What Would You Do...Regarding Inheritance

[CamColt]

Ok, heres the situation...

You are 1 of 2 siblings. You were left some real estate which you plan to sell and make a good deal of money from. The other sibling was left much less(a used car) because he had an opportunity to purchase the family home for just a little under fair maket value years ago. You know the deceased didnt want to leave all the real estate to just you, but because he was making out his will on his death bed he did pretty much what everyone was telling him to do. Sibling #2 didnt get involved in the making of the will as he was more concerned about the person dying and not the money. You realize you are making out like a bandit and your sibling is getting the short end of the stick. You have even admitted that and your mother is saying it too(shes the other one who forced the will to be made as it was).

So, would you offer the other sibling some money from the sale of the real estate? What percentage? Or would you take it all and stick with the "you got the house" theory(even though he paid for the house)?

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Sibling #2 seems like a good person, and I would share, particularly since you mentioned sibling #2 cared about the person more than the will.

 

[preshi]

I would split it 50/50 it only seems fair. Esp since the will was made in haste and the other person obviously cared about the deseased.

 

[jipsy]

You didn't say but I assume the deceased is either your father or a grandparent. The sibling PAID for the family home, as you said, it was not a gift.

You also state that you know for a fact the deceased did not mean to leave you the real estate solely.

So why do you even ask? Do what you know is the right thing to do.

 

[Beauty]

Yes I would definatly give the sibling part of the money. It seems like this person is a really good person with a good heart who truly loved her dad. I would definatly give a good percentage of the money.

 

[ChiTownZee]

Has sibling 1 talked to sibling 2? That's what I would do, if I was sibling 1 and I was feeling guilty. I'd probably give some of the money to sibling 2, unless sibling 2 was like "no, no, take what was given to you" In which case I would buy something great for the house of sibling 2, depending on how much I had gotten, ranging from a piece of furniture to a pool or something (I don't know how much money we're talking here.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I would also say share equally with the sibling. Very sorry for your loss too.

I was involved in an inheritence situation where I had to consult an attorney who specializes in wills, estates, and trusts. It's so confusing about selling inherited property, etc. I hope that it all works out for you, and your family!

 

[CamColt]

Thanks for the replies!
As Im sure you can tell, this isnt a hypothetical situation. FIL passed away this summer and he left his condo to BIL, under the circumstances described. DH did get to buy the family home back in 1994 for a decent price, and when we sold it, we gave another chunk of money to his mother(this was the deal when he bought it,however when making the deal DH never considered the money and time we would put into remodeling almost every room). So although he did end up getting a slight break on the cost of the house, its about 1/5 of what the condo is worth. Also, DH got the car(with over 100,000 miles on it), but he is going to give his current car(a little older with about the same mileage) to BIL's daughter when she gets her lisence next year.
We arent even looking for a 50/50 split because in all fairness, he did get a little something toward his first house. MIL has mentioned the situation to BIL and he admits DH is getting screwed so he did offer us about 1/15th-1/20th of the condos worth although he feels as though it should be all his. While I agree he doesnt "owe" us anything, I know if DH was in that situation, he would be a lot more generous with what he got.
We definitely arent going to cause a family fight over this or contest the will or anything, but it is just very aggravating knowing how much DH has always done for his parents(BIL, is always too busy...except when it came time to make the will, he was right there then), and now hes getting nothing. Not that its about getting anything, but seeing what BIL is getting compared to Dh is frustrating.

 

[dnoyes]

Money isnt everything, In fact, its almost nothing when compared to family. It sounds like you (or whoever) agree that things were left unfairly. A similar event in my own family resulted in a vacation home (in florida) that we all share, and our kids will as well. Every x-mas we all make the long journey and see one another, at a place bought for us by someone we all miss very much. Theres no hard feelings and none of us would ever consider selling the place we think of as Mom and Dad's house.
And the rest is Disney history

 

[Disney Doll]

I would do the right thing, and since you're asking the question, I think you know what that is !

I hate inheritance and will stuff. My in-laws died last year, and my DH is the executor.He has 3 sisters...2 of them are great, but one is a royal PIA, questioning everything, grubbing for everything. She lives out of town and I am convinced that she is convinced that the in-town children are taking all the good stuff and she's not getting it. Actually, my DMIL was very smart about writing down who she wanted to get what, which has been HUGELY helpful. I recommend that everyone do that...it saves a lot of problems later. She just aggravates me because it's like she has decreased my in-laws(who I dearly loved)down into their worth to her, and has forgotten that they were people who were very important. It makes me sick how people will behave when there is money involved. This is not directed at you,Camcolt,but at my SIL

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by dnoyes
Every x-mas we all make the long journey and see one another, at a place bought for us by someone we all miss very much. Theres no hard feelings and none of us would ever consider selling the place we think of as Mom and Dad's house.
And the rest is Disney history

Very cool!

 

[Jenn]

This is the stuff that brings out the worst in people. I have seen it on both sides of my family.

Mother's side - My mother is one of 8 children. Her parents divorced when they were young - many years ago. My grandfather lived a very meager life in a mobile home on my uncle's property in Alabama. He died several years ago leaving a $10,000 life insurance policy and a very old, run down mobile home full of junk. My mother lives here in Massachusetts and everyone else lives in Alabama. The Alabama relatives are currently in a law suit over the money. They all don't speak to one particular uncle. It is pathetic. My mother refuses to discuss it with any of them and refuses to join the lawsuit.

Father's side - My father had one brother. My grandmother was a very active senior, had her own place, full time job, etc. and then suffered a stroke about 5 years ago. She mistakenly put all her trust, faith and money in the hands of my uncle with the assumption that he would take care of everything and split anything with my Dad when she passed on. He robbed her blind assuming she would never recover from the stroke - but oops... she proved him wrong, figured out what he had been doing and got lawyers involved. She stopped speaking to him, and in a tragic end, he took his own life 2 years ago leaving his wife and 3 sons. This of course has destroyed my grandmother- but I'm sad to say she was part of the problem. Always pitting one son against the other. To this day, she still won't speak to my uncle's wife because she thinks she was "in on it".


The moral - as hard as it will be - just let it drop. If the BIL gives you something (which it seems he should), great, but if he doesn't, is money really worth losing your family?

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by Jenn
The moral - as hard as it will be - just let it drop. If the BIL gives you something (which it seems he should), great, but if he doesn't, is money really worth losing your family?

Thanks for the advice, and I totally agree. As aggravating as it is, thats what we plan to do. We arent exactly very close with BIL's family to begin with(we live about 1 & 1/2 hrs away, and only see each other about 3 times a year), but still. We arent the type of people to cause problems. I was mainly looking for opinions on what people would do if they were in BILs situation. I know if it were me and my sister we would both be bending over backwards to be sure the other was was getting their fair share, and if it were DH who got more, he would be doing the same to his brother. Just seems unfair that the people who dont deserve it are the ones who always get it.

Edited to add... DH came home from work and said I talked to my mother today. As usual this gets a from me, so I ask what now? I guess shes all upset and justs keeps saying that she was so stupid to have FIL(her ex, but good friend) make that will. It was so wrong and she was so stupid. They never should have made the will that way.
As rare as it is, I actually agree with her.

 

[rbuzzotta]

Katie, I understand how aggrevating it truly is. MIL just signed over her house(2 family) to SIL. DH and his brother are OUT!! DH completely remodeled 3 rooms (kitchen, bath and family room) for her with only charging her material cost!! (DH is a builder). Since the house is now in SIL's name we can no longer park in the driveway (live on a busy street with hardly any parking)when we visit MIL (she had a stroke and is not in good shape). SIL is lonely and bitter (she lives in the house with MIL and is single at age 39). She wants DH and BIL to pay for leaving her with MIL.

Long story short. DH loves his mom as do my 3 DD's. Money does not make a person. SIL can have all the material things that MIL will leave her. We don't care if we get a dime (which I know we won't). Important thing is, my DD's see how bitter and mean SIL is and my oldest has said she does not want to be like her when she grows up!!! My girls will spend as much time as possible with their grandmother and will have fond memories of her when she passes.

SIL does not speak to FIL (hasn't in years) but expects something from his will (DH is executor!!). She doesn't speak to me, DH and my 3 DD's either!!! BIL lives out of state!!

It is sad what money (and property) can do to people. DH says he doesn't think he will ever speak to his sister after MIL passes on. Sad but true. My girls will be better off. When all is said and done, SIL will have a 2 family house..........but no family!!!!

Wishing you the best!

 

[trayletha]

Isn't it funny how some families work?? I lost both my Grandmothers last year (no more Grandparents left ). In both cases very little money left:

In my Father's Mothers case there are 5 sibs including him - it was horrible my dad was in charge of sorting everything out and 2 of his sisters were calling him every week to see when they'd get their money it had to go through a bunch of stuff because dad had set up a fund to help her save her money to have enough to live off of. When they did get their "share" all three sister were pissed off - claimed my dad stole what should have been theirs. He split his portion three ways and sent that to them too.

In my Mom's mothers case 4 sibs including her - they all used the money to fly all the kids and grandkids and one great grand kid in put them up in a hotel and covered all meals for the 3 day wake and burial. Also covered the drinks at our wonderful Irish wake. I saw my uncle who I had not seen for 12 years and his son it was great. We all talked and laughed and cried. I hope when its my turn that's what my family will do for me.

 

[Buckalew]

I'm learning when it comes to money and inheritance, people react differently than usual.

My MIL is selling her house. It has a basement that my SIL has lived in for almost 20 years rent free. MIL is buying a condo and also buying my SIL one because she can't just put her out on the street. but she doesn't want to live with her either (& neither does SIL) It seems unfair as no one bought us a place to live...

DH's grandmother died last week. All the family went down to her house and divided her things. No one even told us they were doing that. (not that I wanted anything but it would have been nice to been asked to come) The sad part was that the grandkids from some of the families were getting things before her children were! I'm glad I wasn't there. It sounded like they got ugly about things.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I think we all pretty much agree that money/inheritance does strange things to people. Or actually, it brings out the real personalities of people!

 

[AirForceRocks]

People often become totally different when there is an inheritance involved.

If you MIL truly feels bad about it, she will change her will, and leave more to your DH in order to "even things out".

To me, this just points out the importance of having a will long before one is needed. Something this important should not be put off until one is near death, when emotions and pressure can induce one to make what could be considered bad or unfair decisions.

I anticipate many of these same types of problems if FIL passes before MIL. He was a widower when he married her, DH is his only surviving child, and she has 3 children from 3 previous marriages. Currently, their wills are identical - everything is left to the surviving spouse, if there is one. Otherwise, it is divided between DH and and her daughter, with her sons receiving a very small token amount, just enough to hopefully prevent a challenge of the will. The problem is that MIL came into the marriage with absolutely nothing other than massive debt, and DH firmly believes that if his father passes first, MIL will change her will to leave him out completely.

So, no plan is perfect, but I think it always better to at least try to work these things out in advance, long before the will is actually needed.