When child support ends....

[creativeamanda]

Don't forget, op, that if he does take out student loans greater than $30,000, he is able to get a graduated payment plan based on income. The College Foundation has worked well with me even though I don't have that much in loans--I don't know how easy it will be for him, as the federal govt took over student loans recently.

The fact of the matter, given that you are a single parent, he probably will qualify for Pell Grant (free money), and if he goes to a private college (you should be real close to Barton, right?) then he will be in a better atmosphere. *I* personally think a small private 4-year college is the better route for a person with his disability. I am a special education teacher, and of our kids that graduate, the ones who are the most successful are the ones who go to the small 4-year private schools and stay on campus. I have also found that their financial aid departments have more to offer.

I went to undergrad in SC at a small private college. I paid a total of $1500 period for college. This was in the early 90s--tuition, room, and board for this college at the time was $18,000 per year, but I was able to get out with only $1500 in bills. I got my master's from East Carolina. I have student loans that took up the raise I got for getting the master's.

 

[southernbohemian]

I've watched several friends lose cs of $1200-1500/month and have to sell their houses because they could no longer afford their mortgage and other expenses.

Wow - I really don't feel bad for these people. Why is the child support paying their mortgage? That's not what it is for. When you have a child, you are agreeing to clothe it, feed it, and house it until it become an adult. The non-custodial parent has no duty to do those things for anyone else besides their child. If you didn't have a child receiving child support, you would still need a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and all those other nice features. At most, you should take the square footage of the child's room, determine the percentage it takes up in the overall house, and then use the child support to pay for that portion of the mortgage. This is why there needs to be serious child support reform in this country. If you can't raise a child comfortably with $1200-1500 going to their expenses (which includes saving for college and other post-child support expenses), then you have problems. (Oh, and let me just clarify that this is aimed at older kids - I understand that younger children's daycare can easily run $1000 a month by itself. But I still believe that just because you are the custodial parent does not mean you are off the hook for all of your child's expenses - I once had a single mom tell me she even tallied up how much she spends on toothpaste for her child - really? If you were still married you would never supply your child with toothpaste?)

To the OP: That's a sucky predicament. We know all too well about making it paycheck to paycheck. Hopefully your son will be eligible for financial aid that should help with the educational burden. I would ask if the father would at least keep up his health insurance while he is in college (usually they can keep them on until they are 23 if they are still a student, or at least that is how it was when I was in school).

As I was telling my step-daughter the other day when we were talking about colleges, luckily, applications aren't terribly expensive. Have your son apply to a variety of colleges (like other posters have mentioned, CC isn't necessarily you're cheapest option) - and then once the offers come in you can compare actual costs. Make friends with your child's college counselor and apply for everything - even small, weird scholarships. My sister got a $1500 scholarship from the electric company for writing an essay - and no offense to her essay-writing skills, but I think only 3 people applied for the scholarship, so her odds were good.

Also, is your son very academic? I read an article that said it was actually much more profitable to get a non-college degree that trains you for a specific job (electrician, health care, etc.) - because they generally cost less and then you start off making much better money than a person graduating with a history degree who works at Starbucks for a couple of years until they can get more education). Mechanically-inclined and health-field inclined positions are fairly recession proof - and then if your son wants to ever go back and finish a 4 year degree, he will be financially able to do it himself.

 

[DisnyMama]

My heart goes out to you as I am living your thread title. By the way..Kuddos to you on your Masters I wish I had gone ahead with my plan 10 years ago to get my degree.

The only advice I can truly give is to try and get in a prepared state financially for when the CS stops. My DS just turned 19 but I remember a year ago getting that final check and..... well let's just say that it sure helped as I have been unemployed and still looking for a job for 2 years now. I did have a short , very short temp gig, was supposed to be perm. but just shy of my 90 days the owner said "Thanks but we don't need you any more" and had a replacement on Monday morning. Anyway, after DS turned 18 I called ex-hus. and like the previous poster stated I new it wouldn't cost him any more to keep DS on his insurance since he has 2 other kids from his current marriage on it and he said no problem. Well guess what? Last December-2 weeks before Christmas I was in Costco getting DS prescriptions which are quite costly if no insurance and I find out DS is no longer covered...no insurance! I called the ex and he was no longer at his job. So, all of a sudden DS has no insurance. Sucks!!!

And yes, DS has been trying to find a job also but no luck for him either. He has to wait to start driving till he can afford to help pay for his portion of the car insurance since it will almost triple my rate. However, this isn't really an issue right now since I just recently sold my car to help pay the rent. It's the bus for us right now which I haven't done in over 25 years.

Sorry for jabbering on and on. It sounds like you are doing ok and if you start to prepare now it will be easier when the time comes. I wish you and your family all the best.

Shannon

 

[eliza61]

Wow - I really don't feel bad for these people. Why is the child support paying their mortgage? That's not what it is for. When you have a child, you are agreeing to clothe it, feed it, and house it until it become an adult. The non-custodial parent has no duty to do those things for anyone else besides their child. If you didn't have a child receiving child support, you would still need a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and all those other nice features. At most, you should take the square footage of the child's room, determine the percentage it takes up in the overall house, and then use the child support to pay for that portion of the mortgage. This is why there needs to be serious child support reform in this country. If you can't raise a child comfortably with $1200-1500 going to their expenses (which includes saving for college and other post-child support expenses), then you have problems. (Oh, and let me just clarify that this is aimed at older kids - I understand that younger children's daycare can easily run $1000 a month by itself. But I still believe that just because you are the custodial parent does not mean you are off the hook for all of your child's expenses - I once had a single mom tell me she even tallied up how much she spends on toothpaste for her child - really? If you were still married you would never supply your child with toothpaste?)

.

Wait, I'm confused (not unusual) isn't part of supporting a child include making sure it has a roof over it's head. no mortgage payment no house. What you would do sans kids is a moot point. There is a child and he or she needs some place safe to lay it's head at night. If a portion of CS goes to that, no problem.

 

[Christine]

Wow, that is expensive for for a Community College. My daughter just transfered from a State University to the local community college. Full time student fees are $406 a semester, $812 a year. A lot less than the $3,200 the State University cost per year, and a whole lot less than the $32,000 a year my son's private college charges.

My daughter's community college bill for the upcoming semester is $1450. That doesn't include books or her parking permit. I guess each state varies widely.

 

[sunnyday123]

Wow - I really don't feel bad for these people. Why is the child support paying their mortgage? That's not what it is for. When you have a child, you are agreeing to clothe it, feed it, and house it until it become an adult. The non-custodial parent has no duty to do those things for anyone else besides their child. If you didn't have a child receiving child support, you would still need a house with a kitchen and a bathroom and all those other nice features. At most, you should take the square footage of the child's room, determine the percentage it takes up in the overall house, and then use the child support to pay for that portion of the mortgage. This is why there needs to be serious child support reform in this country. If you can't raise a child comfortably with $1200-1500 going to their expenses (which includes saving for college and other post-child support expenses), then you have problems. (Oh, and let me just clarify that this is aimed at older kids - I understand that younger children's daycare can easily run $1000 a month by itself. But I still believe that just because you are the custodial parent does not mean you are off the hook for all of your child's expenses - I once had a single mom tell me she even tallied up how much she spends on toothpaste for her child - really? If you were still married you would never supply your child with toothpaste?)

To the OP: That's a sucky predicament. We know all too well about making it paycheck to paycheck. Hopefully your son will be eligible for financial aid that should help with the educational burden. I would ask if the father would at least keep up his health insurance while he is in college (usually they can keep them on until they are 23 if they are still a student, or at least that is how it was when I was in school).

As I was telling my step-daughter the other day when we were talking about colleges, luckily, applications aren't terribly expensive. Have your son apply to a variety of colleges (like other posters have mentioned, CC isn't necessarily you're cheapest option) - and then once the offers come in you can compare actual costs. Make friends with your child's college counselor and apply for everything - even small, weird scholarships. My sister got a $1500 scholarship from the electric company for writing an essay - and no offense to her essay-writing skills, but I think only 3 people applied for the scholarship, so her odds were good.

Also, is your son very academic? I read an article that said it was actually much more profitable to get a non-college degree that trains you for a specific job (electrician, health care, etc.) - because they generally cost less and then you start off making much better money than a person graduating with a history degree who works at Starbucks for a couple of years until they can get more education). Mechanically-inclined and health-field inclined positions are fairly recession proof - and then if your son wants to ever go back and finish a 4 year degree, he will be financially able to do it himself.

You know, about three sentances in I realized you were a step-mom who's significant other pays child support. Child support goes towards the support of the child. Does that not include a place to live? Trust me, getting child support does not make you off the hook for providing for your child, it is BOTH parents responsibility to provide for the child. So you feel the square footage of the childs rooms should be part of the calculation? How about the part of the car they sit in? We'd have to figure wear and tear they put on it, how often it's used to cart them around. Then there's food. What portion of it is for food specifically for them? I certainly don't eat Fruit by the Foot. Should their cabinet space for said foods be calculated too? Maybe I should also portion off a part of the yard for her to play in, and have that calculated. Wait, my DD uses electricity and water too......

 

[momz]

I guess I'm not clear as to why the adult son can't get a job. Many adults aged 18 have jobs and contribute to supporting themselves. That goes for adults who have married parents, or divorced parents.

It's not helping young adults to mature by having no expectation for them to contribute financially, for both their living expenses and their college tuition. This opinion of mine has absolutely nothing to do with marital status of the parents. Adults whose parents are divorced have the same responsibility for themselves as adults whose parents are married....

I just don't get why a person shouldn't have to work because their parents are divorced...

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, I sent you a PM.

TC

 

[southernbohemian]

You know, about three sentances in I realized you were a step-mom who's significant other pays child support. Child support goes towards the support of the child. Does that not include a place to live? Trust me, getting child support does not make you off the hook for providing for your child, it is BOTH parents responsibility to provide for the child. So you feel the square footage of the childs rooms should be part of the calculation? How about the part of the car they sit in? We'd have to figure wear and tear they put on it, how often it's used to cart them around. Then there's food. What portion of it is for food specifically for them? I certainly don't eat Fruit by the Foot. Should their cabinet space for said foods be calculated too? Maybe I should also portion off a part of the yard for her to play in, and have that calculated. Wait, my DD uses electricity and water too......

Both you and Eliza seem to have mis-read my post. I am against child support being used to pay someone's mortgage to the extent that when the child support goes away - the people have to SELL THEIR HOUSE and move. Obviously that's not just the child's portion of the house - they are using it to support their needs. The percentage thing is something I think is understandable, not that you should have to break down everything into percentages and run a tab on what your child uses.

My problem is when parents receiving child support treat it as their "income". I've met some parents who are extremely smart with child support money - such as, put it in a separate account and write checks from it for the child's expenses (including a set amount that they determined was what it cost to provide basic necessities every month) - and all of these parents no matter what the amount they received was, had more than enough to cover their child's expenses. Their children were not responsible for providing them with a car or with a house - they would have those things anyway.

And yes, I do have a lot of experience seeing child support money being used in ways I don't think as acceptable, but this started way before I had stepkids. My mom had a friend who was very happy when she started receiving child support because "Now I can afford the Lexus!" And I see the difference between my boyfriend's exes - one uses the child support as personal income and sends the kids over here whenever they need anything like shoes, yet bought herself 2 laptops and a DSLR camera for Christmas out of "her" money (stay-at-home mom, and "her" money is the kids' child support - not money from her current hubs - she's told us this repeatedly). The other spends the money on the child - on roughly the same amount she is able to provide after-school for her, all her living expenses, plus lots of extra-curricular things like dance classes.

None of this is obviously aimed at the OP, who is in a totally different situation.

 

[torinsmom]

I guess I'm not clear as to why the adult son can't get a job. Many adults aged 18 have jobs and contribute to supporting themselves. That goes for adults who have married parents, or divorced parents.

It's not helping young adults to mature by having no expectation for them to contribute financially, for both their living expenses and their college tuition. This opinion of mine has absolutely nothing to do with marital status of the parents. Adults whose parents are divorced have the same responsibility for themselves as adults whose parents are married....

I just don't get why a person shouldn't have to work because their parents are divorced...

My DS is 15, and 15 hardly qualifies as an adult. I did say he would need to have a part-time job after he graduates high school to help with some of the costs of college, but there is no way it will cover college costs, gas, insurance, food, clothes, etc. I worked full time during college, and paid for most of my needs and wants. My parents got Pell Grants for the tuition and lodging and took out a few small student loans to cover what that didn't cover. I would like to cover my son's tuition and lodging in the same way, plus at least food. I don't feel he is able to work full-time and go to school full time like I did. He is NOT academic, and will need lots of time to study.

Both you and Eliza seem to have mis-read my post. I am against child support being used to pay someone's mortgage to the extent that when the child support goes away - the people have to SELL THEIR HOUSE and move. Obviously that's not just the child's portion of the house - they are using it to support their needs. The percentage thing is something I think is understandable, not that you should have to break down everything into percentages and run a tab on what your child uses.

My problem is when parents receiving child support treat it as their "income". I've met some parents who are extremely smart with child support money - such as, put it in a separate account and write checks from it for the child's expenses (including a set amount that they determined was what it cost to provide basic necessities every month) - and all of these parents no matter what the amount they received was, had more than enough to cover their child's expenses. Their children were not responsible for providing them with a car or with a house - they would have those things anyway.

And yes, I do have a lot of experience seeing child support money being used in ways I don't think as acceptable, but this started way before I had stepkids. My mom had a friend who was very happy when she started receiving child support because "Now I can afford the Lexus!" And I see the difference between my boyfriend's exes - one uses the child support as personal income and sends the kids over here whenever they need anything like shoes, yet bought herself 2 laptops and a DSLR camera for Christmas out of "her" money (stay-at-home mom, and "her" money is the kids' child support - not money from her current hubs - she's told us this repeatedly). The other spends the money on the child - on roughly the same amount she is able to provide after-school for her, all her living expenses, plus lots of extra-curricular things like dance classes.

None of this is obviously aimed at the OP, who is in a totally different situation.

There are definitely people who misuse child support. I am definitely not one of them. As I told someone once, $225 does not even pay for my son's personal food he eats each month, much less his clothes, school supplies, laptop, furniture, doctor and dentist copays etc. Let's not even get into his braces that I paid for on my own. Luckily the dental insurance helped on that.

The only time my ex has bought my son anything besides whatever food he eats once every few months when he gets him for one night was a pair of pants and a dress shirt and shoes at the thrift shop when he remarried(he didn't tell me he was getting married, so he did that on his own).

$1500/month would pay TWO mortgage payments for me, LOL. I may have trouble paying some of my bills when CS stops, but mainly because money I would have used for those bills will need to be used to help with groceries, clothes, etc, since my son will still need those things.

Marsha

 

[RitaE]

Well - I do commend you for thinking about this a couple of years in advance because I have seen financial situations where a family was so dependent upon the child support that they did have to downsize their house when the child support ended.

As for advice I'm not sure what to tell you other than your budget will have to match the household income. If that means making a choice between Disney Vacations or paying the tuition bills - then that is what it means. Believe me, you would not be the first family who needed to give up ALL vacations during the college years, not just making a choice between Disney or the local beach.

By all means your son should search out whatever financial aid is available for school, work as possible and yes ask the Father if he will be contributing. An 18 year old college student is an adult and as such will have to manage his own costs.

 

[momz]

My DS is 15, and 15 hardly qualifies as an adult. I did say he would need to have a part-time job after he graduates high school to help with some of the costs of college, but there is no way it will cover college costs, gas, insurance, food, clothes, etc. I worked full time during college, and paid for most of my needs and wants. My parents got Pell Grants for the tuition and lodging and took out a few small student loans to cover what that didn't cover. I would like to cover my son's tuition and lodging in the same way, plus at least food. I don't feel he is able to work full-time and go to school full time like I did. He is NOT academic, and will need lots of time to study.



Oh, I guess I didn't realize your son is 15. That is very young to be contributing financially, I agree.

I was under the impression he was an adult. Will he be an adult when he goes to college? Certainly there is a big diffence between 15 and 18.

But... I fail to see how a child turning 18 is any different for the parents who are divorced vs parents who are married. And, I agree that it would be nice if we could all cover the college expenses of our children, however, that is not realistic.

I expect it will be necessary for my adult children to help with these expenses. Not a big deal really, most people do this.

Another thing to think about, if your son has so much trouble studying, perhaps vocational school might be a better fit. There are many respectable professions that are possible through vocational training as opposed to a university setting. It might be less stressful, and possibly be a better future for him. You know your son and his interests, but I wouldn't rule this out...

 

[PaulaSB12]

You know, about three sentances in I realized you were a step-mom who's significant other pays child support. Child support goes towards the support of the child. Does that not include a place to live? Trust me, getting child support does not make you off the hook for providing for your child, it is BOTH parents responsibility to provide for the child. So you feel the square footage of the childs rooms should be part of the calculation? How about the part of the car they sit in? We'd have to figure wear and tear they put on it, how often it's used to cart them around. Then there's food. What portion of it is for food specifically for them? I certainly don't eat Fruit by the Foot. Should their cabinet space for said foods be calculated too? Maybe I should also portion off a part of the yard for her to play in, and have that calculated. Wait, my DD uses electricity and water too......

I bet you will think I am a step mom as well because to depend on child support to the extent of not being able to keep your house is stupid the support is likely to end before the mortgage so if you cant afford it without using child support how are you going to be able to afford it when the support ends. BTW I am not a stepm mom.

 

[torinsmom]

My DS is 15, and 15 hardly qualifies as an adult. I did say he would need to have a part-time job after he graduates high school to help with some of the costs of college, but there is no way it will cover college costs, gas, insurance, food, clothes, etc. I worked full time during college, and paid for most of my needs and wants. My parents got Pell Grants for the tuition and lodging and took out a few small student loans to cover what that didn't cover. I would like to cover my son's tuition and lodging in the same way, plus at least food. I don't feel he is able to work full-time and go to school full time like I did. He is NOT academic, and will need lots of time to study.



Oh, I guess I didn't realize your son is 15. That is very young to be contributing financially, I agree.

I was under the impression he was an adult. Will he be an adult when he goes to college? Certainly there is a big diffence between 15 and 18.

But... I fail to see how a child turning 18 is any different for the parents who are divorced vs parents who are married. And, I agree that it would be nice if we could all cover the college expenses of our children, however, that is not realistic.

I expect it will be necessary for my adult children to help with these expenses. Not a big deal really, most people do this.

Another thing to think about, if your son has so much trouble studying, perhaps vocational school might be a better fit. There are many respectable professions that are possible through vocational training as opposed to a university setting. It might be less stressful, and possibly be a better future for him. You know your son and his interests, but I wouldn't rule this out...

I feel like it is different when two married parents have kids who turn 18, because they only have to think about how to pay for college, not losing the CS AND how to pay for college. Double edged sword when your "income"(no, CS is not income, but I don't know how else to put it) goes down and then you also have an increase in expenses due to college. My parents still made the same income when I started college.

Yes, when he gets out of high school, I will expect DS to have a job to help with things like clothes and gas. He is undecided what he wants to do after school, and everything will be considered. I actually think he will do better at community college than a 4 year college--smaller campus, smaller classes, etc. He has a math disability, and will be lucky to get through geometry before he graduates HS, so he will either have to take more math in CC, or not transfer to a 4 year college.

I am trying to think ahead. As I said, I am getting a Masters degree, which is a 10% raise. I am also working on National Board certification, which is another 12%(that will probably take two cycles to pass everything) The babysitting job I have is good for at least another year. The church job I have could end or be cut back anytime.

Marsha

 

[torinsmom]

I bet you will think I am a step mom as well because to depend on child support to the extent of not being able to keep your house is stupid the support is likely to end before the mortgage so if you cant afford it without using child support how are you going to be able to afford it when the support ends. BTW I am not a stepm mom.

I agree with this too. I have seen the same situation happen when people are getting lots of overtime or higher than normal commissions at work. People will buy a house or boat or whatever based on that "income" when it is not guaranteed. Then when they lose the extra, they can't pay the bills.

Marsha

 

[southernbohemian]

Have you ever heard of the Upward Bound program? I did this in high school and they have a branch at UNC that your son might benefit from. It is a program set up to help low-income families and first-generation college students prepare for college. It's free, but you have to apply and be accepted (I think 2/3 of the kids have to be first generation, but if your ex didn't receive a B.A. then your child might qualify under that part as well).

When I was in it, you went to school at a college campus on Saturdays. They weren't intensive, college-level classes, but they did help you get ready for the environment and provided tutoring. The program also gives out scholarships and looks great on a resume. They have summer programs as well, which may benefit your son because they tend to emphasize science and math classes - so he will be getting free tutoring and hands-on learning experiences - as well as lots of trips, counseling, help with financial aid, etc. If I remember correctly, they were completely free as well - so that would help with the cost of housing him for the summer.

Here's the link to the UNC webpage about it:

http://www.unc.edu/depts/ed/upward_bound/index.htm

 

[sunnyday123]

I bet you will think I am a step mom as well because to depend on child support to the extent of not being able to keep your house is stupid the support is likely to end before the mortgage so if you cant afford it without using child support how are you going to be able to afford it when the support ends. BTW I am not a stepm mom.

No where in my post did I say that, and you should never depend on child support for a mortgage. However, at 18 children do not magically become financially solvent, nor do they have the time to earn enough to pay all of the bills associated with them. Suddenly at 18 the residential parent is supposed to take on the burden of schooling, clothes and the like that for however long was split between two parents. More often than not, the parent paying child support refuses to assist with anything further. Should it be used as beer money by the residential parent? Absolutely not. As odd as this may seem, SOME parents do actually use cs for the child and all bills associated with said child. Yes, you would still need a house and all that goes with it, but not the same size, amount of utilities, etc.

 

[torinsmom]

Have you ever heard of the Upward Bound program? I did this in high school and they have a branch at UNC that your son might benefit from. It is a program set up to help low-income families and first-generation college students prepare for college. It's free, but you have to apply and be accepted (I think 2/3 of the kids have to be first generation, but if your ex didn't receive a B.A. then your child might qualify under that part as well).

When I was in it, you went to school at a college campus on Saturdays. They weren't intensive, college-level classes, but they did help you get ready for the environment and provided tutoring. The program also gives out scholarships and looks great on a resume. They have summer programs as well, which may benefit your son because they tend to emphasize science and math classes - so he will be getting free tutoring and hands-on learning experiences - as well as lots of trips, counseling, help with financial aid, etc. If I remember correctly, they were completely free as well - so that would help with the cost of housing him for the summer.

Here's the link to the UNC webpage about it:

http://www.unc.edu/depts/ed/upward_bound/index.htm

I'll check into it. I bet you need good grades to get in though. That would definitely count him out.

ETA: You have to attend certain high schools to qualify. The other high school in our city qualifies, but not the one my son attends. Besides, I don't think they would consider us low income. We are on the lower side of middle income. Don't even come close to qualifying for free or reduced lunch.

Marsha

 

[southernbohemian]

No where in my post did I say that, and you should never depend on child support for a mortgage. However, at 18 children do not magically become financially solvent, nor do they have the time to earn enough to pay all of the bills associated with them. Suddenly at 18 the residential parent is supposed to take on the burden of schooling, clothes and the like that for however long was split between two parents. More often than not, the parent paying child support refuses to assist with anything further. Should it be used as beer money by the residential parent? Absolutely not. As odd as this may seem, SOME parents do actually use cs for the child and all bills associated with said child. Yes, you would still need a house and all that goes with it, but not the same size, amount of utilities, etc.

Unfortunately, the "wiping of the hands" is the common case. Very sad. Kudos to the OP for planning so well in advance for the inevitable.

My oldest step-daughter will be graduating when she's 19 - so that is when child support will "end" for us. However, DBF and I have already decided that the money (which he gets removed from his paycheck automatically, so we don't "miss" it like we would if we were writing a check every month), will still be removed, but put aside in an account for DSD. This will be used to help with her college expenses. We are unable to pay for her college and she knows she will have to work hard, earn scholarships, etc. But there are a lot of extra expenses: traveling money, books, supplies, etc., that I feel we should help out with. For us, this is a much better set up than simply continuing to pay her mom child support until college graduation.

I do understand your frustration. One of my best friends was really hurt because her father threw a "No More Child Support" party when she turned 18. I would never do something so tactless, but I do understand the relief he was celebrating - it's much nicer to be able to support your children on your own terms (as you do when they live with you) than pay child support.

 

[torinsmom]

Unfortunately, the "wiping of the hands" is the common case. Very sad. Kudos to the OP for planning so well in advance for the inevitable.

My oldest step-daughter will be graduating when she's 19 - so that is when child support will "end" for us. However, DBF and I have already decided that the money (which he gets removed from his paycheck automatically, so we don't "miss" it like we would if we were writing a check every month), will still be removed, but put aside in an account for DSD. This will be used to help with her college expenses. We are unable to pay for her college and she knows she will have to work hard, earn scholarships, etc. But there are a lot of extra expenses: traveling money, books, supplies, etc., that I feel we should help out with. For us, this is a much better set up than simply continuing to pay her mom child support until college graduation.

I do understand your frustration. One of my best friends was really hurt because her father threw a "No More Child Support" party when she turned 18. I would never do something so tactless, but I do understand the relief he was celebrating - it's much nicer to be able to support your children on your own terms (as you do when they live with you) than pay child support.

That is an AMAZING IDEA! How thoughtful of you! This way, your step daughter will also know its from you guys and that you are CHOOSING to help her with her expenses.

I wish every parent could be trusted to pay on their own terms. Mine paid for one month after leaving us before he decided that he didn't like "giving" me his money. Six months and a DNA test later, the court settled it for him and it has been coming out of his paycheck ever since. I am sure he will be happy when he doesn't have to support our son anymore.

Marsha