What is your favorite Jungle Cruise joke?

[shelemm]

Inspired by a recent thread about the Jungle Cruise 'script,' what is your favorite Jungle Cruise joke?

I'll start, though it's hard to recreate this one... the skipper says "...And can anyone tell me what KIND of a snake that is? (Pause) Starts with a P......"

People start to guess..... "python? no........ pit viper? no........."

(Can anyone finish this joke for me?)

 

[pktbMouse]

I cant finish the joke...lol...heres one I like...Here we have Livingston Falls ahead named after the famouse explorer Mr Falls.

 

[CheshireSmile]

Haha, oh I like this thread! C'mon folks, there's 6 skippers reading this thread right now! Here's the contributions:

What's a fish with no "eyes"?............Fsh!

Now I'm going to give you some advice my father gave me for my 18th birthday.......get your stuff and get out, the free ride's over!

Kids, go to college for 4 years, get yourself a degree, and you too can........come to Disney and drive a boat in circles!

Now folks, if you're wearing white, don't make any sounds like marbles.........these are hungry, hungry hippos!

Remember parents, take all your stuff with you, including your kids..........because if you don't want them, why would I?

 

[Robo]

"...And can anyone tell me what KIND of a snake that is? (Pause) Starts with a P......"

People start to guess..... "python? no........ pit viper? no........."

(Can anyone finish this joke for me?)

PLASTIC!

 

[shelemm]

Inspired by a recent thread about the Jungle Cruise 'script,' what is your favorite Jungle Cruise joke?

I'll start, though it's hard to recreate this one... the skipper says "...And can anyone tell me what KIND of a snake that is? (Pause) Starts with a P......"

People start to guess..... "python? no........ pit viper? no........."

(Can anyone finish this joke for me?)

Ok, I'll finish the joke......

Finally, the skipper says "No more guesses??? .... it's a Plastic snake!!!"

 

[SyracuseWolvrine]

"If you exit the boat and find your shoes filling up with water, you got out on the wrong side of the boat"

"Do you want to go in the tunnel? It could lead to danger! It could lead to adventure! Aww, who am I kidding, this is Disney World, it probably leads to a gift shop"

"If you enjoyed yourself, my name is Nick, and this has been the Jungle Cruise, if not, my name is Brian, and you just got off Goofy's Barnstormer"

"A plane crash in the jungle can only mean one thing ... Hippos. Fierce, anti-aircraft hippos!"

OP: Plastic

 

[Robo]

Let's get one thing straight...if we start to sink, the captain will be going down with the boat. I'd like you to meet your new captain [looking at nearby guest]...What did you say your name was?

Those of you sitting in the back are going to get a charge out of this trip. Yeah--you're sitting on the battery. Some people find that revolting, but I think that there is a positive and negative side to everything. Shocking, isn't it.

 

[GEM]

My all time favorite....


And, now, I'd like to point out some of my favorite plants here in the jungle....There's that one. And, that one. And that green one over there.

 

[elyse43230]

We were lagging getting off the boat so she gave us some Disney jokes. One I remember:

What did Snow White say when they didn't have her film developed at the camera store?
"Someday my prints will come"

 

[Figmificent]

And this is why I never miss a chance at the Jungle Cruise! Some of these jokes I haven't even heard yet, though PLASTIC is one of my favorites... I also enjoy Please watch your step and watch your head, if you miss your step and hit your head please watch your language, this is Disney World!

 

[6264EVER]

The Back Side Of Water!

I just love that one...............

 

[White as Snow]

We had on Anniversary buttons on our last trip on the Jungle Cruise.

The skipper turned to my husband and said, "Sir, you do realize when she said she wanted a cruise for your anniversary.......this wasn't what she meant!"

I'm also a sucker for the Shirley's Temple joke.

 

[MonorailDriver]

The Back Side Of Water!

I just love that one...............

Ahhh! someone beat me to it

 

[skier_pete]

Gosh, I've already heard some jokes hear I've never heard before. But, I've always loved the "uh oh a plane crash...you know what this means...hippos!" joke. I love non-sequitir humor.

Here's a few of my favorites that haven't been mentioned yet. These are paraphased, and of course depend a lot on delivery, but here goes:

"Here with the lions in the African velte we see the first law of the Jungle....don't be a zebra!"

"There's smiley, our 10-foot crocodile...he's always looking for a hand-out. And there's his girlfriend Ginger. Heed this warning...stay away from Ginger...Ginger snaps!"

"As we approach the end of our journey you'll note there's a dock on the left and a dock on the right. That's what we here at the Jungle Cruise like to call a paradox."

SkierPete

 

[mousetravel]

"Now everyone GET OUT.
Oh I'm sorry. Where's my southern hospitality? GET OUT YA'LL"

I guess this was really funny to me because I'm from the south & it was so funny how he tried to sound so southern.

 

[shelemm]

The back side of water???? I don't get it.....

 

[swald91]

Do you guys want to know something sad...for all the years we've been never realized that ride until 2 years ago!!! We thought the ride was great. I read on these boards the other day about an apparent skipper that really was "bad talking" Disney. I have to say the last 2 times we rode it I don't think they said anything bad-very comical!!!! Sorry, only riding it 2 times I don't remember any specific comments. They did get my son good...he's only 8 & doesn't like water splashed on him-so when we were going around the elephants he jumped down into the boat & the skipper made some remark about everyone being scared like him-it was quite funny-although my son didn't seem to think it was as funny as the rest of us!!!!

 

[PanamaMike]

"These butterflies have a wing span anywhere from one foot up to an incredible twelve inches."

 

[yulilin3]

I've been on the JC many, many times but I've only heard this one, once, I believe it's def. not in the DIsney approved script, or maybe it is: when approaching Chief Name: " And now look at poor Mary Poppins, how she has left herself go" . ANd the one by the AFrican scene: "Awww look how the lions are babysitting the zebra"

 

[skier_pete]

The back side of water???? I don't get it.....

AS you go behind Schweitzer Falls, the JC captain usually says..."And now Ladies and Gentleman the Jungle Cruise presents...the back side of water!!!"

Actually, this is one of the oldest Jungle Cruise jokes. I have record from the late sixties (DL recording not WDW) that has the Enchanted Tiki Room on one side and the Jungle Cruise on the other, with the JC being performed by Thurl Ravenscroft (sp?) who's voiced Tony the Tigers- sang the "Grinch" song, and also can be heard in the Haunted Mansion. I got it at WDW when I was really little (like 6 years old). Anyways, I recently played it for MY daughter, and the original "script" was much less jokey than the current story-line...played very straight up. But a couple of the jokes are there...including "The back side of water". (Also, the "He'll get the point in the end" joke.)

SkierPete