Dh called the insurance company when he got home.
They told him the dr lied to us about being with our insurance company. There was also some other stuff that dh didn't explain to me on why they are not paying anything period. Tomorrow dh is calling the dr to find out how they made such a mistake and see what they are willing to do about their mistake.
I am still trying to find a way to get the money together to pay them, but short of not paying other bills I have no idea how to pay this.
It is your responsibility to check with the insurer about who's in your plan.
Having said that, I'd have a heart-to-heart discussion with the provider, and advise him/her that you're going to file a letter that details the misunderstanding in comunications with the state licensing board about his ethics. It may not totally get you out of the expense but hopefully, he'd negotiate payment down rather than have such an action on his professional conduct record.