What would you do if...

[mellowmood]

How are you going to make her get an abortion? They are going to ask her if this is what she wants what if she says no?

Her bags would be in the car. If she thinks that she is so grown up at 15 that she can take care of a baby then she is grown enough to get an apartment, a job and support herself and the baby. Like I said I am NOT raising any more kids. I had the ones I wanted and I am done. This is a 15 year old I don't see why she should even be allowed to have a choice in the matter. People need to educate their kids and tell them what would happen to them if they chose to ruin their lives at such a young age. They need to understand that they no longer have a life. No going out with friends, no free time, they have nothing at 15. I have told my kids since they were little if you have sex you had better wrap it up. I have also told them that they don't need to be having sex at this age. THEY ARE CHILDREN, I am not really sure why that is so hard to understand. Maybe if more parents didn't allow children to have babies we wouldn't have so many screwed up kids. Most of these kids wind up on welfare because they can't support themselves. There is something I want - a whole generation of kids having kids and living on welfare. How great would that be?

 

[cm8]

You do realize that the year is 2012, not 1912. I just don't believe that. Period. One reason being is that is sounds illegal.

 

[Nancy]

your kidding me right? no one gets kicked out of school for being pregnant! Please link me to your states law that says if you're pregnant you can not go to school. In my class we had one girl who got pregnant, not once but twice before we graduated. She was never kicked out of school, heck I didn't even know she WAS pregnant! She hid it very well! Even in our school handbook (which I was reading last night) it doesn't say one word about pregnancy except your allowed to wear clothes that do not fit our uniform dress code. That's it.. no as soon as your showing hit the road jack. Your outta here.

Heck, I graduated back in 1976 and they didn't kick out the pregnant girls even back then.


Back to the OP...I have 3 daughters and if any of them when they were that age would have come to me saying they were pregnant I would first off probably sit down and have a good cry, then figure out how to tell their Dad without him going all crazy since that news would have been devastating to him. Then we would talk and discuss and figure it all out together...no threats, no forcing..just my DH and I being a parent and loving our children no matter what the decision was. I personally think that adoption would be the best choice, but would support any choice my girls made. If they kept the baby I would make it clear that I am there for support and guidance, but I am not raising it. If they chose abortion, again I would support them and be there through it all.

 

[alex9179]

Her bags would be in the car. If she thinks that she is so grown up at 15 that she can take care of a baby then she is grown enough to get an apartment, a job and support herself and the baby. Like I said I am NOT raising any more kids. I had the ones I wanted and I am done. This is a 15 year old I don't see why she should even be allowed to have a choice in the matter. People need to educate their kids and tell them what would happen to them if they chose to ruin their lives at such a young age. They need to understand that they no longer have a life. No going out with friends, no free time, they have nothing at 15. I have told my kids since they were little if you have sex you had better wrap it up. I have also told them that they don't need to be having sex at this age. THEY ARE CHILDREN, I am not really sure why that is so hard to understand. Maybe if more parents didn't allow children to have babies we wouldn't have so many screwed up kids. Most of these kids wind up on welfare because they can't support themselves. There is something I want - a whole generation of kids having kids and living on welfare. How great would that be?

I don't disagree with your general "they have no idea" message. But, you don't get to choose whether you support (shelter/clothing/food) your child. Parenthood assigns rights and duties. Until 17-18 you are legally responsible. YOU will be in front of the judge, not your kid. If her bags are in the car then you're paying for upkeep unless you have someone who will take over your duties and NOT turn you in to the authorities.

 

[kaligal]

I don't disagree with your general "they have no idea" message. But, you don't get to choose whether you support (shelter/clothing/food) your child. Parenthood assigns rights and duties. Until 17-18 you are legally responsible. YOU will be in front of the judge, not your kid. If her bags are in the car then you're paying for upkeep unless you have someone who will take over your duties and NOT turn you in to the authorities.

I'm not a lawyer, much less one who specializes in Family law...and I'm sure it varies by state, but I think that becoming a parent changes the child's legal status.

I don't think kids can force their parents to raise the grandchildren.

I could be wrong, but I've heard that.

I do think throwing teens out on the street is cruel and heartless, but legal.

I also think that some people who say they'd toss the kid out might come around if it was no longer a hypothetical child & grandchild, but real ones.

 

[mellowmood]

You do realize that the year is 2012, not 1912. I just don't believe that. Period. One reason being is that is sounds illegal.

In general, though, most states will consider an emancipation in the following situations:

The child dropped out of high school prior to completing his or her degree;
The child graduated high school early and is not attending college;
The child has a baby (not just gets pregnant), or becomes a father prior their 18th birthday;
The child gets married prior to their 18th birthday.

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't believe you actually have children, because this is hateful and most parents aren't hateful to their children.

The reason I "believe it is better" is that, on average, adopted children have higher rates of depression, institutionalization, and other awful things, than children who remain in their birth families. That's just the average, obviously there are lots of exceptions, and I still think adoption is wonderful despite all that. I just don't want to lose a grandchild and I would exercise what legal rights I have to make sure it doesn't happen, of course that really wasn't the OP's question so it's all a tangent. Whoops.

.

I belong to an adoption group called ALMA and I always remember them saying that the percentage of seriel killers that were adopted were unsually high compared to the number of people that are adopted.
Adoptees are also more likely to commit suicide.

I didn't say I'd withdraw her from school, I said she'd be out - because they'd kick her out. Most high schools I'm familiar with will not allow a pregnant student, period, the end. The parents would go ballistic if there was a pregnant kid wandering the halls. No, not public schools.

Well obviously you are not familiar with most schools. Maybe some snooty private school would have an issue but most schools would not. This year there was a pregnant kid in my daughters school- Junior High! She stayed in school most of the year until the last 4 weeks then she went on home tutoring-she gave birth, kept the baby and will be back at school in Sept. She is 13 years old now.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Her bags would be in the car. If she thinks that she is so grown up at 15 that she can take care of a baby then she is grown enough to get an apartment, a job and support herself and the baby. Like I said I am NOT raising any more kids. I had the ones I wanted and I am done. This is a 15 year old I don't see why she should even be allowed to have a choice in the matter. People need to educate their kids and tell them what would happen to them if they chose to ruin their lives at such a young age. They need to understand that they no longer have a life. No going out with friends, no free time, they have nothing at 15. I have told my kids since they were little if you have sex you had better wrap it up. I have also told them that they don't need to be having sex at this age. THEY ARE CHILDREN, I am not really sure why that is so hard to understand. Maybe if more parents didn't allow children to have babies we wouldn't have so many screwed up kids. Most of these kids wind up on welfare because they can't support themselves. There is something I want - a whole generation of kids having kids and living on welfare. How great would that be?

nevermind

 

[meanpc]

I'll never turn my back on my kids, no matter what.

 

[luvmy3]

You asked what would the other poster do if their 15 year old came home and said they were pregnant and having an abortion. I was giving my answer to that as I felt the same way she did about your statement.

Of course I expect a 15 year old to know what is happening in an abortion. I would want my child to understand the emotional baggage that can come from having one.

IMHO, there is more to be discussed with the girl than "its a medical procedure that will magically make the problem go away".

I'm not sure why there is the assumption that what is said here on a message board to adult strangers would be just how I discuss things with my dd
She would know ALL there is to know about having an abortion, but first and foremost she would know that it is the best solution to her problem, and yes being pregnant at 15, is a problem. Clearly YMMV for you and your dd. I was just trying to understand what your pp meant since it wasn't clear that to me that you were answering the question I posed to another poster.

Cornflake, I'm not sure where you live but where I went to school pregnant girls were not kicked out of school. I didn't go to public school either, I went to a Catholic school and while there weren't many girls pregnant, there were a few through the 4 years I was there. A couple even transferred from an all girls Catholic school, but not because they were pregnant, the school closed. I do think there are some schools that do kick you out if you get pregnant, but I think that is very select few and the majority of them let you continue your education.

 

[luvsJack]

I'm not sure why there is the assumption that what is said here on a message board to adult strangers would be just how I discuss things with my dd
She would know ALL there is to know about having an abortion, but first and foremost she would know that it is the best solution to her problem, and yes being pregnant at 15, is a problem. Clearly YMMV for you and your dd. I was just trying to understand what your pp meant since it wasn't clear that to me that you were answering the question I posed to another poster.

Cornflake, I'm not sure where you live but where I went to school pregnant girls were not kicked out of school. I didn't go to public school either, I went to a Catholic school and while there weren't many girls pregnant, there were a few through the 4 years I was there. A couple even transferred from an all girls Catholic school, but not because they were pregnant, the school closed. I do think there are some schools that do kick you out if you get pregnant, but I think that is very select few and the majority of them let you continue your education.

You know, you and I have gone round and round with this conversation before. You are not actually the person I totally disagree with. The biggest difference with you and I is the option we feel would be the best choice and that just comes down to a different belief system and that is not a bad thing. There are few things in life where one person isn't going to pick a different option than another.

The main important thing in dealing with a pregnant teen, imo, is that the girl understands that she has options, her life is not going to end and we (or you, or whatever family) will work this out as a family. Whether you think an abortion is the best option or I think adoption is the best option really isn't what would be important in the end, but what the girl in question would think is the best option.

 

[luvsJack]

Her bags would be in the car. If she thinks that she is so grown up at 15 that she can take care of a baby then she is grown enough to get an apartment, a job and support herself and the baby. Like I said I am NOT raising any more kids. I had the ones I wanted and I am done. This is a 15 year old I don't see why she should even be allowed to have a choice in the matter. People need to educate their kids and tell them what would happen to them if they chose to ruin their lives at such a young age. They need to understand that they no longer have a life. No going out with friends, no free time, they have nothing at 15. I have told my kids since they were little if you have sex you had better wrap it up. I have also told them that they don't need to be having sex at this age. THEY ARE CHILDREN, I am not really sure why that is so hard to understand. Maybe if more parents didn't allow children to have babies we wouldn't have so many screwed up kids. Most of these kids wind up on welfare because they can't support themselves. There is something I want - a whole generation of kids having kids and living on welfare. How great would that be?

You don't think forcing your dd to have an abortion is going to make a "screwed up kid" or throwing her out on the street is going to cause a "screwed up kid"?

Maybe its different here, but the ones that I see on welfare and with screwed up lives, are the kids whose parents refuse to be there for them. Whether its a 10 year old living with great-grandma because the mom isn't taking care of him or its the 15 year old that got pregnant and her family disowned her.

BTW, do you really think everyone is telling their kids "go out and have sex"? Of course they shouldn't be having sex at 15, there are a lot of things they shouldn't be doing at 15--doesn't mean they aren't going to do it.

I don't think there are many parents out there that WOULDN'T tell their teen how getting pregnant would effect their lives. How vastly different it would be from how they are planning and dreaming and living at the moment. That doesn't mean those parents would turn their back on their child.

 

[luvmy3]

You know, you and I have gone round and round with this conversation before. You are not actually the person I totally disagree with. The biggest difference with you and I is the option we feel would be the best choice and that just comes down to a different belief system and that is not a bad thing. There are few things in life where one person isn't going to pick a different option than another.

The main important thing in dealing with a pregnant teen, imo, is that the girl understands that she has options, her life is not going to end and we (or you, or whatever family) will work this out as a family. Whether you think an abortion is the best option or I think adoption is the best option really isn't what would be important in the end, but what the girl in question would think is the best option.

Totally agree. I would do what I could to convince my dd that my best option is the best, but ultimately it would be her decision.

We parents don't have to support it, but we have to accept it.

We have gone round and round on this and probably will again, and lets just hope that it is always hypothetically

 

[Jennasis]

Well the good news for mellowmood is that not only would she not have to raise her grandchild, she'd never be bothered with her grandchild at all. My guess is that would the last she'd ever see of her DD. I would imagine that any girl kicked out by their parent at a time when they needed support (if only emotionally) the most would cut ties with that parent permanently...and the same for any girl whose parent forced them to get an abortion.

As an added bonus, if I ever found out that my sister did such a thing to her child, I'd cut my sister off too and offer my own home and support to the kid.

 

[luvsJack]

Totally agree. I would do what I could to convince my dd that my best option is the best, but ultimately it would be her decision.

We parents don't have to support it, but we have to accept it.

We have gone round and round on this and probably will again, and lets just hope that it is always hypothetically

EXACTLY! I think you and I are both very close to our dd and sounds like we both keep the communication flowing, which is a very good start in keeping this a hypothetical situation!



For Cornflake: http://http://www.aclu-wi.org/youth/rights/qa.html

According to the this site, its against federal law to throw a pregnant student out of a public school.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

EXACTLY! I think you and I are both very close to our dd and sounds like we both keep the communication flowing, which is a very good start in keeping this a hypothetical situation!



For Cornflake: http://http://www.aclu-wi.org/youth/rights/qa.html

According to the this site, its against federal law to throw a pregnant student out of a public school.

I think her kid goes to one of the most prestegious private schools in NYC.

 

[tyzzle]

In general, though, most states will consider an emancipation in the following situations:

The child dropped out of high school prior to completing his or her degree;
The child graduated high school early and is not attending college;
The child has a baby (not just gets pregnant), or becomes a father prior their 18th birthday;
The child gets married prior to their 18th birthday.

Emancipation is a voluntary act taken on by the minor, you cannot force your minor to be emancipated, which again makes kicking a 15 y.o. pregnant girl illegal.

 

[FireDancer]

Everyday there is another thread that reminds me of all the nuts that cohabit the world around me.

I hate to break it to (general) you but if you are pro-choice you wouldn't be forcing an abortion on anyone. The whole point of pro-choice (which I am) is allowing the parents (and it should be a decision that both parents come to in my opinion) make the choice and accept it whether it is the choice you would make or not be it abortion, adoption, or having and keeping the baby.

 

[tyzzle]

Everyday there is another thread that reminds me of all the nuts that cohabit the world around me.

I hate to break it to (general) you but if you are pro-choice you wouldn't be forcing an abortion on anyone. The whole point of pro-choice (which I am) is allowing the parents (and it should be a decision that both parents come to in my opinion) make the choice and accept it whether it is the choice you would make or not be it abortion, adoption, or having and keeping the baby.

Well I wouldn't have went there, but since you did, no it shouldn't be the choice of both parents. I would never have an abortion or even suggest it to my teenage child, but a woman or girl should never be forced to have child they don't want because the "father" disagrees. You would have to conduct an amnio just to prove paternity anyway, which would only prolong the situation making the abortion more painful for all parties.

 

[jen0610]

Now you're just being ridiculous. There is no correlation between illegal activity and teen pregnancy. Illegal activity--drinking, drugging, stealing, murder--are just that: Illegal. I would not condone any illegal activity in any of my children, regardless of their age. And I would be the first to call the cops if I knew about it. I would continue to love them, and I would support them when they are court ordered to jail or rehab. I would not allow them to live in my house or help them run away from their obligation to society.

Getting pregnant at 15 is NOT illegal. Inconvenient, foolish, destructive it certainly is. I would continue to love my child in the face of teen pregnancy. I would support her efforts to take care of her baby, if she wanted to keep the baby. And if she didn't take care of the baby herself? I would have to make the difficult decision to either petition the court for custody or petition the court to end her parental rights and give the baby up for adoption. I woudln't want to do either. But I would not punish my daughter by abandoning her to the streets just because she made a stupid mistake.

Most logical thinking people should understand that when we say that we would support our kids in what they do, that doesn't included allowing them to break the laws of the country/state/county that we live in. If it's an action that can land you in jail, I am right there with you, I'd be the one turning them in. Would I still love my kid and do what I could to support my kid while they face the outcome of their actions - yes, but I wouldn't condone or cover up their actions. Nor would I leave them to face their punishment alone. While they served their punishment, I would still love them, while letting them know that the actions they took that landed them where they are currently at, I hate.

A quick search found that, in New York state, 17 is the age where being legally responsible for shelter and support isn't enforced. If you choose to kick your child out at 15, you can be charged with abandonment at the very least. It's VERY likely that you would be turned in by someone. The parents of your daughter's friend(s), neighbor(s), even members of your family. If you choose to pay for shelter for her, then that would be permitted.

A black and white view of life is a fantasy...you don't even get that at WDW

And wouldn't it be justice if it was the DD that went to the CPS and told them that because I am pregnant and I refuse to abort the child at my mothers demand, my parents have put me out of the family home.