What would you do? Inappropraite discussion in a restaurant

[NewJersey]

If people are discussing things at an appropriate voice level, IMO it doesn't matter what they are talking about. The only person being rude would be the one focusing on their conversation.

If they are being loud about then it is a different story.

You used 'IMO.'

Another vote for 'the conversation wasn't innappropriate. I think if it really offended you that much, you should have moved tables. I know if someone was listening in on my conversation and said something to me when I was only discussing a news story, I would have politely said back "No I won't"

 

[Tigger&Belle]

LOL -- I thought the comment was asking what the difference in content of the two conversations was.

Me, too!

 

[ducklite]

Ok first of all this was at a Friendly's(a family restaurant-a step or two above fast food), but it is a sitdown place...and you are going to be there for a little while.

I am eating breakfast with my 2 8yo boys, and in the booth behind me is a mother and 3 older children(high school-college age). We are enjoying our breakfast(and playing tic tac toe and hangman) when they start loudly discussing a local murder case where the son is accused of killing his father and his mother was also nearly killed too. My boys all of a sudden get quiet...I think they were listening to the discussion. I told them not to listen, and to eat up(and tried to distract them with a game). I quickly started praying that these people could find someing else to talk about....and eventually they did. I never said anything to them or even looked at them(since as I said they were behind me).

But what would you have done? Would you have said something to them or moved? I couldn't find our waitress to move(that is what I wanted to do).

I don't see this as an inappropriate conversation. It's a current event.
It wouldn't have bothered me at all. Had they been talking about the woman they picked up a few nights ago and the adult fun they had with her, it would have been inappropriate. Had they been swearing up a storm it would ahve been inappropriate.

It seems to me that if you make a big deal out of it, it's only going to make your kids more intent about finding out why it's a big deal.

If you had said something to them, you would absolutely have been out of line.

Anne

 

[Disneyrsh]

Ok first of all this was at a Friendly's(a family restaurant-a step or two above fast food), but it is a sitdown place...and you are going to be there for a little while.

I am eating breakfast with my 2 8yo boys, and in the booth behind me is a mother and 3 older children(high school-college age). We are enjoying our breakfast(and playing tic tac toe and hangman) when they start loudly discussing a local murder case where the son is accused of killing his father and his mother was also nearly killed too. My boys all of a sudden get quiet...I think they were listening to the discussion. I told them not to listen, and to eat up(and tried to distract them with a game). I quickly started praying that these people could find someing else to talk about....and eventually they did. I never said anything to them or even looked at them(since as I said they were behind me).

But what would you have done? Would you have said something to them or moved? I couldn't find our waitress to move(that is what I wanted to do).

I would have stood up and said "Do ya mind?! I've got kids here!" In fact, I think I've actually said stuff like that to people being PG-13 in front of my kids.

People have no sense of decorum or appropriateness anymore-especially when they're on their cell phones-ugh!

It's all "if you have a problem with my behavior, too bad" rather than "let's all behave in front of the children, here".

Friendly's is a *Very* kid oriented place, it's not like they were in a bar. If we sat there and sang "The Wheels on The Bus Goes Round And Round" over and over and over again at a restaurant loud enough for the people behind us to hear, through the entire meal, then that would also demonstrate a lack of good manners.

I guess that's what we'll have to do, next time, since a few of you lovely well mannered people have just about threatened to "whoop my hiney" [sic] should I point out th them that I have kids that can hear an inappropriate conversation.

We'll be tuning up our kazoos, now...

 

[Disneyrsh]

I don't see this as an inappropriate conversation. It's a current event.
Anne

Murder isn't a current event; it's a horror.

The fact that you can look at it so callously says that you've got to be pretty out of touch with how sensitive and impressionable children can be.

 

[arminnie]

I don't think it still exists but at one time the Russian Tea Room in New York was a very chi chi restaurant, but the tables were about an inch apart - especially the ones with the banquette against the wall. They literally had to remove the table for the person to get to their seat.

Many years ago I was having lunch with a friend when someone at the next table gave a pretty detailed account of a "choice" she had made (think the whole pro-choice topic) and all of the gory details. Lovely lunch conversation.

 

[HoneyPooh]

I would have stood up and said "Do ya mind?! I've got kids here!" In fact, I think I've actually said stuff like that to people being PG-13 in front of my kids.

And if it was me I would have stood up and told you "Do ya mind?! Private conversation here!" since I would have felt I was doing nothing wrong and was being harassed by you for no reason. In my book you would be the one acting inappropriately in front of children by starting a scene.

I consider "Do you mind!?" spoken like that a "spark" word. "Spark" words are words I consider to be confrontational. They are ment to spark a confrontation not a discourse.

You may want to be careful of using phrases like that on strangers or your kiddos may someday have the traumatizing honor of watching mom get her hiney whooped when you use them on the wrong person.

 

[Disneyrsh]

And if it was me I would have stood up and told you "Do ya mind?! Private conversation here!" since I would have felt I was doing nothing wrong and was being harassed by you for no reason. In my book you would be the one acting inappropriately in front of children by starting a scene.

I consider "Do you mind!?" spoken like that a "spark" word. "Spark" words are words I consider to be confrontational. They are ment to spark a confrontation not a discourse.

You may want to be careful of using phrases like that on strangers or your kiddos may someday have the traumatizing honor of watching mom get her hiney whooped when you use them on the wrong person.

Oh, that's hysterical, nothing like being threated with having my "heiney whooped" by someone on the disboards.

What was I saying about a total lack of decorum, yes, here you are, right here.

It's not a private conversation if it takes place in PUBLIC. Restaurants are PUBLIC.

And frankly, being my height, I don't live in fear of much. Stupidity reproducing oneself, perhaps. That's about it.

 

[ducklite]

Murder isn't a current event; it's a horror.

The fact that you can look at it so callously says that you've got to be pretty out of touch with how sensitive and impressionable children can be.

Regardless of how horrific it is, it's still a current event. Characters get murdered in Disney movies, if it's so terrible for children's psyche's, why do we allow kids to watch them?

If they were being very graphic that it would be dusturbing to anyone's appetite, then perhaps she could have nicely asked them to tone it down. But if they were simply discussing it without being graphic, say from a legal perspective, then I see nothing at all imappropriate about their conversation.

I'm very in touch with reality. Perhaps mopre so than a lot of parents who overshelter their kids these days. Which Dis'er is it who has the signature about being bottle fed, public school eduated and spanked? I think that applies here. We are so compulsive about sheilding our kids from the world these days that we are doing them a diservice.

It's a public venue, and as long as they weren't being gruseome or overly descriptive of the murder scene or something along those lines, I jsut don't think it was an inappropriate conversation. No more than hearing people describe their grandfathers prostate issues or their kids bedwetting problems, or any number of other things that people discuss in public.

Anne

 

[Disneyrsh]

Regardless of how horrific it is, it's still a current event. Characters get murdered in Disney movies, if murder is so terrible for children's psyche's, why do we allow kids to watch them?

If they were being very graphic that it would be dusturbing to anyone's appetite, then perhaps she could have nicely asked them to tone it down. But if they were simply discussing it without being graphic, say from a legal perspective, then I see nothing at all imappropriate about their conversation.

I'm very in touch with reality. Perhaps mopre so than a lot of parents who overshelter their kids these days. Which Dis'er is it who has the signature about being bottle fed, public school eduated and spanked? I think that applies here. We are so compulsive about sheilding our kids from the world these days that we are doing them a diservice.

It's a public venue, and as long as they weren't being gruseome or overly descriptive of the murder scene or something along those lines, I jsut don't think it was an inappropriate conversation. No more than hearing people describe their grandfathers prostate issues or their kids bedwetting problems, or any number of other things that people discuss in public.

Anne

You're kidding me, right? You're comparing a ghastly murder (I'm unaware of the specifics, but I'm guessing here) with a Disney movie? Are you serious?

If it was from a legal perspective, those kids would have been bored to tears and not listening-believe me, I've lived through legalese dinner conversations.

If what they were saying was enough to make a 6 year old and an 8 year old sit up and take notice AND be able to hear the conversation, then it was inappropriate for public discussion in a family restaurant.

You have to admit that these types of conversations would NEVER have taken place in family restaurants 50 years ago.

I believe people were more respectful of other people, back then.

Today it's all ME ME ME, and the hell with the guy next to me.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Disneyrsh,

Eight year olds are not real young children. Yes, the crime is horrific, which is what I would tell my kids. My 6yo is so full of detailed questions (and questions and questions...) that I wouldn't be so crazy about him hearing about it because he's too young to really grasp it, but he would want to know every detail, the exact reasons for what happened, etc. And he wouldn't stop asking until her really understood, and me telling him that I don't understand wouldn't fly with him. Which is why I would try to distract him so he wouldn't hear what was being said. But he seems to hear exactly what I don't want him to hear and it comes out at a later date when I least suspect it, so it might be too late.

 

[sweet angel]

You're kidding me, right? You're comparing a ghastly murder (I'm unaware of the specifics, but I'm guessing here) with a Disney movie? Are you serious?

If it was from a legal perspective, those kids would have been bored to tears and not listening-believe me, I've lived through legalese dinner conversations.

If what they were saying was enough to make a 6 year old and an 8 year old sit up and take notice AND be able to hear the conversation, then it was inappropriate for public discussion in a family restaurant.

You have to admit that these types of conversations would NEVER have taken place in family restaurants 50 years ago.

I believe people were more respectful of other people, back then.

Today it's all ME ME ME, and the hell with the guy next to me.

Just for the sake of argument, aren't YOU doing the exact same thing by expecting them to cater to the fact that you are there with kids?

I actually totally agree with Ducklite -- and I'm not sure that's ever happened before!

 

[Disneyrsh]

Just for the sake of argument, aren't YOU doing the exact same thing by expecting them to cater to the fact that you are there with kids?

I actually totally agree with Ducklite -- and I'm not sure that's ever happened before!

It's a FAMILY restaurant!

 

[ducklite]

If what they were saying was enough to make a 6 year old and an 8 year old sit up and take notice AND be able to hear the conversation, then it was inappropriate for public discussion in a family restaurant.

I disagree. Kids that age tend to "flock" to older kids regardless of what the older kids are talking about. Just inflections or animation in voices is enough to get the attention of kids that age, regardless of the topic matter. That's one of the things that teachers learn quickly as a way to get and keep kids interest in even the driest material, use excitement or animated tones to keep interest levels.

This entire thread reminds me of that scne in St. Elmo's fire when Billy goes to Wendy's parents house for dinner, and her mother "whispers" certain words at the dinner table. Things were certainly talked about "back in the day" but people jsut tried to hide the fact that they existed by ridiculous means.

Anne

 

[sweet angel]

It's a FAMILY restaurant!

I could see your point if it was ChuckECheese or something, but it's a regular restaurant.

 

[ducklite]

I could see your point if it was ChuckECheese or something, but it's a regular restaurant.

Nah, at Chuck-E-Cheese IT WOULD BE TOO LOUD TO HEAR ANYTHING ANYONE WAS SAYING ANYHOW.

Anne

 

[Disneyrsh]

Disneyrsh,

Eight year olds are not real young children. Yes, the crime is horrific, which is what I would tell my kids. My 6yo is so full of detailed questions (and questions and questions...) that I wouldn't be so crazy about him hearing about it because he's too young to really grasp it, but he would want to know every detail, the exact reasons for what happened, etc. And he wouldn't stop asking until her really understood, and me telling him that I don't understand wouldn't fly with him. Which is why I would try to distract him so he wouldn't hear what was being said. But he seems to hear exactly what I don't want him to hear and it comes out at a later date when I least suspect it, so it might be too late.

I have 6 & 7 1/2 year old daughters.
Just because they're full of detailed questions doesn't mean they should have the answers to them. They're children!

THey're not tiny adults with the same capacity to digest and understand ADULT concepts like murder.

My daughters understand that there are bad people out there that do bad things, they understand that bad people kill other people, and had nightmares over Ursula being impaled by the prow of the ship in Little Mermaid for weeks.

They have their whole lives to be jaded, why does everyone think it's so important to start them down that road right now?

 

[LadyBears]

I have not read all the responses to this, but here is my $.02.....


I do not think that discussing this was "inappropriate". They were talking about a current event that was most likely front page of your paper or on your nightly news. If you didn't like it, you should have asked to move your seat. However Friendly's, although a "family" restaurant, is also known to attract a lot of senior citizens. You could have been moved next to some of the seniors discussing their medical problems. My experience with the elderly is that they love to talk about this stuff in DEPTH & quite often LOUDLY. Your kids might have ended up hearing more than what you are ready for them to hear about on different topics!


Personally, I think it was more rude of you to be eavesdropping. If you weren't eavesdropping, you would never have known what they were discussing. Therefore, you wouldn't be having this "problem".

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I have 6 & 7 1/2 year old daughters.
Just because they're full of detailed questions doesn't mean they should have the answers to them. They're children!

THey're not tiny adults with the same capacity to digest and understand ADULT concepts like murder.

I agree, which is why I wouldn't be anxious for my son to hear the conversation, but if he were to, I would explain it the best I could. I explained his curiousity so that you could understand that I don't have a child who I can put off easily (like I could have probably done with my older kids). He's not one that I can say, "something bad happened, but it's something that you're too young to understand".

But everyone has their own ideas as to appropriate conversations to have with children and I don't expect everyone to cater to my ideas, even though I do hope that there's not a lot of profanity used in front of my kids when they are young. Even that I wouldn't make a big deal about unless it was excessive.

 

[Disneyrsh]

You're picking on her for eavesdropping?

What, should she have stuck her fingers in her ears and started saying "la la la la, can't HEAR you!"


Which is what I'm feeling like I should do right now, this thread's gotten rrrreally ludicrous.

I did get to add to my signature for it. Some of y'all are just an inspiration.

I do agree with you, Tigger & Belle, about everyone having their own idea of what's appropriate. It just seems like the level that our society considers culturally appropriate IN PUBLIC has dropped reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllly low.