a lot of things are bothering me.
from smallest to biggest:
1. best friend from dance (abby) is moving and last night was her last show with us (we were all sobbing).
2. i think i'm falling for someone AGAIN (who i've fallen for twice in the past three years)
3. i'm starting to feel slightly betrayed by your sister. but don't tell her that, please.
4. i don't know who i can really trust (see above) besides like, ellen and jake.
5. i'm jealous of ellen (you can figure out why. it's obvious.)
6. i feel alone. not last night, no. last night i felt so alive, so on top of the world...almost happy. actually, i was happy. i was HOME. i had friends there who really understand me (in the sense of dance and why i love it). i was reminded exactly why i do this, why it's so worth it. i was with (one of) my family(families) again, all of us, together, united.
and i'm like, if ellen can find someone who clearly loves her more than life itself...
why can't i?
because i don't deserve it.
because i'm apparently a *****.
doesn't matter if i want to find it or not. i don't deserve it.
and you only make things worse. and you know very well why and how.