When Planning a Wedding.......

[scrapquitler]

Where do you put your money to get the best impression from the guests prospective?

As a guest, the thing that is most noticeable (and makes a BAD impression if it is inferior) is FOOD.

 

[bumbershoot]

The thing that most people talked about after our wedding was the CAKE (so so so good, made by a baker who was SUCH a diva) and the food. And how kissy we were. And they had fun with the Irish music band, but in retrospect I should have had some "normal" music too, as there wasn't all that much dancing happening.

Then again, it was outdoors under a tent with only two fans...and it was 100 degrees. Which was shocking, since it was in Portland, OR.



For *us*, we focused on photography costs.

But...we also spent on flowers and invitations, because they made us happy. I couldn't be happy with normal invitations, and spent the money on properly letterpressed ones.

When I think about it, the only place we went on the cheap was when we declined to pay for a lining for the tent. And in retrospect, I regret that completely! It would have made a HUGE difference in the pictures and in the "lush" feeling I was trying to go for.


Eh, that's what renewals are for! OK they are for more than just that, LOL. I was planning the renewal while AT my wedding, because the wedding we (ha! I) created was for DH, not for me. It was in having that wedding that I realized what I wanted in a wedding, but I only realized it after it was over. Whoops!

 

[Chelley00]

We had an outdoor wedding at a local park and lake, and people still talk about the fact that after our wedding and reception, they were able to spend the rest of their day with their families and friends: swimming, playing baseball or volleyball, building sandcastles, hiking, wandering the gardens etc. Very little in the way of decorations since we had trees, flowers and a lake for a backdrop. We had a catered "picnic" for food. Several of our family members have since copied the idea

Some people remember the low-key, no frills weddings just as much as they do the expensive ones.

 

[NotUrsula]

...

Things to not get if you're looking to cut back- no one ends up caring about the color of the napkins or if there were chargers or if there is up lighting. Venues always try to up sell on those things and they're really pointless. Same thing for the chair upgrades and chair covers. The one wedding I went to, the chair covers kept sliding over and it became uncomfortable...it's a shame someone would pay extra for that.

I can add a few to the don't-bother list. Members of my family have been involved in the wedding service industry for a long time now, and we've seen an awful lot. (And yes, I *did* mean that as a pun, LOL.)

Food: Make it good, and don't make it very exotic. It does NOT have to be fancy or expensive, but what you do have should be delicious and there should be plenty of it. (And for vegetarians -- ix-nay on fake meat facsimiles. People may grouse a bit at the time about not having some sort of flesh served at a wedding, but they will never stop talking about the weirdness of ersatz meats. IME, if you are serving vegetarian food at a wedding where few guests are vegetarian, offering a LOT of decadent sweets serves as an excellent distraction.)

Drinks: In most areas of the country guests will not insist on an open bar, but do make sure that drinks flow freely, even if there is no alcohol in them. Have a variety and have plenty of whatever you are serving; don't make people jump through hoops for drinks, and don't make them pay for them, either. (If you are in a part of the country where a cash bar is common, then it's fine to have one if you think your guests will expect it, but make sure that at least the non-alcoholic drinks are served for free, if not also beer and wine.)

Dress: No one will remember what the bridal party wore unless it was hideous -- THAT they will remember. Stay with low-key classic attire that won't draw negative attention. (Ergo, men in navy blazers and khakis are fine; men in ivory brocade tailcoats with rainbow-colored cumberbunds to match the bridesmaids' dresses is NOT fine. A foufy white gown with a corset trimmed with leopard-print piping is NOT fine. ) Do make sure that your clothing fits well; badly-fitting clothing is a nightmare when you are in a wedding party.

Decor: again, make it classic. If you choose a well-maintained venue that is architecturally sound, even if it is rather spartan, no one will remember that you did not put up a single extra decoration. If the pictures on the wall are a problem, then rent large potted plants to hide them. (As long as I live, I'll never forget the wedding I worked where the outer lobby of the venue (a firefighter's hall) was festooned with large photos of the town's most recent emergency-preparedness disaster simulation.) Plain white tablecloths and napkins are just fine, but try to avoid folding metal gym chairs if you are serving a full meal -- even with covers those things are uncomfortable. The comfort of the chairs doesn't matter so much if people won't be sitting much, unless you have a lot of elderly guests (old folks are sticklers for decent chairs.)

Flowers: the wedding party should have them, but no one will notice if there are no decorative flowers. Really stunning bridal flowers get noticed, but no one notices really ordinary ones that are just like everyone elses, so if yours are fake or dried or home-made, as long as they are not garish and don't fall apart, again, no one will remember.

Music/ Best rule of thumb is make it fun or make it short. If you cannot afford a decent DJ (or better yet, a good band) that will get people up and dancing, then don't try to have a long reception, because the guests will just eat and run, anyway.

Cake: Make it taste good, but don't worry about how it looks. If you want to save money with a smaller cake and cannot use a backstage sheet cake for whatever reason, then use a traditional white cake; most people don't bother eating it because they assume that it will taste awful.

Invitations: Make them match the mood of the wedding, but they don't have to be on super-heavy paper or have raised ink; no one cares. Don't go with cutesy wording; getting married is a solemn occasion.

Favors: Just don't go there. NO ONE cares about favors, amd many, many people consider them a nuisance.

 

[reginaastralis]

We're just starting to plan our wedding, but the main thing I care about is people having fun. I won't have a good day if I'm worried if people are having fun. I'd love to have a local band play, but no one is really a big dancer in our group of friends, so this isn't something I'm willing to spend the most money on.

However, what I am looking at is having a gelato cart and then having games outside (if we end up at our venue, it's an old barn) My mom laughed when I told her that was where I was looking, I am not the kind of girl who would get married at an old barn. We're thinking of having games like corn hole and a giant sized jenga http://community.homedepot.com/t5/Fun-Games/Building-a-Giant-Jenga-Game/td-p/48259 and that sort of thing.

Again, this isn't traditional, but I'm not a traditional person at all. I don't think weddings are supposed to be a stuffy boring affair at all, I want my family and friends to be thrilled to be celebrating the fact that I'm marrying the love of my life.

What's funny is we're thinking about getting married on 11/12/13 (which is a Tuesday, my boyfriend's only request if I wanted to get married in the fall was that it couldn't interrupt football season ) and one of my good friends is getting married on 11/16. We're pinterest friends, and a lot of the ideas we have are similar, so I'm just happy to be beating her to the punch.

 

[disprincessatheart]

We spent our money on the venue (Disney!) and the food (four course dinner with open bar at narcoossees), plus a one of a kind experience - a wishes cruise on the grand one! Because we had such a beautiful venue, I did no decorations at all, no programs, and a very small favor (Mickey head ornament) per couple. We had a great photographer with our Disney package, but we skipped the video because it wasn't important to us.

Four years later family members still talk about our dinner, our cake and that wishes cruise!

 

[ShootingStarMom2]

Planning a wedding again I would focus on photography. I wish we had spent the majority there. While our pictures captured the day they weren't what I had envisioned. We should have shopped around harder before settling.

As a guest I appreciate good food and drinks and a good dj/band. I don't care about the centerpieces or the favor. I can't remember the last time I used anything I brought home from a wedding. Also, cameras on the table are a total waste IMO. We had 15 cameras and maybe had one good roll out of all of them combined.

 

[littlebit0863]

As a guest I remember things I have never seen before. I went to a wedding once where the bride and groom did a photo slideshow set to music of them, baby pictures on up. I didn't personally know this bride and groom, I was a plus one, but I never forgot their wedding. At my sister's wedding, they played a game that got everyone on the dance floor, from 3 months old to 80 years old. I never forgot how fun that was. At my own wedding, I wore a bright blue dress, and I still have people mention it to this day.

As far as money goes, spend it on a good time. The food doesn't have to be very expensive, just good. I went to a black friday dessert wedding once. Just desserts, wine, and a cheese arrangement. Delicious, and can't have cost as much as a full meal. And I agree, a good dj or band leader is very important.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

OP, I thought along the same lines as you. I wanted to spend my money in a way that would cause my guests to have a GREAT time.

1) Food. You want good portions and good quality. We went with FIL's country club--we had dined there before and had great food and the costs were a lot lower than I would have expected. I got rave reviews on the food--even from vegetarians. I decided to do a plated dinner and I was so glad I did. I wanted my guests to sit back and relax...not wait in a long buffet line.

2) DJ. I spent a lot of time searching for the right DJ (band was NOT in my budget). If you go the DJ route, just make sure that the person you interview is the actual person who will DJ the event...there are a lot of big DJ companies out there where they send you some random person.

3) The little extras. I had bottles of water, bags of trail mix, and rolls and cold cuts out in the church dining room right after the ceremony. Didn't cost much money but my guests sure liked getting a snack before driving to the reception site. We also did a photo booth (that I researched to death to get good quality at a low price) and a candy buffet. The guests had a lot of fun with those, too. We also did late-night pizza. At 10pm they brought out hot, homemade pizzas...and it was only $1 per guest at my reception site!

 

[LovesTimone]

DD is getting married in March, for her , and I - it's about what she wants. It's is her day. For her it was her dress and purple shoes,( sticker shock for mom), now that is out of the way.

We are spending more of the budget on reception, Open bar, Food stations, cocktail hour/ passed appetizer. She is super picky and she did not want what all her friends had you know all the receptions rooms look the same just a different color palet. So we are DYI'ing invitations, centerpieces and I am making the decorative overlay for the tables, programs, menu cards, and aisle arrangements for the ceremony.

I know that when I go to a wedding what I remember more is some of the special touches and more personal touches of the couple, the food, and the timing of and pace of the reception, and how the couple looked.

 

[Dopey420]

Just wanted to throw this in:

Make sure you discuss with the caterer what will be done with the leftover food!!!

We were so very busy at our wedding reception receiving guests and shaking hands (my in-laws are kind of prominent in the community) that we did not get to eat any food. When we had finally greeted everyone in the receiving line, the caterer HAD PUT OUT TO GO CONTAINERS AND GUESTS WERE FILLING THEM AND TAKING FOOD HOME!!!!!!!

I KNOW!!!!!! IT WAS MIND BOGGLING!!! WTH!!!

The crowd was a mix of important people from the city and then my friends

And everyone was packing boxes! Granted the food was great! My wife and I did not EVEN get to eat!!! We certainly would have liked to take the leftovers home.

That was a long time ago, but it still BLOWS MY MIND

 

[2dogmom]

I got married at Disney in June and had a huge family reception in my backyard this past weekend. I had a casual luau theme and did some decorations, but nothing too crazy. The thing all of the guest commented on the most were the food (part catered and part homemade plus a fully homemade dessert table), drinks (plenty, with alcohol and without) and a photobooth. That was probably the biggest hit of the night. Everyone loved taking pictures and taking them home.

I was frugal wherever possible - homemade invites (paper from Michaels), I had the rsvp as call/email, homemade thank you cards (using response cards from the Michaels box).

Everyone has commented on how much fun and memorable the party was.

 

[irishsharon]

FOOD!!!! as others have said it does not have ti be fancy but should taste good and plenty of it.What I remember at weddings are the special touches.My friend had cotton candy at her wedding,a friend had pizza and a bonefire on the beach after the reception,the bride & groom had wedding pictures of their parents and grandparents on the cake table,we had a bagpiper outside the church and irish dancers at the reception.We have been married 15 years and I love watching our video every year for our anniversary.There are many people in the video who are no longer with us but we can see them dancing and laughing and it makes me smile to remember them happy.Also it rained on my wedding day and people thought I would be upset but I wasn't because it was the day I was marrying the man I love.Just renenber how you react to things not going as planned does effect the mood of the party.Have fun

 

[marlynnp]

I agree with Food & Drink

and I'll add something I didn't see mentioned... SEATING ARRANGEMENTS!
We spent extra time to figure out what people from each of our families had in common and seated them together. It was NOT just a table of his Aunts & Uncles and a then a table of mine, etc. We mingled them together along with friends and co-workers. I received numerous comments about how nice it was to sit with so and so and they had no idea that they did xxxxx too!

 

[branv]

The most important thing is that to remember while it's your wedding, it's their reception. That doesn't mean don't do what makes you happy, but that you should put their comfort first. The biggest mistakes brides make are caring more about how it looks than how it runs -- beautiful flowers, uncomfortable chairs. Great outdoor views, stifling heat. Spent thousands on the dress, made guests pay for their drinks.

But one of the biggest mistakes I see over and over are brides on a beer budget trying to have everything a bride on a champagne budget has. As in: they want it all, flowers, music, bar, food, photographer, special dress. So they have all those things, but very very poor quality. Cheap plastic flowers, friend hitting play on the Ipod, bad wine or beer served too warm in dixie cups, horrible food, amateur photography, etc. My tip is, if you can't do it well, don't do it at all. FWIW: tasteful does NOT equal expensive (goodness knows how many people with money have no taste), but cheap is cheap. For example, if you can't afford to feed everyone a lot of good food, do a simple dessert reception during a non-dining hour. If you can't afford any/much (or decent tasting) alcohol, offer lots of nonalcoholic drinks or consider having a lunch reception with mimosas. Don't choose a million-dollar looking venue with a cheap-level of comfort: I've been to so many weddings where the venue looked great on the outside, made for great photos of the bridal party, but then you spend 3-4 hours in a windowless, beigy, plasticy ballroom/conference hall. Or ack, worse: it's outside in July in Texas. If you can't afford a DJ/band, just don't do dancing. Some people are fine with the Ipod DJ, but every time I've seen it it's been awkward and the bride gets upset that no one is dancing. It sucks we can't all have our dream wedding, but that's life. People will always enjoy a sweet, simple wedding reception far FAR over one stretched thin by someone trying to have it all.

All in all, biggest vote is for food. Lots of it and very good. It doesn't have to be fancy, if that's not your or your guests thing. I knew a girl who wanted something casual and had a VERY popular barbecue place cater her wedding. I can guarantee even those used to black tie affairs chowed down happily. And this includes feeding them apps/snacks if you're going to make them wait to start dinner while you're doing photos. I've seen it many times -- irritable, hungry guests waiting an hour or more for the bridal party to show up.

And SPEND THE MONEY ON A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER. Twenty years from now you will have forgotten a lot of things, but those photographs will be gold.

Finally, I will say something radical. It is WRONG to spend tons of money on your dress at the expense of your guests comfort. I'm sorry, it is. No matter how great you look, people will not remember you or your wedding fondly if they're treated like props in your dream wedding rather than cherished guests. That being said, there's nothing wrong with having a lovely dress and a small reception. But a $3000 dress and a cash bar...ummm, no.

 

[NotUrsula]

Just wanted to throw this in:

Make sure you discuss with the caterer what will be done with the leftover food!!!

We were so very busy at our wedding reception receiving guests and shaking hands (my in-laws are kind of prominent in the community) that we did not get to eat any food. When we had finally greeted everyone in the receiving line, the caterer HAD PUT OUT TO GO CONTAINERS AND GUESTS WERE FILLING THEM AND TAKING FOOD HOME!!!!!!!

I KNOW!!!!!! IT WAS MIND BOGGLING!!! WTH!!!

The crowd was a mix of important people from the city and then my friends

And everyone was packing boxes! Granted the food was great! My wife and I did not EVEN get to eat!!! We certainly would have liked to take the leftovers home.

That was a long time ago, but it still BLOWS MY MIND

Ahem ... your caterer was an idiot. Any caterer who does weddings should ALWAYS include a "bride's box" as part of the service. Especially at buffet weddings, as very few couples who have buffet weddings get to eat during the reception, so the bride's box is crucial.

What is a bride's box? It is an insulated box or small cooler that is packed with selections for 2 from all of the food at the reception (packed up in heat-safe containers BEFORE the meal is served, not from the leftovers), plus a bottle of wine, plates, napkins, glasses and utensils. That is, everything that the bridal couple need to have a middle-of-the-night picnic in bed in their overnight hotel room. It should be placed in their car or delivered to their hotel room when the reception is winding down. I've been married for 22 years and my DH *still* loves to talk about how great it was to find that box in our room when we got to our hotel.

 

[CinderellaMouse]

I'm not married or engaged, so I don't have personal wedding experience, but I'm at the age where a TON of my friends are getting married, so I've spent a lot of time at weddings and talking about wedding plans in the last couple years. A couple pieces of advice that are just my opinions from what I've seen:

Don't try to figure out a cheap way of doing stuff you can't afford. For example, if you want to do a full meal and can afford it, great. But if you can't afford it, don't cut out all the cousins you wanted to invite and force people to come on a Thursday in order to make the meal affordable. It's much better to have things at a level you can afford to spend enough money to be classy than to stretch your budget and look tacky.

Remember that people are more important than menus. Figure out how many people you want to invite, then figure out what you can afford to feed them, rather than figuring out what you want to serve and then how many you can afford to feed it to. It's more important to invite the friends and family you care about and who want to share the day with you than to have the most expensive menu. Ten years from now no one will remember the food.

 

[yoopermom]

You've gotten so much great advice here.

Here are my random thoughts on the topic:
1)We had hot pizza served at 11 pm, everyone LOVED it, and when I ask people what they remember from my wedding, that's what they say!
2)A standup card stating that in lieu of table "stuff" a donation has been made to the bride/groom's favorite charities is WONDERFUL!
3)Make sure you have enough cake! Tipsy people like their cake! If you run out, some people will never let you forget it....
4)Enough bartenders for the amount of drinkers. We went to one this summer with an open bar for 350+ people that had only two bartenders, and they were the SLOWEST....(crabby drunks who can't get their drinks fast enough and didn't even get a piece of cake=bad....)
5)A venue that seats *comfortably* the number of people you've invited (same wedding as above--we felt as though we were on the boats headed to Ellis Island...)
6)Hotel accomodations in walking distance if you're expecting out of town guests, that way everyone can have a good time, even the usual designated driver
7)PhotographerS was in a wedding in June that had the best photographer EVER! He had pretaped video interviews with the children (four that were blending together) talking about what great parents the bride/groom were, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house, plus they showed a slideshow of all the photos taken during the ceremony while we were eating, so those guests who hadn't been able to attend the ceremony could have a recap
8)If you know you have a "problem" guest attending, assign a caretaker, if at all possible. Nobody wants to watch your own version of Jerry Springer...
9)Keep it "real", whatever that means for you.....

Terri

 

[apirateslifeforme]

While our guests seemed to enjoy the food, almost everyone commented positively on our choice of sparkling cider instead of champagne or wine for the toast. We had mostly elderly guests who don't drink, 5 of our guests were children, and I am ill and cannot have alcohol anyway. The venue provided a one-hour open bar to those who wished to drink, and the bill didn't even come to $100!

The 2nd thing most commented on was the DJ. The ceremony took place in the venue, right in the same room (in fact, that was the 3rd most commented-on, that it was convenient and the reception began the minute the ceremony ended). We had the DJ do our ceremony music and people loved that it was "unique" - our processional was the Trans-Siberian Orchestra version of Canon in D (the first 30 seconds - looped - of "Christmas Canon Rock") and our recessional was the finale of the Nightmare Before Christmas (the part that's in my sig). During the reception, introductions were done to the themes from Star Wars and Indiana Jones, and our first song was Lovesong by The Cure (people loved that it was upbeat). And instead of playing a lot of rock-and-roll, the DJ stuck to the mainly polka playlist, which the older guests appreciated - had they stuck around for the last hour, they would have been treated to Dio, Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Billy Idol, etc.

What else...they liked that we had theme tables instead of numbers. "Our Favourite Things," the tables were Star Wars, Superfriends, Music, Classic Movies, The Twilight Zone, and I Love the 80s. We made signs with photos that illustrated the theme and it made it very easy to find their tables. We had an autograph frame instead of a guest book, since we only had 53 guests. I got many compliments on my dress - I am not traditional and wore a purple gown that I found for $125 on Nordstrom.com (the photographer was thrilled that I didn't wear white or ivory; she said I would have looked like a ghost in the photos).

 

[malibuconlee]

This will sound weird, but I think it's totally worth it to pay the extra for a Saturday wedding. Especially if a lot of people are traveling in for it.

We had friends get married on a Thursday night because it was so much cheaper for them. We would have had to fly in on Wednesday. It's so much easier to come in Thursday night or Friday morning for a Saturday wedding. At the time it was hard to get off of work to travel for the wedding. I still wish we had gone.

And yes, all of the groom's side of the family had to travel from Iowa to Utah, so it wasn't a small distance.