What Would Your Reaction Be?

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

We're remodeling our kitchen right now, so our garage is full of construction type stuff. So after being spoiled and always parking in the garage, I've been parking in our driveway for the past month or so.

I've gotten in the habit over the last several years of leaving my purse in the car in the garage. I'm horribly absent-minded so it's helpful to just leave it in the car so I never forget it. Well I've still been doing it, and my husband has been connnnstantly harassing me not to do it, or to at least lock the door to my car if I do ( I always forget that too since I'm used to parking inside!)

Anyway, this morning I took my boys to school and went to the grocery store with my daughter, got all the way there and realized my purse was gone! I didn't panic at first, thinking I left it at home. But got home, searched the house top to bottom, and no luck. Then I got back in the car and went to all the places I was yesterday (with a cranky 3 year old in tow.) No luck finding it. I'm panicking at this point because I have my wallet, my checkbook, my sons' fundraising money for their tball team and other things in there. I called the CC companies, and good news, no charges on the cards after yesterday. I figured the purse hadn't been stolen at that point, since the criminals usually use the stuff right away. We have a huge dumpster at the end of our driveway for the construction garbage, and so I ended up climbing in and going through that for an hour to see if it had inadvertently been tossed out with scraps from the kitchen.

Long story short, I never found it. My husband came home and I'm like dreadddding telling him because of the "I told you so" that I know is inevitably coming. He says,

"You look frazzled, what's up?" (Incidentally this should have been my first clue, he never notices the way I'm feeling ) I tell him I lost my purse and a huge grin cracks over his face and he says,

"Hmmmm, maybe in future you'll remember to lock your car!" And he pulls my purse out of his work briefcase!!!!! He had walked out to his car this morning and noticed my car was unlocked again, so he grabbed my purse and took it to work with him.

So yeah. I'm LIVID. Though I get that he was trying to be helpful I think what he did was ridiculous and infantilizing. Then again, I know his heart was in the right place. And he's currently putting all three kids to bed while I relax in a bubble bath with a glass of merlot to make up for my day

What would your reaction be if your SO did this? Totally egregious and just begging for an at-home vasectomy, or a worthwhile lesson for this very absentminded mom?

Well as long as you had your license and stuff to drive with you, ATTA BOY!!!! Probably a little bit mean and over the top. But Atta Boy nonetheless. Of course, the next time he's absent minded and leaves something somewhere he shouldn't, payback is going to be a witch. I'm forever leaving the chuck key to my drill all over the place. My spouse took it and after two hours of looking for it and me going out to rent a drill for the day, I got it back. That chuck key stays where it belongs these days.

 

[Squirlz]

I think that's a really cruel and thoughtless thing to do. He should have tucked your purse out of sight and locked your door. I wouldn't dream of putting my Wife through that.

 

[LJSquishy]

I think he taught you the perfect lesson. Consider yourself lucky it was your husband that took your purse.

I'm shocked I guess at how irresponsible you seem to be with your purse and car...even with you normally keeping it inside the garage. Hopefully you've learned. I just can't understand how you can forget to go somewhere without your purse. Or lock your car doors for that matter. But yeah, never ever leave your purse in your car even at home...garage doors aren't very secure.

 

[Burnedout]

I would be livid. You are an adult, and it's your business what you do with your things (even if you didn't make the best choice). I think it was immature and childish on your DH's part, and can't imagine my husband doing something like that. Sure, he'd ask me (nicely) to keep it in a safer place, but stealing it?

So if their finance were tanked because if her thoughtlessness it is only her business? Seriously?

 

[Gracefulskinny]

This wouldn't happen in our household because we not only communicate with each other, we also respect each others concerns over things like the health/safety/security of our family too much to do something so foolish as that.

From the sound of it he's been trying to communicate his concerns to you for a while now and you have been brushing him off. He probably feels ignored and felt the need to find a way to get your attention.

I'm with your husband on this one. Act like a child and you get treated like one.

 

[sk!mom]

Wow! So many things going wrong in this one.

First a grown woman shouldn't need her husband to teach her a lesson. You should have realized that once the car is parked outside leaving your purse inside an unlocked car is a very bad idea. If you didn't think of it, then a respectful pointing out the problem once should have done it.

Yes, I would be livid that my husband thought I was to be treated like a child and taught a lesson! But then I go back to...apparently you were aware of the problem and kept doing it. In fact, acting a bit like an irresponsible child. My purse was stolen years ago and it was a big hassle for
Both of us since we share cc and accounts.
However I still think his actions were out of line.

Honestly, you two need to work on communication and mutual respect.

 

[Aliceacc]

Take some cash out of the ATM, then call and cancel every single credit card. When he gets stuck somewhere, tell him it was the only logical thing to do when your purse had obviously been taken.

Only kidding, though it would be fun to pretend.

Time for a talk, perhaps with a counselor. You act irresponsibly, under the guise of "absent minded" and he plays the part of the parent with his wife.

So very many things wrong with this story!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So if their finance were tanked because if her thoughtlessness it is only her business? Seriously?

I lost my wallet. I actually thought it was stolen. I didn't discover it missing until 12 hours later. because as far as I knew, I had stowed it back in my purse after a purchase. It was an innocent mistake and I felt very bad about it.

Thankfully nothing bad happened as a good samaritan had turned it in. But we didn't know about it, because my sister's wallet was missing earlier. So we thought both of ours was stolen. I called the location to report it and they said to call back if we found it. Hers was lost in her car and she found it there as it had fallen deep between the seats. I called back and then finally asked about mine and they had it.

My husband treated me as a loving husband would. It was a mistake, he didn't hold it over my head.

Her (my sister's) husband was a jerk about it.

Mistakes can be made. It doesn't mean one has to be a jerk about it. Unless someone left a list of pins with all of their cards, I don't see how finances would tank so quickly. It seems a bit over overkill. Identity theft is real, but these reactions are over the top.

I think it is better to be forgiving and helpful than to treat someone like a child, even if you feel it justified. YMMV.

Sounds like OP has come up with a method to help her remember. I hope she is a better spouse to her husband when he loses something than he was to her.

 

[sam_gordon]

I lost my wallet. I actually thought it was stolen. I didn't discover it missing until 12 hours later. because as far as I knew, I had stowed it back in my purse after a purchase. It was an innocent mistake and I felt very bad about it.

Thankfully nothing bad happened as a good samaritan had turned it in. But we didn't know about it, because my sister's wallet was missing earlier. So we thought both of ours was stolen. I called the location to report it and they said to call back if we found it. Hers was lost in her car and she found it there as it had fallen deep between the seats. I called back and then finally asked about mine and they had it.

My husband treated me as a loving husband would. It was a mistake, he didn't hold it over my head.

Her (my sister's) husband was a jerk about it.

Mistakes can be made. It doesn't mean one has to be a jerk about it. Unless someone left a list of pins with all of their cards, I don't see how finances would tank so quickly. It seems a bit over overkill. Identity theft is real, but these reactions are over the top.

I think it is better to be forgiving and helpful than to treat someone like a child, even if you feel it justified. YMMV.

Sounds like OP has come up with a method to help her remember. I hope she is a better spouse to her husband when he loses something than he was to her.

I think the OP's situation (leaving the purse in an unlocked car) is more than "a mistake". It apparently happened repeatedly, the husband talked to her repeatedly about it, but the OP had no desire to try to change her ways. Now she does. Was what the husband did "childish"? Maybe. Did it accomplish what he set out to do? It sounds like it. Do the ends justify the means? That depends on who you ask. IMO, in this case, "yes".

 

[LisaInNc]

The swish would be as good as the one in Frozen! I would be PISSED!

I am grown and I make my own mistakes. If my purse had really been stolen it would be me calling all the cards and dealing with it all. It's my purse it's my decision where to leave it and it's my problem.

It seems petty to do it like the way your husband did.

Lisa

 

[Christine]

The swish would be as good as the one in Frozen! I would be PISSED!

I am grown and I make my own mistakes. If my purse had really been stolen it would be me calling all the cards and dealing with it all. It's my purse it's my decision where to leave it and it's my problem.

It seems petty to do it like the way your husband did.

Lisa

I get what you're saying but my husband is pretty careless with his credit cards and has lost them on numerous occasions. For several of our accounts, they have made us get both cards on the account replaced, even though mine was safely in my wallet. Not sure why, but it did inconvenience me because I had to go without my cards for up to 7 days on some of them. So, yeah, his irresponsibility affects me and bugs me. It could be that the OPs husband knew he'd somehow get dragged into the losses. I think the OP acted very immaturely and the husband did try to tell her. That situation sounds very frustrating.

 

[mhfrau]

The swish would be as good as the one in Frozen! I would be PISSED!

I am grown and I make my own mistakes. If my purse had really been stolen it would be me calling all the cards and dealing with it all. It's my purse it's my decision where to leave it and it's my problem.

It seems petty to do it like the way your husband did.

Lisa

Forgive me for being frank, but that's a load of crap if you are married and have joint finances. It may be your purse, but if you have joint credit cards, joint bank accounts and you were carrying a chunk of BOTH of your money for a charitable contribution then it is not, in fact, just your problem.

I would be furious if my husband was putting our money, accounts and identity information at risk like that. And if it was an ongoing issue, I would absolutely do what the OP's husband did to put the fear of god in him. We've had our bank account hacked a few times from people stealing his debit card number when he is on the road, and it's a pita, so I'm a big believer in being careful with your personal stuff.

 

[pigletgirl]

No comment.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I think the OP's situation (leaving the purse in an unlocked car) is more than "a mistake". It apparently happened repeatedly, the husband talked to her repeatedly about it, but the OP had no desire to try to change her ways. Now she does. Was what the husband did "childish"? Maybe. Did it accomplish what he set out to do? It sounds like it. Do the ends justify the means? That depends on who you ask. IMO, in this case, "yes".

He stole her purse. So if mom was out driving, wrecked, had no id and both she and child were injured...he just increased the effort of authorities to locate him.

What he accomplished is irrelevant.

If my child wants to leave somewhere and screams his head off forcing me to leave--he accomplished his task. But it doesn't mean it was the grown up thing to do. To the child, the ends justified the means. But it doesn't make it any less childish.

 

[mom2rtk]

OP should have never left the house without eyes on her purse or wallet.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I get what you're saying but my husband is pretty careless with his credit cards and has lost them on numerous occasions. For several of our accounts, they have made us get both cards on the account replaced, even though mine was safely in my wallet. Not sure why, but it did inconvenience me because I had to go without my cards for up to 7 days on some of them. So, yeah, his irresponsibility affects me and bugs me. It could be that the OPs husband knew he'd somehow get dragged into the losses. I think the OP acted very immaturely and the husband did try to tell her. That situation sounds very frustrating.

Sounds like OP has a habit of leaving purse in a locked car in the garage, a chosen habit because apparently she often forgot her purse. So the solution was to do that. Work being done on house, she didn't make the greatest effort at not changing this habit when car was in the driveway as she admitted.

She thought she left the purse in her car and it wasn't there. So she assumed that she did something else with it and couldn't find it.

She didn't lose the purse. She new exactly where it was. But her husband took it. I didn't notice where she had a habit of losing it, but rather that she would forget it at home so she leaves it in the car so she will have it worth her.

For me--I'm glad everyone can change a life long habit so easily. Sounds like it is tough on OP. But she has figured out that even with what her husband did, it would still be a challenge so she put in some measures to make that next to impossible to not bring her purse into the house.

We're remodeling our kitchen right now, so our garage is full of construction type stuff. So after being spoiled and always parking in the garage, I've been parking in our driveway for the past month or so.

I've gotten in the habit over the last several years of leaving my purse in the car in the garage. I'm horribly absent-minded so it's helpful to just leave it in the car so I never forget it. Well I've still been doing it, and my husband has been connnnstantly harassing me not to do it, or to at least lock the door to my car if I do ( I always forget that too since I'm used to parking inside!)

Anyway, this morning I took my boys to school and went to the grocery store with my daughter, got all the way there and realized my purse was gone! I didn't panic at first, thinking I left it at home.

****
"Hmmmm, maybe in future you'll remember to lock your car!" And he pulls my purse out of his work briefcase!!!!! He had walked out to his car this morning and noticed my car was unlocked again, so he grabbed my purse and took it to work with him.

 

[mhfrau]

He stole her purse. So if mom was out driving, wrecked, had no id and both she and child were injured...he just increased the effort of authorities to locate him.

What he accomplished is irrelevant.

If my child wants to leave somewhere and screams his head off forcing me to leave--he accomplished his task. But it doesn't mean it was the grown up thing to do. To the child, the ends justified the means. But it doesn't make it any less childish.

So you don't find it a bigger concern that a mother would put her child in the car and not make sure she had her purse WITH her that had her driver's license in it? Really? You think the bigger issue is that her husband took her purse? So it would be perfectly fine to be in an accident with no id if she had just left it at home because she's "absent-minded"?

 

[Poohforyou]

Op, in all honesty how do you manage in every day life if you're so absent minded that you can't bring in your purse and lock your car?

It was a pretty passive aggressive thing your husband did but maybe he's afraid that you'll graduate to forgetting your children somewhere.

 

[sam_gordon]

He stole her purse. So if mom was out driving, wrecked, had no id and both she and child were injured...he just increased the effort of authorities to locate him.

What he accomplished is irrelevant.

If my child wants to leave somewhere and screams his head off forcing me to leave--he accomplished his task. But it doesn't mean it was the grown up thing to do. To the child, the ends justified the means. But it doesn't make it any less childish.

What he accomplished IS relevant. As I said, IMO, in this case, the ends justify the means.

She wasn't willing to respect DH's concerns about something that could cause them BOTH a lot of grief. She wasn't willing to call DH and say her purse was missing (at which point, he might own up, so she wouldn't have gone all day worrying).

 

[marlynnp]

Forgive me for being frank, but that's a load of crap if you are married and have joint finances. It may be your purse, but if you have joint credit cards, joint bank accounts and you were carrying a chunk of BOTH of your money for a charitable contribution then it is not, in fact, just your problem.

I would be furious if my husband was putting our money, accounts and identity information at risk like that. And if it was an ongoing issue, I would absolutely do what the OP's husband did to put the fear of god in him. We've had our bank account hacked a few times from people stealing his debit card number when he is on the road, and it's a pita, so I'm a big believer in being careful with your personal stuff.

^this. It's not like it was her make-up bag. It's the family finances!

The OP acknowledge that he reminded her several times not to leave the purse in the car & the car unlocked. She acted just like a child leaving their bike in the front yard instead of putting it away. I can't find fault with her husband finally getting fed up and taking it, any more than I would a parent who took away their child's bike.

If you're going to act like an irresponsible child, expect to be treated as one.