What would you do if...

[HelenePA]

Really? No matter what? What if your 15-year-old chooses to become a stoner? Will you support that?

What if your child chooses to become a con artist or thief? What about a drunk driver? Do you just support that? They're not equal but this 'you should support your child no matter what choice they make and help them no matter the consequence' thing just baffles me.

I really don't think most of you mean that.

You mean you'll support them in what you consider good choices, or not terrible choices. I consider deciding to become a parent at 15 a really terrible choice and I'm not supporting it in any way, shape or form.

So your saying that becoming a stoner and a mother are the same thing?

I still hope that CPS would arrest you for child endangerment if you kicked your 15yr old out on the streets.. period end.. and yes I'd support my daughter and grandbaby to be anyway I could... that's what happens in my family you help each other not bully a 15 yr old into making a choice she might not want to make.

 

[cornflake]

My apologies if you felt I was bullying you. I always was taught that a good discussion included knowing the perspective of the participants. A parent will have a different (note, not better just different) perspective than a non-parent. And that is a good thing if you want to understand many sides of a discussion.

Why the vitriol of anger over a simple question?

No anger over the question. The childish tactics that ensued when I chose not to answer the question, and even explained why, however...

 

[tyzzle]

I'm not punishing anyone. I'm laying out the house rules of my house. No pregnant teens and no babies I'm neither the parent of or I didn't invite. Period.

Everyone who makes these choices is "manipulated" by circumstance, are they not? How is the 30-year-old who just lost her job, got pregnant unexpectedly and has no supportive family or anything else have any more choice than the 15-year-old? Plenty of people who have abortions as adults - and most people who have abortions ARE adults - choose to do so because they feel they have no other option, and they're generally right. Same here.

I'm absolutely in favour of adoption. If the choice is adoption, then someone is going to have to find someplace to live for a while (and these places do still exist) - not because I don't support adoption, I totally do. But because there is always the option of changing one's mind, and I will not be put in the position where someone thinks or says they want to go that route, has the baby and then says 'oh, but now I want to keep it....' and then I'm changing the locks on a newborn and someone had a baby 24 hours ago? I don't know I could do that, but they're not staying, so we're not getting in a situation where that's a possibility - because it is, again, imo, better if that choice (staying here) is absolutely off the table and it'll make it simpler for someone to not entertain the choice of keeping the baby.

As long as that is the choice and it's stuck to, though, I'll help and the door is open to come back. It's not however, the best choice, it's a distant third behind not getting pregnant in the first dang place and abortion.

I'd hope it's clear that hiding a pregnancy until it's too late to abort wouldn't be wise on any level because yes, that will buy you a ticket out the door immediately. Want an abortion and don't have the money? I'll loan it to you while pointing to the 8,000 drugstores between here and the nearest clinic at which they sell innumerable birth control options. Try and pull 'oh, well,can't do anything about it now!' There's the door.



I think you read me wrong. I didn't know any then, I don't know any now. My high school had exactly one teen parent in its history (to date as far as I know), and she was immediately chucked out of the school when she revealed she eas pregnant and planned to stay that way. I believe she stayed with her parents though, and went with a familial adoption - she predated me by some years.

There were a few people I knew as a teen who had families that probably would not have tossed them out, but most people I knew, knew that would be the instant reaction. Same as now - most people I know have a 'they wouldn't DARE' reaction to the idea of a teen coming home saying they were going to be a parent at 15. Because, well, they wouldn't dare. It'd be like 'btw, I've decided to drop out of high school, become a Hari Krishna and spend my days down at the airport selling carnations.' Just... hah, no, that's not happening. If you want to derail your life to that extent, there's the door, do it on your own dime.

Again, it is illegal to kick out a minor even a pregnant one unless you are paying yo ship her somewhere.

 

[tyzzle]

Really? No matter what? What if your 15-year-old chooses to become a stoner? Will you support that? What if they had the child and then decided to dump it on you and go out and party a lot?

What if your child chooses to become a con artist or thief? What about a drunk driver? Do you just support that? They're not equal but this 'you should support your child no matter what choice they make and help them no matter the consequence' thing just baffles me.

I really don't think most of you mean that.

You mean you'll support them in what you consider good choices, or not terrible choices. I consider deciding to become a parent at 15 a really terrible choice and I'm not supporting it in any way, shape or form.

But getting pregnant is not illegal, so if you kick out a 15 y.o. for that the state will not assume responsibility. You could and should be charged with neglect.

 

[Heidict]

I don't see it as different at all. The situation is what's forcing the choice in both circumstances. The teen has no other choice because she can't care for the child either.

I don't discuss my personal life on the internet, got nothing to do with this thread.

The teen has no other choice because you have taken any viable option away from them.

Let's see, you can either have an abortion or go live on the street with a newborn baby. Ninety nine percent of the time they are going to go with the abortion because the alternative is homelessness and no family. You are forcing their hand. You can tell yourself that it's all up to the kid if you want. Whatever eases your conscious.

The fact that you would kicked them out even if they opted for adoption is just sickening. It really shouldn't surprise me though.

 

[minkydog]

She wants to mess up her own life - by getting pregnant, staying that way, and keeping a kid she can't support - that's her choice.

Whether you have a child or not is immaterial to me. The one question that I haven't seen you answer is this: If your child elected to keep her baby and not have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption, where exactly do you expect her to go? Do you really think that you can just abandon this girl at the end of your driveway and NOT have CPS knocking on your door? In my state, parents are required to feed, house, and care for their minor children until they are 18. If they choose not to do that, they can't just shove them out the door and hope for the best. They have to petition the court to have their child removed from their home, make them a ward of the state, put them into the foster care system and forego any right to direct the care, schooling, and decisions made regarding that child?

So I ask you again. Where will you send your daughter? Or are you willing to go to jail for your belief that having an unintended pregnancy at 15 automatically absolves you from your parental obligations? What exactly is your plan?

 

[Hrhpd]

This is the normal MO for this poster.

Oh, ok.

 

[minkydog]

Really? No matter what? What if your 15-year-old chooses to become a stoner? Will you support that? What if they had the child and then decided to dump it on you and go out and party a lot?

What if your child chooses to become a con artist or thief? What about a drunk driver? Do you just support that? They're not equal but this 'you should support your child no matter what choice they make and help them no matter the consequence' thing just baffles me.

I really don't think most of you mean that.

You mean you'll support them in what you consider good choices, or not terrible choices. I consider deciding to become a parent at 15 a really terrible choice and I'm not supporting it in any way, shape or form.

Now you're just being ridiculous. There is no correlation between illegal activity and teen pregnancy. Illegal activity--drinking, drugging, stealing, murder--are just that: Illegal. I would not condone any illegal activity in any of my children, regardless of their age. And I would be the first to call the cops if I knew about it. I would continue to love them, and I would support them when they are court ordered to jail or rehab. I would not allow them to live in my house or help them run away from their obligation to society.

Getting pregnant at 15 is NOT illegal. Inconvenient, foolish, destructive it certainly is. I would continue to love my child in the face of teen pregnancy. I would support her efforts to take care of her baby, if she wanted to keep the baby. And if she didn't take care of the baby herself? I would have to make the difficult decision to either petition the court for custody or petition the court to end her parental rights and give the baby up for adoption. I woudln't want to do either. But I would not punish my daughter by abandoning her to the streets just because she made a stupid mistake.

 

[cornflake]

The teen has no other choice because you have taken any viable option away from them.

Let's see, you can either have an abortion or go live on the street with a newborn baby. Ninety nine percent of the time they are going to go with the abortion because the alternative is homelessness and no family. You are forcing their hand. You can tell yourself that it's all up to the kid if you want. Whatever eases your conscious.

The fact that you would kicked them out even if they opted for adoption is just sickening. It really shouldn't surprise me though.

I'm not taking any option *away*. I'm simply clarifying the options that exist. The option to bring their baby back to my house does not exist, sorry. Nor does it exist for the nameless 30-year-old with no other options. She can't come live with me and bring the baby and expect me to support them either, sorry. That option doesn't exist for her. I'm not taking it away from her, it was never there in the first place.

If you're 15 and pregnant in my house, these are your options - you can have an abortion and stay here, or figure out something else to do. I'm taking nothing.

As to it being illegal to kick out a 15-year-old, first, whether they're doing something illegal or not themselves has no bearing. You can't legally boot a 15-year-old stoner either.

However, first, someone has to complain, then something has to be done, etc., and I believe though I'm not positive, that 16 is the age when you can kick someone out so it'd probably be a moot point.

Again, the goal is not to actually have to be pushed to the point of kicking out the kid, the goal is to have the kid, if the kid had lost her ever loving mind and gotten some notion that she should try parenthood at 15, gain it back and realize that she could not support herself and a child at that age and that not having a baby is the wiser choice, as leebee's daughter does -

ITA. Fortunately, this isn't something that'll happen in my home. DD informed me several years ago that if she somehow becomes pregnant before finishing college and being in a stable, settled relationship, she's having an abortion. I told her I'd drive her and pay whatever our insurance doesn't cover. Makes it easy when we are on the same page.

That's the goal. That's why I don't and didn't know any teen parents, because they and we know and knew that if pushed that far, yeah, you would be on the wrong side of the door - so no one did that. It was an absolute. Do not do that because you will have no option here.

 

[AntePrincess]

That'd be... you?

If you cherry pick just that from what I've said on this thread AND you assume that "end my relationship" is equivalent to "cutting them off" which appears, from your posts to mean pulling all financial and other support, then fine, but you're ignoring my saying that I would take steps the situation never came up (by preempting adoption procedures) and that I would never kick them out or withdraw that support, that my issue is emotional and the end of our relationship would be out of my pain (which I feel is justified but can accept if others think it isn't) not some Machiavellian punishment scheme.

Also, you misunderstand. If I didn't care about her welfare, I'd let her do whatever - have a kid at 15, it's fine! Forcing a 15-year-old to recognize that this is NOT a viable option, that parenthood is not a good choice, and is, in all likelihood, a choice that will derail their life, is caring about their welfare.

No. Throwing your child out is not caring about her welfare. War is not peace while we're at it.

 

[minkydog]

I'm not taking any option *away*. I'm simply clarifying the options that exist. The option to bring their baby back to my house does not exist, sorry. Nor does it exist for the nameless 30-year-old with no other options. She can't come live with me and bring the baby and expect me to support them either, sorry. That option doesn't exist for her. I'm not taking it away from her, it was never there in the first place.

If you're 15 and pregnant in my house, these are your options - you can have an abortion and stay here, or figure out something else to do. I'm taking nothing.

As to it being illegal to kick out a 15-year-old, first, whether they're doing something illegal or not themselves has no bearing. You can't legally boot a 15-year-old stoner either.

However, first, someone has to complain, then something has to be done, etc., and I believe though I'm not positive, that 16 is the age when you can kick someone out so it'd probably be a moot point.

Again, the goal is not to actually have to be pushed to the point of kicking out the kid, the goal is to have the kid, if the kid had lost her ever loving mind and gotten some notion that she should try parenthood at 15, gain it back and realize that she could not support herself and a child at that age and that not having a baby is the wiser choice, as leebee's daughter does -



That's the goal. That's why I don't and didn't know any teen parents, because they and we know and knew that if pushed that far, yeah, you would be on the wrong side of the door - so no one did that. It was an absolute. Do not do that because you will have no option here.

You're avoiding my question. The hypothesis is, your 15 year old IS pregnant. What exactlly will you do with her, at 15? and believe me, someone WILL report you to CPS. As soon as your daughter goes to a teacher or the school nurse, you are busted. CPS will be on you like white on rice.

 

[cornflake]

You're avoiding my question. The hypothesis is, your 15 year old IS pregnant. What exactlly will you do with her, at 15? and believe me, someone WILL report you to CPS. As soon as your daughter goes to a teacher or the school nurse, you are busted. CPS will be on you like white on rice.

I dunno what teacher or etc., she'd be telling because she'd be out of school in a hot second too.

I don't know. Again, hopefully, the goal - as the question was what would you do if your 15-year-old came home and said she was pregnant etc. - would be to make her realize that keeping the baby was not a viable option.

If push came to shove, whatever was needed. Presumably someone that stubborn would find someone or some institution to take her in. If she went to the authorities herself, I dunno, depends on what the options were. I don't know specifically what they'd be in that situation - you may be able to be forced to financially support and/or shelter your own teen (though yes, I'd think you could do a surrender to foster care), but I don't think that applies to your grandchild. That'd be an interesting legal wrangle.

 

[luvmy3]

Not the poster you quoted, but your statement made my skin crawl too.

If my 15 year old made the choice ON HER OWN to have an abortion, then so be it. Its not a choice I could make for myself but I would let her make it, as long as she was completly educated in what will happen and how it can affect her.

What does any of that have to do with my statement? Do you assume that a pregnant 15 wouldn't know what was happening during an abortion? Do you assume I'd tell my dd it was something other than what it is? BTW, she's 14, she knows what an abortion is and God forbid there was ever a time where it was considered, she'd be visiting an OB/GYN and get all the information about she needs or wants.
I'm sorry I'm just confused about what it is that makes the truth about it being a medical procedure make your skin crawl in the context of the bolded.

 

[Hrhpd]

I dunno what teacher or etc., she'd be telling because she'd be out of school in a hot second too.

I don't know. Again, hopefully, the goal - as the question was what would you do if your 15-year-old came home and said she was pregnant etc. - would be to make her realize that keeping the baby was not a viable option.

If push came to shove, whatever was needed. Presumably someone that stubborn would find someone or some institution to take her in. If she went to the authorities herself, I dunno, depends on what the options were. I don't know specifically what they'd be in that situation - you may be able to be forced to financially support and/or shelter your own teen (though yes, I'd think you could do a surrender to foster care), but I don't think that applies to your grandchild. That'd be an interesting legal wrangle.

Why would she be out of school in a hot minute? That could only happen if the parent forced the child to quit school.

 

[RitaE]

I dunno what teacher or etc., she'd be telling because she'd be out of school in a hot second too.

I don't know. Again, hopefully, the goal - as the question was what would you do if your 15-year-old came home and said she was pregnant etc. - would be to make her realize that keeping the baby was not a viable option.

If push came to shove, whatever was needed. Presumably someone that stubborn would find someone or some institution to take her in. If she went to the authorities herself, I dunno, depends on what the options were. I don't know specifically what they'd be in that situation - you may be able to be forced to financially support and/or shelter your own teen (though yes, I'd think you could do a surrender to foster care), but I don't think that applies to your grandchild. That'd be an interesting legal wrangle.

Oh yes, the mythical child at the mythical school who kicks the pregnant girls out of school in a "hot second." Is there even a meeting of the School Board first or does the Nurse who discovers the pregnancy march them out the front gate at gunpoint?

I find it absolutely classic that in your world though the daughter who chooses adoption at least gets the consideration of you searching out social services to find her a home for teen mothers before you lock your front door to her but the one who wants to keep her baby apparently just gets put on the street corner with only the clothes on her back. Geeze - they have homes for unwed Mothers too you know. Maybe you could at least look up the address in the phone book for her before you change the locks.

 

[alex9179]

A quick search found that, in New York state, 17 is the age where being legally responsible for shelter and support isn't enforced. If you choose to kick your child out at 15, you can be charged with abandonment at the very least. It's VERY likely that you would be turned in by someone. The parents of your daughter's friend(s), neighbor(s), even members of your family. If you choose to pay for shelter for her, then that would be permitted.

A black and white view of life is a fantasy...you don't even get that at WDW

 

[mhsjax]

What does any of that have to do with my statement? Do you assume that a pregnant 15 wouldn't know what was happening during an abortion? Do you assume I'd tell my dd it was something other than what it is? BTW, she's 14, she knows what an abortion is and God forbid there was ever a time where it was considered, she'd be visiting an OB/GYN and get all the information about she needs or wants.
I'm sorry I'm just confused about what it is that makes the truth about it being a medical procedure make your skin crawl in the context of the bolded.

I guess we can call a lethal injection a medical procedure that ends the life of a criminal, and instead of death row, we can call it surgical waiting.

And now I will have to excuse myself, because this is getting into forbidden territory.

 

[minkydog]

I dunno what teacher or etc., she'd be telling because she'd be out of school in a hot second too.

I don't know. Again, hopefully, the goal - as the question was what would you do if your 15-year-old came home and said she was pregnant etc. - would be to make her realize that keeping the baby was not a viable option.

If push came to shove, whatever was needed. Presumably someone that stubborn would find someone or some institution to take her in. If she went to the authorities herself, I dunno, depends on what the options were. I don't know specifically what they'd be in that situation - you may be able to be forced to financially support and/or shelter your own teen (though yes, I'd think you could do a surrender to foster care), but I don't think that applies to your grandchild. That'd be an interesting legal wrangle.

So you would withdraw her from school too? You think that compounding the issues of being pregnant and having a baby to support justifies having your child become a high school dropout, therefore pretty much guaranteeing that she will struggle all her life in low wage jobs and will be in the welfare rolls, TANF,WIC, Section 8 housing, et al, for an unspecified period of time? And what is the legal age that a child can be withdrawn from school in your state? My state is 16. If you keep your under 16 child out of school you would be brought up on truancy charges and be forced to document a very good case for withdrawing her. OF course, while you're in front of the judge you might as well start proceedings to stick her in the foster care system with your grandchild. Sweet.

Sorry, I've got to go to Walmart now to buy some shorts for my son...

 

[luvmy3]

I guess we can call a lethal injection a medical procedure that ends the life of a criminal, and instead of death row, we can call it surgical waiting.

And now I will have to excuse myself, because this is getting into forbidden territory.

Since you seem to be the one that keeps trying to steer this thread into forbidden territory I'd say that is a great idea. Please, leave the rest of us to discuss it without having to interject our moral high ground stance on the subject. It is possible for us adults to do that

 

[HelenePA]

I dunno what teacher or etc., she'd be telling because she'd be out of school in a hot second too.

I don't know. Again, hopefully, the goal - as the question was what would you do if your 15-year-old came home and said she was pregnant etc. - would be to make her realize that keeping the baby was not a viable option.

If push came to shove, whatever was needed. Presumably someone that stubborn would find someone or some institution to take her in. If she went to the authorities herself, I dunno, depends on what the options were. I don't know specifically what they'd be in that situation - you may be able to be forced to financially support and/or shelter your own teen (though yes, I'd think you could do a surrender to foster care), but I don't think that applies to your grandchild. That'd be an interesting legal wrangle.

what if your 15yr old ds got a 15yr old pregnant.. would you make him quit school and kick him out of the house if the girl decided to keep it?