When did you let your teenager drive with boyfriend?

[WDWorld2003]

Ugh - I hate being the mother of a teenager as I'm always the bad guy. My DD 15 has a boyfriend who just turned 16 and got his license about a month ago. He's a nice kid but I am concerned. They both really want to go places with him driving but I've held off so far. Of course, her friends drive are all over and she's young for her grade so that makes it harder. Her sister does drive her back and forth to school.

My other DD is now 18 and didn't have a boyfriend at 15 so it wasn't an issue (we had other driving issues though)!

What kind of restrictions do you have on your teens for driving? Minnesota doesn't have night or passenger restrictions (wish they did) and many parents just seem to be relieved from driving their kids around so they don't care.

(I couldn't believe tonight she told my a bunch of her friends were on a scavenger hunt but she didn't go. I said I'd drive her there - she said "no, it's a driving scavenger hunt and they have to race to the next clue - great and she wonders why I don't want her to go with them)

 

[Beth76]

Not sure what you're asking really. If enough people say they would let their daughter drive with the bf are you going to change your mind? Or are you just looking for re-assurance?

 

[luvflorida]

I know what you're going through. Well, my daughter, 15, doesn't have a boyfriend, but we're at that point where her girlfriends all have licenses and are driving everywhere. My daughter is also on the young end for her grade.

I HATE the thought of her riding anywhere with another teen driver, and so far it hasn't come up too many times because she knows what my answer will be. I dread this summer because I know it's going to be an issue. I really feel in the minority on this one because most of her friends are out driving and taking kids with them, and I don't hear any opposition from their parents.

I know the time is going to come when I have to loosen the reins a bit, but right now I'm not ready for her to be out riding around with peers.

 

[SillyMe]

I hear ya. I allow my dd to go places with her boyfriend. Of course I worry when I know they're going to the mall or going out for dinner. Other than that, he usually only drives her to and from his house, which is only about one mile away. I'm not ready for this teenage stuff.

 

[georgina]

My DD is a sophomore and won't be 16 until June, but I do let het ride with other teens I know who are juniors and seniors in school. She doesn't have any sophomore friends who are driving yet. Is it just the age or is it that it's a boyfriend that bothers you? I know I was a very responsible driver at 16, and I expect my DD will be too. I wouldn't want her riding with drivers I don't know.

 

[MrsPete]

In my experience, 16 is a dividing line. There's a huge difference in maturity between those under 16 and those under 16. As such, I would not allow a teenaged girl to go on "car dates" until after 16 (and only then after I had met the boy and approved of him).

 

[MELSMICE]

Right there with ya!!!

We always told our DD's when they were 16 they would be allowed in cars. My oldest, who turned 16 in September has a boyfriend, but lucky for us he didn't get his license until he turned 17, which was in October, so she was "allowed" to do it at that point. Let me tell you though, I rethought the "when your 16" statement many times as it got closer.

It wasn't easy to watch her go off in a car. We had a LONG talk about the responsibilities of being in a car together - not just the driving responsibility . I realize that there are many other places that people can be intimate & you don't need a car for it, but 2 teens alone in a car just is way too convenient. Anyway, we decided that we just had to trust her & him to make the right decision. In fact, we even talked with him about it.

As I'm typing this I have a group of 16 & 17 yr. olds in my basement & all their cars are parked in front of my house. Each time she leave I say a prayer that her & her friends get home safe.

I guess my point is that there's no set age, it's just a matter of being comfortable with allowing her in a car. It really is a huge thing, in my opinion. With the exception of going away to college, it's total freedom from your parents & the teens really need to be mature to make good decisions.

 

[WDWorld2003]

I guess I am looking for reassurance and thoughts from other parents of teens ------ seems like the older they get the less opportunities there are to talk with other parents. Also, they have made new friends and I don't know their parents or what their rules are. I just want to know if I'm out of line or not.

 

[MELSMICE]

Also, they have made new friends and I don't know their parents or what their rules are. I just want to know if I'm out of line or not.

That's one of the reasons we just had our basement remodeled. We can have all the kids over here & get to know everyone - including the new faces!!!!!

 

[FreshTressa]

I dunno...

All I remember is once we were in cars at about 16, that is when all my friends started becoming sexually active. Just something to remember since your DD has a boyfriend.

 

[WDWorld2003]

MelsMice - we just did that, too. My DD is down there with her BF so at least we know where they are Thanks everyone - it does help to know everyone struggles with these issues - it's not as easy as it looks!

 

[WDWorld2003]

FreshTressa - that's something I worry about, too. I was 16 once and that car meant freedom.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that 16 is the right age for most kids. Cars might make it easier for kids to become sexually active but I suspect that the age has a lot more to do with it.

 

[cruisnfamily]

It's not really a boyfriend thing that has me worried, it's just the driving with other teen drivers thing. We have a couple of years yet, DD is only 13, but I know enough about the friends she has now to know that their parents will be only too happy to leave the driving to someone else and we're going to be the sole hold outs if we don't allow her to ride with friends. Oh well, that won't change my mind, the only problem is, I don't know what "my mind" actually is yet. I'm thinking she has to wait until they're had their license for 6 months before she can ride with them....don't know yet...so, I'll be watching this thread carefully.

 

[HunnyPots]

I guess I am looking for reassurance and thoughts from other parents of teens ------ seems like the older they get the less opportunities there are to talk with other parents. Also, they have made new friends and I don't know their parents or what their rules are. I just want to know if I'm out of line or not.

Hey, you know what? A parent is never "out of line" when it comes to making a rule that's in their child's best interest! Doesn't matter what other parents or teens think or if it makes you the most unpopular parent on the planet; your job is to raise and protect your child. Trust your instinct!

 

[twinklebug]

OK, WHAT boyfriend!!!! DD clearly knows she's not to even consider dating until she's 30! (and graduated from college... as a Doctor .... AND has her own house!) Boy, do I have her life planned or what?

In MA we shouldn't have this issue as kids are now required to be 17 for their license and must be licensed for 1 year before driving with another teen in the car who is not related to them (excuse me if I'm off here on the year bit).

Some teen drivers are better than drivers I know who are in their 40s. Other teens are just scary behind the wheel as they truly don't understand (or care about) the repercussions of their actions on not only themselves but those around them.

It's a matter of judgement what age the DD drives with the boyfriend... I'd take the boyfriend on a road test first.

 

[WDWorld2003]

I'm moving to Massachusetts! It's so much easier when there's a law as it can't be argued - it is what it is! They can break it but it's possible there will be consequences to their license.

It amazes me that even the high school encourages kids piling in cars for tennis matches, etc. to save money on transportation. However, they have a required class at that same high school for parents of kids learning to drive and the instructor states the teen driver should have no more than one other passenger in the car until they are 18!

 

[MAKmom]

The first time DD went in a car with teenagers I ran out of the house with her Bike Helmet " You for got your helmet" she did not think it was a funny as I did.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I wasn't dating at 15, but I can tell you that is no way in Hades my mother would have let me ride with a guy that JUST got his license. If you feel she shouldn't, the don't let her.

 

[powellrj]

we went through this at the first of the year with my DS. He is a freshman, but because he is taking honors classes, he is in class with lots of jr and sr girls. The first time a girl pulled up in a car I about died!!! Our oldest DS was home on leave and we thought the girl was here to see him!!!

I would limit where and when they go. We try to limit them to staying in town and only during daylight hours.

Good luck.....