What would you do if your teen daughter became pregnant???

[Freyja]

It´s interesting how many people seem to have a clear vision of what they would do if their teen daughter became pregnant.

What would you do if your, lets say, 16 year old DD came home pregnant?

 

[carolfoy]

Support, love and nurture - yes, I'd be a little disappointed but worse things happen. As long as it wasn't a rape or other situation that was awful. I'd never ever persuade her to marry on the basis that she should have give her child a two parent family

 

[Christine]

Probably throw up!

Then I would sit down and discuss what ALL of her options are and determine, with her input, which course of action would be best for all involved.

 

[Nancy]

I have an almost 18 yr old, a 16 yr old and a 13 yr old...all girls....and I can honestly say that I have no clue waht I would do if that happened to one of them. I would be so dissappointed of colurse, but how I would react to the news....who knows. My husband would be livid though.

Basically at this time in their lives I am hoping that all of our talks and openess that we have have had over the years helps them to make the right decisions about what to do. Which means that if they decide to have sex (which I hope they don't) that they take all the precautions not only to prevent pregnancy, but also disease.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would love her, get her to a Dr. for good medical care, not encourage her to get married (it will never last), talk to her about her options and support her in her final decision.

 

[Freyja]

I love your answer. I could have written it myself. In my case I don´t believe I would have the right to do anything else.

I was a teen mom myself. Became pregnant when I was 15, had 2 kids when I was 18, my third when I was 24 and the fourth when I was 27. My mom had always said that she would not "tolerate" it if I became pregnant at a young age. I don´t think she even ever imagined that young.

However, when reality set it, and she knew I was pregnant and going to keep the baby, she and my dad were as supportive as they could have been. They decided to help us as much as they could, if we would continue our education, but without totally taking over. We moved out on our own and they helped with finances while we were in school. They provided us with all the emotional support we needed, which was most important and always made sure to tell us how proud they were of how well we were handling things. That helped us a lot with staying on the right track and becoming a family instead of just "2 kids with a kid".

 

[Freyja]

I would love her, get her to a Dr. for good medical care, not encourage her to get married (it will never last), talk to her about her options and support her in her final decision.

How can you say that it will never last?
DH and I got married 10 years ago, got engaged 12 years ago when I was pregnant with DS. We were 16 and 18 when we got engaged, 18 and 20 when we got married and are still going strong ten years later. I can´t imagine we will ever split up, but if we ever do, I can´t imagine it being because we got together this young.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

DD is 9. I don't really know how I would handle it at this point, but it is something that I do want to try to avoid before it happens. I have already sat down with DD several times to feel her out, see what the kids are discussing at school and let her kniow when she has a question about sex to ask me. One of my brother's daughters just had a baby, she is 15! So DD is aware teens are having babies and I want her prepared. She knows it was stupid for her cousin to have a baby at that age and we discussed how her life has been forever changed. She won't get to be a teenager now that she is a mother etc. My younger sister came to live with me when she was 14 and when she made the remark she wanted to get pregnant, I put her on birth control. She is now married, 29, and trying to start a family. She has thanked me for raising her the way I did. My DD is still very innocent, my gosh, 9 year olds are still children, but in this day and time we as parents would be fools if we thought it couldn't change at any moment. DD loves her American Girl book that helped her understand the changes her body is making, and when its time, I will give DD a book to help explain the birds and bees

 

[siouxi31]

I would hope that I'd have a cool head to deal with it. I agree that it isn't the worst thing that could happen in life these days but I hope that I would think that when the day came.
What I'd really do is support adoption. However, being adopted myself, I have plenty of opionions as to how this should go. I hated not knowing where I biologically came from.

 

[Zippa D Doodah]

There are lots of variables in the scenario, but my response might go something like this

-Express my disappointment
-Lots of hugs, love, and assurance that we will stand by her
-Prepare to help raise my granchildchild if needed


Re. marriages not lasting... there probably is statistics to back this up. But I was born to parents who were 18 and 19 when I was born. 43 years of marriage and they are still doing great. Go figure

 

[LisaNJ25]

How can you say that it will never last?
DH and I got married 10 years ago, got engaged 12 years ago when I was pregnant with DS. We were 16 and 18 when we got engaged, 18 and 20 when we got married and are still going strong ten years later. I can´t imagine we will ever split up, but if we ever do, I can´t imagine it being because we got together this young.

I agree... it can last. I got pregnant at 17.. hubby was 22. We go married when our son was 8 months old. We will be celebrating our 13th wedding annoversery in May.

 

[Disneemomee]

I am the product of teen love, my mom was16 when she had me my father was 21. My mother had agreed during the preganancy to appease my grandmother that she would give me up for adoption, but she says she never planned to. My parents had a diffucult time staying together, he drank alot that i can remember and she cried alot that i know, all this i remeber until the age of 6 when he left. It wasnt the greatest childhood but it wasnt the worst either, she did the best she could with what she had. My teen years were HELL for both me and her we kinda grew up together. As far i my daughters i personally would not recommend it.

 

[DVC Jen]

Cry. Not because of the wonderful new life that will be coming into our family, but because of the early loss of her innocence.

Then I would hug her and tell her everything will be OK. My DH and I are at a point in our lives where I could take care of the baby so my DD could continue on with her life and fulfill all of her dreams.

It wouldn't be easy, but I would love both my DD and the baby enough to make sure they both got the right start in life.

 

[DVCLiz]

I'd strongly encourage her to have an abortion, but I'd support and accept whatever decision she made.

 

[SillyMe]

I think about this alot lately. My dd is almost 15 and has her first serious boyfriend. We talk alot (very openly) and I continue to remind her that I would rather have her come home and say to me "Mom, I want to go on the pill" rather than "Mom, I'm pregnant".

If it would happen, I'd support her no matter what. I wouldn't lecture her, she's already been lectured on what her life would be like. Besides, she has a sister 8 years younger than her, so she knows how hard it is taking care of a baby. I'd give her all her options and try to help her make the best decision. Then lock myself in my room and cry my eyes out.

 

[Freyja]

I'd strongly encourage her to have an abortion, but I'd support and accept whatever decision she made.

May I ask why you would do that?

I am pro-choice so I don´t have a problem with abortions, per se. However, I know more women suffering from having had an abortion than from having a baby. Especially those who felt pressured into making that decision.

 

[NMAmy]

I have a 15 yo dd so this is something I've thought about. We've had open communication about it--my niece had a baby at 17 and dd knows how it changed her life. She is now 28 and married J's father 3 years ago and they have two more children. She also went to college and got her degree. But, she's talked very frankly to dd about how difficult it was.

I'm hoping that since dd knows that having a baby is not all sunshine and light that she hasn't romanticized it as some girls do. I also hope that she has the information and the support from me to prevent it. If, heaven forbid, she did become pregnant, I'd do everything I could to support whatever decision she would make.

 

[mrsltg]

I would support them. I would grieve for the end of their childhood and be disappointed that they had dealt themselves such a blow, but I would support them.

DH and I have already discussed the issue. We both frown on abortion and our girls will be raised knowing that. They will also be raised realizing that we are in a unique situation that gives Mom and Dad the financial ability to take care of things like daycare, baby clothes, baby equipment, etc., so that DD could continue school and make a future for herself and her child. From there we would handle making sure proper medical treatment was given. We would be completely against marriage, though. Why compound one problem with a HUGE mistake?

When I was in high school a girl who was a year older than me became pregnant (16). I knew her mom because we taught CCD together. Once the shock wore off the family became very excited about the arrival of the baby. I would see them at church every Sunday and they all seemed very happy with the little boy that came along. Tara returned to school after having the baby and graduated. Years later I saw her wedding announcement in the paper - she married the father of her son.

I realize it doesn't always work out as well, but I hope that if one of my girls had a teen pregnancy we would handle it as well. No guarantees from DH on what would happen to the boy, though...

 

[jme829]

I would love her, get her to a Dr. for good medical care, not encourage her to get married (it will never last), talk to her about her options and support her in her final decision.

My sister had her first at 17 got married at 18 (6 months after baby was born), had second at 19. Her husband (and father of both kids) was killed in a car accident 11 days short of their 15th wedding anniversary. My aunt and uncle had a baby when they were 16 and they have over 40 yrs of marriage..and a couple I went to high school with had their first in 9th grade (around 1983-4) and they are still married with 2 more kids so yes it can last, though I realize it doesn't always.

BTW, with my sister, once the initial shock wore off we, were very supportive and actually to this day my mom and niece are very close.

I would be disappointed if my girls got pregnant young, but I would support them 100%.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

Being that my teenage daughter is a lesbian, I’d call the Enquirer and report a miracle conception! Seriously, though, she and I have talked a LOT about such things. She says that boys aren't her thing but I told her if they ever were to become her thing to come to me and discuss birth control options. If she did become pregnant, we'd sit down and seriously discuss her options. I wouldn't be angry at her at all, but concerned. She would have my full support whatever she decided. She's a pretty level headed kid so I believe she would make the right choice.