What's it like to be an only child?

[disneyohana]

I've heard it so many times now that the greatest gift I could give my DD would be a sibling. It would be hard to afford a second and I am not sure I am ready yet. Is it that bad to be an only child? I figured that when she is older she can bring her friends everywhere w/us. She has cousins and loves to play w/them. I don't know, I guess just in case I don't have another child I want reassurance that DD will have a happy life.

 

[MommyWithDreams]

I too wonder about this...my situation is different though. I'm recently divorced and feel that there's no way I could go through that again. I know that sounds negative and all but I feel like I've already affected my sons life alone, I could NEVEr do that to another child. I wish for nothing more than to give my son a sibling..but it scares the jeebies out of me. I want a forever after all. Does that make sense?

 

[8 Ears]

I was just saying to my cousin-in-law today how I wish I had a sibling. I am 35 and would love to have had one. But my DH who is #5 out of 6 assures me it is not all it is cut out to be
Will your DD grow and be fine, yes.

Now, we have 2 boys who we hoped would be very close..... they are as different as day and night. They fight, yes but when one is hurt/sick/teased, the brother is right there

Good luck in what you choose.

 

[disneyohana]

MommywithDreams - I do understand. I am not divorced but I know that if I am not ready for another child that will bring stress into the home and that is not good either. I hear people complain that they wish they had a sister when they aren't only children. They have brothers. I guess it is like the saying 'The grass is always greener on the other side.' I feel for you having so much responsibility. I rely on my DH a lot. I am a big baby myself. BTW, your son is adorable.

 

[annie1995]

I am an only child and I still to this day wish for a sibling. I feel cheated by the fact that I was unable to have a brother or sister. I will never have any nieces or nephews, except through marriage, which is not quite the same. I will have no one left after my parents pass away, and that thought terrifies me. I do not live anywhere near any cousins or other relatives. So I will basically be alone with the exception of my DH and children. I had a great childhood, don't get me wrong. My parents were great, and I never needed anything, except that. That was the one thing I wanted and never had. I am sure there are people who would never have had it any other way. But not me. Good Luck with what ever you choose.

 

[DiznEeyore]

My 14yo ds is an only child and hasn't ever wanted a sibling. In fact, when we spend time with his cousins, he always tells me later that he's so glad he's an only child -- no one to fight with!

Having more than one child doesn't necessarily guarantee lifelong bonding. My brother and I aren't very close, and my dh's sister and brother live 3 states away. He talks to his brother on birthdays; his sister, not at all. My best friend -- same thing. She and her brother fought like cats and dogs while growing up and aren't close now -- they just get together on holidays.

A different kind of example is my sister-in-law -- she was *very* close to her brother (their dad was an alcoholic and they bonded through the struggle), but tragically, he died several years ago. She is, in effect, now an only child.

IMHO, the only good reason to have *any* child (first, second, third, or whatever) is because *you* want one -- not just to supply another child with a companion. Just my .02!!

 

[3princesses+aprince]

If you don't really want another child, then no you shouldn't have one.
But I have a brother, and I love him so much, I am 25 he is 23, we are very close, couldn't imagine life without a friend like that!! So I think siblings are a great thing, but if it's not right for your family it's not right.

 

[Pumbaa_]

I have 2 brothers, one is 18 months older and one is 8 years younger. Do not get along with either one. I see them on holidays (unless of course they need something from me). I WISH we had that close bond, didn't happen.

I would rather have been an only child that deal with the family dramas that go on.

My DH had a sister who passed away from cancer. Siblings do not guarantee a lifelong bond. If you want more kids, fine, but don't listen to 'those' people who say you will give your child a gift by having siblings. Cuz if it is a gift, I would like to know where the return window is please.

 

[texaslover]

I have a 9 yr old son who is an only and probably always will be. I wanted other children but had trouble conceiving a second and DH did not want to try any other measures. I feel it is the hardest position to be in because I have one that I have to protect and do not want to make his life difficult in any way, but in order to have another I would have had to divorce.

I very much wanted him to have a sibling but we now have to do what we can. I make sure that I have good friends to surround us with (my best friend's 3 boys are like his brothers) and that he is able to have friends over and be with other kids a lot. I have always involved him in activities that get him with other kids (sports, camps, etc.).

Do I think it is the optimal situation? No. Do I think he can have a great life surrounded with people he loves? Yes. And I will do everything in my power to lead him to that life.

 

[carrie1626]

I'm sure if you asked 100 only's it'd be a close split. I spent 10 1/2 yrs as an only before my sister was born. I hated being an only. Yeah, I had cousins, but they all had siblings. Even now, at 45 yrs old ( sis is 35), I am SO VERY thankful I have someone with whom to have shared family (with my parents) memories and someone my kids can call Aunt. My sister has no children. And for all of us who mentioned "cousins", there can never be any future "cousins" on your only's side for any future children if there are no siblings.

 

[sorul82?]

What is it like to be an only child? Very lonely. I do have a brother, but he is 12 years older. By the time I was 6, he was out of the house. I used to beg my parents to go to the orphanage and adopt me a little brother or sister. I didn't care which. My parents divorced when I was 10, and I felt even more alone. This was especially hard at Christmas when I would drive from one parent to the other. I used to say that I would have my children as close as possible....better yet, I'll have twins!!! Guess what? I do have twins! (No, no fertility drugs, just super fertile) I have three children who are 26 months and two minutes apart.

 

[Disney4Drew]

DS is an only and it is going to stay that way. I don't see having another child just for the sibling factor. JMHO!

 

[WDW1st-timers]

I was an only child and the worst part about it was the family at christmas would buy you board games. Please explain who am I to play these board games with? When I wanted to play them there was no one around to play them with me. Then there was the times when I did something wrong and I had no one to blame it on. So here I sit.... I had 2 girls that are 9 and 7 and I just felt the need to have one more so along came Kendyll who is in my sig. She is just over 6 months now.

 

[scanne]

I'm 32 years old and I'm an only. When I was little I wanted a sibling, but as an adult I realize that I am very fortunate to be an only. I don't feel cheated and I am extremely close to my mom and dad. I have two kids of my own - I always thought I wanted three, but my DD is quite a handful. Had she been born first, she would have been an only!

 

[stargrazer]

Not to sound cold, but I agree with a previous poster in that I think you should have another child if YOU want one, not if your child will want one. You are the one that will bear it, raise it, provide for it, love it, etc. and only you, your partner and your creator can decide that. How you feel about the need for siblings and their feelings will figure into your final answer, of course, but ultimately you have to decide if it's right for you.

That said, I hope being an only doesn't screw 'em up because my DD is and always probably will be unless her dad trades me in for a newer model someday

J/K...

 

[meeskamouska]

My DD is an only child and in the beginning people tried to convince us that she needed a sibling. We thought about it and briefly contemplated another one but due to complication having DD we decided not to.
We have talked about adoption but I think that she is just going to be the only one for us. Our family feels complete, I like it just the three of us!!!

 

[SarahKate]

I am 33 and an only, as is my DH! Go figure!

I never, ever remember wishing that I had a sibling. I am sitting here trying to think "did I ever wish that?" and I honestly cannot. I guess I don't really miss something I never experienced. As an adult, yeah, I guess I kinda wish I had a sibling. But it's not something I dwell on at ALL.

Should you have another child just to give your child a sibling? NO.

As long as you are providing lots of social interactions with family and friends, don't feel obligated.

Right now DD4 is an only. When we had her, we were bound and determined to have 2 so she would have a sibling. But we've gotten so comfortable with just her, it's hard to tell. Maybe one day we'll have another.

As adults, DH and I are fairly opposite. I was shy as a child, but as an adult I'm very outgoing and not very shy at all. DH has always been shy, and still is. We're both pretty well adjusted, I'd like to think!

 

[Mono~rail]

My dh is an only child and he wouldn't have it any other way. He grew up in neighborhoods that had lots of kids so he always had friends to play with. I've never once heard him complain about it, and he always talks about how much he enjoyed being the only one. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

My oldest Dd is the only one I had with my ex-husband. She was 12 when my youngest two were born. Our plan when we got pregnant with the twins was to have only one together. We've always been thrilled with our twins, but "they" weren't the plan.

I wouldn't give .02 cents for another kid, but I wouldn't take a million dollars for any one of my 3 girls!

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I am 34 and I am an only.

Growing up, I wanted a sibling very badly. My mom wanted another, but my dad didn't and she respected his wishes.

I had a great upbringing with lots of close family. My childhood was FUN! But, for or most of my life, I thought the only thing I was missing out on with not having a sibling was someone to play games with, someone to fight with, and someone to have to share the bathroom with.

Then, my mom suddenly passed away when I was 30. There were, and still are, times when I wish I had a sibling to lean on. It was just after her passing that I realized - THIS is why most people have more than one child.

If the circumstances aren't right, then the "future companionship" of your should not be the deciding factor in having another child. But, I believe if a marriage is strong and the finances can handle it, having more than one should be considered.

 

[PaulaSue]

Dh and I are both onlies. I hated it and he didn't mind it. We were raised very differently (his family had money and mine didn't) His parents were married, mine divorced, etc...

I was always very loney and the only time I could hang with anyone was at family things with cousins on hoildays only. Dh was with his friends all the time and traveled a great deal with family and school/friends.

There is never a right or wrong, just what you do with it.

P.S. That is why we wanted at least 2 kids (I won) and very close together.