When is it time to ask your children to pay

[brittsmum1998]

In general, I think parents are doing too much for their teen and adult children these days; as a society, we're turning out some spoiled young adults who don't know how to "make do" on less, who don't appreciate anything other than the best, and who use credit cards rather than save. Is this true of this young lady? I don't know, but I know that kids who don't learn financial responsibility at a young age almost always end up paying dearly once they're out on their own. Anyone ever read The Millionaire Next Door? The theme is interesting: The author has ample research showing that the most successful people generally had to "make it on their own" after high school.

what she said but I was too lazy to type earlier.

 

[MrsPete]

One, it should be illegal to take money from a minor who is supposed to be your son! Regardless of if he is your step-son or not he is a part of your family now and he should NOT be working in a business office at that age. Isn't that illegal?

Children under 16 cannot go out and get a job from a stranger (except the occasional babysitting or yard mowing type thing), but it is 100% legal for children to work in their own family's business. I know many people who worked in their family's restaurant or store. It's also legal for children to work on family farms; in fact, helping to plant or harvest on a farm which is your family's primary income is an excused school absence.

If the poster were taking money from her minor step-child for food or rent, I'd have a problem with that -- parents are required to provide the necessities of life for their minor children. However, a Disney trip is in no way a necessity. Having him pay a portion is a learning experience, and it's in no way "mean".

Also, if I understood correctly, this child is being given (as spending money?) the money his mother pays in child support. Child support doesn't have to go into the child's hands. Child support is to be used by the parents for food, clothing, shelter, etc. I think she's being overly generous in letting him have this cash.

How many of us experienced this scenerio as children:
"Look, good jeans for $25. I think you need two new pair."
"But mom, I want the $100 jeans."
"Okay, I'm willing to pay $50 total towards jeans -- if you want the more expensive ones, you pay the rest out of your allowance."

Isn't this essentially the same thing? If you want the trip, you pay a portion?

 

[DAWGPOUNDAJ]

In general, I think parents are doing too much for their teen and adult children these days; as a society, we're turning out some spoiled young adults who don't know how to "make do" on less, who don't appreciate anything other than the best, and who use credit cards rather than save. Is this true of this young lady? I don't know, but I know that kids who don't learn financial responsibility at a young age almost always end up paying dearly once they're out on their own. Anyone ever read The Millionaire Next Door? The theme is interesting: The author has ample research showing that the most successful people generally had to "make it on their own" after high school.

what she said but I was too lazy to type earlier.

While I think that can be true I honestly do not think it is true for everyone. I'll admit it. I was spoiled as a child. Was a spoiled rotten? No. Did I have to pay for my own things. Not at all. Did I offer to? You bet I did. it was simply my parents way of making sure I was always a part of the family.

So basically I disagree on the idea that parents are doing too much for their teens and kids. Parents have a responsibility to take care of their child's every need until at a minimum, 18 years of age. Sadly there are a LOT of parents who think that is not a responsbility. If someone disagrees they have no business having a child. And please note that there is a difference b/w taking care of your child, taking them on vacations that are fully paid for, buying them birthday presents, etc. and spoiling them rotten. You can give your children the world and they can be immensely grateful. I am. Do I know people my own ages who are not self-sufficient? You bet. But had my parents made me pay my own way for certain expenses like my car and insurance after 18 I NEVER would have been able to invest my money like I did. Their financial support of me through the beginning years of college before I got sick (missed 2 years because of it and am finishing it up now), have really helped me out. I will forever be greatful that they TRUSTED me enough to know that I would be responsible with money despite never having had to pay for anything up till that point. I think the only thing that forcing children to pay for things before 18 causes is resentment. Seriously, everyone I know who has had that situation strongly resents their parents on multiple levels. And honestly most of them are not self sufficient. The ones who had help from their families and even those who had everything paid for by them are actually the most self-sufficient in my limited experience.

I guess my point is that it's hard to generalize. The book doesn't surprise me and nor would any statistics concernign this. But I'd love to see the statistics of how many of these kids get too stressed out and fall through the cracks. Basically it's true that people need to make it on their own. But when peopel assume (and you are not I'm just generalizing here) that young people cannot function if really taken care of their whole lives is a bit odd to me. I'm 23 and my husband and I have a substantial savings already that we saved souly ourselves. We have no student loans even though I am still finishing up school it does not even look like we will need any b/c of the way we have saved and invested. Was I taken care of my whole life by my parents? You bet. I fall under the category of having "too much" done according to some people. But honestly I think I fall into the category of lucky people who have had parents who are responsible enough to fulfill ALL their duties.

 

[MrsPete]

She is a great kid, but rather lazy. When she is home she really doesn't do much to help out around the house.

Okay, this is exactly what I meant in my previous post when I said that SOMETHING was making Dad feel that this child needs a bit of a nudge towards financial independence. He lives with her, so obviously he knows best.

I'm completely convinced that she needs to not only pay something towards a family vacation, but she also should start contributing both financially and work-wise towards the family's needs. It's no favor to coddle a child for 20+ years, then watch them fail when they go out on their own.

 

[Mandabella]

If my parents wanted to take me to WDW when I was 21 and all I had to do was pay airfare, I would have been DELIGHTED!!! I went to college fulltime and worked fulltime too. I paid for my schooling. Money was tight, but saving up $200 was not impossible.

I'm actually surprised by the number of people who would pay for 21 year old child to vacation. Family vacation or not, it's an expense and at a certain age...people gotta help contribute. Maybe because I grew up with little money to be tossed around, I was taught early on on how to budget and be responsible with money. Except for medical/dental insurance (and I paid the copays), I was financially independent by 21. My parents would gradually make me responsible for more and more each year, it wasn't dumped on me at one time.

In the end, you gotta decide what is right for your family Coach Rick. I think you already know the answer.

 

[HappyLawyer]

Lots of wonderful, thoughtful posts, and I do appreciate everyones time to answer me. I guess there are allot of other things that have gone into this delema I have. She is a great kid, but rather lazy. When she is home she really doesn't do much to help out around the house. She has had her license for 2 years, but hasn't driven since she got it, so my DW and I have to play shuttle to her everywhere she needs to go. I drop her off at school on my way to work, and pick her up on my way home. Except for those days she has to stay later, then DW drives the 12 miles to get her. I work 2 jobs, and coach a high school hockey team. I work about 55 hours a week, during hockey season that goes up to about 65 hours a week. DW works full time then some, and has to come home and run around with the three kids, clean the house cook etc... These are the reasons I site as to why I think it's time she start contributing. Again, I want to emphasize she is an awesome kid, never in trouble, and one we can trust, so that is why I am having so much difficulty with this decision. I just have concerns about her being able to fend for herself. Mom and Dad won't be around forever, and she needs to start learning fiscal responsiblity.

If she is lazy could it be fault, now before you all start the insults hear me out, i was lazy sometimes still am, do you think because you have given her so much she likes to be that way? Is helping out around the house mandatory, do you give them the option of helping or do you make them or give them a chore, this is not meant to be an insult to you as parents, this is just what i told my parents- but they still did not see it my way either-don't understand why

 

[MrsPete]

Parents have a responsibility to take care of their child's every need until at a minimum, 18 years of age. Sadly there are a LOT of parents who think that is not a responsbility. If someone disagrees they have no business having a child.

I agree completely. So does the law, and so do the great majority of people.

However, that doesn't matter in this case. The girl we're discussing is 21 years old. She's long out of high school and is in college. She's legally an adult. That's a whole different ball game.

Also, this question also goes beyond taking care of a child's "every need". These parents are providing the girl with a home, transportation, food, part of her college costs; furthermore, they're planning a nice graduation present for her! They've already gone beyond needs and are iffy on where to draw the line for wants.

 

[SleepyatDVC]

She is a great kid, but rather lazy. When she is home she really doesn't do much to help out around the house. She has had her license for 2 years, but hasn't driven since she got it, so my DW and I have to play shuttle to her everywhere she needs to go. I drop her off at school on my way to work, and pick her up on my way home. Except for those days she has to stay later, then DW drives the 12 miles to get her. I work 2 jobs, and coach a high school hockey team. I work about 55 hours a week, during hockey season that goes up to about 65 hours a week. DW works full time then some, and has to come home and run around with the three kids, clean the house cook etc... These are the reasons I site as to why I think it's time she start contributing. Again, I want to emphasize she is an awesome kid, never in trouble, and one we can trust, so that is why I am having so much difficulty with this decision. I just have concerns about her being able to fend for herself. Mom and Dad won't be around forever, and she needs to start learning fiscal responsiblity.

Like I said, it's not always about money. Sounds like you want her to help out more especially if you have younger kids. Start making her contribute to the family by helping more. To be honest, there is a generation out there that have learned that they can BUY their way out of doing their share or having any personal responsibility (I grew up with friends like that). I personally think it's easier to appease the parents by giving them $200 or another amount and not have to do anything than having responsibilities that I have to fulfill on a regular basis. Although it may be easier for the parent to get the money out of the kid than to get them to clean their rooms!

As an aside, my dad MADE me get my drivers' license when I turned 18 so that I could drive my MOM around and give him a break! LOL!

Good luck. As a parent, it is always challenging to raise our children to be responsible, caring adults. We are already very lucky and ahead of the game if they are safe, healthy, do well in school, don't have bad friends, etc.

 

[Coach Rick]

If she is lazy could it be fault, now before you all start the insults hear me out, i was lazy sometimes still am, do you think because you have given her so much she likes to be that way? Is helping out around the house mandatory, do you give them the option of helping or do you make them or give them a chore, this is not meant to be an insult to you as parents, this is just what i told my parents- but they still did not see it my way either-don't understand why

Valid point. I guess we have enabled her to be who she is, but my 11 year old does pick up and do chores around the house when asked, and my 15 year old son is always trying to pay for things, like dinner when we are out. He has been working more hours than the 21 year old, his choice. His grades have gone up substantially since he started working. I can't emphasize enough that I am more worried about her than wanting her to give me money. My hopes are that some fiscal responsiblity will transfer to other aspects of her life. Last year she was 4 1/2 hours away at college, and it didn't work out. Grade wise she didn't do very well, so we took her back home, and she is going to a local college, and living at home. Grades are now at honors status. Next year she will once again be moving away, although only an hour away. She has been recruited once again for ice hockey. I am afraid the same thing will happen again. So what will asking for $200 to resolve this? Well it will hopefully get the message accross that the day is coming when all her expenses will be her responsability, and she needs to get her act together, and know this. Three kids under the same roof, and all three are different. I am also a teacher, and see these behaviors by many students. Parents working lots of hours, and not enough guidance at home, but what can you do? That is society today.

 

[HappyLawyer]

Valid point. I guess we have enabled her to be who she is, but my 11 year old does pick up and do chores around the house when asked, and my 15 year old son is always trying to pay for things, like dinner when we are out. He has been working more hours than the 21 year old, his choice. His grades have gone up substantially since he started working. I can't emphasize enough that I am more worried about her than wanting her to give me money. My hopes are that some fiscal responsiblity will transfer to other aspects of her life. Last year she was 4 1/2 hours away at college, and it didn't work out. Grade wise she didn't do very well, so we took her back home, and she is going to a local college, and living at home. Grades are now at honors status. Next year she will once again be moving away, although only an hour away. She has been recruited once again for ice hockey. I am afraid the same thing will happen again. So what will asking for $200 to resolve this? Well it will hopefully get the message accross that the day is coming when all her expenses will be her responsability, and she needs to get her act together, and know this. Three kids under the same roof, and all three are different. I am also a teacher, and see these behaviors by many students. Parents working lots of hours, and not enough guidance at home, but what can you do? That is society today.

this is true i taught for 3 years before law school and one thing i noticed is when kids want something, they make it happen, i am not sure ow long before you leave but if she shows the desire to come up with the money, and give her a reality check, as kids we do not realize how much mom and dad do for us until we are out on our own,

 

[rt2dz]

I just don't know about a lot of what is being said. It just seems to me that IF this is a FAMILY vacation, she is being treated as a second class family member. I agree that maybe she should purchase her own admission to the park. Part of the family, part of the vacation, but contributing.

That being said, it isn't what you pay for that makes you responsible--even with money. I grew up in a well-to-do family (to put it nicely) & dh grew up severly underprivilaged. He started working at 14 (the age at the time) just to contribute to family expenses. Same with both dh's brothers. FIL dropped out of school at 11 to help support his family. These are people that paid for all their wants & most their needs themselves out of necessity. None of these people are very responsible, *especially* not with money. DH is coming around, simply because I'm teaching him and his MBA is in accounting & finance (go figure). And he put himself through college (& graduate school), and that includes ALL living expenses & spending money!!

My parents gave me a car and paid for all my expenses at 15, when I just had a learning permit. Did I get the porsche many of my friends drove, no. I got a basic car, but it was to get me used to driving a car that I would drive later and free them up from having to take me places. I worked, out of choice, from the time I was 15 (earliest age then), because I saw my parents working hard and simply quit asking for my allowence (which was very generous). I wasn't asked or expected to. I paid for all my incidentals without being asked, because I knew that was what you were supposed to do. I saw my parents give at church and to charity on a regular basis and I do also. My parents taught me to do that with my allowence from a very early age.

At Christmas I always make sure my son puts money in the salvation army buckets. My kids help give their unwanted toys & clothes to charity twice a year. My son gets some money from time to time that he saves to buy the things we don't think are necessary. My kids are expected to pick up their own messes; OK I really don't expect our 14m to do much, but we do have him "help". It's real obvious to my 4yo preschool teachers. ALL my kids know to throw away their trash & put dirty dishes in the sink & clothes in the hamper. My kids help me grocery shop; my oldest helps cook & he sets the table. I do these things because that is what my parents did.

Was I spoiled? YOU BETCHA!! Are my kids? OF COURSE!! Our house probably rivals Toys R Us. They have HUGE wardrobes. They are expected to take care of their belongings or they lose them. They are taught *how* to spend AND how to save. And they are taught consequences for their actions. And they are taught what is expected. They are taught by direction and by example. I will not give my kids an allowence for doing chores; no one pays me to clean my house! And they will not pay for family vacations. Their essentials will be covered until they finish college. And money issues are not hidden from them.

If it can't be paid at the end of the month, it doesn't go on a credit card. Nothing is taken for granted, living expenses are in savings in case we lose a job. In five years, the only debt we should have is our mortgage payment (we do need to buy a new car soon & still have dh's student loans). And these are MY rules, the one who had everything paid for. NOT my husband's, who had to pay for everything himself.

AGAIN--it is not what you paid for/was paid for for you. DH paid for everything and never learned how to take care of his belongings, clean up after himself, how to priortize, how to save or how to spend, etc, etc. until after we were married. He's a great guy with lots of wonderful qualities. Just NO ONE in his family has the slightest clue to fiscal responsibility, and most none elsewhere either. My bil is the wort parent I have ever seen without being abusive.

 

[TeresaMc]

Children under 16 cannot go out and get a job from a stranger (except the occasional babysitting or yard mowing type thing), but it is 100% legal for children to work in their own family's business. I know many people who worked in their family's restaurant or store. It's also legal for children to work on family farms; in fact, helping to plant or harvest on a farm which is your family's primary income is an excused school absence.

If the poster were taking money from her minor step-child for food or rent, I'd have a problem with that -- parents are required to provide the necessities of life for their minor children. However, a Disney trip is in no way a necessity. Having him pay a portion is a learning experience, and it's in no way "mean".

Also, if I understood correctly, this child is being given (as spending money?) the money his mother pays in child support. Child support doesn't have to go into the child's hands. Child support is to be used by the parents for food, clothing, shelter, etc. I think she's being overly generous in letting him have this cash.

How many of us experienced this scenerio as children:
"Look, good jeans for $25. I think you need two new pair."
"But mom, I want the $100 jeans."
"Okay, I'm willing to pay $50 total towards jeans -- if you want the more expensive ones, you pay the rest out of your allowance."

Isn't this essentially the same thing? If you want the trip, you pay a portion?

Obviously many think I am wrong.....but It is just as stated above. The money his mother pays in child support (money that should go towards shelter and food for him) is put directly in his hands for whatever he wants. We are not wealth but do ok and do not need that money for everyday life so we choose to give it to him. I do treat him like my son, and he has way more respect for me than his bioligical mother. In the state of Iowa 14-15 year old can work 3 hours per day and must not work past 7pm (which I follow, even though as stated working the family business excludes him from these restrictions) I pay him the same as the rest of my employees and also try to let him see the business side too. I realize he is 14 and only a kid but he is mature and wants to be a part of the business so if he wants to learn I will teach. I have never forced him to work, it was his choice. The child definately does not go without has every possible electronic gadget and newest laptop computer, ect of his own. He even has a car that we bought for him even thoguh he only has his learners permit and can only drive it with a parent. So having him pay a portion of something he wants (even if it is a Disney trip) I do not think is unreasonable...that is my story and I'm sticking to it!!!

 

[Coach Rick]

I just don't know about a lot of what is being said. It just seems to me that IF this is a FAMILY vacation, she is being treated as a second class family member. I agree that maybe she should purchase her own admission to the park. Part of the family, part of the vacation, but contributing.

<snip>

At Christmas I always make sure my son puts money in the salvation army buckets. My kids help give their unwanted toys & clothes to charity twice a year. My son gets some money from time to time that he saves to buy the things we don't think are necessary. My kids are expected to pick up their own messes; OK I really don't expect our 14m to do much, but we do have him "help". It's real obvious to my 4yo preschool teachers. ALL my kids know to throw away their trash & put dirty dishes in the sink & clothes in the hamper. My kids help me grocery shop; my oldest helps cook & he sets the table. I do these things because that is what my parents did.

Was I spoiled? YOU BETCHA!! Are my kids? OF COURSE!! Our house probably rivals Toys R Us. They have HUGE wardrobes. They are expected to take care of their belongings or they lose them. They are taught *how* to spend <snip more of the same>


AGAIN--it is not what you paid for/was paid for for you. DH paid for everything and never learned how to take care of his belongings, clean up after himself, how to priortize, how to save or how to spend, etc, etc. until after we were married. He's a great guy with lots of wonderful qualities. Just NO ONE in his family has the slightest clue to fiscal responsibility, and most none elsewhere either. My bil is the wort parent I have ever seen without being abusive.

I'm trying to figure out what your point is. All I get is that your kids are wonderful, and you seem to think I am less of a parent for asking my daughter to pay a miniscule portion of this 10 day vacation. Perhaps I am reading wrong.

 

[tinaluis]

I don't think it's out of line at all to ask her to contribute something toward the vacation, whether it be $ for airfare, park tickets or something else. When I lived at home with my parents, we never went on vacations to WDW (or anywhere else for that matter). They probably could have afforded to take us but chose not to. I started working as soon as I was old enough to work and have done so ever since. If I wanted to go to New Orleans, Mexico, Orlando, etc. I had to work for it. That was fine with me and I never expected it to be any other way. At the time, I remember most of my friends going on family vacations and wishing we could do the same but we didn't. I'm not sure if my parents planned on making me self-reliant but I definitely am and it's a good thing because I lost both of them pretty young -- I was 25 when my dad died and 27 when my mom died. There's nothing wrong with trying to teach your children some financial responsibility.

 

[rt2dz]

I'm trying to figure out what your point is. All I get is that your kids are wonderful, and you seem to think I am less of a parent for asking my daughter to pay a miniscule portion of this 10 day vacation. Perhaps I am reading wrong.

You are reading EXTEREMLY wrong.

As stated--that post was directed at those who say the ONLY/BEST way to teach responsibility to any child is to make them pay for things. I disagree. My parents raised 4 responsible children, & their children are raising 9 responsible children, without doing so. My in-laws paid all their own expenses as well as all 3 of their kids, and none of them learned responsibility at all. That post was directed to others for the most part, not you. I was simply giving examples as to how it works the other way. You, or anyone else, as a parent isn't even being touched in any way.

When I did give you my opinion in an earlier post, I'm finding following this thread exteremly interesting, I stated all families are different and there is no right or wrong. I disagree with you, but it is simply my opinion. You can go back and read that post if you need clarification there or on WHY I disagree. I know it can be hard to keep track of who posts what.

However, in this post, I was also agreeing with an earlier poster that instead of paying for airfair, you should have her pay for some other expense(s) in the same amount--that it should be a different expense for reasons of different treatment/making her a less important family member.

I will re-emphasize here, what you do is YOUR choice. I don't expect you or anyone else to change what they do from my opinions, but I'll give it when asked. There is no right or wrong--just different schools of thought. The thing that makes the world go round. And quite frankly, I don't think it matters if the vacation is 3 days or 2 months.

 

[brittsmum1998]

Without even a bigger debate I worry about the responsibilities of kids these days. (lack of respect, morals etc) When I was 15/16 I had a job at Bradlees. My parents were certainly not well off. I know of children who are 22/23, come home on weekends from school to have Mom/Dad do laundry ...get $$$ for the week and leave. Children feel as if they are owned something now and I'm not sure why that is (although reading some of these posts its not hard to figure out) I gasped at the post stating making her pay some of the cost is like making her a 2nd class citizen? ( or something to that effect) I can't imagine feeling 2nd class if at 21 I was asked to contribute to a family vacation etc. Sounds like more of a confidence/esteem issue to me (not your daughter Coach) putting flame suit on go w/ your gut Coach, she'll be fine and you'll all have a great vacation.

 

[beautybelle]

Im with the majority here, I dont think she should have to pay for airfare. It is a "family vacation" afterall and she still IS a part of the family. If me and my hubby were going on vacation and wanted our son to go it wouldnt matter to me if he were 50 I still wouldnt ask him to pay.

 

[PrincessasMommy]

Don't make her pay.......

- As stated by pp, it is a FAMILY vacation and as the head of the family, it was your decision to go, no?

- She obviously shows responsibility by holding a part-time job and going to school.

There are so many years ahead where she will have to pay for herself, why start now? If you want to teach her responsibility you have to do it at home, through chores and contributions (not financial). If she rises to those tasks than a family vacation is a bonus, if she doesn't then why start teaching her responsibilty this way and now? You obviously have bigger issues if she's not in any way contributing to your family (again - not $$)

You haven't stated that she has any behavioral issues, bad grades or drug problems, count your blessings and enjoy your daughter, she'll soon be moved out with a life of her own and you'll miss having to ponder such issues!

 

[justhat]

I already replied to this, but I have a bit more to add. Like I said before, I wouldn't ask her to pay, since it's a family vacation and she's part of the family regardless of her age (though I think 21 and in school full time is still pretty young). I would have her pay for her own snacks/souvenirs (like i think I said earlier). After reading your additional posts, I further agree with myself (LOL). I think telling her she needs to pay for airfare is 'easier' than buying her own snacks/souvenirs. She knows it's a set amount and once it's done that's it. With saving spending money, it's up to her how much she saves, but if it's not enough she suffers once she's there. If everyone is eating a Mickey bar but she can't afford it, well she has learned for next time. Also, I'm guessing there will be times when your family splits up on the trip. I would have her pay for any meals during that time too. What I mean is that if you end up eating lunch separately (or even together, but like at counter service) then she buys her own meal.

That way she has to basically figure out a budget well before she leaves for the trip and save to meet that goal. You can help her figure it all out if necessary and it will show her how much you've been spending just to feed one person on vacation, plus teach her that there's much more involved in a trip than just the hotel, airfare, and park ticket.

Also, I think this sort of stuff could spill over into her everyday life. Sorta have her set up budgets for various parts of her life that she could slowly start contributing to. Small parts of course since she is only working 10 hours a week, but more so to gain responsibility than to actually be paying for things. The fact that she hasn't driven since she got her license and didn't do well at a school far from home leads me to think that she's not too secure with her abilities. I'm sure she could handle driving and being away at school, but my guess is that she doesn't think that's the case and it probably scares her a bit. By slowly helping her to handle more things on her own she should overcome those inhibitions.

My daughter is only 13 months, so this isn't from my own parenting perspective, but I'm in grad school for child psychology so I naturally have that tendency to read into things like this. Also, my cousin (who is almost 24) sounds a lot like your daughter. She was always the sweetest person in the world, but she too didn't want to get her license and when she did get it she never wanted to drive. She lived at home and went to a college about a mile away. Then she had a baby in November 2003 and she became one of the most responsible people I know. She takes better care of her daughter than most moms I know (I even think she does a better job than I do sometimes!). She got more hours at her job, got her associates degree at the local college and started in a bachelors/masters program at another college about 40 minutes from her home, plus has to take her 16 month old to daycare in the opposite direction of college everyday. She also drives everywhere now without a 2nd thought (including when she's out with her parents, so that she can go home for the baby's bedtime in case they stay out later). They still live with my aunt and uncle, but she pays for all of the their expenses on her own (the baby's father basically left them both to fend for themselves).

Of course I'm not suggesting anything like this to get your daughter more responsible, but just pointing out how someone who sounds just like her made such a change. So with a bit of guidance in the right direction, I'm sure your daughter will be there too. You sound like a great parent so I'm sure she has lots of support and love.

 

[DAWGPOUNDAJ]

I agree completely. So does the law, and so do the great majority of people.

However, that doesn't matter in this case. The girl we're discussing is 21 years old. She's long out of high school and is in college. She's legally an adult. That's a whole different ball game.

Also, this question also goes beyond taking care of a child's "every need". These parents are providing the girl with a home, transportation, food, part of her college costs; furthermore, they're planning a nice graduation present for her! They've already gone beyond needs and are iffy on where to draw the line for wants.

Hey there Mrs.Pete! I was actually referring to a totally different subpost on this post, that regarded someone who said they were having their 14 year old not only work several hours a week but that they had him pay for things like vacations as well. I think the poster may have been joking, theres no way someone would be serious about that.

After reading Coach Rich's other posts that describe the situation more I am beginning to see his dilemma a bit more clearly. Basically Coach Rick is the only one to be able to make this decision. So best of luck to you Coach Rick! I don't envy you!