What should I do?[kinda long]

[love2disney]

Ok some back story here but not entirely relevant or must c.
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1564904

My neighbor and I have same aged kids. While they never got along well b4 this summer the kids really hit it off. They spent most of the summer together. Now before this her son had been in a private school for kindergarten and mine in a public school so they only met outside school for smaller periods of time. This year he is in my sons first grade class.

Now here is the issue this kid lies.. like all the time for every small thing whether its needed or not. His lies are well woven descriptive ones like once he told me his mom got him a cobalt blue DS and a whole kit with it which he desribed; he went on to describe in detail his trip to gamestop and then to a restaurant where he opened the DS and all. Turns out it never happened and he did not have a DS.

This is just one example and this has happened time and again. Usually my neighbor or me are around and if I am around I gently call him on his lies. I keep drilling into my son its not ok to lie about anything. Now this kid is in my sons class and issues are cropping up. My son says he is lying a lot in school like he told the teacher he had 3 dogs and a cat when they have no pets. Similarly he told all the other kids his dad makes video games for Nintendo whereas his dad is a HR manager. There have also been many such instances and school has been in session for only 9 days now

My son is usually a silent kid so the two times he and this kid have been paired for a project this kid has told the teacher lies about his contribution to the project.

While these r minor incidents if u take them one at a time but collectively they are bothering me. My 7 yr old is seeing him not get into trouble for his lies and may think its ok to fib a little.

Should i keep my mouth shut? Should i tell the mom whats happening? Should talk to the teacher? I don't know what to do or if I should do anything!

Opinions?

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't tell the mother, she probably knows he does that. I wouldn't tell the teacher, its not your place to discuss what kids other than your own. I would just continue to tell your ds that lying for any reason is wrong and just because he isn't being caught doesn't mean its okay, and that one day it will catch up with him.

I can relate, my ds has a friend who is a story teller, his mom is well aware and doesn't do too much about it. The only thing I can do is teach my own that its wrong.

 

[disykat]

It sounds to me like he's telling "tall tales." As a teacher, I've known many smart creative kids who have been known to spin quite a story at that age. It doesn't mean they're doomed to a life a lying and cheating. It doesn't mean they are bad or incapable of truth. It doesn't mean they won't outgrow it and turn into adults that make up stuff. (I've known some of those and that IS a concern!)

My oldest son was quite literal at that age. He knew darn well the stories other kids were telling weren't true and it really bothered him. His best friend, also the neighbor boy, would tell him he saw a bear in his backyard, etc. It really helped when I talked to my son about tall tales. Basically the "liar" is exagerating for entertainment purposes, for attention, not to hurt people.

To put an adult spin on it - how many of us tell our kids about Santa? Should we be punished for doing so?

Lying about contributing to a project is the only one that seems like a lie to me, the others seem like stories. Kids that age are also known to lie to cover their rears because they don't want to get in trouble. Again, something you teach not to do, but not unexpected at that age. Ask any group of young children a question like "how many of you have a pet pig?" and you'll get waay more hands up in the air than you'd expect. They think "a pet pig sounds fun" or "other people are raising their hands, maybe the teacher will like it if I say I have a pet pig" and up goes their hand.

Trust me, the teacher knows which kids fabricate things. What you should do IMO is remind your child that it is important to be truthful without condemning kids who are storytelling. A simple "oh, x is telling tall tales again" should be enough for the made up pets and toys.

 

[Tink888]

I wouldn't do anything and agree with the other posters. I've seen a lot of kids at that age who can spin a good story. The majority of them outgrow it.

Continue to let your son know that lying is unacceptable and that when you embellish on the truth, people catch on and eventually no one will believe anything you say.

Chances are his Mom, the teacher and all the other students have already caught on and there's no need to involve yourself. I'd be willing to bet that before you know it your son will come home with with daily updates of how this boy's classmates called him out on his stories.

 

[Stevania]

It sounds to me like he's telling "tall tales." As a teacher, I've known many smart creative kids who have been known to spin quite a story at that age. It doesn't mean they're doomed to a life a lying and cheating. It doesn't mean they are bad or incapable of truth. It doesn't mean they won't outgrow it and turn into adults that make up stuff. (I've known some of those and that IS a concern!)

My oldest son was quite literal at that age. He knew darn well the stories other kids were telling weren't true and it really bothered him. His best friend, also the neighbor boy, would tell him he saw a bear in his backyard, etc. It really helped when I talked to my son about tall tales. Basically the "liar" is exagerating for entertainment purposes, for attention, not to hurt people.

To put an adult spin on it - how many of us tell our kids about Santa? Should we be punished for doing so?

Lying about contributing to a project is the only one that seems like a lie to me, the others seem like stories. Kids that age are also known to lie to cover their rears because they don't want to get in trouble. Again, something you teach not to do, but not unexpected at that age. Ask any group of young children a question like "how many of you have a pet pig?" and you'll get waay more hands up in the air than you'd expect. They think "a pet pig sounds fun" or "other people are raising their hands, maybe the teacher will like it if I say I have a pet pig" and up goes their hand.

Trust me, the teacher knows which kids fabricate things. What you should do IMO is remind your child that it is important to be truthful without condemning kids who are storytelling. A simple "oh, x is telling tall tales again" should be enough for the made up pets and toys.

Great post! OP take care of your family and leave the other child alone. It is common for some children to do this.

 

[ajk912]

It sounds to me like he's telling "tall tales." As a teacher, I've known many smart creative kids who have been known to spin quite a story at that age. It doesn't mean they're doomed to a life a lying and cheating. It doesn't mean they are bad or incapable of truth. It doesn't mean they won't outgrow it and turn into adults that make up stuff. (I've known some of those and that IS a concern!)

My oldest son was quite literal at that age. He knew darn well the stories other kids were telling weren't true and it really bothered him. His best friend, also the neighbor boy, would tell him he saw a bear in his backyard, etc. It really helped when I talked to my son about tall tales. Basically the "liar" is exagerating for entertainment purposes, for attention, not to hurt people.

To put an adult spin on it - how many of us tell our kids about Santa? Should we be punished for doing so?

Lying about contributing to a project is the only one that seems like a lie to me, the others seem like stories. Kids that age are also known to lie to cover their rears because they don't want to get in trouble. Again, something you teach not to do, but not unexpected at that age. Ask any group of young children a question like "how many of you have a pet pig?" and you'll get waay more hands up in the air than you'd expect. They think "a pet pig sounds fun" or "other people are raising their hands, maybe the teacher will like it if I say I have a pet pig" and up goes their hand.

Trust me, the teacher knows which kids fabricate things. What you should do IMO is remind your child that it is important to be truthful without condemning kids who are storytelling. A simple "oh, x is telling tall tales again" should be enough for the made up pets and toys.

Good advice, I think you summed it up!

 

[tomthebarncat]

Start planning your future and protect yourself financially. I hate to say this but generally men who like prosititutes have had this issue for a while and it will probably continue to go on, regardless of who he is with. I also have been involved with someone who had a taste for hookers before he met me. Thankfully, this is in europe where this is somewhat regulated, etc. I stopped dating him after he told me about, as I was disgusted and would always know that he likes that kind of sex! Personally, I find the whole thing, seedy and sleazy. Also, what healthcare professional would knowingly expose themselves to this kind if healthrisk? so now only has he betrayed you but he has also proven that he is an idiot!! Move on and take him for all you can get!!

 

[Amelia Peabody]

Start planning your future and protect yourself financially. I hate to say this but generally men who like prosititutes have had this issue for a while and it will probably continue to go on, regardless of who he is with. I also have been involved with someone who had a taste for hookers before he met me. Thankfully, this is in europe where this is somewhat regulated, etc. I stopped dating him after he told me about, as I was disgusted and would always know that he likes that kind of sex! Personally, I find the whole thing, seedy and sleazy. Also, what healthcare professional would knowingly expose themselves to this kind if healthrisk? so now only has he betrayed you but he has also proven that he is an idiot!! Move on and take him for all you can get!!

Isn;t this a little harsh? He;s only a little boy!

Seriously I realize you've posted on the wrong thread but it made me laugh to think it was real....

 

[teskak]

Start planning your future and protect yourself financially. I hate to say this but generally men who like prosititutes have had this issue for a while and it will probably continue to go on, regardless of who he is with. I also have been involved with someone who had a taste for hookers before he met me. Thankfully, this is in europe where this is somewhat regulated, etc. I stopped dating him after he told me about, as I was disgusted and would always know that he likes that kind of sex! Personally, I find the whole thing, seedy and sleazy. Also, what healthcare professional would knowingly expose themselves to this kind if healthrisk? so now only has he betrayed you but he has also proven that he is an idiot!! Move on and take him for all you can get!!

Quoting under the first rule - for when the poster realises his whoops - sorry but 7 year olds do not need to visit commercial providers

 

[Acklander]

LOL - this thread has taken a funny turn.

To the OP - I think every class has a kid like that, the kid like that in my grade ended up being one of the writers for the Simpsons.

 

[love2disney]

Start planning your future and protect yourself financially. I hate to say this but generally men who like prosititutes have had this issue for a while and it will probably continue to go on, regardless of who he is with. I also have been involved with someone who had a taste for hookers before he met me. Thankfully, this is in europe where this is somewhat regulated, etc. I stopped dating him after he told me about, as I was disgusted and would always know that he likes that kind of sex! Personally, I find the whole thing, seedy and sleazy. Also, what healthcare professional would knowingly expose themselves to this kind if healthrisk? so now only has he betrayed you but he has also proven that he is an idiot!! Move on and take him for all you can get!!

I know you posted on the wrong thread but it was funny reading this in context with my question.


To all the other posters thanks. You kind of reaffirmed what I was thinking. It helped me know its not uncommon and no serious harm will come out of it.

 

[sunnyday123]

My niece does this-complete with tears and details. I have no friends, no clothes, no shoes, etc. It's a combination of attention seeking and her Mother feeding her stories. I feel bad for her.

My Ex H also does this. He tells people he's an architect ( pipefitter ) was born in the mountains of WVA, and gutted and re-built the inside of our house. You really cannot believe a word he says. THAT I worry about.

Just keep reminding your son he's exaggerating because something else is missing or he feels bad about himself. Sounds like he needs a friend or two.

 

[disykat]

Just keep reminding your son he's exaggerating because something else is missing or he feels bad about himself. .

Why? There is no need to put down the other child. Where is the good in that? These kids are seven. "x likes to tell tall tales" is enough. Period.

 

[MM27]

There's no need to tell the teacher, as it's not really your place. However, I've had students before that were just like this kid. Had a girl one year that had a story to tell anytime we talked about something. If a student brought up horses, she had a horse that they kept at her grandma's house. If another student told us something about a vacation they went on, she had a story about it too. It got to the point where the other kids starting challenging her on these stories because I think they were tired of hearing from her.

 

[Scurvy]

Start planning your future and protect yourself financially. I hate to say this but generally men who like prosititutes have had this issue for a while and it will probably continue to go on, regardless of who he is with. I also have been involved with someone who had a taste for hookers before he met me. Thankfully, this is in europe where this is somewhat regulated, etc. I stopped dating him after he told me about, as I was disgusted and would always know that he likes that kind of sex! Personally, I find the whole thing, seedy and sleazy. Also, what healthcare professional would knowingly expose themselves to this kind if healthrisk? so now only has he betrayed you but he has also proven that he is an idiot!! Move on and take him for all you can get!!

If I hadn't already read that other thread I would be so confused right now! This is the most hilarious mistake I've ever seen on here.


OP - The only thing I would be concerned about is the fact that the kids lies about his contributions to projects with your son. That might be worth talking to the teacher about if it continues and hurts your son's grades. Other than that, it's fairly normal for kids to go through phases where they tell stories like that. I'd just tell my child that the other child likes to tell tall tales, and warn him that it can lead to problems if other people don't realize they are just stories. Hopefully the other child will outgrow this soon!

 

[sunnyday123]

Why? There is no need to put down the other child. Where is the good in that? These kids are seven. "x likes to tell tall tales" is enough. Period.

That is not putting the child down. Saying he does it because he's a loser would be putting him down. However, it sounds like he does it because he might need some friends-new school, etc.

 

[disykat]

That is not putting the child down. Saying he does it because he's a loser would be putting him down. However, it sounds like he does it because he might need some friends-new school, etc.

I guess we disagree. I see no reason to tell a seven year old his classmate is missing something in his life and feels bad about himself. You can encourage him to be friends with the boy without saying these things.

The basic thing we disagree on is that I've known popular well-adjusted kids who do this, you think there's "something missing." It's not a sign of trouble - at that age.

 

[sunnyday123]

I guess we disagree. I see no reason to tell a seven year old his classmate is missing something in his life and feels bad about himself. You can encourage him to be friends with the boy without saying these things.

The basic thing we disagree on is that I've known popular well-adjusted kids who do this, you think there's "something missing." It's not a sign of trouble - at that age.

Oh, pete's sakes. 10 out of 10 7 year olds will ask you, "Why does X tell stories that aren't true?" So you should follow up with, "because."? I don't think so. Also, most kids will pick up on the fact that little X is telling stories and get annoyed. And then they possible won't want to be his friend. Most kids tell stories like that because they want someone to be their friend and think they're cool. And usually, there is something missing. Maybe the parents couldn't afford a DS and he didn't want anyone to think he didn't have one since 90% of kids have them. It's about fitting in.

 

[diznygirl]

Oh, pete's sakes. 10 out of 10 7 year olds will ask you, "Why does X tell stories that aren't true?" So you should follow up with, "because."? I don't think so. Also, most kids will pick up on the fact that little X is telling stories and get annoyed. And then they possible won't want to be his friend. Most kids tell stories like that because they want someone to be their friend and think they're cool. And usually, there is something missing. Maybe the parents couldn't afford a DS and he didn't want anyone to think he didn't have one since 90% of kids have them. It's about fitting in.

Yes, you can say "because". You can also say, "I don't know why he does it, but he shouldn't. And neither should you."

Keep it simple and don't give more info than necessary.

The son of a friend pushes boundaries with the truth - we just let him know that we are on to him. And we let our son know as well. No psycho-babble - it's not right, don't do it.

Just make sure your son knows to stand up for himself in school. Hopefully the teacher is smart enough to know what is going on. They've seen it all!