what makes parents kick their kids out?

[mickeysgal]

Not all colleges provide it, but there are companies that are building private college housing that is super luxurious. I can't find any links quickly, but we're talking cable, internet, gyms, pools, concierge services. Stuff that I would pay 50% than my current rent to afford a complex like that.

Anything other than the traditional dorms - two to a room with the community bathroom down the hall is cushy to me. My daughter is in that traditional dorm. My son, at another college (who is known for their dorms), during his freshman year lived in a 4 bed/2 bath/living room/kitchenette dorm. It was way nice. I was hoping that learning to live nice like that would inspire him to want to do well enough in school so that he'd want to keep up that lifestyle.

 

[punkin]

Not all colleges provide it, but there are companies that are building private college housing that is super luxurious. I can't find any links quickly, but we're talking cable, internet, gyms, pools, concierge services. Stuff that I would pay 50% than my current rent to afford a complex like that.

Internet is not a luxury in college. It is an absolute necessity. While DD's dorm does not have a gym or a pool (I think it was built in the late 19th century), there is a gym and a pool on the other side of campus. I really never thought that was "super luxurious" either. Now "concierge services" I did not see in a single school my DD toured last year.

 

[bluesaturn]

Internet is not a luxury in college. It is an absolute necessity. While DD's dorm does not have a gym or a pool (I think it was built in the late 19th century), there is a gym and a pool on the other side of campus. I really never thought that was "super luxurious" either. Now "concierge services" I did not see in a single school my DD toured last year.

Unless by concierge they are referring to someone sitting at the front desk. Which I think is pretty standard at any residence hall or apartment building geared to college kids. It's usually a resident working, who gives out spare keys, packages, handles emergencies, etc.

 

[bluesaturn]

Not all colleges provide it, but there are companies that are building private college housing that is super luxurious. I can't find any links quickly, but we're talking cable, internet, gyms, pools, concierge services. Stuff that I would pay 50% than my current rent to afford a complex like that.

I think most new apartment buildings being built are including pools and gyms. It's something else the apartment can offer and charge more for. When apartment hunting I didn't see one complex built in the last few years that didn't include a pool and a gym.

Also, it can often be cheaper for the resident when you get an apartment with cable and internet than paying for the services individually. Every dorm I saw had cable and internet included. Even my crappy dorm with no air conditioning and communal bathrooms had cable and internet.

 

[punkin]

I don't even know if DD's dorm has cable in every room. She does not have a TV. There is cable in the common room, but DD is so busy she has no time to sit and watch TV unless there is some hall activity.

There is no air conditioning in her dorm, but she does have a huge double (which is now a single because her roommate decamped). The bathroom is down the hall.

 

[allison443]

I have friends whose girls get their nails done, highlights done etc.....at 11!!! They carry I Phones in elementary school. Of course they have the expectations that they shouldn't have to "slum it" .
I know every generation probably says this, but I think this current group of 18-24 year olds have no clue. We won't let them fail, and we are doing a huge diservice by not allowing the failure to happen. Not sure if parents do it, so THEY themselves don't look bad or what.

I disagree with your generalization. I know many, MANY hardworking 18-24 year olds wo do "have a clue." I have two kids in that age group, that is where my experience comes from, from them and their peer group. What are you basing that generalization on? Your own kids or something else?

 

[NHdisneylover]

And then there are those that at 45, yes 45, are still sitting on mommy's couch. That would be my brother. Married for less than a year. Can't/won't hold down a job - finds everything wrong with everything. Now has explosive anger issues - the world owes him everything. Sits in my mothers house and is emotionally abusive to her. She is the definition of the classic enabler - won't kick him out, she won't sell the house, she makes every excuse for him not matter how hard we've all tried, and it has now caused a huge rift in the family. No one wants to go there anymore because he acts like a jerk constantly. He should have been kicked to the curb DECADES ago. He's a brillant mechanic...he would have been fine...if he would have been kicked to the curb. It would have been the BEST thing for him. Now it's sad - what decades of this has done to a human being.

Yep. my cousin is 43 and still enabled by his mother bog time. He has never held a job for more than 8 months--because he doesn't like having to be somewhere when the boss tells him to (as in to work on time). He has left the raising of his sons to his mother (moms are all long gone), trashed the house to the point that my aunt goes through every could of months and literally just throws everything away and then buys replacement plates, glasses, towels or whatever else that had to be thrown out because it was covered in mold and no longer usable, etc. The one thing he seems to be able to put effort into is scamming the system somehow. I don't know what he says, but I have a hard time believing he is honest as he gets food stamps and other help and has for 20 years but is bale bodied and perfectly able to work if he wanted to (and recently posted on his facebook page about having hit the 300 mark for # of concerts attended. I can't afford to go to concerts, but he can while getting help to buy food) It makes me sick as i know so many people legitimately need these programs and people like him cause the programs to lose support.

Seriously? When did you graduate? I knew very few, if any, people who had "jobs waiting for them" when they graduated. (I graduated in the 1983) It was practically a given that you spent a few years working menial jobs while waiting for the right opportunity. While it would have been nice, it never occurred to me to "expect" otherwise.

I had the same thought--and I graduated in '95. DH got a job right out of college (for much less than the going rate for what he did) only because he worked third shift while in school the last year to have experience in his profession to along with the degree AND was willing to move across the country to take it. I went back to teaching preschool because we could not afford to certify me to teach in the new state right off the bat and that was what my degree was in.

My daughter who is eight now... Gets to still live under my roof as long as she is still in school and isn't bringing home some guy with a piercing, tattoo and van. "As long as you live under my roof..."

I left home young and never looked back. However, I have one brother that never cut the umbilical cord. He just stretched it a bit... he lives next door to his mother to this day.

Seriously??!! You are planning on judging your daughter's future friends and boyfriend on their outward appearance and not the content of their character? Mine is a teen now. Some of the kids who look out there are very sweet and some of the clean cut ones are not. I honestly hope you pay attention to the details when you get there in a few years--it will make it easier for your daughter. I have seen a few cases of girls whose parents push them to choose to date the "nice" (clean cut) boy without ever asking the girl why she prefers to "punk" (nose ring, tattoo)--when the "nice" boy was pressuring her to do things she was not ready for and the "punk" was treating her with respect. Sometimes the girls seem able to say no when teh pressure is only coming from the boy, but when they feel mom and dad like this boy and want her to like him they feel like the pressure is coming from both sides and do things they really don't want to do.
Of course, the other (more common) thing that happens is you simply alienate them from you by telling them who they are allowed to like.

 

[Bell30012]

NHdisneylover, you bet I judge by outward appearance. I'm very hopeful that my daughter learns to understand that others judge based upon first impression as well.

That guy with 37 tattoos, a dangly earring and mohawk haircut had better be able to play a mean guitar because in this competitive job market he won't get past the first five minutes of the interview. As I walk through our office buildings and those of other companies that is not the appearance you see.

I graduated from high school in 1984. It didn't take me long to figure out that high school grads got paid $3.25 an hour and worked for those that had graduated from college. Rather than go back home, pride wouldn't allow it, I joined the Army National Guard who paid for my college. Upon graduation they did quickly reminded me of that six year obligation that turned into my first career.

 

[luvsJack]

NHdisneylover, you bet I judge by outward appearance. I'm very hopeful that my daughter learns to understand that others judge based upon first impression as well.

That guy with 37 tattoos, a dangly earring and mohawk haircut had better be able to play a mean guitar because in this competitive job market he won't get past the first five minutes of the interview. As I walk through our office buildings and those of other companies that is not the appearance you see.

I graduated from high school in 1984. It didn't take me long to figure out that high school grads got paid $3.25 an hour and worked for those that had graduated from college. Rather than go back home, pride wouldn't allow it, I joined the Army National Guard who paid for my college. Upon graduation they did quickly reminded me of that six year obligation that turned into my first career.

That would be dependent on the career path he has chosen and it doesn't have to be in music. Many of the people that choose to express themselves in this way are extremely creative and intelligent. Just what many, many companies look for--those that look for talent anyway.

Its really sad that in this day and time people are still judged by the way they look.

BTW, and this is just some friendly advice, if you insist on that rule with her the frist guy she brings home will have the most piercings she can find. Its just the way of a teen ager. Give the guy a chance, he may be the one that treats your daughter like a queen and provides her with everything she ever dreamed of.

 

[punkin]

...ah piercings...on the 2010 college thread we were just discussing this very thing and we all came to the conclusion that if extra piercings are the worst thing we had to deal with in our kids, we were all extremely fortunate. Then again we all have real live teens, not hypothetical ones.

 

[eliza61]

I disagree with your generalization. I know many, MANY hardworking 18-24 year olds wo do "have a clue." I have two kids in that age group, that is where my experience comes from, from them and their peer group. What are you basing that generalization on? Your own kids or something else?

Oh boy I can chime in here. I base my generalizations on the H.S. girls and the freshmen girls I work with at my local CC. I'm a chemist who volunteers with 17-22 year old girls to steer them into careers in science and engineering (women are sorely lacking in those fields). Sorry I don't know 1 girl out of almost the 3000 in our program who doesn't own coach bags, MAC makeup or high tech phones.

Now I will admit many of them have part time jobs but it's pretty much to support their habits and I do admit their parents don't help, I wish I had a dollar for every parent who comes into my office complaining how they can't afford college tuiton but they somehow "HAVE" to buy little janey a car for her graduation. When you call them on it, like many people on these boards you get the excuses.

1) She earned it! I absolutely hate this one, when did simply graduating from h.s. mean a national holiday in your honor. I totally admit when I was younger, doing your best and graduating from h.s. was the bare minimum you had to do to prevent your parents from killing you.

2) It's for safety, in case of an emergency. You here that one alot here in defense of cell phones. Balony. 9-1-1 is for an emergency. cars are modes of transportation.

I see it daily, what kills me, we really expect these people to suddenly some how hit a magical age and the viola, they are ready to make fantastic money decisions.

 

[eliza61]

That would be dependent on the career path he has chosen and it doesn't have to be in music. Many of the people that choose to express themselves in this way are extremely creative and intelligent. Just what many, many companies look for--those that look for talent anyway.

Its really sad that in this day and time people are still judged by the way they look. .

It is luvs, but it's also very hard not to. My family owned a restaurant and I gotta tell you if some one came in applying for a servers position with piercings and tatooes out the wazoo, it was very difficult for us to get pass that and give him/her a fair shot.

 

[NHdisneylover]

NHdisneylover, you bet I judge by outward appearance. I'm very hopeful that my daughter learns to understand that others judge based upon first impression as well.

That guy with 37 tattoos, a dangly earring and mohawk haircut had better be able to play a mean guitar because in this competitive job market he won't get past the first five minutes of the interview. As I walk through our office buildings and those of other companies that is not the appearance you see.

I graduated from high school in 1984. It didn't take me long to figure out that high school grads got paid $3.25 an hour and worked for those that had graduated from college. Rather than go back home, pride wouldn't allow it, I joined the Army National Guard who paid for my college. Upon graduation they did quickly reminded me of that six year obligation that turned into my first career.

You are correct that many jobs are hard to come by if you look "different"--DH brings that up to the kids from time to time when they are hiring in his office--first ones to go in interviews are ones who do not have the good sense to show up dressed professionally. Of course, in your example the teen could change his hair style, wear a long sleeve dress shirt and take out the earing and have no issues. Besides, I am not expecting my kids to only date or befriend people who can easily get a job in the corporate world (or DisneyWorld). Why should that be a qualifier for who you spend your time with?

Oh boy I can chime in here. I base my generalizations on the H.S. girls and the freshmen girls I work with at my local CC. I'm a chemist who volunteers with 17-22 year old girls to steer them into careers in science and engineering (women are sorely lacking in those fields). Sorry I don't know 1 girl out of almost the 3000 in our program who doesn't own coach bags, MAC makeup or high tech phones.

Now I will admit many of them have part time jobs but it's pretty much to support their habits and I do admit their parents don't help, I wish I had a dollar for every parent who comes into my office complaining how they can't afford college tuiton but they somehow "HAVE" to buy little janey a car for her graduation. When you call them on it, like many people on these boards you get the excuses.

1) She earned it! I absolutely hate this one, when did simply graduating from h.s. mean a national holiday in your honor. I totally admit when I was younger, doing your best and graduating from h.s. was the bare minimum you had to do to prevent your parents from killing you.

2) It's for safety, in case of an emergency. You here that one alot here in defense of cell phones. Balony. 9-1-1 is for an emergency. cars are modes of transportation.

I see it daily, what kills me, we really expect these people to suddenly some how hit a magical age and the viola, they are ready to make fantastic money decisions.

I have an almost 14 year old freshman in high school who doesn't (yet anyway) who wants to be an engineer. She has been stuck on this idea for about 6 years now so I think it will stick. You are right that there are not many like minded girls out there--thanks for bringing the idea to the forefront of more young minds

 

[babyrich]

If your child turns 18 and you show them the door, I hope the parent has prepared the young adult for what is out there. I was still in high school when I turned 18. I decided not to go to college and was working full time one week after graduation. After a couple of paychecks my mother told me that I must start contributing to the house. It was just her and me at home. She paid the rent and utilities and I paid for food. Every week I did the marketing. She taught me how to write checks and when I bot my first car she showed me how to manage payments and insurance. My mother died when I was 24 and it forced me to live on my own; but I was prepared. It was not easy; but I dont think its easy for anyone.

 

[castleview]

This generation has been screwed if you ask me. When we went to college, we knew that we would have a job waiting after graduation. Those who went to trade school had jobs waiting as well. It was a given. These kids go through high school and see older brothers and sisters or friends who went to college or trade school and end up unemployed or working menial jobs. It has affected the way they look at the world. It's hard for a generation like mine to see the difference sometimes.
If some of the kids have entitlement issues blame their parents.

I graduated in 92 and there were no jobs waiting for grads (hence the enormous jump in law school applications ).

 

[luvsJack]

It is luvs, but it's also very hard not to. My family owned a restaurant and I gotta tell you if some one came in applying for a servers position with piercings and tatooes out the wazoo, it was very difficult for us to get pass that and give him/her a fair shot.

I can agree that it can be hard not to. Maybe because I am around college students all day, every day and younger ds is a part of a culture that EVERYONE has tats and many have piercings (he is a indy wrestler), I just don't even look at any of it much anymore.

Its funny you mention the restaurant. My dil is a waitress. Her hair is dyed a vivid shade of red and she has several tats. Its a very small town restaurant, but she makes great tips and everyone talks about how much they just love her.

And the girl that cuts dd's hair has a large number of peircings and her hair is bright pink and purple--she is one of the best cosmetologists in that salon and is very hard to get an appointment with plus usually has a line of walk-ins waiting for her when you go in. She plans to open her own upscale shop soon and its obvious she will be very successful.

And ds has several friends that are in other professions that are very successful. Some cover their tats and remove their piercings at work, others do not.

 

[eliza61]

I have an almost 14 year old freshman in high school who doesn't (yet anyway) who wants to be an engineer. She has been stuck on this idea for about 6 years now so I think it will stick. You are right that there are not many like minded girls out there--thanks for bringing the idea to the forefront of more young minds

thanks NH
It's a great program called "engineering for tomorrow". It was started maybe 20 years ago when some one did a study that found in middle school, young girls beat the pants off of boys in Math and science but some where around h.s. they nose dive and they start "dumbing" themselves down. Some people think it's because they don't have female role models who are in the sciences to relate to, others believe it's because it's not "cool" to be smart.

Anyway local tr-istate chemical, pharmaceutical companies and hospitals send female doctors chemist, biologist etc into the public schools for 1 year at a time. They pay our salary and we either teach or mentor for the entire school year.

I'm a big fan of teachers because boy, working with young adults is rewarding but seriously hard.

 

[luvsJack]

If your child turns 18 and you show them the door, I hope the parent has prepared the young adult for what is out there. I was still in high school when I turned 18. I decided not to go to college and was working full time one week after graduation. After a couple of paychecks my mother told me that I must start contributing to the house. It was just her and me at home. She paid the rent and utilities and I paid for food. Every week I did the marketing. She taught me how to write checks and when I bot my first car she showed me how to manage payments and insurance. My mother died when I was 24 and it forced me to live on my own; but I was prepared. It was not easy; but I dont think its easy for anyone.

Exactly what every parent need to read. No matter what age a parent thinks they should stop having to parent, they just need to make sure their child is prepared for it. Make sure they know what to do and how to do it. They will still make dumb decisions, and thats ok. Just make sure they know what to do the next time (when they can think, "oh, maybe mom DID know what she was talking about")

 

[minkydog]

I disagree with your generalization. I know many, MANY hardworking 18-24 year olds wo do "have a clue." I have two kids in that age group, that is where my experience comes from, from them and their peer group. What are you basing that generalization on? Your own kids or something else?

Count mine in. It took DS24 a little time to get there, but he is self-supporting now. He's not making a ton of money so he has learned to be very frugal. But he has definitely made the connection between work and cost of living. Just last weekend he was telling us some of his cost-saving measures: Turn off the heat, wear sweaters and jackets instead. Don't have cable or internet--go to the library or Starbucks. Don't eat out. Don't buy video games, borrow from each other. And of course, go to mom's house for dinner & laundry once a week, and while you're there get your little sister to cut your hair.

If you could have seen this young man 2 years ago, you would understand what a great turn around this is. There are times that we help him out financially, like when he blew two tires in one day or when his brakes went out the week he got his new job and had no money yet. We did help him pay his rent twice and paid his car insurance once. And when he comes over for dinner I always pack him up some leftovers. Stuff that I would hope any parent would do if their son needed something important.

 

[minkydog]

I graduated in 92 and there were no jobs waiting for grads (hence the enormous jump in law school applications ).

Yeah. I graduated in 1977 in nursing and even then there were job shortages(it was the recession.) And when I did get a job I was making $2.10/hr. Lots of dry beans and macaroni for me.