What was the most helpful after you had your first baby?

[JVL1018]

I loved when my friends would come for a short visit and when they would drop off dinners, certainly not to any laundry or cleaning(except mom), I would have felt very awkward having someone else clean my house while I sat around.
Definitely no one moving in for any amount of time.

My one girlfriend came over and dropped off 3 dinners, refused to stay and said she'd be back in a couple of weeks for a longer visit when I'd settled in- with a gift for the baby and to pick up her dishes. Perfect.
My mom would come over, clean the kitchen, drop off dinner, snuggle the baby and leave. Also perfect.

 

[Sleepy]

I have not read all the posts, but I will offer my feelings. My mother did come to help us and we appreciated it. However, what really needed to happen was my mother not come. The problem encountered was that my husband took 10 days off from work for the reason of helping me. Mom did most of the stuff around the house. My husband just sort of watched me and my mother while we took care of things.

When mom left after 9 days, he only had 1 day of vacation left. Not that much stuff had to be done. So, he went back to work and assumed that since he did not help while mom was there, he did not have to help after she left. It was as if he assumed the assistance I needed was only during that first week and a half and I should be able to do everything alone there after. Needless to say, I was a mess.

So, for me, what would have been helpful was for nobody to offer help. No laundry, no meals, no light housekeeping, no taking care of the baby while I took a nap. If my husband and I can't handle those things alone, then we should have reconsidered having a child.

 

[blana]

While I let my parents come help clean for the week after each DC was born, it drove me nuts, especially when other peopel offered. I just wanted to sit & talk to people, not have them scrubbing my floors. So, I'd say, bring food & then VISIT, especially after the baby is a few weeks old, when every body & their brother has quit trying to come visit.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would wait until after the baby is born and see if she prefers help around the house or help with the baby. Everyone is different. Also everyone gets help right after the baby is born but that's when I know I was more stubborn and insisting I was supermom. Around 3-4 weeks would really be a great time to offer up your services again, the novelty has worn off for most people but the exhaustion has set in for the new mom. Food is always great and offering her and her husband a chance to get out alone, even just to run errands, is always nice. I know for me I stopped working and was not used to being home so much, especially with a newborn you don't want to go out much. I would have loved someone to just come over and hang out and talk to me for a while. I really missed that socialization.

I agree with this - it seems that right after the baby is born, there is tons of support. However, around week three, mom is exhausted, the rush of finally having baby there is gone, and nobody stops by anymore. After my twins were born, another mom set up a group to help me out. Sometimes, all I needed was someone to socialize with, because I felt very secluded (they were born the middle of January). Having 3 other kids, I was used to getting out a lot and socializing before they were born, and hated feeling so isolated.

 

[PatsGirl]

I'm in the "can't nap while a friend cleans my house" and "would like time alone" camp with other posters here.

If I were to do it all again, I'd like someone to come in and clean while I'm at the hospital delivering said child and friends to stock my shelves and freezer with easy-to-heat meals and snacks. I think gift certificates for local restaurants (to-go types) and a Merry Maid certificate for after the baby is born and exhaustion has set in are great ideas!

FWIW, I never had a problem finding time to nap or shower. Babies sleep alot. If anything, I was bored silly after the first few weeks ~

 

[aprilgail2]

FWIW, I never had a problem finding time to nap or shower. Babies sleep alot. If anything, I was bored silly after the first few weeks ~

I agree- I was bored silly with all the time I had! I am used to going out and working all day etc--not staying home. I had so much time those first few weeks my daughter was born I didn't know what to do with myself while she was sleeping! I spent the first few days writing out all the thank you cards for gifts brought over!

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree- I was bored silly with all the time I had! I am used to going out and working all day etc--not staying home. I had so much time those first few weeks my daughter was born I didn't know what to do with myself while she was sleeping! I spent the first few days writing out all the thank you cards for gifts brought over!

It also depends on the baby. My first slept a lot, but my next never slept more than 1/2 hour at a time! I was so miserable! Turns out he had reflux. Fortunately, I had him in April, so I could walk him a lot.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The sleep idea is good...

I had the baby blues pretty bad when I had my twins for a few weeks after my c-section. When my husband went back to work after 2 weeks I was basically having panic attacks from IDK...loneliness? Now I know it was just hormones
My best friend really doesn't "do" babies, but just having her come over to talk and hang out was a life saver for me.