What would you do (shower gift related)

[RachaelA]

I bought two outfits from Macy's yesterday. They were Carters summer clearance. They were $2.98 each and then my mom used the 20% off coupon they had. We paid $2.38 each so less than $5 for both. They had tons of larger sizes that would work for next summer.

If you feel like you HAVE to send a gift (which I don't think you should go or even get them a gift) then I would do that.

Also, your mom needs to stop telling them they can have your stuff. You could sell them for some extra money that would really help. Do not feel like you need to give it to them just because your mom has a big mouth.

 

[TinkPirateMom]

I think you shouldn't worry about what you gave at a wedding and what they gave you at your wedding (which was the same amount you gave them so I'm not sure the fact that it was crumpled is a big deal). This is a whole new celebration. If you would like to attend then attend if you prefer to decline then decline. Either way you can bring or send a gift that is within your budget. There have been some great ideas here for gifts. Carter's clothes are usually on sale if you have one of their stores nearby or a Kohl's you could get a few outfits for $20.00.

 

[Cooky]

.

 

[dimimi]

I would go to the clearance rack and buy nice things on sale. She will never know how much you paid. Just spend what you are comfortable with spending. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

 

[crisi]

I'd decline the invitation as well and not send a gift. I'd move this set of cousins into the "people you see at family reunions where you hear all about their fabulous vacations and new cars."

And I'd stop feeling guilty about what you can materially give others. Its what you can emotionally offer others that counts.

 

[burberryplaid]

If you can only afford $20 that's all I would spend. As others mentioned, you can get great stuff on clearance so it looks like you spent more than you did.

If you feel weird, decline the invitation. If you still want to give a gift, send it by mail or see if someone will take it to the shower for you. Do what you're comfortable with.

 

[jaminmd]

First, I have to say that you aren't taking anything out on a baby who isn't going to know the difference anyway.

Next, I would tell my mother to stop telling anybody (extended family or not) that you'll give them your things. You may choose to sell them to help since your finances are tight, or you may choose to give them to someone who has some class and who isn't so self-focused that they can't figure out that a single parent didn't have extra cash and did the best they could (meaning the wedding gift - sorry, but that really ticks me off, and I've never even been in your situation).

It is perfectly okay to spend only what you can afford. In fact, it's the wise thing to do. I've said this before on these boards, and I'll say it again.I think gift giving has gotten way out of hand. JMHO

There's a similar thread on the CB right now.

If she's not someone you are close to, you are under no obligation whatsoever to give anything. I don't think your mother has any right expecting you to be charitable, either, unless you gave her permission to.

You can't afford it, so don't worry about it. You don't owe anyone an explanation, so if they ask, tell them to MYOB.

 

[littlelulu33]

CVS by me has the Huggies Pure and Natual Diapers on clearance for about 3.00 per pack plus you can get coupons. Also the Pampers sensitive swadlers are 2.74 per pack.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I was at Marshall's yesterday and they had clearance sleepers for $3.00. I've gotten inexpensive baby clothes on clearance at Bloomingdale's many times for shower gifts. You don't even need to spend $20. If your dh is out of work, you can get a baby gift for $10 and since they don't seem very nice, that's all I would spend on them.

I would also tell your mom to quit giving away your stuff.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I agree with the others..tell mom to stop telling people they are going to get your hand me downs, unless you want them to have them. I also wouldn't spend 20.00 you don't have. I agree with the others, hit the clearance racks and get some nice inexpensive baby items even if you spend under 10 or 5.00!! Wrap em up and you are done!!

They were wrong to give you that type of wedding gift! Seriously what is wrong with people!

When I was newly divorced with 2 babies I was supposed to be in MOH in my bff's wedding. I honestly couldn't afford the dress (I could have borrowed from my parents..but didn't want to do that). My bff was fine with that, I even gave them a small cash gift, I think it was 18.00 (which is Chai - life in our religion), and when I handed her the card, she was like, you didn't have to do this! She knew my circumstances and was upset that I gave them anything. When I remarried and had more kids, she didn't base it on that one gift I gave her.

Don't do without for others!! Take care of your family first!!

 

[Scambone]

My second job is at a consignment shop and we get tons of baby clothes with the tags still on them. We sell them pretty cheap and unlike good will we triple check to make sure theres no stains, rips or smells on them. We steam everything too so it looks like it's in excellent condition. maybe you should check out some nearby consignment shops?

 

[Styx Fan]

I 2nd what the last poster said about checking the resale shops. In baby sizes you always see new with tags items. Super cheap, super cute.

I actually gave DS teacher a used book as a baby gift. It was a book I got at a resale shop that still had the price tag on it and looked as if the cover had never been opened. Maybe it really wasn't used, it sure didn't look it. It was a nice hard back, large sized childrens picture book. One that I would have bought for my own kids as it was really cute. Probably around $10-12 new.

But really, feeling the way you do, I would just decline the invite and skip a gift.

 

[Liberty Belle]

www.crazy8.com has some really cute things, sure to bring lots of "awws" at a baby shower on clearance right now.

 

[scrapquitler]

Spend what you can afford, and only that. This cousin sounds like a very selfish and petty person. He clearly has had no empathy or understanding for you and your situation, past and present. That wedding gift stunt was deplorable. I would never take money away from my baby to purchase this gift. Get a gift card or, as others have suggested, buy something on sale or clearance. Send it or, if you want to go to the shower, bring it and then move on.

Additionally, I agree with another poster to tell your mother to stop telling these people you will give them your baby stuff. They clearly don't deserve it and you can sell those items at a consignment sale and spend the money on your own child. Good luck to you!

Definitely tell your Mom to Butt out! It's not her stuff to offer to them.

I would probably skip the shower and send a small gift (purchased on sale so that it doesn't look as small as it is).

 

[bumbershoot]

... I gave them a rather small gift card as a gift. I spent years feeling bad but was never in a position to do anything about it. I stopped feeling guilty when at my wedding their return gift was the same amount of cash...


I know I am sort of expected to just give them my used baby things (my moms already keeps telling my extended family they can have my things) but that doesn't really count as a gift.

I think that people aren't noticing that *years* went by in between their wedding and yours. So giving the exact same amount of money is NOT the correct thing to do. I had 2 friends who got married inside a year from me, and the money I gave to them for their weddings was pretty much returned to me at mine. That was fine and cool (though still embarrassing for me as I live in a MUCH lower cost of living state than they do, so I really got more than they did). But if YEARS had gone by? No, not cool of them.


Your mom can buy stuff and give those things to these people, but she doesn't get to decide what YOU get rid of! I'm *still* getting rid of baby stuff, and DS is 7. If I'd had another baby as fast as you did (I see 2 and 0 in your sig) there's no chance I'd be giving stuff away quickly, just in case another one showed up!


And I'd have a real problem giving anything for this shower. The cousin couldn't even be bothered to by his own card for you at your wedding, let alone give you a gracious gift...

They were wrong to give you that type of wedding gift! Seriously what is wrong with people!...

When I remarried and had more kids, she didn't base it on that one gift I gave her.

Don't do without for others!! Take care of your family first!!

i agree completely!



Now if you want to get some simple onesies in varying sizes, without spending much, I can get behind that. The way baby registries are, people can literally have NO idea what all is on them, because the registry suggests various items that "other people purchased when they purchased that". A friend of mine had 3 higher-end registries. I was the ONLY one who bought off of any of them, and she didn't recognize the things I'd bought. I also bought several simple, no-obvious-gender (b/c baby-sonar isn't perfect), onesies, and she thanked me for those. She had absolutely no clue what she might need, so she was just going for cute, then adding whatever else was suggested by the registry stuff.

 

[disneywatcher]

Tell your mom to butt out of your business! You don't have to give anyone anything of yours.

As for the other members of your family...either go to a consignment shop or clearance items. The baby will never know and neither will she. You do what you can afford, you don't have to impress anyone. You also don't have to go to the shower if you don't want to.

 

[labdogs42]

I say spend $10-$20, whatever you can afford. Lots of good ideas here about board books or clearance clothes or diapers. All of those are useful, nice gifts. They probably aren't going to appreciate what you get them anyway, so it might as well be practical! I'd skip the shower since it sounds like you don't like these people anyway. But I'd send a gift just to be nice to the bay and be the bigger person. Oh yeah, and I'd hang on to my bay stuff and tell my mom to stop offering it around. Hang on to it until you're sure you won't need it, then sell it at a consignment sale for a few bucks.

 

[hereyago]

First off: set some boundaries with your mom, being family isn't a carte blanche to act like that.

Second: you are nicer then I am because I wouldn't be going to the shower after that wedding gift thing.

But if you chose to "be the bigger" person-sometimes that is really overrated, do you have a dollar store, dollar general,etc? you can honesty get some cute things and every baby needs a nose bulb thing. As a pp suggested make a basket, put some inexpensive goodies, make it look nice, there ya go.

 

[buzz2400]

My thoughts are pretty much the same as everyone else. If you are not close, don't go and don't give a gift. If the family is somewhat close, then go but go to Kohls and buy baby clothes on sale in addition to the percent off that kohls always give. You can probably get about 3 outfits for around $20. But buy bigger sizes so that the baby doesn't outgrow them (and then have to return the outfits).

Re: the wedding gift. Be the better person. Let bygones be bygones. There are many people who are struggling financially and if someone thinks they are better than you because they are lucky financially, they are not worth the time of even thinking about them. go to the kohls, spend about $20 in baby clothes, go to baby shower and that, my dear friend, makes you a better person than your cousin.

 

[nsmith]

I have been known to go to the thrift store to purchase baby shower gifts. Last time I was there I purchased two full outfits (pants, onsies, hat, socks) with the tags still on them for $6.00 each, these were $24