What is your opinion on this?

[Princess_Aurora]

I can understand why the family would want this...but they really should have asked first. Maybe she would have kept it up if they would have just asked and if she said no then they should respect her wishes.

If it were me, I would have already called the police on these people. I would feel bad enough that someone died in my front yard, but to be reminded of it every time I came home would really freak me out. You know, it's kind of like how I could never live in a house if I knew someone died there...it's just one of those things that creeps me out.

Think of it this way...you know those ads and coupons people leave on your front door. It's annoying to come home every day and have something taped to your front door that you don't want. Well, I'm sure that's how she feels about this memorial. She doesn't want it there so the family should leave her alone.

 

[LScot]

I wouldn't want it either. Everytime I'm in my yard, I'd have to be reminded that someone died there? No, thanks.

I see no sense in this "ritual" anyway.

 

[Keli]

I think that family is totally out of line although personally I would have left their cross up for a short while before removing it myself. I would want to help the family in their grieving as much as possible and yet I wouldn't be willing to keep a permant shrine up in my yard either.

A neighbor of my sisters died a couple of years ago. It was a very tragic situation, he was the father of a young boy that my nephews played with everyday. After the funeral the man's family brought one of the big flower arrangements home and placed in their yard behind a large spotlight that usually shone on the home itself. My younger nephew was about 6 at the time and totally freaked out about the flowers in the yard for some reason. No one really understood what was bothering him about it until he said "I know it's really sad and all but DID THEY HAVE TO BURY HIM IN THE FRONT YARD?" lol, the poor kid thought it was a grave!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I know I'll get flamed for this but if it's my property, I don't want the stuff on my lawn. No offense. I feel sorry for the family, but they have no legal right to place their memorial on my property. Off to the side, sure, but not on my land.

 

[Skywalker]

Geez, why can't people just grieve in private. Why make a public spectacle out of it?

If the family had ASKED me, I would allow them to set up some sort of memorial for some specified period of time, say one week and that is it.

If the family had not asked me, whatever they put would promptly be removed. I don't think I would have thrown it in the street though.

Both parties in this "dispute" seem a little unreasonable, however I think the grieving family is more ignorant.

 

[izzy]

CindysGusGus,

A little OT here, but I noticed you're from Central Virginia. I was just wondering where this happened. I hadn't heard about it and I normally keep up with the Central Virginia news.

Izzy

 

[dizagain]

I'm right there with you guys! I don't think the lady needs to be quite so mean about things, but she has no obligation to keep a shrine in her front yard! We have memorials all over town - I have seen a few on private property, but only in fields, or very large yards. I've never lost someone close to me in that way, so I don't know how I'd feel. I THINK I'd rather do something positive in memorial such as plant a tree somewhere, help with a favorite charity of the deceased, etc.

Yep, I MIGHT have let the family have their momorial in my yard for a SHORT time, but definitely not for more than the first week.

 

[CindysGusGus]

Originally posted by izzy
CindysGusGus,

A little OT here, but I noticed you're from Central Virginia. I was just wondering where this happened. I hadn't heard about it and I normally keep up with the Central Virginia news.

Izzy

Lynchburg Area, Bedford Cty. I believe its a county owned road. Also the family has also "Adopted" the road in his name so there is another memorial. Im not sure if its her property or the counties. The woman did write an editorial at some point in Lynchburg News and Advance, but I have not had the pleasure as this has come from a friend.

 

[k&a&c'smom]

I agree with the majority of posters - the family of the deceased had no right to put up a memorial on private property without the consent of the owner. This type of memorial is becoming more widespread in MO, too, and I really don't understand why someone would want to mark the spot where a loved one died.

A little off topic, but it might shed some light on the property owner's seemingly insensitive actions: we had a car crash in our front yard a couple of years ago, the driver left the roadway, hit our concrete driveway over the culvert, and flipped upside-down. It was about midnight, on the weekend, and my kids and DH heard the crash and rushed out to see what was going on. The car was still running, and DH ran over and dragged the driver out, who was bleeding profusely from the head. The kids called 9-1-1, and emergency services came. Long story slightly less long, the guy lived, he was a drunk driver, driving someone else's car. Our lawn was destroyed, oil leaked from the car and killed our grass, and it is only just now starting to grow again. We had to do a lot of work to get the gouges out of our lawn, and get the mess straightened up. When we contacted the insurance company of the car owner, they refused to pay, as the owner was not driving the car - the owner would not help, as they said it wasn't their problem. The accident victim was an alcoholic with no job or assets, and the police dept. said they couldn't do anything for us.

No one gave a d*** that my DH helped this guy, fearing the car would catch on fire, without regard for his own health (as I said the guy was bleeding profusely) and the accident victim never offered to help repair our lawn. While I'm certainly not comparing our situation to an accident where the victim was killed, we don't know what has gone on between the family and the property owner in this situation - maybe the cross in her yard was just the last straw. Edited to add: I forgot to say when we asked the driver about helping pay for the yard, his family started saying they should sue us because he hit our driveway when he left the road.

 

[C.Ann]

Originally posted by #1Mouse
They do the same thing around here and I don't understand why anyone would want to memorialize the site your loved one died at!

-----------------------------------------

The reason they do this is because they believe that the "location" of the death is where the soul left the body..

It wouldn't bother me in the least, BUT this woman is perfectly within her rights to object to it and the family should back off..

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

Originally posted by C.Ann
-----------------------------------------

The reason they do this is because they believe that the "location" of the death is where the soul left the body..

It wouldn't bother me in the least, BUT this woman is perfectly within her rights to object to it and the family should back off..

A FEW might believe this but I don't think that's the norm. I think it's just the "popular" thing to do nowdays......
I've never understood it either, considering it to be the last place I would visit.

Then again, I don't go visit cemetaries with any great regularity anyway. I prefer to memorialize by looking at photos and talking about the person and remembering their life that way.

I think the woman who's property this memorial is on has the right NOT to have it displayed there. I wouldn't want it either.

 

[cynsaun]

Originally posted by monkeyboy
Couldn't thay just visit the grave?

It's the woman's private property

I agree with this.

 

[Lachesis00]

A young boy here was killed last year while crossing the highway. All police reports, witnesses ect... point to it being the boy basically crossed on a red light.

The mom however is still in denial. Saying the police reports said this... someone must have seen what really happened... She put ads in the paper (for months), stuff on local message boards.
At one point she found my journal and blasted me (I basically said I wasn't there, I didn't see it but from accounts from the police and eye witnesses the kid was in the wrong....) Oh moses did she wig out on me.

A "memorial" of flowers, candles, cards, stuffed animals ect... were left tied to one of the light posts and a huge sign put up on the bus stop...
Over time you'd see everything gone for a few weeks... and then back again for a a few days... over and over. I know the mom wanted a bench put right there and the city said no. Then she wanted a bench at a park put in (not at her cost) and the city said no. I am not sure whatever happened w/the bench. There is stuff is still at the light pole.

I saw the mom the other day... on the back and side of her car in huge gold letters it says "IN MEMORY OF S... L..... 1996-2003, NEVER LET US FORGET...".

I truely feel bad for her but... wow.

 

[MinnieM21]

I think it is the woman's right to decide whether or not a memorial is placed on her property. Since she doesn't want the memorial on her property, I think that the family should remove the memorial. It's not fair to force someone to have something on their property and especially without even asking permission.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I thought that in a large part of the country (around here they do) the coroner spray painted a white cross on the road nearest to where the death occured. I don't think that the woman should have to look at a cross on her front lawn as a reminder to her of what happened-especially since she is an atheist.

I don't LIKE seeing crosses painted on the road, but it could be that we slow down for a dangerous area when we see them. I know they give me the shivers, but I also pay more attention just in case. JMO..

 

[KristaTX]

Originally posted by #1Mouse
They do the same thing around here and I don't understand why anyone would want to memorialize the site your loved one died at!

Same here - I've told my family not to do that if I die in a car wreck.

 

[ToyStory Fan]

not to nit pick about it, but was it totally on her property, or is it the "common" property/right of way owned by the town/city. If it is the right of way then the lady has no right to remove it - it is not her property - she may care for it etc, but it is not hers. If it was in fact on her property then the regardless of their loss they have no right to do so.

Would a truly compassionate person deny them this right? That's probably debateable, but it has to be tough for the person living there to to be reminded every year of someone losing a life on their property.

 

[battricia]

I agree the lady that owns the property has every right to remove the items. That's the whole problem with the situation, is that eventually she's going to have to remove the items, because it's her property and no one else is going to bother and come clean it up after it's all said and done.

tricia.

 

[kadaten]

Originally posted by phorsenuf
Gotta agree with the lady on this one. I personally don't like seeing those crosses around. Never did. I'm sorry somebody died, but why mark the spot? What does it really do? I could never understand this. There is a gravesite, if you want to put up rememberances go there.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but I hate taking a nice road trip and seeing the side of the road marked with crosses. Kinda depressing. I really don't need to know somebody died there. Do people put up crosses at their homes if someone should die there? What about at hospitals? Why leave them on the sides of the road?
Putting one on private property and then going back to constantly replace it is childish. Obviously the women doesn't want it on her property. The family needs to respect her rights. Why torment themselves any further anyway by getting into a pissing match with the homeowner. Wouldn't that just make things worse for the family.
I'm sorry the family (or any family for that matter) lost a loved one. It is hard. Been there, done that, by why make things worse for themselves.
I'm sure I'm gonna get flamed for not agreeing with the whole cross thing in general, but hey, we all have different opinions in life!

No flames here! I completely and totally agree! Don't like the crosses.....don't like folks putting stuff in my yard....don't like folks being pissy just to be pissy!! The lady obviously doesn't want it there...don't bother her any longer!

 

[robinb]

As an atheist (and a compassionate one, at that ), the last thing I would want on my yard is a cross. My Jewish husband would agree with me.

It seems to me that there was a lack of communication between the victim's family and the property owner. I think she has made her point loud and clear and the family should stop harassing her.