a card? Or nothing at all? Why or why not? What is proper etiquette?

 

[Handbag Lady]

Do you send a gift? Or just a card? Or nothing at all? Why or why not? What is proper etiquette?

I would send a gift and a nice card telling them how smart they are!

Regardless of if I was invited to a wedding or not, I assume I will still be happy for the couple so yes, I would send a gift.

 

[smitch425]

Do you send a gift? Or just a card? Or nothing at all? Why or why not? What is proper etiquette?

Too many variables involved to give a clear cut answer. Is it family? A friend? Will they be having a reception? Did they send a card notifying you of their marriage? Can't give an answer without knowing more.

 

[low-key]

It depends on if you like them

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Do you send a gift? Or just a card? Or nothing at all? Why or why not? What is proper etiquette?

Well....in the case of my brother, he is eloping in a few weeks. Not sure what we are going to do. No one is invited. They are getting married at the JP over 4th July weekend in another state.

The mother of the bride does not know they are getting married and the kicker is that the mother lives with them, so we have to be "hush" with sending them anything at the moment.

UPDATE: Saw future SIL and she says parents know but they are still eloping. At least I know I can send a gift now.

 

[Disney Doll]

If I liked them I'd certainly send a gift.

 

[dakcp2001]

It is a family member, a cousin. They are not having a reception. They announced it on Facebook with a little video and surprise we got married thing at the end. I sent a gift, I am just surprised by how many family members are not sending a card or anything at all. People seem to have the " if I don't get to go to the party I don't have to gift" I guess I never realized how many people consider gift an obligation rather than a gift. This cousin got me a lovely gift when I got married. I am happy for themi think what they did was smart. I am also shocked how rude people have been. A lot of people are telling her she will regret it while many others are asking if she is pregnant. She is not and the have been together for years. I was not surprised they eloped. They are a quiet pair.

I guess my family is just curmudgeonly. Lol.

 

[Hannathy]

I would send the same gift I would have sent if they were having a wedding. I don't look at a wedding gift as a payment for going to a party. A wedding gift is just that a gift for getting married no matter how it was done.

 

[smitch425]

It is a family member, a cousin. They are not having a reception. They announced it on Facebook with a little video and surprise we got married thing at the end. I sent a gift, I am just surprised by how many family members are not sending a card or anything at all. People seem to have the " if I don't get to go to the party I don't have to gift" I guess I never realized how many people consider gift an obligation rather than a gift. This cousin got me a lovely gift when I got married. I am happy for themi think what they did was smart. I am also shocked how rude people have been. A lot of people are telling her she will regret it while many others are asking if she is pregnant. She is not and the have been together for years. I was not surprised they eloped. They are a quiet pair.

I guess my family is just curmudgeonly. Lol.

With this new info, I am ready to answer. I would have sent a gift or a card with a check. Had they had a reception, I would have just taken the gift then, but since they aren't, I would either take it to them or mail it.

 

[AntePrincess]

Do you send a gift? Or just a card? Or nothing at all? Why or why not? What is proper etiquette?

When my husband and I eloped, we got a few gifts from close family... labeled engagement gifts. I wonder if it was a "subtle" hint that we ought to have a white wedding at some point soon after. No skin off my nose either way, I was very grateful for any little thing, especially the handwritten family recipes from my grandmother.

Whether a couple I care about elopes or has a big white wedding, whether I'm invited or not, I give a wedding gift. Usually a bottle of spumante and an envelope of cash, or a little heirloom piece if the relationship is close. My affection isn't dependent on being treated to a nice shindig, in fact these days I'm relieved if I'm not invited. I might love weddings, but it's a big hassle with two small children.

 

[Nancy for Disney]

My sister had small immediate family only wedding. Many people still sent gifts. I think it is appropriate that if you are close you should send a gift.

 

[fireflymedic]

I would send no more than a card, if ever see them in real life not even that!

I think they eloped as to not have to put up with all the hupdelaw. so the less you do the better they will feel

 

[AntePrincess]

I would send no more than a card, if ever see them in real life not even that!

I think they eloped as to not have to put up with all the hupdelaw. so the less you do the better they will feel

These days people elope because there's no money for even a budget wedding (and not everyone is a member of a church, so they can't go the almost free route, those JPs can be expensive!).

 

[Stitchfans]

Funny I never thought about this since I have never known anyone who eloped. But I guess as others said if I like them I would send a card with a small token gift.

 

[cornflake]

Send 'em an extra big gift for not subjecting anyone to a wedding.

 

[Hannathy]

I would send no more than a card, if ever see them in real life not even that!

I think they eloped as to not have to put up with all the hupdelaw. so the less you do the better they will feel

yeah they didn't want to waste more money than a house down payment on a wedding, what about that makes you think they wouldn't appreciate a gift?

 

[GettingFuzzy]

These days people elope because there's no money for even a budget wedding (and not everyone is a member of a church, so they can't go the almost free route, those JPs can be expensive!).

I can't speak for anyone else, but that is not why my husband and I eloped. It was because I have never cared about a wedding and neither my husband or I enjoy being the center of attention. The Judge that married us didn't charge because of my husband being right out of Iraq and Active Duty at the time, but we werent't expecting that.

OP- We didn't expect any gifts, didn't even think about it. Got married on a Thursday at 11am and went to the zoo afterwards. I also butter my whole roll, so don't trust me for etiquette.

 

[dakcp2001]

Ok , after the last few days of research I have spoken with 5 people who have eloped. The ALL told me they got very few, if any, presents and cards. So apparently most people do not acknowledge the marriage. How sad! Anyway, I sent a gift. I just never thought about it before, and now that I do, I can tell you I will still send gifts if it is a couple I love. I am surprised that most people ignore it. But you live, you learn.

 

[TDC Nala]

Don't think there's an absolute obligation to send a gift. If youre close to them, send a gift. If not, a card will do. Sending nothing....I might if I wasn't particulary close to them.

Sometimes people elope because either they don't want the hoopla or they are avoiding family conflict, not because they don't have money for a formal wedding.

 

[happygirl]

Yes, I would still send a gift and a card.