What was this judge thinking

[Freyja]

A woman I know has been in a custody battle with her ex for the past 1 1/2 yrs. She´s Icelandic and living in Iceland (since she couldn´t get a permanent green card for the US) and he´s American and living in the US. When they divorced they were both living temporarily in the US. The little girl they have been fighting over was 2 at the time of the divorce and is 4 now.

The woman has another child from a previous relationship, a 6 yr old boy who lives with her here in Iceland.

The woman has a very close knit family here, a job, good home, etc.

The father, has never really shown much interest in his daughter. Not even during the custody battle. The child seemed to be living with his parents almost the entire time. They have been very mean spirited toward the childs mother but do seem to have treated the child well and the child seems to have been happy with them although she has missed her mother and brother extremely much. She has only been allowed to see her mother a few times over the past 2 yrs.

Finally, after a long court case the judge came up with a verdict and in fact one I find unbelievable.

The child is to spend her time 50/50 between both parents, who live on seperate continents. She is to start her first year of school in Iceland and then the second one in the US, third one in Iceland...and so on and spend all holidays in the country where she is not going to school. After she becomes a teen she is supposed to spend all school years in Iceland.

How can this possibly be good for a child? Wouldn´t it have been better for her to reside in one country and just have one school and then spend her holidays with the other parent?

 

[Piglets Mommy]

What a horrible "resolution"!
Doesn't seem to be in the best interest of the child AT ALL.

 

[Freyja]

I agree. Even her mom says she didn´t know whether to laugh or to cry when the they read the verdict. She feels so bad for her daughter to have to go through this.

 

[happygirl]

I think I would appeal that

 

[diznygirl]

I would wait until she was in my custody, THEN I would appeal it.

And I'm really not feeling too friendly towards men this week. Dumb judge.

 

[Stacerita]

Does not sound good for the child or in her best interest at all.

 

[dahirsh]

I had a friend growing up whose parents lived in different states. She and her sister switched year to year. Through high school. As far as I'm aware it worked fine for them. But this was two neighboring states not two continents. I was also before the internet and texting.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

While I don't know alot about Icelandic schools, I know German/French schools are set up so much differently as they are in the states. I can't imagine how she'd get a decent, continual education flopping back and forth like that?

Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess?

 

[lillygator]

are there other circumstances? Seems as though the mother did not have custody before or am I reading the post wrong?

 

[My sister's princess]

Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess?

Must be a Maine thing I was thinking the exact thing

 

[Belle0101]

Curious, the daughter resides in the U.S.? This was a U.S. judge? Has mom had to come to the U.S. for the court appointments? Who is to pay for the travel expenses?

I can see this becoming a real mess.

 

[JR6ooo4]

and where did I miss that this was male judge?

Mikeeee

 

[FireDancer]

It isn't the judge I question but the parents. At some point the hate they have for each other needs to take a back seat to what is best for their child. There are some problems that our court system isn't designed to solve.

What he did may be the law, I don't know, but the parents need to agree to something on their own. Maybe it is best if she stays here, maybe it is best if she goes to Iceland. Keep in mind you are hearing the story through the filter of the mother, which may not be the whole truth. We all tend to distort a story to make ourselves look better, it is human nature.

 

[PatsGirl]

The question is, which parent is going to be a real Mom or Dad and put the child first? Personally, I think if I'd exhausted all possibilities of having the child for the school year each year, I'd move closer to the ex and share custody where we could both nurture and care for her. I don't think I could be apart from my child at that age for months at a time and it certainly can't be a good thing for her.

 

[Freyja]

While I don't know alot about Icelandic schools, I know German/French schools are set up so much differently as they are in the states. I can't imagine how she'd get a decent, continual education flopping back and forth like that?

Does the judge think he is Solomon? Maybe he's thinking one or the other parent will give in to save her from this mess?

That was one of my biggest concerns too and a thing her mother worries greatly about. The school system here is quite different from the US and I´m afraid the poor child will spend most of her time "catching up" in each country.

are there other circumstances? Seems as though the mother did not have custody before or am I reading the post wrong?

While they were still in the process of splitting up, the mother´s visa ran out and she was told to leave the country. The child is a US citizen and she was told she could not take her with her until the custody had been determined.

Curious, the daughter resides in the U.S.? This was a U.S. judge? Has mom had to come to the U.S. for the court appointments? Who is to pay for the travel expenses?

I can see this becoming a real mess.

Yes, the daughter resides in the US and this was a US judge. The mother came to the US for all court appointments. As far as I can understand the parent "recieving" the child is to pay for the travel expenses at each time. I agree, this will probably become a real mess.

And those who have said I might be biased because I only know one side of the story. This is true. However, I don´t neccesarily feel that mom should get custody instead of dad. I just wish they child had one primary residence.

 

[polineedyan]

What some fail to realize is that in some states, when parents are married, 'shared parenting' or joint custody is the law. Just because you get divorced with children does not mean that there has to BE a custody case.
In this case, there was..
I think a lot of people fail to realize that during these divorce/custody situations, the courts will side that it is indeed in the child's best interest to have a frequent,ongoing, relationship with both parents. Regardless of their location. However, to contradict what I said, geographic location as well as the parents' ability to work together are taken into account when joint custody is decided.
I dont know what the custody decision is..is appears that its joint, it may just be split visitation. Even here in ohio, one parent in joint custody must be decided as the residential parent for school purposes (enrollment) only. We live in the same city as our ex and he is still considered the 'residential parent for school purposes.'
Parents have a right to their children. Regarless of where they live, etc. One parent will ALWAYS be 'better' than the other. This is true even in marriages. Just because one is better than the other does not mean the lesser parent loses their rights to their children thru divorce.
This would be one I wouldnt want to get involved with. One of these parents should be moving to be nearer the child, regardless of where their extended family lives.. THAT is in the child's best interest, for sure..

 

[Freyja]

What some fail to realize is that in some states, when parents are married, 'shared parenting' or joint custody is the law. Just because you get divorced with children does not mean that there has to BE a custody case.
In this case, there was..
I think a lot of people fail to realize that during these divorce/custody situations, the courts will side that it is indeed in the child's best interest to have a frequent,ongoing, relationship with both parents. Regardless of their location. However, to contradict what I said, geographic location as well as the parents' ability to work together are taken into account when joint custody is decided.
I dont know what the custody decision is..is appears that its joint, it may just be split visitation. Even here in ohio, one parent in joint custody must be decided as the residential parent for school purposes (enrollment) only. We live in the same city as our ex and he is still considered the 'residential parent for school purposes.'
Parents have a right to their children. Regarless of where they live, etc. One parent will ALWAYS be 'better' than the other. This is true even in marriages. Just because one is better than the other does not mean the lesser parent loses their rights to their children thru divorce.
This would be one I wouldnt want to get involved with. One of these parents should be moving to be nearer the child, regardless of where their extended family lives.. THAT is in the child's best interest, for sure..

Interesting!

The only problem here is that mom really wanted to stay in the US with her child, so that the child could live close to both parents, regardless of who would be granted custody. However, she has not been able to do so since she hasn´t been able to get a green card.