What to do with VERY expensive gift don't want/like? Update - Post 32, p 3!

[camlace]

My husband is the classic giver of expensive gifts I do not need/want/like. One common theme for a while was gifts that were suspiciously like items that he would really enjoy. I finally gave up and either get my own gifts or give him a list with specific details and instructions NOT to deviate from the list. We're almost there...but now his thing is mail order gifts (ie Pajama Gram, Vermont Teddy Bear, etc). Enough is enough...I'd rather no gift than gifts I don't need.

In general I tell me husband the truth...does it hurt his feelings, yes sometimes, but I'd have a hard time faking my love for a gift that I really don't like so he'd figure it out anyway. Be gentle, but just tell him the truth in the long run you'll both feel better about it.

 

[luvmy3]

Luckily I never have this dilemma because dh no longer picks anything out on his own. He has learned from his past mistakes
If it is truly something you don't need, or will ever use, I would just come out and tell him the truth.

 

[TerriP]

In April, DH surprised me with a diamond ring for our tenth anniversary. He had worked hard to make it a surprise (which it was ~ I had no idea) and was very proud of himself. Well, the ring was not at all something I would wear. I was so torn...do I tell him or don't I??? Well, I told him a few days later. I told him how much it meant to me that he had done all of this for me, but I just had some hang ups that would never allow me to feel comfortable in that ring. He completely understood and we took it back together.

If you decide to tell him, the key is to be loving in your delivery. I wish you luck!

 

[mjkacmom]

Dh actually bought me a meat slicer one year. He meant well but.... yeah. I just sort of looked at him and said "really?" he said he was sorry but he really thought Id like it. Seriously?

God love him but it went back before new years. Good luck. I think you should just be honest with him.

LOL - my grandfather gave one to my grandmother - makes a funny story! I've exchanged expensive gifts from DH - like the $850 clunky gold heart earings he got me from Tiffany's. I never would've worn them, and it's not like we have lots of extra money. I've given him things he's never used, and it really bugs me - just return them!

 

[NMAmy]

I would gently tell my DH the truth, especially if the money is needed for other things. DH is very easy going and wouldn't get his feelings hurt any more than I would if the situation was flipped.

I'm also a woman who doesn't care for jewelry. DH says it makes it difficult him when it comes time for gift giving but doesn't give me something he knows I'd never use. In fact, my dd turns 18 in a month and I'm boxing up all the jewelry her dad gave me over the years (wedding ring, engagement ring, a diamond bracelet, etc) and giving the whole shooting match to her.

 

[Carpenters]

Another vote for loving honesty about the gift, if you think he can take it. My husband and I can't surprise each other successfully, and we finally had to accept it about 4 or 5 years into our 21 year marriage (and counting!). It's not as fun to open the gifts that aren't a surprise, but it's wonderful to get what you really wanted and will use. My husband agrees, too. I agree with PP, though, it really depends on the man.

 

[maelstrom]

Luckily, I've never gotten a gift of jewelry that I didn't like (save for one bracelet (part of a bracelet/necklace/earrings set) that didn't go over so well *only* because I have such tiny wrists that bracelets aren't usually a good idea for me).

What I figure is, the jewelry is a symbol of how much my significant other cares about me, and it's something that he thought I'd like; that means a lot to me. Even if it's not totally my style, I love being able to look at it and get that warm, fuzzy feeling, knowing that my significant other cares about me.

 

[ZPT1022]

DH gets upset when I don't like a gift so I stopped telling him. He used to buy me clothes that were really bad. Who buys a big hipped girl a straight cut clingly dress and thinks they will look good in it??? He has bought me several pieces of jewelry that I didn't care for. I wear them a couple of times and they go in my jewerly cabinet.

Sometime I wonder if he ever pays attention to what I wear and what I pick out for myself. ???

OP-- If it was REALLY expensive and you weren't going to ever like it then I would suggest asking if you both can exchange it.

the part that I bolded- my DH would do something like that too. You know why?? The things I consider flaws and try to hide at all costs- he doesn't mind. He loves me more than I love myself, flaws and all and to him it might not look bad.

 

[IluvKingLouis]

After the first few years of marriage I told DH that I'd rather do stuff than have stuff. So we spend birthdays, anniversarys, etc having a lovely night out or getting away for a few days.

This works out nicely, because if I should see a nice little piece of jewelry (rare) and want to buy it, it's never an issue because we don't do that sort of thing on a regular basis. I'm not much of a "stuff" girl so maybe that's why this works well for us.

 

[RUDisney]

thanks for everyone's thoughts. It's funny how so many don't like jewelry - neither do I and I have MANY pieces I never wear. And DH is shocked I don't wear them even though I've told him MANY times I'm not a jewelry fan. In fact, my engagement/wedding ring was $400 total, which mortifies DH (I used it right! ) and he continually wants to buy me a new one; but I'm happy about it b/c (a) I picked it out; and (b) I HATE expensive jewelry b/c I would rather spend money on other things. I'm the type of girl who would be happy getting a meat slicer!

I'd love a meat slicer!

I'm not big on jewelry. I want nice pieces (that I tell him that I want) every 5 years for our anniversary.

2 examples: When he bought me my engagement ring, I had told him that I wanted a round diamond. He bought me a pear shaped diamond but talked to me about it before he gave it to me. I told him to take it back. I wanted the ring I will wear for the rest of my life to be the shape that I wanted. He got a great deal on the 1.6 carat pear diamond, but took it back because he knew that I'd be disappointed.

The first Christmas after we adopted our kids, he gave me a box with some jewelry in it. I went ballistic. How could this man, who knows that I don't want to be nickeled and dimed with jewelry buy me jewelry. He told me that he thought that I'd like it. I opened it and it was a mother's ring. Well, I cried and I love and wear it every day. So sometimes we are surprised.

My DH knows that I'll be honest with him and he's honest with me about our likes and dislikes. He also knows that we can't be as honest with his family. They are insulted when they buy us something we don't like or that doesn't fit. We either have to take it back without a receipt or sell it on ebay. I'd prefer honesty all the way around, but have learned that they'll never change.

 

[MoniqueU]

I once gave my husband a tiffany money holder, he hated it I could tell so I returned it. No big deal. He on the other hand got me a diamond necklace and drop diamond earings. I can't stand any sort of jewelry hanging off me, no drop earrings, hoops, bracelets or necklaces. I kept them and my daughter wore the necklace a few times. I have no idea where either of them are now. I hope I haven't hurt his feelings. He often skips gift giving and if he does buy something rarely keeps the reciept so it doesn't do any good to want to return it.

 

[Yeahmetoo]

OP here! It's so funny, I pulled up this name to write a post on another issue I was having (non-dh related) and thought to check my old posts and saw this one! It made me laugh because my dh struck again for mother's day! He did a great job, making me dinner, getting me my fave flowers (from the grocery store - I at least taught him well on that after one $80- flower delivery!) and a new piece to my statue collection I love. That would have been MORE than enough for me - but was he finished? Heck no - he gave me something, once again, that was way too much money and nothing I would ever need - a lap top! I know some of you are saying, why wouldn't you want that; however there are several reasons (1) I have an I-phone; (2) we have a 8 month old apple desk top; (3) I have a computer at work; (4) we have an old lap top that I use quite well to print my pix and DISigns! So I just have to get up the nerve to tell him to return it. The funny thing is he says "you are so hard to shop for" - but he knows that I've been handwashing dishes since december when our dishwasher broke; I emailed him the link for the disney dooney and burke wristlet I really want (and I never do that! he said it was on backorder - but a picture of it in my card that he ordered it would have been just fine!) and also he knows how stressed I've been lately and how much I love spa days but never buy them for myself! oh, my sweet, sweet, confused dh!

 

[Philagoofy]

I feel like I could have written many of these posts. OP, tell you what, I'll trade you the ring my DH gave me for Mother's Day for your laptop. I've told him so many times that I don't want anymore jewerly. I like jewerly, used to love it until most all of my good pieces were stolen several years ago. But he doesn't listen, he keeps buying it for me. I have hinted about a laptop, would rather have that than more jewerly but don't really need that either. I'd rather save the money for vacation. It's funny that this came up now because I've been trying to think of a way to tell him I want to return the ring. He's the kind that would get hurt feelings but he'll get over it.

Good luck with your return!

 

[sunlver]

I can so relate to this.. Now my story isn't of jewlery. We are a one income family, and my husband always complains about lack of money, and how he wishes I worked etc..
2 yrs ago at Christmas he bought me this huge tv for the bedroom. I love watching tv in the bedroom, and the tv we had in there was just fine. IT worked PERFECTLY, I never complained..He spent over $500 for a new tv from some internet site. I politely thanked him for it, but said we didn't need it, the other worked just fine and maybe we can return it and use the money towards bills(he always complains about lack of money and having to pay bills etc..). He called me ungrateful, and refused to return the tv saying it was a special from some site on the internet...The tv is still in the bedroom and I do watch it and its nice..but not needed.. My biggest problem is..dont complain about us not having any money, and all these bills need to be paid, and then go out and buy me a $500 tv when the tv in the bedroom worked perfectly fine and I never complained about it.

 

[Yeahmetoo]

I feel like I could have written many of these posts. OP, tell you what, I'll trade you the ring my DH gave me for Mother's Day for your laptop. I've told him so many times that I don't want anymore jewerly. I like jewerly, used to love it until most all of my good pieces were stolen several years ago. But he doesn't listen, he keeps buying it for me. I have hinted about a laptop, would rather have that than more jewerly but don't really need that either. I'd rather save the money for vacation. It's funny that this came up now because I've been trying to think of a way to tell him I want to return the ring. He's the kind that would get hurt feelings but he'll get over it.

Good luck with your return!

I can't - I got that last year even though I don't care about jewelry!!!! So, do I wear it? Yes, but do I wish he hadn't bought it? a double YES!!!

 

[surfergirl602]

hee hee - loved reading the posts!

For valentines day I got DH what he really wanted - I listened to him. DH got me exactly what I told him I did NOT want, he got me 300 dollars worth of stuff at a spa - something that really grosses me out and I will not do. I don't like people touching me, ocd thing. What I told him I really needed, was a treadmill. I made him return the spa stuff, because it was a waste. Just two days before we had heard a commercial on the radio and I told him how I wouldn't ever do that. .... still waiting for that treadmill.
So I got him something, and got nothing in return. go figure. LOL