When is enough enough?

[C.Ann]

What religious belief would that be? The world revolves around me and give me, give me, give me? I wonder if it is a religious belief or a religious excuse? The OP belongs to the same church and she doesn't have 7 kids or begs for charity. I'm sorry, at some point in your life you have to take responsibilty for yourself and your family and not expect everyone else to bail you out. Sorry if I come off a little abrupt, I just think this family is taking advantage of a lot of kind-hearted people and it doesn't seem to be a very "religious" thing to do.

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You may very well be right - however, the OP didn't indicate what religious belief is involved or what church she attends.. If this family is asking for help from her church group and they continue to respond favorably, then there wouldn't be any incentive for them (the couple) to stop, I guess.. On the other hand, there just may be a whole group of people from that church that don't have a problem with it and therefore are willing to help time and time again because it coincides with their religious beliefs in terms of having children..

I just don't think we have enough information to make that judgement..

 

[glass-slipper]

That is probably what they think too

 

[Barb D]

There are a lot of people within the homeschooling community who believe that birth control is a sin - that children are a gift from God and we should not refuse his gifts. They believe that God will take care of them. Perhaps in the case of the OPs friends they believe that God is taking care of them through their friends in the church.

 

[KelNottAt]

There are a lot of people within the homeschooling community who believe that birth control is a sin - that children are a gift from God and we should not refuse his gifts. They believe that God will take care of them. Perhaps in the case of the OPs friends they believe that God is taking care of them through their friends in the church.

Exactly what I was thinking. Having said that, I don't agree with it in this case. I think it's irresponsible to risk a woman's health over and over again. The older kids could find themselves without a mother too easily. I don't think you're a bad person. I would decline to donate, too.

 

[Taylor]

I'm sorry, at some point in your life you have to take responsibilty for yourself and your family and not expect everyone else to bail you out.

You are kidding, right? There is no way it can be her fault. This is America after all and somebody must be at fault. I think I would consult an attorney and sue someone immediately .

 

[Feralpeg]

I had a guy working for me several years ago. After his first two children were born, he took his family on a Disney cruise. Of course, they loved it. Then they had another child. And then, another child. And then, another child. Then, all I heard was "Why do you get to go to WDW all the time? I want to take my family on a Disney cruise, but I don't have the money? What can you do for me so that I will be able to take my family on a cruise?".

Since I was his boss, he was continually hitting me up for a raise. Our company really didn't work that way. Merit raises came out once a year and we had a certain amount to work with. This guy just about drove me crazy. I finally just came out and told him that I got to go to WDW each year because I waited until I was 36 and in a good financial position to have my one child. It was his decision to have so many children and put himself in a bad financial position. He told me it wasn't his decision. It was God's. I just gave up. Since I left the company, I heard that he has had two more children.

 

[golfgal]

It could also be a religious belief that motivates them, so maybe we shouldn't judge..

They are Catholic and I am pretty sure they practice natural family planning since they teach the classes but even the Catholic church permits birth control or sterilization in cases where the mother's health can be harmed by having more children, which is clearly the case here.

They are nice people but they don't have a lot of money. The DH works at a pretty low paying job. They aren't frivolous people by any means and their kids are pretty well behaved. I just think that it is irresponsible for the parents to continue to have children when it isn't safe and the mom is on big time bedrest.

Everyone has made me feel better with my decision though, thanks.

 

[hentob]

They are Catholic and I am pretty sure they practice natural family planning since they teach the classes but even the Catholic church permits birth control or sterilization in cases where the mother's health can be harmed by having more children....

Ugh. Doesn't this rub anyone the wrong way? That a church is "so kind" as to permit birth control for a woman

Golfgal, you have NOTHING to feel badly about. Enough is enough as far as those people are concerned.

 

[aprilgail2]

If you want to have all those kids and can provide for them all then fine...but when you have to start begging and asking for help and money you have no business having kid after kid after kid...I don't care WHAT your religious beliefs are! If you can't use birth control due to some insane religious belief then stop having sex...anything not to pop out yet another kid you are going to need assistance with!!

 

[hentob]

If you want to have all those kids and can provide for them all then fine...but when you have to start begging and asking for help and money you have no business having kid after kid after kid...I don't care WHAT your religious beliefs are! If you can't use birth control due to some insane religious belief then stop having sex...anything not to pop out yet another kid you are going to need assistance with!!

BRAVO

 

[kpm76]

They are Catholic and I am pretty sure they practice natural family planning since they teach the classes

Yikes! They are teaching NFP but obviously it is not working for them!! BTW, I do not think you are awful to feel this way...we are Catholic but in no way think it's appropriate to have dozens of kids that we might have trouble not only financially providing for but emotionally as well.....

 

[Alicnwondrln]

you are not a bad person
i agree with you and others
stop having kids if you have to rely on the church and others to support you and your kids
its great to have a big family if you want but you need to be able to supprt them

 

[MrsKreamer]

They are Catholic and I am pretty sure they practice natural family planning since they teach the classes

Yikes! They are teaching NFP but obviously it is not working for them!! BTW, I do not think you are awful to feel this way...we are Catholic but in no way think it's appropriate to have dozens of kids that we might have trouble not only financially providing for but emotionally as well.....

Maybe they choose to have this many!? Some people...

Anyway I agree that they need to not rely on the Church as much and take care of the children they already have. Maybe they don't recognize the severity of the problem. I mean maybe her love for more children (or the attention she gets while pregnant?) clouds her judgement...
I am in no way making excuses, but we do have some very dumb, or attenion seeking people in this world.

 

[goofygirl]

This reminds me....where's 6TimeMomma been lately?

I agree with others who said its time to stop already. Perhaps if people put an end to their gravy train, her and her husband can stop acting like rabbits.

 

[Aidensmom]

I had one high risk pregnancy, and definately would not want to go through it again. I can't imagine doing it that many times.

I would definately feel used if I was asked to keep helping. I had a co-worker at my old job, who coincidentally was also a preacher, whose story sounds the same. I had to look at your location, because I thought you might be talking about the same people.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I think it's too much when you can't take care/can't afford the kids you already have.

 

[rt2dz]

There is a family in our church, she is currently pregnant with their 7th child. Her first pregnancy went fine but the subsequent 6 have been high risk meaning she is on complete bedrest, in a hospital 1 1/2 hours away, from about 20 weeks on. With each pregnancy there have been requests for help with childcare, meals brought in, etc. She homeschools her kids so there are requests for other homeschool families to help with that as well. I can understand one, maybe two pregnancies, but 6? Maybe it is just me but I couldn't ask for that much charity from people and feel comfortable. I got another email from a retreat group I am in asking when I could help. I said I couldn't. I think that if you KNOW you are going to end up in the hospital like this, maybe you should consider NOT having more children. So, am I an awful person for feeling like this?

OK, I've only skimmed the thread rather than reading it completely, but...

I don't think it is anyone else's business how many kids another couple have. I have had a pregnancy that required me to go on bedrest, but still had another. I've always been on limited activity with my other pregnancies too. But, my OB keeps telling me that doesn't mean the next one won't be smooth sailing. However, I do agree she is making a choice knowing that chances are pretty high she'll need A LOT of help. It's not a choice I would make.


But, then again, is she asking for the help, or are others seeing a need and want to help? And by not helping, it's the kids who have no say in the situation that will be hurt, not her. That being said, no one should help if they don't want to; help should come from the heart and never be an obligation or put you out.

You are welcome to feel any way you want, so no you aren't a bad person. Don't help if you don't want to.

 

[DMRick]

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On the other hand, there just may be a whole group of people from that church that don't have a problem with it

The good thing in our church is, when someone needs help, if you don't feel comfortable, or can't afford to help, or don't have the time, all you have to say is no. I've not walked in the shoes of someone having such problems, and I'm just thankful when I'm available to help, in any way God has for me to help. If I couldn't afford a few meals, I'd offer to clean her house, if I couldn't do that, I'd sit her other kids. Whatever is needed. Help should never be given in bitterness, and if it makes you uneasy to offer more help, because you don't agree with her having children because of the problems it involves, a simple no, sorry, can't help at this time should do. I have no idea what plans God has for those children, and I feel only He can judge any motives for having them in these circumstances.

 

[C.Ann]

The good thing in our church is, when someone needs help, if you don't feel comfortable, or can't afford to help, or don't have the time, all you have to say is no. I've not walked in the shoes of someone having such problems, and I'm just thankful when I'm available to help, in any way God has for me to help. If I couldn't afford a few meals, I'd offer to clean her house, if I couldn't do that, I'd sit her other kids. Whatever is needed. Help should never be given in bitterness, and if it makes you uneasy to offer more help, because you don't agree with her having children because of the problems it involves, a simple no, sorry, can't help at this time should do. I have no idea what plans God has for those children, and I feel only He can judge any motives for having them in these circumstances.

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Exactly.. It seems that the church members have helped in the past and continue to help.. If they didn't want to, they would give a polite "no" or make up an excuse, I would assume.. I don't know what the reasoning is for having such a large family, but then again, it's not for me to question..

 

[kpm76]

The good thing in our church is, when someone needs help, if you don't feel comfortable, or can't afford to help, or don't have the time, all you have to say is no. I've not walked in the shoes of someone having such problems, and I'm just thankful when I'm available to help, in any way God has for me to help. If I couldn't afford a few meals, I'd offer to clean her house, if I couldn't do that, I'd sit her other kids. Whatever is needed. Help should never be given in bitterness, and if it makes you uneasy to offer more help, because you don't agree with her having children because of the problems it involves, a simple no, sorry, can't help at this time should do. I have no idea what plans God has for those children, and I feel only He can judge any motives for having them in these circumstances.

You are absolutely correct and you said it beautifully....thanks for reminding me that there is a plan for all of us and we should not be so quick to judge The very practical side of me gets concerned when I read stories like this because I worry about the children long term and the parent's ability to provide for them. I'm not one to make decisions without very carefully looking at pros and cons, in essence I overanalyze I joke about NFP not working in my own family because my mom is the oldest of 11 and my dad is the oldest of 8 However, I think both sets of grandparents really wanted large families and I am grateful they did because I have lots of aunts and uncles and it makes family gatherings and holidays lots of fun. Thanks again for your post