When did you (or do you) talk to your kids about s-e-x?

[tiggerlover]

I am curious to know at what age you talked to your kids or plan to talk to your kids about sex? My good friend had the big talk with her daughter who is 8 years old and I am just shocked that she brought the topic up so young. My DS is 7 and unless he asked me something specific, I wouldn't bring it up. Am I behind the times or are there lots of folks talking to their kids this young?

 

[Otto's Doll]

Debbi,
We have addressed things as they have come up. When my Brother and SIL were expecting a few years ago, we bought a good book on it, and then the kids have reread it a few times. My DD has asked me other questions at times, and I have answered them in ways appropriate to her age. I would like to get my DS 10 a good book on Puberty, but I want it to have a Christian aspect to it, so I will need to go to our local Christian book store (soon).

 

[Kimberle]

JMHO, but I don't think you need/should have a "big talk". I think you answer questions when they are asked. As they learn more & more abt how their bodies "work", they will ask.

 

[FOJMO]

Our DD18 began her period at age 9 and, although she already knew about menstruation, I took this opportunity to also explain the act of intercourse and pregnancy to her also. She didn't look me in the eye the whole time, but I knew she was listening.

She never asked us any questions, but they also have sex education in school.

Otto's Doll -- I'm curious as to what the "Christian aspect" of puberty is?

 

[goofy4tink]

My dd, 10, used to watch "A Baby Story" all the time. She knew more about child birth than a lot of women I know!!! But, and this is the big one, she had no idea of how that darn baby got in there. Well, last winter, she hopped into bed with me one Sat. morning and asked the big question. "Mom, I know how babies get out, but how do they get in there?" Oh man. I took a deep breath and told her everything. Well, what does she do? She goes out to the garage, after getting dressed and eating breakfast, and says to her poor father, "Hey Dad. Did you know that the man's ***** goes into the lady's ****** and that's how a baby is made? That is sooooo gross and disgusting!!!" Now, my dh, thinks his Katie is going to make a great nun, so he was a little distressed about this statement. Took about 20 years off his life. But now she knows 'the rest of the story' so to speak. And can't wait to get her first period and grow breasts. Little does she know what she is wishing for!!

 

[LindaR]

I am a very open person. If you ask the question, I will answer it!

When my daughter was 7, I purchased a book for her about girls and how their bodies change. I also purchased the "sister" book to that which explained how babies are made. I gave her the books and told her that when she decided she wanted to read them, go ahead. And when she wanted to ask me a question, ask away.

I have never been embarassed about anything that the Lord created. It's MY job to explain and teach. I never wanted anyone else to do this for me because they may not teach the correct info.

DD is now 15 and we still talk about EVERYTHING and I can ask her just as many questions as she asks me! The relaxed attitude keeps the lines of communication open!

 

[BWVDenise]

Debbi, I was going to post this same question! The other day, I was watching Oprah and she announced that the next topic would be "children having sex!" Well, before I could turn down the volume, my kids heard it. My 9 yo asked what is sex? (Of course the 5 y.o. and 6 y.o. were right there, ears wide open) Knowing that he thinks people kissing is really gross, I said, well, it has to do with kissing-- are you sure you want to know? As predicted, he freaked and that was it. But I know it will come up again, and I don't know what to do. I just can't see telling a child about what sex really means when he still believes in Santa Claus!
Also, when you tell them, do they ask if you do it?

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by BWVDenise
I just can't see telling a child about what sex really means when he still believes in Santa Claus!
Also, when you tell them, do they ask if you do it?

LOL! I was in HIGH SCHOOL when it dawned on me that my parents did it...gross! LOL! DS had a few questions over the past year. Then one day he said something (can't remember exactly what) that finally pushed me to have the talk with him. Christian based book and age appropriate. It was even for 8 year olds...he's 10. And he was still shocked as they all are I suppose. When he asked if we did it, I said that we had a baby...so yes, we did. He was okay with that. DS found out the truth about Santa in 1st grade. He's surprised that some of his fellow 5th graders still believe in Santa. And in the case with one boy...the Easter Bunny. LOL! Most of them are the ones with younger siblings. However, a couple of the younger ones are in 3rd grade and still believe in Santa. Hmmm...wonder when they'll find out.

 

[geffric]

We have always answered questions as they came up but in our school district , they start will sex ed at 5th grade, so I had the talk with both my boys. I preferr that they hear the information from me rather than the playground at school. We had a nice book that discussed the physical changes that would be happen to them, discussed shaving, hair, smelling feet, plus the "how Babies are made'..

DS#1 asked" do you have to do THAT?? So I explained that we wanted to and liked it..his reaction was to not process that but to focus on shaving..

DS#2 - stopped me 1/2 way into it and said it was just too gross to even think about..
Obviously they were a little to young to explain it all..
We have since had better discusions..

BTW DH was not comfortable to do the discussion.. i did mention that it would be important for the boys to hear some of the aspects from him..

 

[JESW]

I answer the questions (age appropriately) as they come up. DS was 4 when I was pregnant with DD. He didn't ask how the baby got in there but he was REAL curious as to how the baby got OUT! I had a great kids book about pregnancy and I showed him the pictures. (pictures - not photographs - didn't want to completely freak out a 4 yo!)

When DS was 7 he asked how the baby got in there so we had "the talk". I chose my words very carefully - and after all was said and done his response was - "oh" - and that was it. Every once in a while he'll ask me some type of sex question - more because kids talk about things on the bus. I have told him to ask me because the kids on the bus probably don't know what they are talking about. I also told him it was not his job to set them straight as it's their parents. (I can just see it now...DS holding his sex talks on the bus and I get hauled into the principal's office...)

It's never-ending tho. Today the kids are running around with just their bottoms on. (yes, it was -10 this morning and my kids were half-naked) DD is almost 5 and I mentioned something about how girls shouldn't run around with their shirts off. DS piped in with that it was ok because she was just little and the things on her chest were just the same as his and they hadn't grown yet so she could still show them....

Jill

 

[CEDmom]

I agree with those who have posted about answering questions when they come up. I also like to take it a step further and try to find out what prompted DD to ask the question.

We started talking about where babies come from when DD was about 2. Since she's adopted we wanted her to get information from us about how not all women who give birth then become the babies mommy sometimes another woman becomes the mommy. Because of these early talks she's already asked alot of questions about how babies get into and out of a woman's tummy. So far I've been able to answer her questions in simple terms.

 

[Otto's Doll]

Originally posted by FOJMO
Our DD18 began her period at age 9 and, although she already knew about menstruation, I took this opportunity to also explain the act of intercourse and pregnancy to her also. She didn't look me in the eye the whole time, but I knew she was listening.

She never asked us any questions, but they also have sex education in school.

Otto's Doll -- I'm curious as to what the "Christian aspect" of puberty is?

Oops, guess I didn't word that quite right! I did not the mean a Christian aspect on puberty, I meant the Biblical aspect of sex, and how God has ordained it for marriage. Sorry for any confusion.

 

[Bichon Barb]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/103-4755844-3574267?v=glance&s=books

I highly recommend this book!

I bought it for my older son when he turned nine. I told him we could read it together or he could read it alone and come to us with any questions he had. He opted to read it alone and boy did he ask questions! (I had to change my statement to "ask me anything but just keep your dad and I out of it".

As far as "how babies are born", he found that out at a very young age as I used to watch A Baby's Story and Animal Planet. When they are that young and see a birth, it's no big deal to them.

 

[luvmydogs]

I'm 37 yrs. old with a child, and my mom still hasn't told me about getting my period or about sex--everything about my body or the opposite sex was made to seem unnatural and disgusting. I always swore it'd be different when I had kids. I'm very open with ds8, and I've always answered any questions he's ever had as honestly as I could in a very matter-of-fact manner. I also don't use euphemisms when talking about body parts. He's seen women give birth on Discovery Health Channel with me, and I've explained it all as it went along. I want him to understand the truth about sex, and not be afraid to discuss it with me--I'm not naive enough to think he won't be talking about it with his friends, but I want to give him a good, soild foundation from my point of view. I've also stressed since a young age that he respect girls/women, so I'm hoping this will all tie together when he starts to date. I have also explained to him that some parents don't share my views on this kind of openness, and that some of these things we only discuss at home--I don't want any angry phone calls!

 

[Stephen's Mom]

My DS just turned 5 and we haven't had to touch this subject yet! However, I'm 9 weeks pregnant right now and although he doesn't know just know just yet, I am envisioning a barrage of questions once he finds out! He's the kind of kid that if I give a really quick and easy answer to he just keeps wanting to know more. And he's also the kind of kid that loves to share his "knowledge" with everyone he knows! We'll have to have a little talk about that too because I don't think his playschool teachers will be too happy to have him spreading that around!

 

[ZachnElli]

Bichon Barb, thanks so much for that link!!!!!!!! (DS is almost 9 and just started asking questions!) Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!

 

[WilmaBud]

I told my son in 2nd grade because he was using the word "sex" innappropriately (he'd heard it in school). He outright asked me about it, and he took it very well. My daughter, who's 7, has been badgering me about it. So I told her about it a few weeks ago. She took it well, too. I don't see the big deal about human sexuality. I'm extremely open with my kids, as my mom was with me.

 

[BWVDenise]

Yes, thank you so much for the book recommendation. I'm going to get that. I would love to feel as comfortable as some of you seem to be, but when my ds dives under a table at the mear mention of people kissing, I know I'm going to need a lot of help!

 

[MerryPoppins]

I think the trick is to take a deep breath and answer questions as they are asked. Don't give more information than they ask for at any given time. They'll come back with more questions. I did almost die when DS asked me if I'd like another baby. I said,
"maybe" and his answer was "Then how can we get Daddy to sperm you?" LOL! He's 16 now and would freak if he knew I just told you guys that story!

We bought a good book when he seemed ready and told him that we'd talk about anything he had questions about. It gave him the chance to read privately (which we saw that he was doing) and he did come to us to talk.

We did the same with DD later.

 

[Nutsy]

Primary school sex education classes took care of that, but it was way too soon for them................

Not something I would ever put a kid through again.........school said it was well worth doing & very educational.

I don't agree.........kids of 9, 10, 11 & 12 do not need to know this kind of stuff