What would you do??

[Louiepipbgeeco]

My DH and family always host Christmas Eve at our home for his parents and his sister and DN. We have a meal, visit and exchange gifts. DH has never been close to his sister. Every year we invite her and she either says she will come and does not show or does not give us an answer. I always send gifts with MIL to drop off for her and her family. NEVER receive a thank you. I take time to shop for items I think the nephews would like and send age-appropriate items. Not that I expect a huge standing ovation, but acknowedgement of the item received would be nice. (then again, she never
sent thank you cards for wedding gifts either to ANY guest. Which is just rude.Thank god My DH does not share these social inadequacies)
Anyhow, I told DH to do whatever this year, in regards to inviting her and he decided not to. Do you think that he did the right thing? I am still sending my nephews gifts(Gift cards this time)
(Bizarre how this is to me since my sister and I and our families are close)
DH is a very caring and kind man. But, I believe he is fed up.

 

[hereyago]

Yes your DH did the right thing. It is interesting when people go, "oh it's family and you should put up with it." I don't think I would have let it drag on, I would have said something to her about it and call her out on it.

 

[C.Ann]

She doesn't repond; she doesn't come - I see no problem with your DH's decision..

And please tell me that you are ONLY sending gifts for the children - not her as well..

I too am of the mind that just because someone is "family" doesn't mean you should lay down and be a door mat for them.. Family or not, respect is earned - not a "birth right"..

 

[cheermom1]

No just b/c they are family doesn't mean you should HAVE to endure anything like that from her...I think he did they right thing - I agree that if you think you should send gifts they should be for the kids ...good luck

 

[disney_mommy]

I agree with your husband. Clearly she doesn't appreciate what your family does for her, so why continue to try? Just spend the effort and money on the people who do appreciate it.

 

[Disney Doll]

What would I do??? I'd make sure everyone else in DH's family knew it was HIS idea not to invite her.

And then I'd prepare myself to get blamed anyway!

 

[golfgal]

I think she has made it very clear she does not want to be a part of the family celebrations, stop forcing the issue. Not every family is close. I think your husband did the right thing.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I think she has made it very clear she does not want to be a part of the family celebrations, stop forcing the issue. Not every family is close. I think your husband did the right thing.

ITA

 

[ma2jr]

But.. if she's not coming over is she spending it alone or with others?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My DH and family always host Christmas Eve at our home for his parents and his sister and DN. We have a meal, visit and exchange gifts. DH has never been close to his sister. Every year we invite her and she either says she will come and does not show or does not give us an answer. I always send gifts with MIL to drop off for her and her family. NEVER receive a thank you. I take time to shop for items I think the nephews would like and send age-appropriate items. Not that I expect a huge standing ovation, but acknowedgement of the item received would be nice. (then again, she never
sent thank you cards for wedding gifts either to ANY guest. Which is just rude.Thank god My DH does not share these social inadequacies)
Anyhow, I told DH to do whatever this year, in regards to inviting her and he decided not to. Do you think that he did the right thing? I am still sending my nephews gifts(Gift cards this time)
(Bizarre how this is to me since my sister and I and our families are close)
DH is a very caring and kind man. But, I believe he is fed up.

I think your answer lies up there in the fact that your dh is not close to your sister.

If you want to build up a relationship with her then you could do things like BBQ's or outings.

Do you guys ever get together?

 

[It'sWDW4me]

But.. if she's not coming over is she spending it alone or with others?

OP did include "Every year we invite her and she either says she will come and does not show or does not give us an answer. I always send gifts with MIL to drop off for her and her family."

IMHO, it's not OP's problem or concern where DSIL is on Christmas Eve. Where is DSIL on CE for the years that she says she'll show but then just doesn't bother? Now, maybe if there was something in place that DSIL would alternate years between OP's house and her other in-laws', I would suggest the invites keep being made but DSIL has made it quite clear what she thinks of OP's family CE get-together.

 

[threecrazykids]

What would I do??? I'd make sure everyone else in DH's family knew it was HIS idea not to invite her.

And then I'd prepare myself to get blamed anyway!

Why is it the wives ALWAYS are the problem? lol

 

[WDWBarb]

I am going to go the other way on this one...

As much as I'd really rather NOT invite someone who is so disrespectful with the invitation, I would actually continue to invite her. It costs nothing and maybe someday she'll come around. I'd just set my expectations based on past history and then be plesantly surprised if she showed up (maybe she will be visited by three ghosts??).

It's not shame on you for inviting her, only shame on her for either not responding or not showing after she has said she would be there. And it keeps the lines open for future possibilities.

 

[minkydog]

My DH and family always host Christmas Eve at our home for his parents and his sister and DN. We have a meal, visit and exchange gifts. DH has never been close to his sister. Every year we invite her and she either says she will come and does not show or does not give us an answer. I always send gifts with MIL to drop off for her and her family. NEVER receive a thank you. I take time to shop for items I think the nephews would like and send age-appropriate items. Not that I expect a huge standing ovation, but acknowedgement of the item received would be nice. (then again, she never
sent thank you cards for wedding gifts either to ANY guest. Which is just rude.Thank god My DH does not share these social inadequacies)
Anyhow, I told DH to do whatever this year, in regards to inviting her and he decided not to. Do you think that he did the right thing? I am still sending my nephews gifts(Gift cards this time)
(Bizarre how this is to me since my sister and I and our families are close)
DH is a very caring and kind man. But, I believe he is fed up.

I think I would still invite her even knowing that she probably won't show. I'd do that just to keep family unity. How old are the nephews? If they are still young I'd probably just send them a card with a nomimal amount of money ($10). No gifts for her. If the kids are 18, then no gifts for any of them. Adult children can choose whether to take part in family traditions.