What would you do, if anything (long)?

[jwsqrdplus2]

I encountered a strange situation this morning when I dropped my children off at school. It disturbed me, but I'm not sure what I can do.

DDs' school opens for before care at 6:30 am. THat is when I usually drop of the girls. There are a few other "regulars" who are also there at that time. This morning a mother I am not used to seeing then, but still recognize was dropping off her daughter. I do not really know this woman, but I do know her daughter somewhat. I used to sub at the school and had her daughter in class a couple of times.

The mom had been in the bulding but walked (OK, stormed) out as I pulled up. My DDs are still in car seats, so as I am getting them out of their seats and out of my car, the mom opens the back door of her car and says, "Get out of the car now!" in a pretty mean tone. No reaction from daughter (who I have not seen yet). Then as I am walking by their car to get to the front door, Mom says, "Get out of the car; I have to go to work. If you don't, I am calling the cops." I glanced inside the car at that point and recognized the child who was being a MAJOR brat at that moment. The daughter (5th grade) was slouching down in the backseat with the bottoms of her feet against the back of the front seat and her arms across her chest. SHe also had the stubborn, petulant look from you know where on her face. I didn't say anything, but I was very disturbed about the threat to call the cops.

Well, I guess Mom wasn't done. By the time I got my DDs signed in and situated, the daughter had gotten out of the car, and was in the hallway. Then I hear Mom say, "You better get moving because I called them and they are on the way." A couple of other adults heard that comment, but probably didn't know what it meant. All in all a pretty ugly scene.

Let me add one more story. When I subbed at the school, I had had the daughter in class a couple of times. One day, she came into a class I was subbing in tears. After I got the class settled and working, I called her aside and asked her what the problem was. Apparently something had happened at lunch (rigth before I had that class) that was causing a teacher to lower her conduct grade for that marking period (it was report card day). She was freaking out about the conduct grade. I'm sure that there was much more to that story, but after what I witnessed this morning I *think* I can understand why she was freaked out.

Anyway, my question is, what would you do? I was very disturbed by what I witnessed this morning, but I don't know who if anyone to tell. Another note is that this is a small private school, and all of this took place on school property.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

 

[snoopy]

Gosh, how horrible. I can't imagine being that frustrated with my child that I had to resort to terrifying him. I honestly don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes, but can understand your dilemma. On one hand, it sure seems like someone should know about what you witnessed, but on the other, who are you supposed to tell?

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Is there any way to get a school counselor involved? Maybe they could uncover more information about this girls homelife. Poor kid.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I honestly think this is a MYOB situation. True, what you saw was disturbing but you don't know the whole situation and I think "telling" someone would be somewhat premature at this point.

I would just keep my eyes and ears opened whenever I saw this woman and her child from now on.

 

[Hillbeans]

Unfortunately, at my daycare center which i'm in the process of leaving, I see parents in the parking lot smoking in the car with the windows closed, yanking kids around by their arms and generally degrading them by making snide comments. Those kind of things happen (unfortunately).

For as much as I want to tell these people off, it is not my place to tell people how to raise kids. I know people can have a "bad day", but when you see the same thing over and over again I can only wince wondering what their home lives are like.

It may make you feel better if you say something to her, but i'd just wear your flame resistant suit that day. She may tell you to go to h, but at least you may feel better and may make her think before she acts.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I honestly think this is a MYOB situation.

It really isn't right to assume you "know" anything about this family after witnessing one bad incident between a Mom and a 5th grader.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I suspect that if this is a small private school that there are people who know there are issues. Unless it is a wealthy small private there probably is no counselor.

So, if those two statements are accurate, I have to agree with the above posters. Going to a principal or any of the teachers who are "mandatory reporters" could cause bigger issues in this girl's family than those you witnessed.

Now if you saw physical abuse or something that cannot be written off as a rotten morning for parent and child that is a different issue.

 

[CamColt]

Id do nothing. She wasnt hurting the child so her form of parenting would be none of my business.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Yeah, I have to say, although disturbing, I don't think this quite qualifies as abuse of any sort though it sounds as if she's right on the line of verbal abuse. I'd keep it to myself for now but watch for anything that is a reportable offense and then speak up. Some kids can cause a lot of frustration and maybe she was having one of those days. I certainly hope so anyway.

 

[DawnCt1]

Yup, MYOB

 

[Mermaid02]

Hey there are days my ds will NOT get moving and I have to be at work- I can understand the frustration.

MYOB- chances are the kid knew the threat was hollow and I'm sure it's not the first time the Mom has said something like that. It's sad.

 

[ilovepcot]

If this child is in fifth (5th) grade and behaves THIS way, I'd imagine many others are aware of problems going on. For all you know, the family may already be in counseling!

 

[ksjayhawks]

MYOB

 

[WDSearcher]

I'm part of the MYOB gang. You saw one small portion of these folks' morning. Ten minutes before this mom pulled up, the 5th grader could have been doing anything from refusing to go to school to calling her mom names. There could have been issues at home in the morning, or the mom could be under strain for something totally unrelated and finally had the last straw. To report something because you saw one angry exchange and because of one instance with tears a while back is assuming an awful lot. If you knew the mom or the child better and had seen a pattern, then that would be totally different.

 

[Beth76]

The only problem that I have with this situation is the mom threatening to call the police. Doing that makes kids afraid of the police which could really turn around and cause them problems in the future. Other than that, I totally understand why the mom was yelling. I'll admit, that I yell at my 3yo sometimes.

So, I'll agree with the people who say MYOB. If you really feel you need to say something, I would address the issue about the police and let the other stuff slide.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would agree that if the school has a uidance counselor of some sort that perhaps mentioning your concerns to him/her would be the way to go.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Originally posted by Beth76
The only problem that I have with this situation is the mom threatening to call the police.

That was the part that really disturbed me too! Anyway, I have decided to MYOB. I think part of what I needed was to tell someone. Typing it here helped with that tremendously.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

 

[aimee11621]

There is two sides to every story.

But if it bothers you soo much tell the school administrators or security guards.

Maybe they have witnessed or gotten complaints about this mom.

Have them warn her about this situation and to keep things at a civil level. (appropriate level)