When is enough enough?

[Disney Doll]

While I would certainly never presume to tell anyone how many children to have, I would have no problem telling them that I have no desire to continue to help them in their quest to have a large family.

Every family has tragedies or unexpected occurrences where they may require help. I too, though, am an analzyer, and if I were in that situation, my analysis would be that it is presumptuous of me to continue to get pregnant when I know that I have difficult pregnancies which place a strain on me and my family and my larger religious community. I believe that children are a gift from God, and these people are already fortunate that they have received many "gifts". I also believe that God helps those who help themselves and that he gave us free will and intelligence for a reason...so that we could use it to make intelligent, informed decisions.

If I were you, in this case, i would decline to offer any more assistance. Not so much to "teach" those folks a lesson, but because giving should be done with a happy heart, and you should be giving because you believe it is the right thing to do. This is not the case with this situation. You are feeling taken advantage of, and that makes it not a "gift" but an obligation.

FWIW, if I were you I'd feel the same way.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I agree with you. You need to take care of the kids you have and not keep making more and expecting others to help. If her 7th was a problem, I would help. But she only gets one from me. She needed to stop a long time ago.

 

[AMcaptured]

As someone who was in bed for the last 4 months of my one and only pregnancy, I have to wonder about the mothers emotional health. We never had another child, by choice, because it would put my life and the life of any future child at to much of a risk and I felt I had more of an obligation to my daughter, who need me, than risking it all, you don't miss what you don't have.

However, I have to wonder if all these children, esp when being homeschooled, is to much for her to emotionally handle so she gets pregnant so she doesn't have to deal with them. I don't know why but when I hear these types of stories I think about Andrea Yates, women who seem to be great loving mothers but are overwhelmed by the actual day to day care and schooling of them.

I don't know, I am just thinking maybe she has more children so she isn't around them. Perhaps she sees the 4 months in the hospital as a vacation
from it all.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am a "bedrest", "high risk", pregnancy person. The parents are irresponsible, period. They have an obligation to their children and putting yourself in harm's way like that is risk-taking behavior.
No way would I support it.

 

[4cruisin]

If you want to have all those kids and can provide for them all then fine...but when you have to start begging and asking for help and money you have no business having kid after kid after kid...I don't care WHAT your religious beliefs are! If you can't use birth control due to some insane religious belief then stop having sex...anything not to pop out yet another kid you are going to need assistance with!!

Very well said!!!

 

[punkin]

I had two "easy" pregnancies and deliveries and I still needed a LOT of help from family and friends in the first few months. I have no idea how these people do it. I think I agree with the person who said that the mother probably thinks it's a vacation from the other kids for 4 months.

 

[DMRick]

I think I agree with the person who said that the mother probably thinks it's a vacation from the other kids for 4 months.

Anyone who goes through all of that just to have more children, isn't IMO having them for a vacation for 4 months . Again, if you prefer to not help in this ministry, just say no. I thank God for our church and the people in our church, who help as they can and don't judge the why's.
My own Grandmother had 18 children that lived, and it sure gave us an extra special large family. I'm sure not everyone thought she was wise, but when I see the accomplishments of the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren in our family, I'm sure glad she had everyone of them. One of those she might not have had could have been my own mother, since she was one of the youngest.