Whats an envelope???

[Melora]

This question was inspired by Buzzlady's thread on The Worst Wedding....

OK..I admit I must lead a very sheltered life or else be a total ding - dong (no comments please on your guess)...

But I am not familiar with this wedding tradition..maybe it is because I have not gone to many "big" weddings. But the ones I have gone to I do not recall there being envelopes or a place to put them.... maybe there was and I was sadly lacking in etiquette and placed nothing there....

Can someone please tell me what goes into these mysterious envelopes?

Thanks for helping out the clueless wonder.....

 

[crazyforgoofy]

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

It's a 'tactful' way to say: Give us your money!

Actually, for those of us who hate to shop for wedding gifts its a simple thing to buy a card, put in a check and drop it in the basket or box.

 

[Winka]

I guess 'envelopes' is the code word for the card with a money gift enclosed given to a bridal couple.

I guess there are still many places where such practices aren't common.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Usually there is an 'envelope person' near the receiving line. You can tell sometimes by the bulge under their coat.

 

[Randi]

My remembered wedding faux-pas took place a number of years ago when I attended a co-worker's ceremony & reception. I was not aware of the customs in this area, but assumed that things were the same everywhere. OOPS! I arrived at the reception with a nicely wrapped gift and after a few minutes of standing & looking around awkardly, asked another guest where the gift table was. Come to find out, there was no such thing. No actual gifts were brought to the wedding. Just envelopes with money that were placed in a white painted & decorated rural mailbox. Said money was to be used for the honeymoon costs, and/or the cost of the meal(s) for you & your family at the reception. This was the answer I got when I asked how much do people usually give. Needless to say, I respectfully declined most of the other co-workers' invitations, as I always thought the host/hostess of an event did the paying.

 

[Melora]

I have always brought a nicely wrapped gift to the wedding.. chosen from wherever they were registered.

I have also heard recently that once you buy a bridal shower gift you do not buy a seperate gift for the wedding.....(maybe thats because you are being relieved of some of your pocket change there....

 

[buzzlady]

Originally posted by Winka
I guess 'envelopes' is the code word for the card with a money gift enclosed given to a bridal couple.

I guess there are still many places where such practices aren't common.

Yes, that's what it is, a card with money in it. As for the box, it must be something new in our area because the other people at our table never heard of the box either and his 3 sisters that got married before him didn't have
a box. It's interesting to be able to come here and find out all the different customs that different areas/people have.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Some people just don't like 'hauling' an actual wrapped gift to the wedding...they rather bring an 'envelope'.

I'm that person...I always give a 'wrapped gift' at the shower and we give a card with a check in it at the reception.

It's extremely normal here on the East coast.

At my wedding...we maybe had 5 actual presents...the rest were cards.

I have also heard recently that once you buy a bridal shower gift you do not buy a seperate gift for the wedding.....(maybe thats because you are being relieved of some of your pocket change there....

I'd never show up to a wedding (or a shower) without a gift of some sort - they are 2 separate events and should be treated as such.

 

[phillybeth]

Most weddings I've attended have both given as gifts. We had maybe 1 dozen gifts, the rest were cards with monetary gifts. I've never heard of NOT giving a gift at the wedding if you gave at the shower.

 

[CamColt]

Most people around here just give money as wedding gifts. We only got a couple "gifts" and the rest was money. I always give a gift off the registry or a gift certificate for the shower, and then money for the wedding.

I too never heard of not giving a gift at the wedding if you give at the shower until I read it recently on these boards. For some people, or maybe I should say areas, it seems to be quite the norm.

 

[arminnie]

I never take a gift to the wedding as I know what a pain it is to have to arrange to transport them back someplace.

I always send the gift to the bride or groom's home or in care of one of their parents if that's easier for them even if I am only giving a check in a card (which I only do if I don't have a clue what to get and I think they would not be offended by receiving money).

I've lived in many parts of the country and have friends in many different economic situations. I do try to take into account regional and cultural differences. BUT - I don't think I've ever taken a gift to the wedding.

At a wedding that is planned for this summer the bride and groom are in their 30s and both are very, very financially secure. A lovely first class wedding is being planned. They don't expect gifts at all and would be very uncomfortable with receiving money. Of course I'm going to give them a gift because I want to but it will not be money.

When another relative married last year, I did not know the bride or groom that well but they were very young and just starting out so I did send them a check.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I grew up in NY and we always gave an "envelope" for the wedding gift. I was surprised when I moved to Cincinnati to discover that an actual gift was the norm and a cash gift nearly unheard of. (Of course I was not familiar with the "dollar dance" until I moved here, but that is a whole other story).

So common is the cash gift where I come from that in my family it is typical to have the check but no card. There was always a group of cousins heading to Hallmark between the church and reception to get cards. We all had a laugh at one cousin's wedding when my brother showed up with a half dozen cards for those who forgot! He figured that he finally remembered to get a card before the last minute and thought he ought to save others the trip to Hallmark before the reception! Now, there is usually one family member distributing cards outside the church before teh wedding.

 

[nemo1987]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
Usually there is an 'envelope person' near the receiving line. You can tell sometimes by the bulge under their coat.

hahahahah good one dan!!!

 

[Divamomto3]

Wedding gifts here in this part of Connecticut are almost always "envelopes"...cards w/ cash. There are a few gifts here and there, but not common. I suppose in the very wealthy Fairfield County of Connecticut, fancy crystal, china, silver, etc would be the wedding gift. The cash gift ranges from $100-250 here, depending on how close you are with the person. The bridal shower is totally a separate thing and that is a gift off of the bride's registry.

As far as the cash gift being used to "pay" for the dinner as stated in another post...that's not technically true. Usually, the wedding is all paid for, but some people use the approximate cost of the dinner as the amount to give for the cash gift. Hopefully, the bride and groom can use the cash as a downpayment on their house, and not have to pay wedding bills with it..that would suck!