What is with the trend toward extravagant weddings

[Mrs. Charming]

But it's not just weddings. How many of these brides have celebrity-bling type engagement rings. Honeymoons in the Carribean or Hawaii. New build homes that their parents can't afford.

I think that there are lots of shows on tv that perpetuate this. Everyone knows "Bridezillas", but there are lots of other shows on WE ,MTV, Style & HGtv too. Makes it seem like everyone else can have it, so "I want it too."

If we think the economy is bad now, wait till these people realize that they can't pay for all this.

It blows my mind. I can't even fathom how some couples do it. Multiple credit cards? Home equity loans? Bank robbing? It's like, I know what you do, I know where you live, I know what you make, I know where you come from... so how the dickens did you afford a $10k engagement ring, a several thousand dollar dress, and a $150+/head wedding?? Seriously.

Yadda yaddda yadda I get the "once in a lifetime" aspect, but once your children are born the wedding takes a backseat to the best day of your life.

The other thing that gets me is that you're supposed to have it *all* right when you start out-- the Mc Mansion, the pretty little baby with the $800 stroller and nursery furnished to the nines, the BMWs and the iphones. Where are they getting this money?!! I know some people have really great jobs that they busted their butts in college, got their MDs or PhDs, and worked really hard for what they have. The couple I have in mind when I'm speaking of this-- the husband is a mechanic, and the wife is in school to be a nurse. Where is the money coming from!?

 

[Jennasis]

It blows my mind. I can't even fathom how some couples do it. Multiple credit cards? Home equity loans? Bank robbing? It's like, I know what you do, I know where you live, I know what you make, I know where you come from... so how the dickens did you afford a $10k engagement ring, a several thousand dollar dress, and a $150+/head wedding?? Seriously.

Yadda yaddda yadda I get the "once in a lifetime" aspect, but once your children are born the wedding takes a backseat to the best day of your life.

The other thing that gets me is that you're supposed to have it *all* right when you start out-- the Mc Mansion, the pretty little baby with the $800 stroller and nursery furnished to the nines, the BMWs and the iphones. Where are they getting this money?!! I know some people have really great jobs that they busted their butts in college, got their MDs or PhDs, and worked really hard for what they have. The couple I have in mind when I'm speaking of this-- the husband is a mechanic, and the wife is in school to be a nurse. Where is the money coming from!?

To the first part...NOT to those of us who are child-free.

To the second part...why do you care? Orrrr...None of your business.

 

[Aisling]

Sometimes it seems to be forgotten what a wedding ceremony is really about.

I agree that's possible, maybe probable, with some people, but I had an extravagant wedding, paid for by my parents, and the actual church ceremony was religious and serious. It was the party afterwards that showed the joy my parents, family and friends felt to celebrate the creation of a new family unit.

The wedding ceremony was definitely not forgotten, as many people cried with the sanctity of the ceremony. The priest really made it feel like a holy sacrament.

 

[Aisling]

I'm not saying lovely weddings aren't important....Heck, I wanted one. But they are not the end goal. If they are, you have a problem. Too many people obsess over the "perfect wedding" when they should be focusing on whether they have what it takes to make a successful marriage.

To be fair, I hope you don't automatically judge people as not focusing on making a successful marriage just because they go "all out" for their wedding reception.

It bothers me when I've had people judge me as being shallow because I have a bling engagement ring/wedding band. My dad's goal was to make me a princess for a day, with all the trimmings, not to keep up with the Jonses, but because I was his little girl and he wanted me to have whatever I wanted for this day that would be the start of the rest of my married life.

I've been married 27 years and I have the awesome memories of an extravagant wedding AS WELL AS having kept focused on the marriage which has been going strong for 27 years now. Please don't automatically negatively judge those who have wedding with aall the bells and whistles. Speaking for myself, I don't deserve the criticism (I know no one here is criticizing me, but I've heard smart-butt remarks a feew times over the years from people who foiund out about my wedding. It's just wrong, and sort of discrimination against people who can afford it and want it.

 

[Aisling]

Having the bridal party arrive in a flotilla of antique limos? (Not one, you understand -- several. One each for the bride and the groom, and two more for the rest of the wedding party...) Whoa there.

THAT is kind of bizarre extravagance I'm talking about.

Excuse me for disagreeing, but that's what I had, and my wedding was NOT bizarre.

Those are things that are done for reasons of sheer theatricality, and quite frankly they are tacky at a private party. It is supposed to be a family celebration, not an opportunity for lighting and set designers to create pieces for their audition portfolios.

My wedding was NOT tacky, and not done for sheer theatrics. I don't take offense for that comment because you don't know me or my family, but I have to tell you straight out that you're wrong for lumping all extravagant wedding in the same negative light.

 

[Aisling]

double post

 

[C.Ann]

As long as I'm not paying for it - and it has no financial impact on me (such as having to stay in one of the "blocked" hotel rooms at $300 per night; $50 parking garage fees; a "dress code" to be in the hotel during non wedding hours; etc.) - it really doesn't matter to me how much people spend on their weddings or how extravagant they are..

Of course being as frugal as I am, that's not to say I don't sit back and think of all of the things that the money might have been better spent on..

 

[Aisling]

Of course being as frugal as I am, that's not to say I don't sit back and think of all of the things that the money might have been better spent on..

C.Ann, that's what bothers me. (even though I you!)

If you were at my wedding, you'd probably have those feelings. BUT we already had a nice downpayment for a house , my DH had a great job (in a company that he STILL works for 27 years later), and we had a car (only one because I didn't get my driver's license until I became a mother a few years later), and we had a vacation home in the Poconos.
We're not rich, but not struggling either.

Honestly, what could we have spent our wedding reception money on? My parents wanted to throw us an extravagant wedding, and I feel sad that the word extravagant has become a bad thing. Our honeymoon was a gift from our grandparents (and I won't tell you where we went or you might thing we're too over the top, but why shouldn't we? We have memories of a lifetime.


Seriously, maybe I'm sensitive because of prejudicial remarks from people who have had firehouse barbeque weddings. And it's not fair because I never look down on them! Everyone should have the kind of wedding they want, if they can afford it, and it has no reflection on how seriously they take their marriage, as evidenced by my long strong marriage. So why should I get criticized because I had this and that?

 

[worm761]

For those that don't know~ a dollar dance is a dance where you pay to either dance with the bride or groom. The money is supposed to help them set up home. I think it is a regional thing. But now a days, most couples are already living together.

I see nothing wrong with extravagant weddings if that is what the couple wants and can afford. Boyfriend and I were talking the other day and I stated I want to get married in Disney when I get married. Will it be expensive? Yep, but it is what I want and we can afford it. He has a great job that pays well. I don't work anymore but if I was, everything I would be making would be extra money not needed in the household. Could it go to better things? Yes, but so could the money I am using to go to Disney and New York. It is how we choose to spend our money.

Aisling, you wedding sounds wonderful. I am very religious but I understand the wedding is a commitment ceremony where you commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life. The reception? Well, now that is a big party to celebrate that commitment!

 

[Aisling]

Aisling, you wedding sounds wonderful. I am very religious but I understand the wedding is a commitment ceremony where you commit yourself to one person for the rest of your life. The reception? Well, now that is a big party to celebrate that commitment!

Yes, my DH and I took it very seriously. We had a Mass and we're felt very much that God was with us during the ceremony.

 

[NotUrsula]

But I *didn't* lump them all in a negative light. I'm sure that your wedding was lovely, but really, FOUR antique limousines? I'm sorry, but I stand by my previous statement -- four specialty limousines is grand entrance overkill for anything less than a State Wedding.

Actually, entrances in general are one of the areas most affected by the trend. I've seen photos of venues in the Northeast where it is a selling point to have the bridal couple arrive at the reception by rising out of the floor on a motorized dais in a cloud of smoke. (Welcome to the Busby Berkeley School of wedding production. )

 

[C.Ann]

C.Ann, that's what bothers me. (even though I you!)

If you were at my wedding, you'd probably have those feelings. BUT we already had a nice downpayment for a house , my DH had a great job (in a company that he STILL works for 27 years later), and we had a car (only one because I didn't get my driver's license until I became a mother a few years later), and we had a vacation home in the Poconos.
We're not rich, but not struggling either.

Honestly, what could we have spent our wedding reception money on? My parents wanted to throw us an extravagant wedding, and I feel sad that the word extravagant has become a bad thing. Our honeymoon was a gift from our grandparents (and I won't tell you where we went or you might thing we're too over the top, but why shouldn't we? We have memories of a lifetime.


Seriously, maybe I'm sensitive because of prejudicial remarks from people who have had firehouse barbeque weddings. And it's not fair because I never look down on them! Everyone should have the kind of wedding they want, if they can afford it, and it has no reflection on how seriously they take their marriage, as evidenced by my long strong marriage. So why should I get criticized because I had this and that?

I think I may have worded my response wrong.. When I said "thinking about what the money might have been better spent on", I was referring to if it were my money..

It sounds like you had a great wedding - no regrets - and that's all that counts.. I was in no way implying how you should have spent your money..

 

[Aisling]

I'm sure that your wedding was lovely, but really, FOUR antique limousines? I'm sorry, but I stand by my previous statement -- four specialty limousines is grand entrance overkill for anything less than a State Wedding.

LOL well, as a matter of fact, I did have 3 limos, but they weren't antique...not my style. #1 me and my parents and grandparents, #2 my soon to be DH and his parents and grandparents, #3 my bridal party

I've seen photos of venues in the Northeast where it is a selling point to have the bridal couple arrive at the reception by rising out of the floor on a motorized dais in a cloud of smoke.

Ok, that's funny!

 

[NHdisneylover]

My son got married Saturday. It was not a "Keep up with the Jones's" affair-it was for the people they loved to share the time with them. It was originally planned to be outdoors at a mountain top ampitheater-but God laughed at the plan and it rained-and rained-and then rained some more-so they were married in a historic concert hall at the Boulder Colorado Chataqua park-it was beatiful-my son is tall and handsome-and his groomsmen were tall and handsome-my daughter in law and her bridesmaids were beautiful. The food was done by a cousin who is a chef for the cost of the food-it was amazing and delishious and his gift of love to them. The cake was made by his wife. Music was provided by the man who taught them both to play in high school orchestra and my niece who is a wonderful pianist. We had an amazing and wonderful evening-shared with friends who live near-and those who came-at their own expense-from Marselle, Geneva and Kabul. Because of the location-the amazing food-and the guests many people think both her parents and us spent an unreal amount of money-not true.None of us are in debt-or broke-and we had the time of our lives. Dont judge-and if you dont have an honest love for the couple and the desire to share their joy-dont go.

Good for your son and his new wife for regrouping quickly I had not thought about Flagstaff (I am assuming that was plan A) but have been wondering what the couples who wer booked at the Red Lion Inn did. It is jusst fabulous that Chataqua was still available and able to work with you on the fly--I love it there

 

[Jennasis]

But I *didn't* lump them all in a negative light. I'm sure that your wedding was lovely, but really, FOUR antique limousines? I'm sorry, but I stand by my previous statement -- four specialty limousines is grand entrance overkill for anything less than a State Wedding.

Actually, entrances in general are one of the areas most affected by the trend. I've seen photos of venues in the Northeast where it is a selling point to have the bridal couple arrive at the reception by rising out of the floor on a motorized dais in a cloud of smoke. (Welcome to the Busby Berkeley School of wedding production. )

My sister briefly entertained the notion of choosing a catering hall that offered this, but went with a different one (for her first wedding). The one she chose instead set off indoor fireworks off of each table when the bride and groom entered the room.

My cousin and his wife got married at a catering hall on Long Island where the bride entered the back of the chapel from behind a backlit curtain, where she was standing on a turntable that slowly rotated around until she was facing front as the curtain lifted.

 

[mjkacmom]

I just don't get these over the top weddings. Young couples would be a lot better off using the money for a washer and dryer, as we did.

I just don't get these people who go to WDW every year - they would've been a lot better off using the money for a really expensive wedding, as we did. Actually, my parents paid for mine, but if someone decided to skip a few years at WDW, that would make for a nice wedding - it's all about priorities.

 

[Kitty 34]

My sister sold $10,000 worth of stock and she was the mother of the groom!!!

 

[luvsJack]

You know, weddings should always be what the bride/groom want that is within their budget (or parent's budget as the case may be). If that means released doves and rising out of the floor after arriving in 10 limos driven by Elvis and James Dean and flowers dipped in 24 karat gold; so be it. If that means a family only affair in the backyard with hamburgers and hot dogs, so be it.

To me its not the weddings that are huge affairs that are within what the families can afford that have become a big thing in this country, its the ones that are huge money/credit sucking affairs where you see the father of the bride and the groom walking around with a stunned "somebody kill me now" look on their faces that have gotten out of hand.

There are many, many brides across this grand old country that have watched these shows and suddenly think they "HAVE" to act like a bridezilla and they HAVE to have the biggest and the best. They want people to say "look at what they can buy" not "what a lovely couple". And these weddings are the ones that most people are saying they shouldn't have. That is NOT saying that all lavish affairs are that way.

My nieces had huge weddings--one all the money went into the dress, the flowers and candles and other parts to the ceremony; for the other all the money went into the reception with huge amounts of food, open bar and the band. Both had a budget and they worked within that budget and had exactly what they wanted. And both were beautiful because they were exactly what a wedding is supposed to be about.

My younger ds and dil had exactly what they wanted, standing on the deck at her dad's and then later a more formal reception at the church with all their friends and family. Could we have gone much bigger? Sure. But they didn't want to go bigger. They wanted simple. And it was absolutely beautiful because it was exactly what a wedding ceremony is supposed to be about.

Oldest ds had a different situation. DDil wanted a huge affair but more than me and her parents together could do without going into debt. We tried to help her find other ways to do what she wanted within the budget, but no go. So, they ended up going to Vegas and seem happy with their decision. (they went alone, so I really can't comment on it being beautiful or not , but I am sure it was as they are very much in love and each other's best friends) I also think they are happier now realizing they are able to buy a house sooner and they are planning a huge vacation coming up because they are NOT in debt over a wedding. So although, not what they first thought they wanted; still what a wedding is supposed to be.

Weddings come in all sizes and shapes and there is no reason to debate about whether having a big wedding or a small wedding is right or wrong, as long as the bride isn't putting mom and dad in debt up to their eyeballs there is no wrong.


Me? I would rather go to Disney. I have had two weddings. One big, one little. Was married either way. But, now this is coming from someone who is saving for a Disney wedding for her daughter!!!

 

[msjprincess]

But I *didn't* lump them all in a negative light. I'm sure that your wedding was lovely, but really, FOUR antique limousines? I'm sorry, but I stand by my previous statement -- four specialty limousines is grand entrance overkill for anything less than a State Wedding.

Actually, entrances in general are one of the areas most affected by the trend. I've seen photos of venues in the Northeast where it is a selling point to have the bridal couple arrive at the reception by rising out of the floor on a motorized dais in a cloud of smoke. (Welcome to the Busby Berkeley School of wedding production. )

I saw that once. I think it was at Russo's on the Bay

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

But I *didn't* lump them all in a negative light. I'm sure that your wedding was lovely, but really, FOUR antique limousines? I'm sorry, but I stand by my previous statement -- four specialty limousines is grand entrance overkill for anything less than a State Wedding. ...

That is an interesting comment. Are very wealthy and powerful people allowed to have these weddings without judgement just because they are rich and powerful? If it is wasteful for a middle class family to have a wedding like this, then it is wasteful for the Crown Prince of England, right? No single person is more important than another, so no wedding is more important than another - or less important.