What is the best way for kids to fight a school yard bully?

[poohandwendy]

While I agree that the administration should be doing something about this problem....at least more than they are, I have to say, it is unrealistic to think that the bullying will stop if the kids are pulled aside and 'talked to' or disciplined. The only thing the administration could do is keep a very close eye on what is going on and stop it from happening when they see it. But, that isn't really going to make much difference, to be honest.

I know we all want kids to resolve things in an 'adultlike', calm and rational manner...but they aren't adults. They can only see today as reality. Our adult system of justice (call the authority figure and demand that the problem is resolved pronto!) just doesn't exist in the kid community. The kids who don't bully are great at resolving differences, that is what separates them from the jerks who make others miserable. But they aren't the problem. The kids who bully are doing it to make themselves look tough, if the administration disciplines them, they will retaliate to save face. It is likely to just get worse for him. Unfortunately, this will continue until the child stands up to them or they can't get a rise out of him anymore. That is the brutal truth.

They are picking on him because they can, they see him as an easy target. The best way to stop it is for him to somehow gain the confidence to defend himself. I would suggest karate, self-defense classes, etc....but most importantly an adult male, (father, uncle) to sit him down and discuss this with him. He needs someone who has 'been there' to guide him. He probably feels like noone understands.

I hope this can be resolved soon, good luck to him! That is a real shame.

 

[karebear1]

Here's an idea I know principals of schools and school boards listen to. Take pictures of the child's bruises and keep record of what happened what day. It sounds like it won't take more then a week or so to get enough proof. Then go to the principal's office and the school board and tell them if this kid comes home with one more bruise, the police will be called and an attorney will be contacting them. Unfortunately, sometimes this is the only way to get some schools to end the practice of bullying. Whatever happens- that parent needs to be an advocate for their child.

 

[gina2000]

Over the last couple of years, there has been a huge national push for school districts to educate their students and their personnel on bullying. Many school districts have put into place a zero tolerance policy concerning it. Check with your administration. There should be a standard policy and course of action in place for this sort of situation.

If it's not, it's time to get proactive. School districts should have a policy in place at all levels to handle this growing problem.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by Chubroach
It seems like everywhere you go now days there is a bully to be found. I think the worst bullies are in middle school (grades 7-9). I have a relative who is 14 years old and is being attacked by school bullies on almost a daily basis. He is young looking for his age, thin and, to be honest, a little bit of a nerd. He is just the type of a kid who looks like he will be picked on in school.

A number of kids make fun of him, call him names, and kick and punch him almost every day. He does not have the personal or physical presence to stop the bullies. His mother stopped by the school and talked to the principal but he was little help. The School Principal said that reporting on the bullies may make the situation worse because he will be branded as a "tattle tale" and then more kids will be cruel to him.

A couple of kids (bullies) demand Thomas to give them money or a worse beating will be given.

How can be stop the harrasment without being branded a tattle tale?

Sorry, I find it hard to believe that the principal wouldn't be more helpful. Most schools these days have a zero tolerance policy that includes bullying. Do you think the principal would actually allow a situation to continue that could result in injury and then probably a lawsuit. He could be charged since he knew about the situation and did nothing. Maybe you should check this out a little more.

 

[Serena]

I would deal with it in the two ways mentioned. I'd get your son into some kind of self defense class, just for the confidence if nothing else. My dd's class taught them self confidence, to walk away if you could, to deflect what comes so you don't get hurt and more.
Just the self confidence it gave her was worth it. And it has saved her in the last few years.


And that principal, who should be actually doing his job. Yes, he is absolutely right that it might make the bullies that much worse, but it's his job to see that it doesn't happen. And if he can't manage it, the police and the superintendant should be made aware of it. You don't have to threaten, just be sure of where you stand and what you will do next if he can't stop the abuse.

My neice was grabbed and a lot of other stuff in highschool. Because she was a problem child with an attitude and a big mouth, her mom too, they ignored her and her problems. It wasn't right that they ignored her, but when they would talk with the principal, they would attack her instead of dealing with the problem. It wasn't until I went to school did they actually do something about what was going on.

 

[MAC3]

How sad! I hope everything works out for this child. Wait until these bullies get older and it happens to their children.

My DD goes to private school and has been the target of many verbal bullies.....

She usually does dance, this September I am enrolling her in a Karate class also. High school is coming up and I want her to feel confident that she no longer has to put up with this crap.

God Bless all our children!
Lisa

 

[chris1gill]

I SECOND the karate suggestion... our son is a bit of a nerd himself (sorry, it's true), but he's now gone to karate for two straight years & wins his sparring competitions easily... I feel REALLY sorry for the first kid who tries to bully him... there's only one way to deal with those kids & it's to make them feel the pain...

Start karate right away so this poor kid can defend himself & build up some self confidence... I think it's despicable that the school won't intervene....

Dr. Phil has a lot to say about kids who bully & kids who get bullied, go over to the website & see what's on it... if there is anything on it, print it out & send it to the principle...

Schools don't even approach this subject with the attention it deserves.....

 

[CHRIS82869]

I am sorry for what you friend is going thru. Middle school is a difficult time. It is when social pecking orders are developed. I had a bully picking on me when I was in the 8th grade. This is what I did. When he approached me and started running his mouth. I punched him square in the nose. His head snapped back his eyes watered and you could see the look of "oh oh what just happened." before he had a chance to react I hit him in the mouth.

Now I don't condone fighting, but not only did he never bother me again. neither did anyone else. Sometimes drastic measures are needed, but I never had to fight again in school. That one time got me a 3 day suspension, but it also got me some respect.

Chris82869

 

[browneyes]

I don't like bullies.

Your relative needs to make a stand of some sort. If he can show the bullies they can be bested, it will help his self esteem and will get them off his back. Someone once told me to know the pressure points in the body, and that'll keep a bully in their place. I've had to use that theory once and it does work.

 

[dudeimdumb]

Originally posted by Chubroach
It seems like everywhere you go now days there is a bully to be found. I think the worst bullies are in middle school (grades 7-9). I have a relative who is 14 years old and is being attacked by school bullies on almost a daily basis. He is young looking for his age, thin and, to be honest, a little bit of a nerd. He is just the type of a kid who looks like he will be picked on in school.

A number of kids make fun of him, call him names, and kick and punch him almost every day. He does not have the personal or physical presence to stop the bullies. His mother stopped by the school and talked to the principal but he was little help. The School Principal said that reporting on the bullies may make the situation worse because he will be branded as a "tattle tale" and then more kids will be cruel to him.

A couple of kids (bullies) demand Thomas to give them money or a worse beating will be given.

How can be stop the harrasment without being branded a tattle tale?

really, as a highschooler, all i can say is that things will never change. There will always be the bullie, there will always be the nerd, and there will always be the kids who stand by and watch.

I personally think that the parent that tries to step in makes things worse. Although, when i am a parent someday, i'll probably do the same thing. The only thing to do is push the kid to embrace his strong qualities and make sure he doesn't become bitter toward society because of one JERK who ruined his middle school (and maybe highschool) days.

I personally never stand by and watch it. I get so mad when im in a classroom and a someone is picking on someone else. I am the girl that befriends the nerds and i think most of them are really cool people.

 

[Regina]

If these bullies are picking on one child, you can be certain that they're doing the same to others.

My DS was in the same situation in middle school. There were a group of bullies (with one ringleader) who targeted him. DS did complain to the administration. The bully/s were suspended and the main one was ultimately expelled. In our district, that means that they send tutors to your home, so he did advance to high school the following year.

On the very first day of HS, he stabbed (and almost killed) another kid who one of his friends didn't like. He didn't know him, but one of his "boys" had a problem with him.

Let me tell you, I couldn't get my DS out of that school fast enough. I couldn't stop thinking "what if he spotted my son first?"

We enrolled DS in a Catholic HS. The funny part is, at the time it was in a horrible area, but he finally felt safe.

I would pursue having the school take some responsibility for this situation. Let's face, there will always be bullies but someone has to step in and let them know that their behavior will result in some unpleasant consequences.

 

[kadaten]

Originally posted by karebear1
Here's an idea I know principals of schools and school boards listen to. Take pictures of the child's bruises and keep record of what happened what day. It sounds like it won't take more then a week or so to get enough proof. Then go to the principal's office and the school board and tell them if this kid comes home with one more bruise, the police will be called and an attorney will be contacting them. Unfortunately, sometimes this is the only way to get some schools to end the practice of bullying. Whatever happens- that parent needs to be an advocate for their child.

I'm sorry, but I would never allow my child to be beat up for a week just to gain enough evidence.

Most kids do not immediately report bullying, so if the child is saying he's being bullied, threatened, or physically harmed, then it has probably been going on awhile. The first known incident would have me in the principal's office with notification sent to the school board and superintendent. All 3 of them would know from the outset that if my child came home with so much as a scratch on him caused by a bullying child that the police would be called immediately and charges would be pressed. There is NO reason to allow brutal, hateful children like that to take out their wrath on other children, and I'm certainly NOT going to allow my child to be a punching bag.

As for long-term preventative measures, I agree with the other posters who suggested karate and involvement in school activities. The martial arts will provide him with confidence and self-defense skills if they're ever needed, and the school involvement will help him widen his circle of friends and acquaintaces, while also helping self-esteem issues.

 

[MICKEY88]

I would definitely go back to the school, tell them to observe the recent news on columbine, or any other incident of serious school violence..it is almost always preceded by bullying, that has gone unstopped....




martial arts are a good idea for self confidence, but the second he defends himself he is at risk for bigger problems...I have seen and read of situations where a child who was being bullied, finally struck back, the bullier then took the legal route and the child who was being bullied ended up in trouble..it shouldn't happen this way but it does....

as far as the school not being able to stop it..again I strongly disagree...our school has a very strong zero tolerance policy, students are made aware of this at the elementary level, if students are caught fighting or bullying, the police are called..the police then decide whether or not to press charges,

it doesn't take long for students to learn that the school will not tolerate this type of behavior,

because the students are taught early on that this type of behavior is unnacceptable, the students themselves will not tolerate it and will be the first to get a staff member when trouble seems imminent..

 

[Lachesis00]

As others have mentioned, here if the student who is picked on doesn't come forward *first*, nothing will be done, period. And yet the principal HAS said "well those who tattle will have problems..."
My son has been a victim for over 3 years, 2 different schools. The first school (elementry) kept right on top of it, but once he hit middle school... forget it. NOW my son is verbally/mentally attacked. Many times he's wanted to kick some $@@ but we've told him NEVER to do it. He is 5'6" probably 150 pounds.... mentally and verbally these kids know how to push his buttons
I got fed up after going to I don't know HOW many meetings concerning two kids (the two problem children from the past 3 years) and told the principal, if J beats a kid up, I will stand behind him 110%... YOU won't do anything about it. You discourge the kids from coming to you. IF the bully comes to him first (the bully taunts the kid, the kid retailiates by calling the bully a name, the bully goes to the principal) the kid gets in trouble, even tho the bully started it).
Earlier this year {this time one of the kids was taunting/teasing my son over MY disablity and shouldnt he be ashamed of me}. My son called the girl a fat @$$ and told her to shut up after two days of ragging on him. She went to the principal and told the principal he called her a name. My son couldn't even defend himself, it was too late because he didn't go to the principal first.