What would you say?

[mickeyluv'r]

Our family has a trip planned to WDW very soon. It will be a pretty large family group (9 total). Included in our group is my brother and his GF. She is very nice, but she hasn't met the entire family yet. I'm sort of the coordinator for the trip, but I've tried hard to involve everyone in the decisions for this trip and to incorporate their wishes, so it's not just my wishes that are involved.

Last night, my brother calls me and tells me that his GF's sister and new spouse will be at WDW during the same time. He said they will overlap our trip by two days, and asked if they could join us. I didn't want to say, no, but I felt a little ambushed this close to the trip.

Here are my concerns:

First, that we won't be able to modify our ADR's this close to the trip - or that the only way we'll be able to add two more people would be to dramatically change our dining times.

Second, that my brother and GF will ditch our family, and go off with them instead. My brother is already planning on going off for most of another day, and I told him that was okay. I think it may well be a bit overwhelming for his GF to spend an entire week with all of us, and they are young and in love. Incidentally, he raised the idea of the two of them going off for a day about a month ago, then decided against it, then called me last week to ask what day would be best for them to go off by themselves. I already wish he had bought it up a little earlier in the planning, like when I was making ADR's, or when we were talking about what we wanted to do with our time in Florida.

Let me add, a big part of our family trips is spending time together. We live in different parts of the country, so it's really rare to get so many of us together at one time. I'm not positive how everyone else will react, but my sense is that everyone else will be uncomfortable with this. I haven't even told everyone in our family about the plans he's already made, but my sense is that they'll already be disappointed.

Third, if this couple does decide to join us, I haven't met them, but I imagine that a young couple is not going to want to follow a large family around WDW, and that they are not going to really want to go on the kiddie rides. I haven't met them, so I really don't know, but that is

Last, I don't want to be the bad guy!

What would you do in this situation? What do I tell him?

 

[wendy46001]

With a party of 9 its going to be very hard to keep everyone together...
people will want lunch at different time, kid will get tired and adults (esp. young ones) will want to keep going....give them dinner times and keep things mellow....don’t stress over it....You will end up spending lots of time together even if they do go off for a day or so.....I'd let them float in and out...If you expect them to hangout the whole time no one will have fun....

As for including the others just tell them you will make an attempt to adjust your dining numbers (adding two to a party of 9 isnt a biggie), but you need to know for sure if they can committee..

and biggest bit of advise....dont forget to have fun yourself...they are lucky to have someone like you to put the vacation together.....and always remember You cant please all the people all the time....

 

[lisadisney2003]

We have had similar family vacations with adult siblings and their partners and / or friends. We have found that the best solution is to have one basic schedule and to allow everyone to join or not based on your preference. Disney is an expensive vacation destination and people have different wants when it come to a vacation.

For example, my family (DH, DD4, & myself) are very active on vacation. When we are at Disney we are there at opening and usually stay until closing with no break in between. One of my sisters is the same but, the other likes to sleep in. What we do is get a group decision on the basic schedule for the trip then, everyone is given the freedom to either follow the schedule or meet up with the group somewhere along the way. No hard feelings either way and all are welcome.

This has been a system that has worked for my family. It seems like whenever we expected everyone to participate in all the activites, it just caused problems.

Good Luck!

 

[mickeyluv'r]

I'd be much more comfortable with the personal space philosophy if it were my in-laws that were going. I like them very much, but they are rather independent and have different personal schedules (early morning vs. night owls), and I expected split up time when that side of the family went.

My side of the family has always been the opposite. We are all pretty similar, and part of the thrill has always been for everyone to go commando style. "Keep up or get left behind!" is a running joke in our family. Nobody wants to be left out. I can't say that we never have times where someone retires early, or gets up a little late, but usually, that only happens when someone is injured or not feeling well. Even the kids are commando style. As for meals, we're pretty consistent about eating together. If someone gets hungry and nobody else is, we tend to grab a snack.

Splitting up just goes against the tradition of our trips to WDW, and there is considerable precedent of us all sticking together. This is at least our 20th family trip. Back when we were kids, my dad was really insistant on that point, and going together was about going as a team.

To me, there is an important difference between going back early because you're tired, and taking off with someone else for the day.

I'd be much less concerned if this had come up earlier.

Please though, I welcome your thoughts...

 

[skowks]

First of all, it's only two days. Do they even plan on being with you for all three meals, both days? Find out from your brother. Call and find out if you can change your ADRs. If you can, fine, if you can't, call your brother and let him know what meals you will be able to add them to.

I think you just need to let things pan out for themselves. Maybe her sister and sister's dh will be great fun, maybe they won't. I imagine if they aren't having a good time or feel like they don't mesh, they will make some sort of excuse to go off by themselves. If your brother and his gf stay with your family, great. If they decide to hang out with sister and sister's dh, that's fine too. Remember, it's only two days. The best thing to do would be to go in with the attitude that sister and sister's dh WILL be great fun. If you go in with the attitude that you are going to be uncomfortable and they are putting a dent in your plans, they are going to feel that and things really will be uncomfortable.

Who knows, maybe gf will one day be a part of your family and as an extension, gf's sister and sister's husband will be too. Think of how grateful she will be that your family welcomed her and her family with open arms.

 

[daisyduck123]

The first thing I thought was "Hey, for all you know, they may not even be together by the time you go on your trip!" You even said "they're young".

Next: I definitely would not change my ADRs to add the other 2. No way. If your brother & his GF don't eat with you one night, then fine....you'll have 2 "no shows" for dinner. But I wouldn't change all my ADRs now to accomodate 2 MORE people.

 

[DisneyMama27]

First of all, it's only two days. Do they even plan on being with you for all three meals, both days? Find out from your brother. Call and find out if you can change your ADRs. If you can, fine, if you can't, call your brother and let him know what meals you will be able to add them to.

I think you just need to let things pan out for themselves. Maybe her sister and sister's dh will be great fun, maybe they won't. I imagine if they aren't having a good time or feel like they don't mesh, they will make some sort of excuse to go off by themselves. If your brother and his gf stay with your family, great. If they decide to hang out with sister and sister's dh, that's fine too. Remember, it's only two days. The best thing to do would be to go in with the attitude that sister and sister's dh WILL be great fun. If you go in with the attitude that you are going to be uncomfortable and they are putting a dent in your plans, they are going to feel that and things really will be uncomfortable.

Who knows, maybe gf will one day be a part of your family and as an extension, gf's sister and sister's husband will be too. Think of how grateful she will be that your family welcomed her and her family with open arms.

AMEN to that - don't start off the relationship being the trip nazi! It's just a couple of days, and your DB may be thinking it's a good time to get to know her family- I say, let them go off and have fun together if they want. It may be nice for the GF since she will be with LOTS of his family for a whole week (that would be intimidating to me, then to say "Your family is not welcome" would be a terrible message to send!)

Sounds like you don't want anyone to feel left out - it's hard to change plans when you have worked so hard, just remember to enjoy all their smiles and realize you were the fairy that sprinkled that pixie dust!!

 

[bellarella]

I say it is time to let your brother "fly the coop." Welcome his girlfriend's family, but don't rearrange your trip plans around them. See if you can add them to your ADRs and if you can't maybe see if you can make a separate one for the same time as yours, but for a party of 2 and then maybe the restaurant will be able to work with you when you are there and seat you together, or next to each other.

But I think you should view your role as coordinator, not enforcer. Let your brother know what is going on and let him decide what he wants to participate in and what he doesn't. It sounds like your brother is at an age where he wants to strike out on his own and is feeling conflicting priorities. The more you try to pen him in to "the way things have always have been done" the more likely it is he will exclude himself entirely. Keep the schedule you have as a group and just keep your brother informed and welcomed at whatever events he does choose to join you for.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I have to agree with the others.

Give your brother a copy of your schedule and let them decide which things they want to take part in.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

You have given some good ideas and important points to consider.

Let's see...
I already gave everyone in our group a copy of the itinerary, so they will know what the options are, and which meals if any, they might be able to join.

I'm surprised, but mom was pretty lax with the idea of letting them go off. She raised a minor concern of her own that if these two young people, whom she doesn't know and didn't invite, do decide to join us - she'd feel an obligation to pay for their meal and beverages, which could be the real ouch part, since they are adults. She might even feel that she has to go so far as to pay for the entire meal for everyone - when that was not our expectation. She usually treats for a meal along the way, but she's on a budget for this trip.

Our family has always been pretty close emotionally. On the other hand, more recently, we're all living far away from each other now, so we don't see each other more than once or twice a year. So it is kind of big deal not to interfere with the few days we get to see each other. It's not about not wanting to know her family, just the timing.

As I said originally, my concern was not over meeting her relatives, heck, it could be fun. My bigger concern was over losing my brother for half of our 'family trip, ' on short notice. I also recognize that being surrounded by our family for an entire week for her could be stressful, and I appreciate that. I don't want to be the bad guy, I'm just concerned, and don't know what to say to him. I don't want to lie and express enthusiasm, when my feelings are a little hurt. If he had planned a trip with them in mind originally, I'd feel fine about it. But that's not the case. In general, our family has been brought up to think that it's rude when somebody backs out of a longstanding plan at the last minute. It's not just me, it's the rest of my family, too. So I was a little surprised by my mom's reaction. I guess she just felt more comfortable with the idea of him going off then having to pay for their meals.

I think my brother's GF great, and I hope they do marry, which is why I want this to go as smoothly as it can.

Last, my mom clarified for me it isn't GF's blood sister, it's her step sister via a recent marriage of her dad's. My brother and GF went to their wedding, but that's about as much as GF knows them herself. I bring this up, not to knock them, but only to point out that if they join us, they won't really know anyone in the group much, so I think it's less likely that they will want to join us much. (maybe this is the honeymoon? the wedding was pretty recent. If this isn't their honeymoon, it's their second trip in four months.)