When is it time to take a parent over?

[DVC_Princess]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this

I understand a bit how you feel as my dad is terminally ill (diagnosed in March) and some of my family members continually try to make me feel guilty that I'm not doing enough. As I work all day, it is impossible for me to be there will him all the time. I deal with the doctors, the insurance, cleaning out his apt, all the bills, etc. - there's only so much until u hit a breaking pt.

You're far away, it's understandable that you can't be there and you should not feel guilty!!! Try to talk to the doctors and see what the situation is... perhaps she may need assisted living. If she really can't take care of herself, you also shouldn't expect that your aunt/uncle have to pick up the pieces (unless of course they are volunteering to do this - if they are volunteering, when they complain, u can always remind them that they offered to do this and if it's too much, then you will look into other forms of care).

I wish you all the best, but please try not to feel guilty; this is a hard enough situation without making yourself sick from the stress of it all

 

[happygirl]

I wouldn;t move her being away from her friends might add to her depression. Can you get her a in home aid. To come and help with cooking and cleaning.

 

[C.Ann]

Assisted living would be a great choice! That was my mom's first move (in her 80's).. Her first place was pretty much like living on her own.. She had a kitchen, living room, bedroom, and bathroom.. She was able to keep her car, come and go as she pleased, cook her own meals, have company over - and yet every "apartment" in the building had emergency buzzers in all of the rooms in case she needed assistance, fell, etc..

They had all kinds of activities; a library; a gym; a community center (that could be rented for family parties); shopping busses; beautiful grounds - and the cost was all based on her income..

They usually start at 55, but since your mom is disabled, that would qualify her now.. She would still be near her family and friends - still have her "own" place - and she would be safe..

 

[doxdogy]

Ask the hospital if a social worker has been assigned to your mom. If one has, ask that they call and talk to you. They can give you some ideas on where to go once she is discharged. I understand about your mom not wanting to leave where she lives. My dad was the same way, he insisted on living in his own house and doing what he wanted. Assisted living is a good option to look into for your mom. Try to find one that will be based on income and not leave her broke.

 

[RN4Babies]

I agree that assisted living may be a good option considering the situation and your mom's health.

There was a red flag that went up for me...your mom has epilepsy, and she drives?????? How long has it been since she's had any kind of seizure that you know of? I'd be very concerned about her safety, as well of others on the road. In Wisconsin, if you have a diagnosis of epilepsy, you cannot have a driver's license, even if the epilepsy is controlled with medication.

 

[CPT Tripss]

I hope that things get better for you, your mom and the family and friends. The hospital social worker/discharge planner is the person who needs to work with your Mom and the people who help support her where she lives to set up a viable plan for when she leaves the hospital. Unfortunately, these folks are often overworked and underresoursed, but give do try to that a go.

At 53, she is too young for "aged" services (needs to be 60 or older), so looking for services targeted to people with disabilities is likely the way to go. If she has her own home, that is a real advantage. The tough part, as I am sure you know, is that the support services are in short supply . . . it's difficult to get even a few hours of in home help. There are "Medicaid Waivers" designed to keep low income aged and disabled people in their homes available in many states. That is a place to look to get in -home services - the Social Worker ought to be aware of this, but . . .

Just about everything in the way of these services is state specific . . . where does Mom live?

Again good luck, it's a tough situation to be in, particularly when you are many miles away. Please, don't let yourself get guilted . . . and know that it's OK for you to feel pretty rotten about the entire situation.