What is appropriate gift at wedding?

[arizonacolbys]

Inspired by the Graduation gift thread below - I wanted to ask what everyone feels is appropriate for a wedding gift ($ wise.)

Hubby & I are invited to a large Catholic Italian family wedding next weekend - I've only met the bride & groom once, couldn't point them out on the street to you. What does everyone recommend for a wedding gift for a couple we don't really know - just invited because everyone in this large family was, too. $50? $75? more or less?

I'm very confused on this issue, and I know that other family members will be voicing their opinion on how much we should be giving. Thanks!!

 

[GilesFamily]

Find out if the couple is registered at any bridal registry. If so, they usually have a wide range of items to choose from. Not sure of the price you want to pay for a gift. I guess that would be your choice. If it was me, and I did'nt know the couple or probably would'nt see them after the wedding much either, I wouldn't spend too much on a gift.

 

[BCKatie02]

From my wedding a year and a half ago, I would say an average cash wedding gift for a couple to give is $100. Some give more, depending on how well you know them. I would say if you wanted to spend less, buy a gift off of the registry or a gift of your choosing.

Hope this helps!

 

[pyrxtc]

I would not spend more than $30 for someone I don't really know. If you don't know them then why are you going? Sorry had to ask. By not going you would probably save them a lot of money on food and yourself gift money.

 

[jeepgirl30]

Does where you live effect the amount of cash you give? I would think so. I would think NYC, DC, San Fran etc would be higher amounts. So it may be hard to say give this X amount.

We are going to a wedding next month. They are both teachers and having a friday afternoon wedding. DH is in the wedding so we need to take vacation days on friday. DH also has to take a full vacation day on thursday for the rehersal as it is early afternoon as well. DH wants to give a cash gift of $100. I want to do $50 and then a gift from the registery for $35-50. The frugal side says to find a sale item that is valued at the $50.

Most of the weddings we go to we give $50 and so do our friends. If we are close friends or in the wedding we do $100.

 

[chop456]

I usually give $100 as a wedding gift. I like to give cash for the wedding and buy off the registry if I attend the bridal shower.

 

[Chicago526]

A lot of couples, especially if they are 25+ and/or have their own home already, would rather have cash or gift certs to their fav stores than a present. If they already have a home or apartment, they already have a lot of "home" stuff. They may be saving for a down payment on a new or bigger home and the cash would be a bigger help than a new mixer. If you know for a fact they want a new home, a gift cert to Home Depot could also be a great gift, so they can fix up the home they are trying to sell or use it to fix up the new house.

As for the value, I'd spend about $50, but that's just me. I also don't worry about what other people think of my gift.

 

[arizonacolbys]

I would not spend more than $30 for someone I don't really know. If you don't know them then why are you going? Sorry had to ask. By not going you would probably save them a lot of money on food and yourself gift money.

The only reason we're going is because my husband's entire family is going - it is sort of expected of us that we be there. All of my husband's sisters & his parents, etc. will all be there.

We are invited to another wedding from the same family (again, another couple we don't know at all) & we are very seriously considering declining the invite to that one. It is costing us a lot of money - I also already attended the bridal shower at the coaxing of MIL & SIL's. Family is very big to them & it may cause some hurt feelings to decline the invite. Thanks for the input though!

I can't see that we'd spend more than $50 at this point - they are a bit older, so I will likely just give a cash gift for a house.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

Here in the Northeast if you are attending a wedding, we give anywhere from $150 to $200. The rule of thumb is to give enough to cover your plate which runs about $85 - $150 a plate.

The two weddings we went to were for dh's cousin- we gave $175 & his best friend - we gave $250.

 

[btass]

The general rule that I have always heard is

"cover the cost of your plate and then a little more"

Depending on where the couple is having the reception, the pricing is going to be different. A Hyatt would probably be $60-$70 a plate. A Knights of Columbus Hall would be $50-$60. A Church Hall would be $20-$30. I have heard of some weddings that are upwards of $150 a plate, I was happy I wasn't invited to that one!

 

[holden]

Here in the Philly area, we usually give $150. We would give more for a close friend/family member. It is a lot of money, but we would spend that much going out to eat at a nice restaurant anyway.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I agree with The Disney Bunch. Heck I had two different Bar Mitzvah's in the past few months and for 2 adults and 1 child I gave a $200 cash gift and would have given more if financial situations were different. It is more expensive in the North East. I don't think I have ever given less than $75.00 a person for a catered wedding/affair. My son has a wedding for a friend in a few months and I am sure he is going to ask me what to give, and I am going to tell him $100 - 150, for him and his girl friend.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

In Chicago we also "cover our plate" to a certain extent - If someone chooses to have their wedding at an ultra fancy hotel, with all the extras - I do not feel that it is our responsbility to pay our way. If that were the case I too would have a $300 per plate wedding myself if the guests were going to pay for it. We generally give at least $150, and will go up to $300 depending on the relationship.

 

[kfeuer]

Here in the Northeast if you are attending a wedding, we give anywhere from $150 to $200. The rule of thumb is to give enough to cover your plate which runs about $85 - $150 a plate.

The two weddings we went to were for dh's cousin- we gave $175 & his best friend - we gave $250.

Glad I'm not in the NE! The way I look at it, I'm not going to worry about "covering my plate" unless they consult me about how much they're spending on the wedding

Seriously, we're on a tight budget and there's no way we could afford to give that kind of wedding gift. $50 is the top end of our range, and that's pushing it. Most of the time I look at their registry and try to find something they need on clearance so that we can give nicer gifts then we can really afford!

 

[ncbyrne]

The question of wedding gifts is DEFINITELY a regional thing! DH and I have 3 daughters, all married. One was married here in NJ in 1990 - reception was held at a German/American club. Everyone of the 160 guests gave $. The average was $100-$125. Family members gave more.
In 1993, another daughter was married in Virginia - reception in an equestrian club hall. All of the Southern guests gave gifts, no cash. We were in shock at the number of picture frames they got!!!
2000 last daughter was married in Virginia too. Reception held at a country club. It was about half/half gifts/cash. The northern relatives gave an average of $250. The friends and southern relatives bought the items on her registry.
Here in NJ, the bride registers for her SHOWER, not the wedding itself.

 

[DMRick]

For family, we usually give $200, for non family but friends, we usually give $100 - 150, depending on how fancy it is. Less for the firehall reception, more the fancier place. People we aren't sure why we were invited, but we want to go, $75 -$100, again depending on where it is held (and we save and plan for it). Hubby and I like a nice night out, and just going out to a Japanese Restaurant on Saturday, was about $75 without drinks. I'm in the Northeast, but have also been invited to weddings elsewhere, and the amount was the smae.
I'm sure, if the above isn't affordable, the people would still rather have you come to what it really a celebration of the begining of their lives together.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

The minimum we give is $100 if we're not really close to the couple. That at least covers the cost of the dinner. I buy from the registry for the shower. Someone that we're fairly close to (not immediate family) we would give $200.

 

[btass]

I just wanted to add that I thought about what was given to DH and I 7 years ago when we got married. The only one I can remember is his cousin Charlie and Charlie's parents gave us one card with one check in it for $25. I remember it because my husband made a comment about it and I told him that people give what they want to and what they can afford to. (Charlie's parents are quite old and he is handicapped, they are all on a very fixed income.) The time spent with them at the wedding was worth more than all the money we got as gifts combined.

So the moral of my story is this, 186 people attended our reception, out of the 186 I can remember what 3 people gave us. Don't worry about it, give what you can afford to give. The bride probably won't remember anyway.

 

[imsayin]

Someone that we're fairly close to (not immediate family) we would give $200

If you don't mind my asking, what do you give immediate family?

 

[mking624]

Personally, I do not care for all the "unspoken rules" of what's appropriate and inappropriate to give as a gift. The reason why it's called a gift is being you're giving it out of your generousity. If there's no line on the invitation that says "gift required at such and such minimum amount" than give what you can and are willing to give. There have been weddings I've gone to where I had so little money that all I could do was something VERY small (around the $25 range) and those were for people I knew well. But it's not about the gifts. Even "famous" wedding coordinators recommend couples to register for gifts in ALL price ranges...even down to $10 (not just the expensive stuff) so that anyone is able to give a gift without having to break their budget or feel like any gift under a certain amount is not welcome.

Your best bet? Check their registry. Get something from there. Or get them a gift card to the place they are registered at.