What is with the trend toward extravagant weddings

[Saphire]

No time to read the whole thread, just want to say that while I would never choose to have a wedding that was over-the-top extravagant, I LOVE to attend them! Who can't appreciate great food and decorations, music, dancing, etc. And I have said it here before, the most elaborate weddings this Boston girl has ever attended were on Long Island...they know how to throw a party!

 

[Heidict]

If the bride and groom and their parents can afford it, then go for it. Have a blast.

If second mortgages are being taken out, credit cards maxed, personal loans and all other matter of things being done to get together enough money to throw a huge wedding, then I think it is stupid. Who is that caught up in appearances that they are willing to risk their financial future over a party?

But, I'm not the one paying back the credit cards or all the loans, so whatever. Do what ever you want, doesn't affect my bank account.

 

[perdidobay]

I'm almost 50 and I've never been to a wedding like that.

Then you weren't at my wedding. Cost all of $100. I guess it took, we're still married 35 years later.

 

[focusondisney]

You know, weddings should always be what the bride/groom want that is within their budget (or parent's budget as the case may be). If that means released doves and rising out of the floor after arriving in 10 limos driven by Elvis and James Dean and flowers dipped in 24 karat gold; so be it. If that means a family only affair in the backyard with hamburgers and hot dogs, so be it.

To me its not the weddings that are huge affairs that are within what the families can afford that have become a big thing in this country, its the ones that are huge money/credit sucking affairs where you see the father of the bride and the groom walking around with a stunned "somebody kill me now" look on their faces that have gotten out of hand.

There are many, many brides across this grand old country that have watched these shows and suddenly think they "HAVE" to act like a bridezilla and they HAVE to have the biggest and the best. They want people to say "look at what they can buy" not "what a lovely couple". And these weddings are the ones that most people are saying they shouldn't have. That is NOT saying that all lavish affairs are that way.

Weddings come in all sizes and shapes and there is no reason to debate about whether having a big wedding or a small wedding is right or wrong, as long as the bride isn't putting mom and dad in debt up to their eyeballs there is no wrong.


Me? I would rather go to Disney. I have had two weddings. One big, one little. Was married either way. But, now this is coming from someone who is saving for a Disney wedding for her daughter!!!

You said what I meant but didn't say very well! It is seeing the ones who can't afford it but doing it anyway that is sad. I also made sure my Dd had the wedding of her dreams. Since she is our only DD, we were able to give her a beautful wedding. We saved for 18months & paid everything upfront. And we wanted to do this as a gift for Dd & Dsil, so they could save their money for their future home.

Heidict;37010516]If the bride and groom and their parents can afford it, then go for it. Have a blast.

If second mortgages are being taken out, credit cards maxed, personal loans and all other matter of things being done to get together enough money to throw a huge wedding, then I think it is stupid. Who is that caught up in appearances that they are willing to risk their financial future over a party?

But, I'm not the one paying back the credit cards or all the loans, so whatever. Do what ever you want, doesn't affect my bank account.[/QUOTE]


See, I am afraid some of these people won't be able to pay these credit cards/ second mortgages off, then the rest of us will have to pay, either thru higher rates or "bailouts" after they default. I guess I'm just still ticked that those of us who are responsible & pay our bills & live within our means get stuck with the bills for those that don't.

 

[Myothername]

OP here. I have not read all the posts but looks like most of us agree that if you can afford it, go for it. If you can't, you are stupid to go into years of debt to pay for a one day event. I find the debt lasts longer than the marriage does. Thankfully in this part of the country the groom's parents generally only pay for the rehearsal dinner. Boy am I glad I have a boy.

My wedding, by the way, was about the smallest thing you could call a wedding. We had just moved to a new city, 500 miles from our family, 2 days before Christmas and my sister-in-law's mother died the week before. So the only family I had at my wedding were my mother, aunt and younger brother. DH had none of his family. One guy from work that he had known a month and lived in the same apartment complex came. It was really so funny. But we were married by a preacher and we have been married 25 years. I did get a new velvet suit and shoes. We had a very pretty cake but that was it. We loved it though and I am so glad we did not spend a fortune.

 

[luvsJack]

See, I am afraid some of these people won't be able to pay these credit cards/ second mortgages off, then the rest of us will have to pay, either thru higher rates or "bailouts" after they default. I guess I'm just still ticked that those of us who are responsible & pay our bills & live within our means get stuck with the bills for those that don't.

Yep, I am thinking the same thing. Just look at the women on Bridezillas! I mean come on, I don't mean to be judgmental but it is obvious that some of them are going way into debt (or putting their dh in debt) to pay for some of these lavish weddings. They go $$$$$$$ above the budget--how much of that is being put on credit cards or loans? I am afraid these shows have made it ok to do this because it gives the impression the "bride deserves it" because its "her day". It is her day and it should be what she chooses, but she needs to be realistic too!

 

[jsmith]

Good for your son and his new wife for regrouping quickly I had not thought about Flagstaff (I am assuming that was plan A) but have been wondering what the couples who wer booked at the Red Lion Inn did. It is jusst fabulous that Chataqua was still available and able to work with you on the fly--I love it there

Yes we were planning to use Sunrise Ampitheater-luckily the reception was scheduled for the Chataqua Community Hall and they just let us move the ceremony there as well. That bridge to the Red Lion messed up alot of people-there were two other weddings at Chataqua on Saturday that had moved from the Red Lion-and our rehersal was booked there-forunately we were not a huge group and we were able to have an amazing dinner at the Chophouse. Kate is still pretty bummed out that we couldnt use Sunrise-but we still had a beautiful wedding.

 

[HunnyPots]

ITA with the original post.

Whatever happened to just having peanuts, mints, and punch on a table in the middle of the room? Plus, you're gonna get some cake too.
I blame tv and the movies.

Great posts

"We both believe that getting married is about beginning a life together, not having a wedding."

this one also

"I woulds rather that kind of money go towards my house or something a long term them that will benefit us for years to come and not just one day."

With today's divorce rates, spending big bucks on a wedding ceremony is a pretty risky "investment"

Say, were you at my wedding back in '84? You must have been, you described it so vividly!

 

[NotUrsula]

That is an interesting comment. Are very wealthy and powerful people allowed to have these weddings without judgement just because they are rich and powerful? If it is wasteful for a middle class family to have a wedding like this, then it is wasteful for the Crown Prince of England, right? No single person is more important than another, so no wedding is more important than another - or less important.

IMO, it isn't an issue of waste, it is an issue of good taste and decorum. A State Wedding is much more than a wedding -- it is, as are all State Occasions, a propaganda event, in which the products, the wealth, and the power of a nation are put on display for the deliberate purpose of impressing (and to some extent, intimidating) international guests. It looks ridiculous for a private function to mimic that, no matter how much money one has.

What is and isn't excessive at a private wedding isn't about how much money you have, although it is certainly foolish to go into ruinous debt to throw any kind of party.

 

[stevenpensacola]

I've been to plenty of "punch and cake" receptions. In my experience, people who have those very simple receptions tend to see the wedding as a ceremony rather than a party, and the reception is more of a natural outgrowth of that ceremony -- a simple time to share their joy with friends and family -- rather than a blow-out party with drinking and dancing.

I'd say that all of the weddings I attended growing up were "church weddings"....most held at Southern Baptist Churches. The reception was always held in the church fellowship hall.

Alcohol, dancing, dj's, loud music...never witnessed any of that. Punch, weddding cake, peanuts, and mints...you could count on...most would serve finger foods of some kind. There might be some nice background music...someone quietly playing a piano. You did not have to shout over a very loud sound system playing the same lame wedding party songs you now hear at every wedding...celebrate, we are family, macarena, the song that tells you to take two steps, then clap clap clap clap...

The bride and groom were able to leisurely meet/greet the folks who attended...were not expected to entertain everyone.

Receptions were not a sit-down-at-a-table-to-eat-dinner affairs. All good Baptists back then knew how to balance your plate on one knee, while holding your cup of punch with the other...

I've just seen too many episodes of AFV where people get stupid drunk during the wedding reception and cause a scene...many times it's the bride or groom...why would anyone want a memory like that?

 

[ilovesugar]

I am kind of shaking my head at this thread. So many people getting their undies in a bunch over what someone else does with their money. What do you care if they cannot afford the wedding they are having? Does it affect you in some way? And futhermore, how exactly do you know what they can and cannot afford?

How do you know they don't know people in certain areas that can help them with their weddings for cheaper? We had amazing invites that I still love to this day. There are something that I never could have afforded, but my parents have good friends who own a printing shop. They gave them to us for almost free. My DJ was a friend who DJ'ed our wedding for our wedding gift to us. What I am trying to get at is you really don't know how people pay for their weddings (unless they come out and tell you).

As for the "bling" engagement rings they should not have, again why do you care? That to me is completely jealousy. If you were not jealous about the rings, you would pay no attention to them other than to think they were beautiful and move on with your day.

 

[ead79]

Seriously, maybe I'm sensitive because of prejudicial remarks from people who have had firehouse barbeque weddings. And it's not fair because I never look down on them! Everyone should have the kind of wedding they want, if they can afford it, and it has no reflection on how seriously they take their marriage, as evidenced by my long strong marriage. So why should I get criticized because I had this and that?

You're not alone--weddings like mine have been criticized up one side and down the other on this board. While mine wasn't extravagant by some of these definitions (not by a long shot, LOL!), it wasn't a cake and punch type of affair either.

It always leaves me feeling like I need to justify my wedding, and I just don't think that's right. My parents gave us a generous amount of money for our wedding, and I saved additional money to add to that. I had the wedding of my dreams, and I don't regret it for a minute. By the same token, I don't begrudge anyone who chose a less expensive wedding--I've been to quite a few lovely cake and punch weddings that were a joy to attend.

DH and I were keenly aware that a marriage is about a lifetime together, and the wedding itself isn't at all what's most important. Just because our wedding celebration was important to us doesn't mean we don't know what's most important.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I always tell people my wedding costs $50. We got married by a magistrate and we just celebrated 23 years!

That said, I love to attend weddings. I've been to some wonderful and elaborate weddings. It's fun to go and celebrate with everyone.

It's your wedding, do whatever works for you!

 

[waltskids]

Those type of weddings are very common around here.We had a larger wedding with almost 200 people but many I have been to have more guests than we did. Most include 5 hour reception, either sit down or buffet dinner, cocktail hour with appetizers, open bar, desserts (other than the cake), dj or band, large bridal party etc, etc, etc. I have never been to a cake/punch style reception before. We did go to a wedding once in West Virginia (husband's first cousin) where there was no dancing or alcohol. They had lemonade and iced tea along with some local food for dinner. We sat at long tables at that wedding and met some nice people. They called it fellowship and it was the first time I had ever done anything like that before. It was very different than what we were used to but heard it was done that way for religious reasons. I honestly could care less how little or expensive a person's wedding costs.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

IMO, it isn't an issue of waste, it is an issue of good taste and decorum...

Ahh, so you find large private weddings to be in bad taste. Fair enough. I disagree, though.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd say that all of the weddings I attended growing up were "church weddings"....most held at Southern Baptist Churches. The reception was always held in the church fellowship hall.

Alcohol, dancing, dj's, loud music...never witnessed any of that. Punch, wedding cake, peanuts, and mints...you could count on...most would serve finger foods of some kind. There might be some nice background music...someone quietly playing a piano. You did not have to shout over a very loud sound system playing the same lame wedding party songs you now hear at every wedding...celebrate, we are family, macarena, the song that tells you to take two steps, then clap clap clap clap...

The bride and groom were able to leisurely meet/greet the folks who attended...were not expected to entertain everyone.

Receptions were not a sit-down-at-a-table-to-eat-dinner affairs. All good Baptists back then knew how to balance your plate on one knee, while holding your cup of punch with the other...

I think that this is why shock over "wedding extravagance" tends to be strongest in the Bible Belt. Catholic and Jewish (and Muslim and Hindu) weddings have always tended toward a level of extravagance in terms of the food and drink that are offered, because those cultures put a strong emphasis on offering guests the very best food and drink that you can manage, and that to not do so is insulting to the guest. Baptists tended to feel that having a true party in conjunction with a wedding insulted the solemnity of the occasion, so they toned everything else down to emphasize the religious aspect.

In recent years I've seen Baptist brides migrate more and more to the full plated luncheon wedding, and because there is no alcohol, the food itself tends to be getting more elaborate. BIG wedding cakes with lots of specialty sugar work, especially. They are pouring on the flowers, too, and I've even seen the "two dress" phenomenon -- which is a tad bizarre in that context, because in most cases the reason given for that is comfort for dancing, and Southern Baptists don't dance.

Of course, reality television and bridal magazines aside, for real wedding extravagance, no one beats Indian families. THOSE weddings are the original examples of families attempting to one-up one another, though once it was only the ruling classes who did it. Now with prosperity coming to India it is spreading to all levels of society. And to bring this topic back to our usual venue, it seems that several hotels in Orlando are now trying to get a piece of the Indian wedding market. The Sentinel had a big piece on it a couple of weeks ago: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/os-indian-wedding-20100602,0,2769721.story

 

[stevenpensacola]

A lot of the perception does stem from the culture in which you were raised.

For me...the receptions were always the same...

A "Big Wedding" meant that you had more than 3 groomsmen and bridesmaid's...

 

[TinklednPants]

No booze at a wedding?????

 

[stevenpensacola]

To me...the part that is getting out of hand is all the little extras...

we went to a wedding last weekend.

Several months ago, we received a refrigerator magnet with the couples photo on it to remind of the date. Then we received a invitation. They bottles of bottled water had their names/date printed on it...it just goes on and on and on and on and on and on.....I think the toilet paper had their names embossed on it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Yes we were planning to use Sunrise Ampitheater-luckily the reception was scheduled for the Chataqua Community Hall and they just let us move the ceremony there as well. That bridge to the Red Lion messed up alot of people-there were two other weddings at Chataqua on Saturday that had moved from the Red Lion-and our rehersal was booked there-forunately we were not a huge group and we were able to have an amazing dinner at the Chophouse. Kate is still pretty bummed out that we couldnt use Sunrise-but we still had a beautiful wedding.

It sounds like both your son and your new daughter in law are able to roll with the punches and enjoy things in spite of obstacles Nice that they were willing and able to change their venue for the rehearsal so someone else had a place for their wedding. I don't blame your DDiL for being disappointed but I bet she will be over it soon and she will have a great story to tell