What to do with VERY expensive gift don't want/like? Update - Post 32, p 3!

[Yeahmetoo]

I'm writing under an alias in case DH reads this. Has anyone been given a REALLY expensive gift from spouse that they have no need/want of? I'm upset b/c DH spent A LOT of money on a gift to me that I really don't want; and quite frankly, would rather use the money on other much needed things. But I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just suck it up?

 

[chucknorris]

Give it to Chuck Norris.

 

[AprilShowers]

A couple of years ago, DH bought me a VERY expensive diamond necklace. I HATED it. I didn't exactly tell him that I hated it, but he could tell I didn't much like it. He asked me later, and I told him that I probably wouldn't wear it much because it wasn't my style.

He returned it without hurt feelings, and bought me something I DID like the next Christmas.

I guess it depends on how sensitive your DH is. Mine would rather me ENJOY my gift, than anything else.

I am a HUGE fan of honesty. If you'll resent him or the gift, you should try to tell him as gently as possible. Little white lies are ok to spare his feelings, but don't let it eat away at you.

Good luck!

 

[Handbag Lady]

Give it to me.

 

[missypie]

My first year out of law school my (ex) huband got me a huge (fat) Mont Blanc fountain pen....it didn't even take ink cartridges..you had to fill it from an ink bottle. It cost over $250 (in 1986 dollars). There were so many things I needed, so after a day or so, I asked husband to return it. He did but I didn't get a different gift or the money.

 

[mamacatnv]

Oh tough one!

Several years ago DH got me pearl earrings, a pearl choker and bracelet for Christmas. Can we all envision Barbara Bush They were expensive and I hated them, I wear very little jewelry anyway, I have no clue what he was thinking.

I told him that I wanted to take them back because we had spent way more on the kids than he realized and I could not justify their costs.

I wish my DH was tuned in enough to be able to handle me saying I don't like something instead of me having to get all creative and come up with some lame excuse but alas, it would hurt his feelings, so lame excuse is what I do.

 

[a1tinkfans]

On a trip to Disney one year, on the plane ride down, my DH gives me a diamond necklace that was SO OVER THE TOP I almost fainted mid flight.
Not only did I not know where or when I would ever wear it, he insisted that I wear it. The thing had such heavy gold and kept flipping over as it was a choker type that just did not sit well on my neck. Picture it, heavy gold dripping with diamonds, not a pretty sight on an August trek thru Disney

We then kept it in the resort safe at POR, not the one in the room but up front. It was crazy.

When we got home, we went back to Fortunoffs and they were very nice about exchanging it out (ultimately for something that cost much much less) I really think the only reason they were so kind was because it really did not look nice flipped over ( I showed them)
Fortunately for me I got to blame returning it on poor design.
Funny though, I really have not gotten any of that "real expensive stuff" in a long time.
Now, I go on QVC sometimes and buy more "fun" type stuff instead.
Good luck, you're walking a fine line

 

[just4today]

Tell him and hope he's wearing his big boy pants.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Yes. Early on in our marriage DH bought me diamond stud earrings. I've never seen diamonds like them before, they were totally rounded, no beveled edges; they looked like clear glass.

I didn't really care for them, but he was so pleased with his gift, even after I gently tried to indicate they weren't really my thing. I was just going to keep them and wear them anyway, but they had this screw-type post that the earring back screwed onto for security. It thrashed the hole in my ear every time I wore them! So they don't ever get worn.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I'm lucky. I have a DH who knows what moves me. Jewelry ain't it.

In response to the OP, it all depends on the gift. If it's a personal gift that he spent a great deal of time thinking about, be gentle and tactful. Lie if necessary.

 

[Chicago526]

That's tough. My DH is the type that would be absolutly crushed if he thought I didn't like a gift. There are a few times that I've faked a smile and bright happy voice to tell him that I love it. I'm all about honesty but sometimes a persons feelings are just more important. Unless it was litterally a choice between the gift and paying the bills, I'll always smile and tell him "Thanks so much, honey, I love it! It's just what I wanted!".

Now, if I had a hubby that just shrugged and said "sorry, I tried" and was okay with me returning it, that would be different. It just depends on the guy, I guess.

 

[Evil Genius]

If you really aren't going to use it, I would tell him. He's going to notice sooner or later, and then his feelings are really going to be hurt. A good compromise might be a less expensive gift of something you would like and use the rest of the money for things that are needed.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH gets upset when I don't like a gift so I stopped telling him. He used to buy me clothes that were really bad. Who buys a big hipped girl a straight cut clingly dress and thinks they will look good in it??? He has bought me several pieces of jewelry that I didn't care for. I wear them a couple of times and they go in my jewerly cabinet.

Sometime I wonder if he ever pays attention to what I wear and what I pick out for myself. ???

OP-- If it was REALLY expensive and you weren't going to ever like it then I would suggest asking if you both can exchange it.

 

[beckmrk04]

My DH is great in this arena. If he gets me something that isn't my taste, he is just fine with returning it and letting me pick out something else. No hurt feelings.

I'm the same way, really. We just want the other person to be happy! That's the point of giving a gift- show someone you love them and make their day a little better!

I'm all for gentle honesty in this situation.

 

[tink_n_pooh]

This is a tough one but I think you should be honest with him

 

[Handbag Lady]

Again, big jewelry and diamonds, send it my way.


Luckily DH knows that jewelry IS my thing and I get some of it time to time. Once in a blue moon he'll give me something I really don't care for, but telling him would hurt his feelings, so I wear it. Luckily, I am into big and gaudy jewelry so anything else doesn't appear to be un-normal for me.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I'm writing under an alias in case DH reads this. Has anyone been given a REALLY expensive gift from spouse that they have no need/want of? I'm upset b/c DH spent A LOT of money on a gift to me that I really don't want; and quite frankly, would rather use the money on other much needed things. But I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just suck it up?

YES! You do, you just suck it up. If someone: ESP. your husband spends time, love and money towards buying you something that he thinks you will like you take it and you learn to love it.
I'm sorry..but a gift is supposed to be out of love. And you don't have to like the item, but you are supposed to admire the thoughtfulness and heart that went into picking out the item for you from your loved one. I don't care how much it cost.
If you just can't stand it. In the future why don't you put a cap on your spending for e/o so you won't feel so bad when you get something you don't like.

 

[binny]

Dh actually bought me a meat slicer one year. He meant well but.... yeah. I just sort of looked at him and said "really?" he said he was sorry but he really thought Id like it. Seriously?

God love him but it went back before new years. Good luck. I think you should just be honest with him.

 

[beckmrk04]

Dh actually bought me a meat slicer one year.

Awesome.

 

[Yeahmetoo]

thanks for everyone's thoughts. It's funny how so many don't like jewelry - neither do I and I have MANY pieces I never wear. And DH is shocked I don't wear them even though I've told him MANY times I'm not a jewelry fan. In fact, my engagement/wedding ring was $400 total, which mortifies DH (I used it right! ) and he continually wants to buy me a new one; but I'm happy about it b/c (a) I picked it out; and (b) I HATE expensive jewelry b/c I would rather spend money on other things. I'm the type of girl who would be happy getting a meat slicer!

Anyhoo, after a long tangent, it wasn't jewelry this time but something I just have absolutely no need for. But he does have a history of being upset if he perceives I'm not estatic about a present - and there have been many times I have been and he still thinks I don't like it. It's not that we can't pay bills b/c he bought it, but there are things we REALLY need that we have put off getting b/c of cost and the cost of this REALLY expensive item could pay for some of those things. I'm really in a quandry.